A/N Hey guys so this is my first fanfiction so exiting i know! tell me what you think
UPDATE: This fic was in need of some major editing, it was really bugging me and my OCD ness got the better of me, still not my best work but i hope you enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE PLOT LINE FOR THIS FAN FICTION SM AND THE SONGWRITERS OWNS THE REST :D
The cold night air whips around me and nips at my face. The rain batters down on to my small frame, the hospital gown clinging to my body, my dark hair sticking to my face, as I gaze up at the house for the first time in five years.
I rake my eyes over the front of the house, then come to a sudden halt at my old bedroom window, I watch as the rain hits the window panes and slowly trickles to the ground leaving a breathtaking pattern on the glass. All the memories came flooding back of my simple life. I miss it all: the laughter, the fun, how care free we used to be. Now it's all gone, it's just silence. I couldn't go without one last look at the place I grew up, one last chance of remembering me and Edward. Oh how I wished we could still be at that place in our lives.
My old deep purple curtains still hang limply across the window as they had just years before, bringing back sweet memories of me and Edward together all those years ago. I smile remembering the times you would climb through that window and stay with me, saying that you couldn't get to sleep without me near you; I would have been lying if I had said any different. Our nights will soon be spent without one another; I just know how much I will miss them.
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
...
I awoke to the sound of tapping on my window; half asleep I push myself up and off my bed and walked over to my window, letting the cold breeze float into my room and dance around my body making my shiver. Looking out I see Edward throwing pebbles at my window, like a modern day Romeo all he needed to do was to start spurting Shakespeare and you wouldn't know the difference, as soon as he sees me at the window his face lights up with his beautiful grin that makes my heart flutter wildly in my chest.
"Edward" I whispered both frantically and excitedly pushing open my window "what are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep, I missed you" he just looked at me and shrugged as this explained it all, with his eyes wide giving me his puppy dog pout, I melted, seeing this written clearly on my face his grinned and he started to climb up the tree next to my window, quickly and expertly.
"We do this way too often your way to good at getting up here now" I shook my head smiling Knowing I really didn't care. He laughed softly as he reached my window he climbed through and pulled me to him wrapping his arms around my waist touching his lips to mine making my head swirl and a smile break across my lips. We break apart, both breathing harder than normal.
"If it bothers you I can leave and go elsewhere..." he whispered, as to not wake my dad who slept soundly in the next room over, trailing off smirking into the darkness, I simply shook my head, took his wrist and guided him to my small single bed which we both comfortably squeezed into. I lay facing away from him as he draped his arm over my waist pulling me against him in the small space we had, with the quilt cover up round our chins.
He buried his face into my neck smiling, I giggle softly at the feeling of his lips gently brushing my pulse point, up behind my ear then back down again doing circuits. I feel round blindly in the darkness, taking his hand in mine feeling completely and totally content even knowing by the morning Edward would be gone, we both knew if Charlie found out he would go ballistic and we wouldn't be able to do this anymore, snuggling closer to his chest I fell almost instantly, into a deep, restful sleep.
...
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
I remember how we first met; I would never have believed it at the time if someone were to have told me I was going to meet someone today who would change my life, but I did. For once my clumsiness was actually a good thing.
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
...
I hugged my books tight to my torso, and rushed through the corridor to my next class, I knew if I was late again Mr Banner would give me detention. It's not as if I'm late to his class often or I go out of my way to be late, it just, time keeping never was one of my stronger points I'm also forgetful when it comes to things like this so only five minutes ago was I making my way to gym, which I apparently don't even have today, when I'm supposed to have biology. My parents did always say I was a butterfly brain.
Which also means I have the concentration span of a goldfish, like now for example, getting lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice someone else walking in the same direction I was, me being clumsy, as soon as we bumped into the other I fell backwards hitting my leg on a table pushed up against the wall behind me. Pain shot through my leg, I cursed glaring as menacingly as I could at the table.
"Shit, sorry, you okay?" I looked up at the person I had bumped into; of course it would be a boy, a very good looking boy whose masculine presence filled the hall causing the heat to rise up in my cheeks. I threw him my best glare only to have him raise an eyebrow at me and look at my leg which I still wasn't leaning on. Then he did something that surprised me, he dropped to the floor, what the hell is he doing? He lifted my foot into his hands and examined my ankle moving it around slightly showing it wasn't broken. I winced when he touched a spot just above my foot on the left side of my ankle.
"Nothing's broken, I think you've just bruised it" he murmured looking up at me with two deep green eyes, I swallowed ,oh for god's sake, get a grip, once standing he raised an eyebrow expectantly. At that moment I realized I hadn't said anything at all since we bumped into each other, probably coming across as a huge idiot.
"How would you know?" I blurted unaware at how rude those words could have come across, he only smirked, leaving me breathless.
"Ah so you do speak" he drawled "And I would know because my dad's a doctor and he taught me a few things" his comment made me blush even harder, I cursed myself for it.
"Oh right, well, thanks"
"No problem" he grinned
"My names Bella swan by the way"
"Edward Cullen"
Realization hit when I remembered where I was headed before all this and I cursed, damn, there was no avoiding detention now, so I turned to Edward and asked him where his next class was .He told me, surprise, surprise, he had Banner now too. We walked to class quickly being eyed by Mr Banner when he stopped his lecture on cellulose; I was hoping he was in a forgiving mood.
"So glad you two could join us" I think every teacher was programmed to say that whenever one of their students are late, actually I think every teacher has a certain set of phrases programmed in their brains including are you listening to me and pay attention. "Mr Cullen I'm disappointed in you, you're late and it's only your first day"
"Sorry to disappoint you sir" Edward said grinning obviously not sorry at all, Mr Banner's eyes narrowed, I bit my lip to keep from laughing. "I'm glad I could join you too sir this lecture looks riveting do carry on." He really is asking for it.
"I'll see the both of you in detention tomorrow after school"
"Wouldn't miss it sir" Edward just grinned, I could see the vein on Mr Banners head popping out, he looked like he was going to burst a blood vessel, banner just shot him a sit down and shut up look and we both took our seats at the back of the classroom, in the only two empty seats left in the room.
...
The dull green hedgerow once neat and lush, now all uneven the twigs sticking up in every way imaginable, towering high creating a divide between this house from the next. I see no trace of life in the house, the sharp looking dull grey for sale sign confirms my suspicions.
I remember the warmth I used to feel back then, but, now all I feel is the cold; I will miss you so much, I don't want to leave you. A shiver ran down my spine. I wiped a solitary tear from my pale cheek. I wish I didn't have to go. I remembered every part of the house from back to front; from the towering oak tree in the back garden to the intricate patterns of the brick work. Something's changed; the house is barely a shell of what it used to be.
My feet squelched on the sodden ground as I unconsciously took a step towards the house. The rusty Iron Gate squeaks as it shakes in the wind and rain. The sharp spikes stand tall on the top of the fence like they were hell bent on trying to keep something out. Just beyond the gate the old wooden porch is still intact although it appears to shake slightly as the wind dances around the old wooden structure, which is surprisingly still intact after all this time. The old white paint on the door although it was cracking and peeling off the door it still remained the same, the old golden lion door knocker scratched from past usage but still roaring as fierce as ever. I smile at the memory of our first kiss together on that very doorstep.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
...
Edward grinned his eyes glowing as they looked down at me, as our laughter subsided it became quiet, our eyes locked and he started to lean towards me. His mouth was inches away from mine I bit my lip causing him to drag his gaze down too my mouth dragging my own gaze to his mouth. I could feel his warm breath against my face, I leaned up another inch or so and he met me half way our lips just touching.
He bent his head down to mine as I lifted my head towards his our lips brushing each other's repeatedly before the kiss become more heated. I moved my hands to round his neck and to knot in his thick hair as he moved his arms around my waist pulling as close as possible. The kiss was pure heat and passion but it wasn't lust, it was sweet and gentle, but, also forceful and hot, my lips tilted up into a smile with his own.
I knew almost instantly his kiss ruined me for anyone else. I didn't care.
We pulled away both panting from the kiss I looked up at him seeing a dopy grin spread across his face.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that"
...
That porch was also where we first declared our love for each other, we had only been together for 4 weeks, but, I knew I loved you, I knew that then I had you, I wanted to hold on tight and never let go, I still wish I could. When you said you loved me too I wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment forever or at least for awhile.
I just never thought I would have to leave you so soon.
...
"Edward?" his face looked so troubled I just wanted to smooth away the frown from his face "what's wrong?" his eyes met mine still troubled as if trying to figure something out. We were both sat side by side on the old porch swing, which had been here for years but rarely used.
"Bella I ... I need to tell you something it's been on my mind for a while now and I really need to tell you" by this point he was looking at me with a flustered expression on his face his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. I just looked at him with questioning eyes reaching up to caress his cheek he lent into my palm his eye lids fluttering fighting to stay open before he lent away and spoke again. His eyes locked with mine raw emotion flowing between us.
"Bella I love you" was all he said, he didn't rattle off a speech about how much he loved me, he didn't need to. He looked at me his eyes expectant, weary ready to shield themselves away, bracing for rejection. I broke out into an exuberant smile and wrapped my arms around his waist snuggling into his chest looking up into his eyes.
"I love you too" he smiled from ear to ear and just held me no more words needing to be said the touches saying enough to last a lifetime.
...
The pebbles on the path were hard and sharp as they dug into the bottoms of my feet, but, I didn't care, I couldn't bring myself to care. The comfort I once felt here has now gone, the house has changed, just like me, but, I never thought I'd have to leave so soon, leave you so soon, we had so many plans. The end had always seemed so far away but now I can almost feel it.
The street light shone down on me like a spotlight searching out an escaped criminal. I flinched away from the blinding brightness. I could almost feel my energy being drained from every fibre of my body getting weaker and weaker slowly, ever so slowly.
The house stood tall and proud as if to say look at what you had, now it's gone you can never have it back, this is the end. Tears sprung from my eyes as realisation hit. I'm not ready. Is anybody ready? The smell of freshness filled the air around me as the rain started to subdue. I had no concept of the time so when the fiery sun started to push up over the horizon, I knew I had not much time. I wrapped my arms around my soaking body and broke down into tears. Convulsions took over my body as I sobbed.
Why? Why me? I don't deserve this do I? I slowly walked towards the big tree in the front garden shivering hard as I went. I ran my hand up and down the rough bark running my hand around the contours of the bark remembering; Remembering the happy times. Remembering the times when it was so easy to be me. I'm at the point of no return there's no going back now. Not now.
My fingers drifting over the E + B marked into the bark from graduation night we had so many plans to get married have a family now we can't do any of those things and it hurts, it hurts so bad tears fell on my hand and then slid down the coarse tree bark.
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
...
"Bella" he whined as I dragged him to the tree outside my house, we had just graduated high school and an idea had come to me ,it may have been a bit cheesy but it would mean that there was always something there to reminds of all the happy times we spent together. There would also be something to commemorate this day being free of high school and finally being able to go off to college.
"Stop whining you big baby and pass me your pen knife" he gave me a curious look but pulled his pen knife out of his jeans pocket, I'd never liked him carrying that thing, But, he had always insisted it was for safety, however, it had actually come in handy for once.
He passed it to me and I pressed the blade onto the tree carving the first letter into the tree E by this time he had finally realised what I was doing.
"You're mad you know that?" I just smiled and carried on carving.
"So I've been told"
Once I had finished I stood and admired my handy work, Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, E+B was now neatly engraved into that tree for every one too see.
"Forever"
"Forever" he whispered.
...
I looked back at the street once more then made my way to the front door pressing one hand lightly on the door and one hand on the handle it sent chills through my hand I turned it and stepped into the house. I was hit by the old familiar musty smell that had always been here when I was a child .I looked straight down the hall the last owners light blue wall paper peeling slightly at the top and at the bottom. On the floor hard cold wood in place of the plush warm cream carpet that used to be there.
I closed my eyes and imagined the house as it used to be. The peeling wall paper replaced with fresh white paint, the wood floor now cream carpet. All the old pictures placed back down the hall of all the happy memories of the past. The emptiness of the house once again filled with warmth, I smiled and made my way to the living room it was just how I remembered it .The bright chocolate suite and the chocolate carpet so soft like walking on warm sand on a beach.
The fireplace standing tall and proud in the centre of the back wall, many times had me and Edward had cups of hot chocolate by this fire on one of the cold winter nights, talking for hours on end, those stole glances when we thought the other wasn't, looking the passionate embraces, I relished in the memory.
Next, I went to the dining room I placed my hand on the white antique table and let it slide across the smooth surface as I walk round. We sat at this very table when you came for dinner and first met Charlie, I remember you where so worried he was going to shoot you when you walked in and he was cleaning his guns it took me twenty minutes to convince you it would be okay to come back in again.
I removed my hand off the table to replace it on the cabinet just beside it .I ran my fingers along the markings I made when I was just ten years old a heart with the year date inside it. How things have changed.
Next, I went to the cupboard under the stairs I made my way back down the hall taking everything in. I opened up the cupboard there it was hanging there just as it always had been my old hoody I would wear it everywhere. I picked it up and held it close to my body as close as I could. The fur on the hood tickled my nose as I took in the old scent of home. Tears started to roll down my cheeks to think I took all this for granted back then.
I started to walk up the stairs which creaked as I moved. I went to the last place I wanted to go, my bedroom. Everything was there my old deep purple bed and white table tops that shone in the light. It was all there. I walked over to my window sill and picked up my music box the one you bought me. It still played that same tune that brought tears to my eyes all those years ago always treasured close to my heart.
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
...
I held the small music box into my hand and held it tight looking up into Edwards face smiling. It played the same tune that you would always hum to me to send me to sleep. You had give it me four our 1 year anniversary.
"Thank you it's so beautiful" I held it close to me cherishing it. The little palm size box had been intricately painted with a soft gold pattern around its base and the rim of the lid the rest was made of frosted glass, which just about hid the two dancers which spin around to the melody whenever the box was opened.
"I wanted to get you something you could hold close to your heart, something that will always make you happy when you listen to its music and also so you know you always have my heart" he just shrugged a alight blush showing on his cheeks. I opened it up once more letting the music flow between us resting my head on your chest enjoying the warmth as you wrap your arms around me. I leant back into your embrace as we swayed slowly to the mesmerising hypnotic beat; I hummed along with the sweet melody letting it take me to a place where nothing could break our own personal little bubble.
...
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
When the tune stopped I closed my hand round the small white box and opened my eyes.
I was still stood in that same place in the hall, my hands clasped round an imaginary object, how I wished the house could still be like that. All the emptiness once again returned, the momentary warmth I felt disappeared. By this time the sky had turned a light shade of greyish blue at the top of the sky like the deep parts of the ocean. As it got closer to the sun it turned into a dark blood red and fiery orange, It's only a matter of time before I am launched into eternity.
I went upstairs to my old bedroom for the first time in five years to see what has become of it. I made my way cautiously and carefully as I stepped across the threshold to my bedroom. Everything's changed the bed sheets torn with usage. Revolting lime green wall paper on the walls instead of the stunning white there was before. I slowly walked and sat down on the bed as I took in all my surroundings.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
My pictures were gone my music box was never seen again after I left for college and my parents moved, it broke my heart. Edward had told me it was ok, but it wasn't, not to me. I could see small wet patches on the bed only then did I realise I was crying. I leaned back on to the bed my hair splayed out all over the bed my legs hanging off the bottom. I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks. The soft bed sheets rubbed between my legs as I brought it up to my face one last time and smelt the fresh scent of home.
There are so many other cherished memories in this house so many I wish I had time to remember and reminisce. Feeling what was coming i took the letter i had written earlier and clutched it my hand;
Edward,
I love you and I know I always will but promise me this; you will be happy, you will find someone to share your life with, you will grow old and have children, do what we can never do together it's what you deserve.
Then you will eventually join me and I'll be waiting, I will wait for you for as long as it takes, no matter what anybody said you where the best thing that ever happened to me, what we had, not many people could even know in ten lifetimes. I just need you to know you kept me alive longer you made me stronger than I ever could have been.
You're my soul mate, you complete me, my perfect match in every way, never forget that, my heart will always belong to you.
Never forget me.
All my love and my whole heart forever,
Bella
X
I bring my legs up to my chin and curled up into a ball. My breath is coming out in gasps, this is it, I can feel it, but, surprisingly I'm not scared. Slowly the darkness engulfs me, but I don't resist it, I embrace it. I shut my eyes ready to release the mortal coil I have on this life and go to the next. The light embraces me, I see your face one last time I smile and reach out to you falling into an eternal rest.
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
...
At twelve o'clock, January twenty first, Isabella Marie Cullen was declared dead. The ambulance rushed to find her, after her hospital bed was found empty. She had been suffering from cancer for two years. After coming back out of remission the cancer spread to her bone marrow, the doctors tried a marrow transplant, but after, not only the first, but, also a second time failed, they said there was nothing more they could do.
That day the doctors said they had never seen so many tears shed for one single woman.
People with her the day she passed say it was almost as if she knew that it would be her last day, when visiting hours had ended and she said her goodbyes, her whole family realised that it was time. It was husband of three years, Edward Cullen, who found her collapsed in the street near her childhood home, after being informed that she had left the hospital. When he found her he said she was peaceful, free of all her pain with a small smile gracing her lips, clutching a letter to her heart.
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Heyy
I really hope it's better now i was cringing at some of the mistakes i had made! The song used was Feels Like Home theres two women who sing it both versions are good! anyway hope you enjoyed it! tell me what you think !
Monster girl
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