Shine
I.
They talk about having kids, several times. They discuss if they want them and if their families want them and all the reasons it's a terrible idea. The first time it comes up Ben is laughing at yet another of Hikaru's failed attempts at breakfast. (Ben loves slow, lazy mornings, but Hikaru can never sleep past 6, even when he doesn't have a shift, and keeps trying to be a romantic who brings his husband breakfast in bed.) Ben dumps the charred toast in the recycler and starts turning the runny mess in the pan into scrambled eggs, and teases him Aren't you glad we don't have kids? I'd sleep through the alarm and you'd burn breakfast and they'd never get to school on time.
When Hikaru asks him seriously Are you glad we don't have kids? Ben shrugs and says he honestly doesn't know, but he stirs the eggs a little slower, and his gaze is a bit wistful.
(It is terrible idea, of course, with Hikaru being away so much. Long distance marriages are hard enough, but to try and raise a child in one? And there's always the danger Hikaru could be shot by some hostile alien, or contract some space disease, plus the Federation is teetering on the brink of war with the Klingons…really the whole situation is not something you'd want to bring a child into, and they both know it.)
Later, when they're in bed, Ben wraps his arms around Hikaru's waist and whispers into his shoulder I wouldn't mind being a dad.
II.
They're going out with friends for lunch, but first said friends have to stop by the orphanage for ten minutes. The Chavezes are in the process of adopting, and are caught in the endless final stages of signing some paperwork, sending it off to someone who sends it off to someone else who remembers one more thing that needs to be checked or signed. After they get the latest forms filled out, the couple stops by the play-room to visit their soon-to-be son, and promise him it'll just be a few more days. Ben and Hikaru tag awkwardly along, while kids stare curiously at them.
All except one girl. She can't be more than three or four, and is standing at the window, staring fixedly at a tree. She doesn't even spare them a glance; she seems to be trying not to blink.
Is she alright? Hikaru asks, and the Chavez's son shrugs.
Oh, that's just Demora. She's been doing that all week so she can see the tree bloom.
Ben walks over and crouches down next to her.
That's a Petraxian glow-fig. The flowers are really pretty when they open.
She doesn't answer or turn to face him. Hikaru's followed him over, and they exchange a shrug. He tries again.
On Petraxia, they bloom all summer long. At night, they glow so bright the forests look like they're filled with stars.
I know, Demora says, still not looking around. But it's too cold here. Last year they only bloomed like half a day. I don't wanna miss it.
Ben's heart breaks a little as he realizes that this girl, who's so young, has been here long enough to say last year.
You can grow them in greenhouses though, Hikaru says. If you kept one warm enough, it would bloom all year.
Demora turns, eyes huge.
Really?
Really, he says, looking her in the eye and smiling gently.
Her mouth makes a tiny silent oh, and then she goes back to watching the tree.
But when they leave, she looks away to watch them until they turn the corner.
Ben and Hikaru exchange a long look, and then turn to their friends and say,
So what's the process like for adopting?
III.
Hikaru used to daydream about going out and seeing nebulas and strange flowers and imagine all the beauty out there in the universe waiting for him. And he's seen his share of lovely nebulas, but the day he saw Ben's smile he knew there were far more beautiful things in the universe.
And Ben with Demora hanging impatiently off his arm, running to see him when he comes out of the airlock—that would put a million nebulas to shame. This was his first time out since they adopted Demora, and he can see in Demora's face a bit of leftover uncertainty, the fear that he was just a short-blooming glow-fig, and no matter how much he says he's coming back Hikaru's really not—but then she sees him and her entire face lights up.
He lifts her and swings her high while she laughs, then hugs her tight and kisses Ben, whose face is a stellar wonder all in itself.
And that's nothing compared to the look on her face, later when he surprises her with the gift he picked up specially—a tiny Petraxian glow-fig sapling in a pot, with a heat lamp to put it under. She squeals and hugs him again before carefully carrying it off to her room. Hikaru follows, Ben's arm wrapped firmly around his waist, and there are solar flares erupting in his chest at the wonder of it all.
Look at that, he whispers in Ben's ear. We have a family. Do you feel old yet?
Ben laughs and kisses him, and Hikaru knows why glow-figs shine. Because when the universe is perfect, you can't help it.