A/N: I was listening to Adam Lambert's song "What do you want from me", and it reminded me of the conversation Garrus and Shepard had in the shuttle. I loved Garrus' loyalty mission perfect mix of game play and plot-play, and of course it's Garrus. Characters might be OOC, forgive me.
Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 and all the pertaining characters belong to legendary BioWare.
Not You
He's in his scope.
Sidonis is in his scope.
He has the shot. His talon twitched slightly but not enough to pull the trigger.
"You got to let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crimes." Her voice was loud and clear in the radio.
"It's just not like you"
'Do you know who I am anymore, Shepard?' he thought bitterly. He slightly readjusted the rifle leaning against his shoulder but he never kept his sight off his target.
"Garrus?"
He couldn't reply. He knew what she wanted him to do, and he couldn't believe that his resolve is wavering. His rage was now directing towards her for letting this opportunity slip and himself for actually considering letting that traitor go. No. He remembered all the bodies of his good men that he had to wrap up in blankets, the families they left behind without getting a chance to say goodbye, the people his men loved.
"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life" he growled.
"Look at him, Garrus. He's not alive… there's nothing left to kill." She reasoned.
Why is he listening to her? He has the shot. The head of the turian in his scope is slumped down as he leaned forward against the railing. He has the shot. Take it! His talon twitched.
"This isn't you either"
Does Shepard actually think he's better than this? That he's capable of being merciful and walk away? He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to watch the injustice and the chance to correct it slip away from his grip. He finally took his eye off the scope and his head hung low. But Shepard wants this. She thinks he can be a better man. She obviously doesn't know him anymore, that he's no longer the turian she once knew. But he trusts her, if anything, more than he trusts himself.
"Just…go. Tell him to go" his voiced strained.
He retracted his rifle and swung it over his shoulder. He leaned back to watch Sidonis walk away, but his eyes didn't follow the traitor. He couldn't get his eyes off the mop of golden hair walking towards to shuttle.
He stretched up and rolled his shoulders a bit as he watched the shuttle land. No doubt Shepard wants to talk about this, but he doesn't trust himself right now. Before she had a chance to fully stand from the shuttle, he quickly brushed past her into the back seat of the shuttle.
"I know you want to talk about this…but I don't. Not yet" he said his voice steeled from any emotion that he was currently going through. He kept his posture strict and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the seat. He just wanted to get away from this place.
He heard low murmurs and the seat shift next to him. When he propped up his head and open his eyes to look over, he found Shepard watching him intently with the pale green eyes. He noted he never saw that color in any other eyes. At least no color that clear. He blinked his eyes couple times purposely to snap himself out his daze. It finally registered in his mind that Shepard was purposely sitting next to him and occupying Tali by making the quarian drive the shuttle.
"Garrus…it was for the best" her voice was low and soft.
He grunted in response, not trusting his voice. He clenched his talons. Images of his dead squad, the bloody mess he encountered when he got back to his base and the two survivors filled his mind. He wondered if it was too late to go back and track Sidonis down again.
He jerked away sharply and unintentionally let out his built up growl when he felt a cool hand on his fist. He watched Shepard quickly take back her ungloved hand like his skin burned her. He looked up at her and saw her eyes fill with worry, fear, and…hurt? He immediately felt guilty but he just looked away. He watched, out of the corner of his eye, Shepard settling back into her seat and looking out the window. He internally growled resulting in a low rumbling vibration in his chest. He unintentionally just pushed away the only person that's holding his sanity together. Now he felt guilty, ashamed and angry. Like this day couldn't get any better.
----Normandy----
"Officer Vakarian, I would like to inform you that force is not needed in calibrating the weapon systems." EDI's glow filled the dimly lit Main Battery. He didn't hold back his growl as he punched in the buttons harder.
"Officer…"
"I heard you the first time" he snarled. There was a pause just there before the AI disappeared, returning the room back to its regular red-ish hue.
He slammed his fist against the console. It's been a week since they left the Citadel, but he didn't seem to be letting go of his frustrations anytime soon. He wanted to talk but the only person he's willing to talk is the person who made it a point to avoid him. But can he blame her? He paced around the room rapidly, trying to calm down. Should he go up to her cabin? Should he just talk to Chakwas or Tali? Spirits forbid, he's going to talk to Joker.
Before he could reach to any conclusion, the door slid open revealing the person he wanted – needed – to see.
"Commander" he acknowledged with a hint of surprise in his voice.
Her hands were clasped behind her back and her posture was stiff, a textbook military posture. "We're heading to the Flotilla to take care of Tali's trial. Be ready in 2 hours" she said. Her voice was steel, cold and hard, and stabbing him right through his chest.
Before he could think more about what to do, he went with his instinct. He gently grabbed her arm, so to not accidently scratch her, as she was about to walk away and called her name. He slightly dragged her into the room and locked the doors.
"Shepard…I…" he searched her eyes. He can slowly see her defense ebb away from her features. He just wasn't sure if he was ready to let his own down. He let go of her arm slowly, tracing her exposed arm. He looked up to her eyes, almost hoping he doesn't need to say anything. He let out a sigh of exhaustion.
"Never mind" he grumbled as he turned to the console to unlock the doors.
"No" her voice was strong and so was her stance but it wasn't cold like before. "Garrus you need to talk about this"
He let out another growl. He saw her flinch slightly but only for a split second before she kept her previous stance if not stronger than before.
"Talk about what? The fact that you let Sidonis live while 9 good men are buried in unmarked graves?" he raised his voice, his mandible flaring in anger.
"You really think killing him would have done any good?" she argued trying but failing to keep her voice calm.
He paced around the room in anger, "Maybe, maybe not. But Sidonis deserved to die."
She grabbed his arm to keep him in place. "That's just not you, Garrus" she replied urgently.
He let out an uncontrolled growl as he slammed her against the wall and braced his fists on either side of her.
"And you would know?" He yelled not caring if the crews outside can hear him "you know who I am? What kind of man I am? You were gone for two years. Hell Shepard, you died! You don't know. You don't know how that changed me. You don't know what that was like" his voiced grew softer "you think Kaiden was the only one who had trouble with your death?" he scoffed "If anything, he fared way better than me."
His mind momentarily slipped into his memories of how lost he was after the news of her death: Getting drunk in bars, picking fights, leaving C-Sec, heading to Omega. His voiced was solemn "My men… my men deserved better. They deserved someone better than me"
His head was low, but he dared not to move from his spot or look at her face. He was sure that he just ruined this friendship for good. He'll never have another chance to be this close to her, her scent reached his nose. He closed his eyes to just enjoy it and the heat of her body, and how he seems to just relax. He needed to relish this moment before she decides to throw him out of airlock.
His eyes snapped open in surprise when he felt her fingers trace the scars on his face. He looked up to see the jade-colored eyes wet with tears. His jaw tightened as his mandible slid close to his jaw. She's upset.
"Garrus" she whispered. Her hand trailed down and grasped his collar and pulled him down slightly so her forehead rested against his. He was surprised but he didn't want to move from the spot – ever. "This… none of this is your fault. You did your best, better than anyone could." He scoffed but she ignored him "You had the chance to take down Sidonis but you didn't" he held back a growl in the mention of the name "I couldn't have done this without you either. I'm not saying I know how you felt but I almost lost you too." She said as she traced the scars again. "Garrus… I can't let you go…I can't give you up to the merc bands or to your demons" her grip on his collar tightened.
His mandibles twitched in shock. He looked up to her eyes as they looked up to him expectantly almost in nervousness. He carefully trailed his talons up her arm and around her back. He tentatively pulled her into an embrace, not before seeing those green eyes glint with happiness and for once, he felt like himself again.
A/N: There you go! Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews would be greatly apreeshed.