Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. Never did, and never will.
180614: Edited for some spelling issues.
Even Scars Fade in Time
James used to be an outspoken, arrogant toerag. He pranked Slytherins and practically everyone else, just because he hadn't anything better to do. He laughed loudly in class, never paying attention. He bothered Lily Evans by asking her out every minute, never daunted by the fact that she always rejected him. He used to walk along the corridors of Hogwarts with Remus, Sirius and Peter. Together they formed the Marauders.
Now, James is a quiet person, choosing to remain in the background whenever possible. He stopped playing his pranks, even on the Slytherins. His loud laughter in class has ceased, but he still doesn't pay attention. But instead of staring at Lily like he used to in the past, he just looks so far away, like he's not even here, on this planet. No longer did he ask Lily Evans out every single minute of the day, and no one knew if her continual rejections had finally taken their toll on him. Nowadays, it's just Remus, Sirius and Peter. No James. The Marauders seemed so separated, so quiet without James.
Now, Lily couldn't help but notice this. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to where the Marauders were seated, that is, Remus, Sirius and Peter. James was nowhere to be found as usual. "Hey guys," she began, looking straight at them. "Where's J—Potter?"
The three Marauders exchanged uneasy looks, and it got on Lily's nerves. "Okay, it was a slip of the tongue. So what if I nearly called him James?" Seriously, was it that uncommon to show concern for her fellow head-boy?
"No, Lily," said Remus slowly, as though he was choosing his words carefully. "Erm, James, he doesn't want to meet anyone right now."
"Well, I'm going to find him anyway. That arrogant twit has been hiding from everyone since he came back! He better have a good reason, or I'm going to murder him."
"No, wait Lily, please," Remus practically begged her. "I know exactly how you feel right now — yes, really, I do," he added as Lily made a noise. "But just trust me on this, alright? Looking for James now isn't going to make matters better. Give him time. When he's ready, he'll come."
Admitting defeat, Lily said, "Okay, fine. But can't you guys just tell me what's happening with Jam—Potter? Why has he changed so much?"
"Sorry, Lily. James said he didn't want anybody to know except us. Please don't get mad at him, I'm sure he has his reasons." Remus answered again, while the other two just looked down at their food, not saying a word, but not eating either.
"Fine, I'll figure it out myself, if that's the case." And she walked off.
That night, Lily kept awake, determined to find out just what was up with that nitwit. She had seen James walk into his dormitory earlier, and he hadn't left, so Lily stayed awake in her dormitory, in case Potter did leave his dorm. Then she would catch him out and interrogate him at wand-point on his mysterious changes and disappearances.
Later in the night, Lily heard the muffled sound of footsteps. She shot out of bed like a frightened cat and opened the door. But, alas! There wasn't anyone there! Surprised, confused and shocked, she shut the door again. That was weird, I'm sure I heard footsteps, Lily thought to herself. Oh well, must have been my imagination. Having convinced herself, Lily went to the window to draw the curtains, deciding to abandon the lookout for Ja—Potter and get some sleep.
Hang on. Lily stared out of the window. That's Potter! But why in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts is he doing, flying out at the Quidditch pitch at this ungodly hour? And how did he get there? Unless, the footsteps I heard were really his! But, I didn't see anything… Another question to ask him when he gets back then!
A fresh determination coursing through her being, she watched that Potter fly around the Quidditch pitch. Wow, he really is very good. Why didn't I notice it before? Lily pondered, watching him with rapt attention. Seeing J—Potter execute a flawless Wronski Feint, she silently admitted that he really was thoroughly deserving of the Quidditch Captain title. He shot from one end of the pitch to the other in what must have been record time and flew back again. Another perfectly executed Wronski Feint. And he flew upwards, before letting himself fall back down again, and did a series of complicated loops, swerves and twists. Then, there was a clap of thunder, and a flash of bright light streaked across the dark sky, bringing it to Lily's attention that it was raining, and that it had been raining since before she heard Potter's footsteps.
"Are you mad? Flying in that thunderstorm! You'll get sick!" Lily said out loud. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone else in her dormitory, since she only shared it with the head boy, and said person was currently flying out there in the pouring rain. Why am I so concerned about Jame—Potter? It never used to be like that. And I keep calling him James! What is the matter with me? Unless… No. Way. It's never going to happen. Lily thought.
As she was absorbed in her thoughts, James Potter had already finished flying. However, he made one wrong decision: Thinking that no one would be awake at this ungodly hour, he didn't put on his invisibility cloak. Oh, bad choice.
As soon as he stepped into the Heads' Common Room, a shrill voice interrupted his train of thoughts. "JAMES HAROLD POTTER, WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU PLAYING AT? FLYING OUT THERE IN A FREAKING THUNDERSTORM!" Lily had finally got him.
Well, had James been his normal self, he probably would have said something along the lines if, "Hey Lils, missed me, haven't you? Why're you so concerned about me?" and finished off with a cheeky grin. But, James wasn't his normal self, and therefore he didn't say that. He merely kept quiet and tried walking to his dormitory. Tried being the key word.
"Stop right there, James Potter." Lily's voice was dangerously low. Jabbing her wand in between his shoulder blades, and making sure that he could feel its presence, she ordered, "Sit down. You owe me an explanation."
James froze. His six years with Lily had taught him that, when Lily's wand was near you, you'd better listen to whatever she said, or the circumstances would be… dire.
Unwillingly, James walked towards the couch at the fireplace and sat down, all this time, he made no eye contact with Lily. Staring at his toes, he muttered, "What do you want?" in a dead and hollow voice. His face was a mixture of torment and misery.
It pained Lily's heart to hear James sounding so dead. She was so used to his, "Hey Evans, wanna go to Hogsmeade this Saturday with me?" in that annoying, cheery voice of his. Well, actually, she'd much rather that annoying, cheery voice to this dead, hollow one. But, scraping together all her Gryffindor courage, she said, "What? I want answers! Why have you been acting this way? What's with the sudden change? AND WHY WERE YOU FLYING OUT THERE IN THE POURING RAIN?" Her voice had steadily gotten louder and louder until it had finally reached screaming point.
"Interrogating me, huh?" James said in a hard voice. He finally looked up at her, and Lily noticed that his eyes were a beautiful shade of hazel. This did not help. "Fine, miss I-have-to-know-everything, my parents are dead! Are you happy now?"
His eyes were sad, and filled with a terrible emptiness.
As he made to get off the couch and into his dormitory, Lily said, " James, I can understand how you feel. Please. Sit down and I'll help you. It'll be alright."
White hot anger leapt inside him, it licked at his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling his with the desire to hurt Lily for her calmness and empty words."No! You, standing there, you— YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL! YOU CAN GO HOME AND BE PAMPERED BY YOUR PRECIOUS MOTHER! I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER ANYMORE!" James hollered, but as he finished his voice broke and he started sobbing. "Leave me alone. I'm going to my dorm."
"Oh? I don't?" Lily's temper was rising. "MY PARENTS WERE MURDERED BY VOLDEMORT IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR! DAMN YOU POTTER, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! Just tell me what happened, please, and I promise I'll help you." She finished with tears glistening in her green eyes.
Deciding that he was fighting a losing battle, James walked over to his desired couch and sat down. Lily sat down next to him and held his hand. Without any prompting, James started in a soft voice that was laced with pain, emptiness and sorrow. "You know, when I left for a few weeks earlier on in the term?" Lily nodded; it had only been two weeks since he returned.
"Well, Dumbledore, he—he told me to be—to be prepared." James' voice was wavering. "And— and he prepared a portkey that would take me home. At first, I was happy. I thought I was getting an early vacation or something. That I would get to see my parents and be a pampered prince again. But—but, that was before I—I knew what had happened." James buried his head in his hands. He willed himself to finish the last part of his story. "Voldemort, he killed my parents." And then, the dam broke.
Lily gasped out loud. "Oh, James, I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have forced you to relieve that for me."
James was hugging his knees. Tears were pouring down his face. "Now you know. I suppose you've already figured out the answer to the other questions. Flying was an escape for me. I focused so much on perfecting everything, so I didn't have to deal with reality. It took my mind off things. When I was in the air, it was blessed release. When I was in the air, I didn't have to think about… my parents." More tears. "I'm so w-weak. I s-shouldn't even be c-crying. I'm sorry you have to see me like this. Just go, Lily. Please."
Instead, Lily put her arms around James and said comfortingly, "You're not weak, James. It's okay to cry. It's a terrible ordeal you had to go through and you need time to get over it. You may feel that you'll never get over it, but even scars fade in time."
James looked up. "They do?" He seemed so… innocent, so vulnerable. Lily wanted to hold him close to her, to protect him.
"They do."
A/N: Please take a moment to leave me a review and give some feedback! I would love to hear from you!