A/N: So I had to try and write a little something - that turned out rather long - set in episode 3.07. So, if you haven't watched the episode yet, read it with caution - spoilers all around! I do hope you'll like this story - try to think of it as the reason why Anna looked so tired in the episode and why Mr. Bates never left the room upon hearing the Thomas thing in the hall. I'd absolutely love to know what you think of it! :)
Disclaimer: If I owned Downton Abbey, episode 7 would have been dedicated to Anna and Bates completely (and all the episodes before that too).
Safe Haven by fuzzydream
Anna tried hard to focus on her work, taking the pins from Lady Mary's hair with caution. She tried not to smile, but it was such a difficult, difficult thing to do, knowing her husband was free and happy and innocent downstairs, waiting for her, with a smile playing on his lips and his eyes crinkling every time he met hers. It was almost too good to be true, except that it was, indeed, true; her husband had finally come back to her, for good, as her husband, as her best friend. And they could touch and kiss and be happy now, for the first time ever. A happy sigh escaped her. After so much time away, they were finally together.
"I'm glad to see you so happy, Anna," Lady Mary's voice startled her, and Anna was vaguely surprised to see a smile she hadn't even know she had been wearing through the mirror. She met Lady Mary's eyes but continued to try and focus on her work. Her hands were shaking ever so slightly, a result from such an emotional day. "I'm sorry the cottage is not ready for you yet."
Anna shook her head, "It's fine, milady. We know these things take time."
"But there has been plenty of time. It's a shame we need to depend on others for this," Lady Mary said, rolling her eyes. She stopped for a moment and Anna met her eyes through the mirror; her mistress smiled. "It's not very fair for you, I must say. The two of you must miss each other very much."
Anna blinked, and an embarrassed smile appeared on her features as she understood her words. She continued braiding Lady Mary's hair, and closed her eyes for a moment when she let out a chuckle and Lady Mary joined her.
"Well," Anna started, "we're used to it. I suppose we can wait a little longer. I'm happy just knowing he's safe and here."
And it was, indeed, the truth. Though Anna had to admit she ached to feel her husband's touch on her, to feel his hands on her skin, to be with him properly, like they had been all those months ago, for one night only, she had been half-expecting this to happen, and she had told John about this. Still, reality was rougher than imagination. When she told him this, they weren't able to touch each other, separated by that hideous desk at the prison, but now - now, when he was within her reach, when she could touch him, it was much, much more difficult.
Mary arched her eyebrows. "What about Bates? Is he as understanding to the situation as you are?"
Anna's smile left her face for only just a second, "We haven't had much time to talk about it. Everyone's wanted to talk to him and greet him back."
She worked in silence for a few seconds, unsure of what to say next. It just wasn't in Anna's nature to tell people of her private life, even if said person was Lady Mary, who had helped her and supported her. She chose the silence, not elaborating any more than she needed it, and she really wanted to finish everything soon so that she could go downstairs and talk to John. Mr. Carson and his Lordship had given him a few days off to adjust, and Anna was sure he was dead tired, but she knew he'd be waiting for her.
"You know," Lady Mary started, eyes downcast, "you could always use a room in the house tonight. To get reacquainted. You have my permission."
Anna smiled fondly at the memory of a similar conversation, months ago. Back then she had jumped at the possibility of spending the night with her husband; it hadn't even occurred to her that she could refuse it. She could never regret that night - how complete she felt, how right everything was, how sweet John was. Memories of that night still made way into her thoughts, and she flushed ever so slightly now; they could have that again. Lady Mary wouldn't tell anyone. They could be together tonight, and no one needed to know a thing.
But it felt somewhat wrong to Anna. Everyone knew they were married now. She supposed most people thought they weren't... properly married yet. But it felt wrong, to use one of the big, luxurious rooms of the Abbey for this purpose. Another night in a place that wasn't theirs. It would be suspicious, and they would have to be up very early to get everything ready and to have no one finding out. It didn't seem right. Anna didn't want to hide anymore; she was sick of hiding. John was free - they both were free, to love and be loved, for the first time in their lives.
"I don't think that would be right, milady," Anna finally said, meeting Mary's gaze. "We have a lot to be thankful for. Everyone knows that we're married. It just... doesn't seem right to use a room in the house when we aren't doing anything wrong. I don't think Mr. Bates would want that. But we appreciate the offer."
Lady Mary smiled understandingly, nodding, and Anna clasped her hands together as she finished the braid. They met each other's eyes.
"Anything else, before I go downstairs?"
"No, everything's perfect, thank you, Anna," Lady Mary said, "Talk to Bates. If you change your mind about the room, it's yours. I won't even know."
Anna smiled, "Thank you, milady. I'll talk to him."
She found him not ten minutes later, in the courtyard. Most people had already retired for the night, and even though her heart sank a bit when she didn't see him at the servants' hall, she knew he'd be here. He was standing, looking up at the sky, though what for Anna couldn't say; it was a cloudy night, and they could hardly see the moon. The light from the house was the only thing that kept the courtyard a tiny bit illuminated. Anna smiled at his figure, and he turned to her when he heard her quiet footsteps. She saw his smile in the darkness, and smiled back.
"Hiding from me already?" she asked teasingly as she approached him.
He chuckled, "Never. You are far too wise for that."
He held out his arms for her, and she welcomed his embrace fully, happily. She moved her arms around his waist, thinking that he had lost more weight than she originally thought he had in prison. His hands were warm on her back, even against the fabric of her dress, and she rested her head against him, right on the crook of his neck. She inhaled deeply. She had once thought they'd never be able to be like this again, to feel his warm body against her, his lips against her forehead. She only ever felt safe when his arms were around her. Words were caught in her throat as an overwhelming sense of happiness filled her. He was here, they'd be alright. Everything would be alright.
"I missed you," she said slowly, unshed tears in her eyes, pulling away from him to look at his face. She brought her hands to his cheeks, not quite believing they were here, together. "So much. So, so much."
His hands moved from her back, one of them drawing lazy circles on her waist as the other came to rest on the side of her face.
"Now, none of that," he said as Anna blinked to try and stop the tears. "No more tears. We're past that."
Anna nodded and closed her eyes, a happy smile playing on her lips once again. She moved her hands to his neck, and she mirrored the expression of adoration in his face. He was back at Downton, for good this time. She let out a shaky breath, thinking, not for the first time, how she had lived so long there without him; with his presence, Downton felt like home to her – and when he left, it wasn't anymore. Downton was starting to feel like it. They were together, and could start looking forward to the future. God, she loved him so much.
"And just for the record," he whispered, "I've missed you too. Very much, I should add."
She opened her eyes again, looking deeply into his and then averting them to gaze at his lips, which approached her slowly. He leaned down and she felt giddy in the familiar anticipation of his kiss; he always seemed to do that to her. When their lips crushed together, she felt herself flutter and her knees weaken – it was always like that, and yet she couldn't get used to it. She strengthened her hold on his neck as his hands stroked her waist, bringing her closer to him and deepening the kiss. Anna marveled in the sensation of his tongue against hers, the warmth of his hands on her skin, even through the layers of clothing, and she wondered how she could have gone so many months without it; not anymore. No more restrictions, no more regrets, to hell with propriety – they were married and in love.
He groaned in disappointment when they parted to breathe, and Anna giggled, running her fingers through his hair. She stopped for a moment and bit her lip, feeling John's eyes on her. She smiled as he squeezed her waist, obviously expecting her to say something.
"Lady Mary offered us a room," she told him quietly, "To get reacquainted. Those were the words she used."
John chuckled, leaning down to kiss her softly.
"What do you think?" Anna asked.
"I must say I don't want to go to bed without you," he admitted. "But it feels wrong, to be sneaking out. We're married. We wouldn't be doing anything wrong."
A soft laugh escaped Anna's lips at his words. John frowned amusedly.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just that… We're married," she told him simply, "It's been more than a year and everyone knows that, and we know that, but it's just something we've dreamt for so long that… It just makes me so happy to hear you saying that. Here, with me."
He smiled again. God, she loved his smile. He seemed to be smiling a lot nowadays. She hoped she'd always be able to smile so openly like this forever.
"My darling," he whispered, capturing her lips one more time, "Mrs. Bates."
His tone was teasing, but she absolutely loved hearing that. She felt her heart melt at his words, and she was sure she wouldn't sleep a wink without John tonight.
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep without you," she told him, "knowing that you're right down the hall, alone. But I don't want to sneak out. And I don't want everyone grinning at us during breakfast either. That leaves us little options."
Anna bit her lip, trying to think of an alternative to their situation. John's voice broke the silence first.
"I suppose the women's quarters are still locked with that hideous key?" he asked tentatively.
Anna nodded, "Yes, of course. You know Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson."
"There are two beds in my bedroom," he said tentatively.
Anna pursed her lips then grinned, "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"
"You can't blame a man for wanting to be with his wife after eighteen months of separation," he said defensively and Anna giggled, "If they expect us to be separated from each other now, they… well, it's ridiculous. I am your husband and I miss you. Surely they wouldn't be so mad if they discovered us. You'd just have to be quiet in the morning."
Anna pondered at this line of thought. She didn't think they'd be mad, but that would only happen if they found out. If that happened. She doubted Mr. Carson would be as mad as he would be scandalized by a lady's maid spending the night with the valet – though it wasn't exactly scandalous, was it? They were married. She was sure Mrs. Hughes wouldn't mind.
"So?" he asked her hesitantly, "I'll understand if you don't want to risk anything, Anna. I know that's not ideal but we don't even know when that'll be possible, what with the cottage, and…"
She made her mind up as he babbled, thinking he was being incredibly adorable while nervous. She stood on her tip-toes and silenced him with a kiss.
"Yes," she said when she pulled away, her eyes sparkling, "Let's do this."
Anna slowly pushed the door open, careful to not make any noise. Her heart thumped loudly against her chest, and she was sure everybody could hear it. She sucked in in a breath at the coldness of the hall, even with her robe on. She had dressed carefully, choosing her best nightgown and robe, and letting her hair down, like she knew John liked. She was fully aware of the fact that Mrs. Hughes was asleep inside one of these rooms, and that Ivy should be returning soon, so she knew it had to be quickly. Taking quiet steps towards the door that separated the quarters, she took a deep breath before reaching for the key.
Turning it on the key lock, she heard the distinct click of the door being unlocked, and prayed to God no one else heard it too. Opening it, she took a tentative step to this unfamiliar part of the corridor and closed the door behind her. She hoped Mrs. Hughes wouldn't be up for whatever reason tonight. Putting the key safely secured in her robe's pocket, Anna knew she'd have to be up early before everybody and before anyone took notice of the absence of the key, but she knew it would all be worth it.
She took a deep breath when she reached John's door. Taking a deep breath, she raise her hand and knocked one single time – quietly, so quietly she wasn't sure John heard it –, not daring to make another noise. Steps from another room made her jump slightly where she stood, and her heart raced a little at the prospect of being caught. She turned to look at the hall one more time when the door opened and she smiled in relief as John's hand reached hers and pulled her into his room.
He was kissing her before the door was even closed, and Anna's initial worry was quickly gone, replaced by the giddiness of the fact that she'd be spending the night with her husband.
"I thought you would never come," he whispered, adoringly taking in her appearance, running his fingers through her hair.
"I had to wait until I heard no more noise," she said, only now noticing that he was wearing only his trousers and his undershirt, and just the sight of him made her feel butterflies in her stomach.
He leaned down and kissed her ardently, urgently, and it sent her back to the best night of her life, memories flying in her mind but it felt even better than the first time. She didn't feel nervous at all – perhaps eagerness, maybe uncertainty because of the current situation, but most of all, all she felt was love – pure, raw love for this man, and nothing could stop her now.
She ran her hands up and down his arm, thrilled to feel his skin properly against her this time. His hands left her hair to run up and down her body, settling finally at her hips. She knew they needed to be quiet, but words were no longer needed; she clung to him almost desperately as they kissed, her hands everywhere – his arms, his chest, his face. He was here. He was real. This was no dream – this was reality.
Anna sucked in a breath when John's lips left hers to kiss her jaw and her neck, and she settled comfortably in his arms, never wanting to let him go. She felt his fingers fumbling at the knot of her robe, and she shivered when he felt her hands slipping under it to stroke her waist as one less layer of clothing separated them. She shrugged it off her shoulder and let it fall onto the floor. John continued nipping at her neck and her earlobe, and she had to suppress a giggle when he found a particular sensitive spot there. He felt him chuckle rather than heard it, and fluttered at this, closing her eyes for a moment. She started to get impatient at his undershirt, and after a little bit of resistance, he gave in and pulled away so she could take his shirt off. Once she saw his naked chest before her, he pulled her back to him. She ran her fingers through the hairs on his chest, her other hand slowly making its way up from his hand to his neck, slowly, carefully. She heard him groan against her ear, and she felt herself moaning when his hand ghostly passed by her left breast.
He silenced her with a kiss, then reached for the hem of her nightgown to take it off. She raised her arms, helping him out, and stood before him, naked. She felt his hungry eyes on her body and did her best not to flush, but seeing her husband looking at her this way sent thrills throughout her body. She desperately wanted to be closer to him, like they had never been before.
"You are so beautiful," he said slowly, bringing her face next to his, "I love you, Anna."
His hoarse whisper made her heart skip a beat as she returned the sentiment, before he pulled her into yet another kiss. His tongue battled with hers, and she felt herself get incredibly hot as the seconds passed. His hands cupped her bottom and brought her hips closer to his, and she could already feel his desire against her stomach, her touch so hot, so careful against her skin. She reached for the band of his trousers, trying tremulously to undo the buttons, but was finding it a much too difficult task. He chuckled against her, and brought his hands to help. When that happened, however, voices could be heard from the corridor.
And they froze.
Anna's eyes widened as she met John's gaze. The voices were slightly muffled, but she could discern them. Thomas and Jimmy, it seemed. They seemed angry. But it had nothing to do with Anna and John there. He seemed to keep calm once he could tell who the voices belonged too, and kissed her cheek lovingly.
"It's nothing," he whispered, his hands slowly working on the buttons of his trousers.
She kissed him, his lips warm against hers, but she didn't feel completely at ease with the voices in the hall. What if Mrs. Hughes heard it? She'd come looking for the key, and it was on the floor with Anna's robe. They heard a door opening, and a loud voice following it.
Mr. Carson.
John's trousers fell onto the floor that very moment, but Anna couldn't focus. They could get caught. Mr. Carson was saying something, Jimmy and Thomas too. John once again reassured her it was nothing and stroked her back, bringing her to him. She went willingly, slowly giving in. Doors were closed. Everything was silent again.
"That was close," Anna whispered as he led her gently to the bed.
John hummed in agreement, kissing her softly on the lips. "Do you want to go back to your room? I'll understand if you do."
He pulled away, his eyes dark and his expression honest. God, she loved him. She loved him so much she could burst. She needed to be with him tonight. She needed to be with him every night for the next eternity. Bringing her hands to his cheek, she looked at him lovingly and smiled.
"There's no place I'd rather be than here with you tonight," she whispered, and he leaned down for a kiss.
If Mr. Carson ever heard a thing, they never knew it.
Anna yawned rather loudly, then caught herself. John chuckled and kissed her hair. She smiled and snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest; feeling his heart beat against her ear and running her hand through his hair chest, she sighed contentedly. It was a shame she couldn't stay a little longer. One of John's hands rested on her side, right beneath her left breast, and the other came to her own hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and bringing them to his mouth. This was what made life worth it, she decided. Every moment of suffering, every sad tear – it'd be worth if they could have this every day. And she was confident they could.
Their first time together after so many months was spent rather hastily, she had to admit. She savored John's skin against hers, the sensation of being joined almost overwhelmingly good, and she felt absolutely wonderful. The memories from their wedding night were a flash now that she had new ones to think of. John worshipped her body and made her feel like she had never felt before, not even on their wedding night.
Afterwards, tiredness overcame them, but not for long; knowing she would have to be up very early, John woke her up, way before it was the exact time, and their playful banter gave way to kisses and soft caresses, and they made love again, slowly, tenderly, andshe could still feel the effects of it tingling on her skin. She had never felt like this before. She felt completed, loved, and happy. Earth was Heaven when John was beside her.
"I don't want to go," she told him quietly, looking up at him, "I want to stay like this forever."
"So do I," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Soon, Anna."
She pulled her head from his chest and crawled up his body, stopping when her nose almost touched his. She took in his appearance. The little smile, the dreamy look on his face. He looked tired. He probably hasn't slept a good night of sleep in months.
"You stay here today," she whispered, "I'll go and after I see to Lady Mary I'll see if I can bring you some breakfast. You should rest."
"Don't worry about me," he told her sternly, "You haven't exactly slept much either."
Anna smiled, "I can handle it. I haven't had a night as good as this one since… ever."
She leaned down and kissed his lips tenderly before propping up on her elbows and sitting up. Knowing fully well she was naked, she tried not to feel embarrassed. It was just John. Just her husband.
And as she felt him sitting up too and embracing her from behind, his hands resting right below her breasts, she felt entirely comfortable again. He kissed her bare shoulder, then nuzzled at her neck, making Anna giggle softly.
"John Bates," she said in a teasing tone, "I'll never leave this bed if you don't stop it."
He let out laugh then inhaled her scent deeply, making her feel goosebumps all over again.
"I love you so much," he whispered as Anna's hand slowly stroked his neck, never wanting to forget what he felt like. "So much."
He peppered her neck and her jaw with kisses, finally stopping at her mouth to give her gentle, soft kiss. Anna hummed in appreciation. "I love you too."
They kissed for a little longer, just soft, tender kisses, and she desperately wanted to do this every day, every night, every moment. She could never take him for granted, and she'd always make sure he knew how happy he made her. Too soon for her to like it, they knew she should go. She stood up and picked her gown from the floor, all the while feeling John's eyes on her. All she wanted to do was to climb back into bed with him and make some new memories for herself, but she couldn't. She kept telling herself that soon, very soon they'll have this every day.
She put on her robe, taking a chance to look at him and felt herself flutter at the sight of him. Messed hair, the sheets covering just enough of him, leaving his naked chest and legs for her to appreciate. Was he real? Was he there, just for her? He smiled when he held his hand for her to take, and that she did. Bringing her left hand to his mouth, he kissed it adoringly, just above her wedding ring.
They didn't do anything wrong, Anna reminded herself. Leaning down for a quick, but passionate kiss, she ran her fingers through his hair.
"I'll bring you breakfast later," she told him, "Do try and get some sleep."
He nodded sleepily and she felt his eyes on her as she left his room. Tip-toeing across the hall, she slowly unlocked the door that led to the women's quarters. She only breathed relieved when she reached her bedroom, untouched that night. As she changed into her work clothes, a sweet ache in her muscles, she took a glance at herself on the mirror and let out a laugh. She looked terrible. Dark circles below her eyes, her face was thinner than when they married. But, unlike the worried face she had been looking at the mirror for months, she only saw her smile.
And that was more than enough to make her not care.
She let out another sigh as she made Lady Mary's hair presentable, a soft smile playing on her features. Anna didn't think she had stopped smiling since yesterday, but she wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. She caught Lady Mary's eyes on the mirror.
"Did you have a good night, Anna?" she asked with a knowing smile.
Anna flushed slightly, but her face remained serious, "Yes, I did. It's a relief to know Mr. Bates is here," she said conversationally, "Did you sleep well too, milady?"
Lady Mary arched her eyebrows. "Hardly. Matthew snores."
Anna let out a laugh at Lady Mary's response and shook her head slightly.
"I forgot to tell you, Anna," she started, "I spoke to Papa about you taking a few extra days off once the cottage is ready. He's not opposed to it. In fact, he had been planning on giving you both a few days off. I'm sure we all agree that the two of you probably need some alone time."
"Thank you, milady," Anna said, happy at the prospect of spending a few extra days alone with John, "We really appreciate it."
"How was Bates this morning? Adjusting well to freedom?"
"Yes, very well," Anna said distractedly, finishing the details on Lady Mary's hair and bending down to grab her nightclothes, "He was very tired, of course, but I told him to try and have a late morning, and I'd bring him some breakfast later."
"Of course," Lady Mary's smile was all too knowing for Anna to like it, "You are newlyweds, after all. You have a lot to look forward to."
Anna flushed again, this time more deeply, but didn't mind. "Yes, milady."
"You can go now," Mary said, still smiling, "I won't need you until before dinner, so you can have the afternoon free, if you want to. I'm very happy for you, Anna."
With a smile, Anna left the room, closing the door softly behind her.
Lady Mary was right; they had a lot to look forward to now that John was free, and even more when they would be off to living by themselves. For now, however, escapades to his room during the nights would be enough, for he would be there, waiting for her with open arms – her love; her safe haven, forever.