The Counselor

It was a chilly, but beautiful Saturday morning. These were the kind of mornings that Elliot loved.

Normally.

Normally, Elliot would not have to be at the SVU precinct on his day off. Normally he would be spending the day with his family, who he didn't see as often as he liked. But, today was not a 'normal' day. Today was his first counseling session with Dr. George Huang. Elliot was not looking forward to it at all. After much persistence from Kathy, Olivia, and Cragen, Elliot finally decided to go to counseling over the tragedy that happened in his family nearly two months ago – his daughter's abduction/rape.

"Babe, why is it you don't want to go? Are you embarrassed?" Kathy asked him that morning, putting her arms around him and hugging him tightly.

"No baby...it's not that…" Elliot kissed her forehead, "you know me though. I don't like talking about my problems…."

"I know, El. You're such a good man. A great husband. A wonderful father. But you haaaaaaave to let your feelings out at some point baby. If you don't want to tell me what's bothering you, tell Haung. It'll make you feel so much better." She kissed him lovingly.

Elliot hugged her tighter, and Kathy pulled back and stared into his eyes. They were both thinking the same thing, we have it so good. Kathy and Elliot Stabler were just as in love with each other today as they were twenty years ago. Both of them were now 35, and most couples their age had lost their spark. But not Kathy and Elliot.

"Please try to have a good day today sweetie?" Kathy smiled hopefully at him.

"I'll try Kathy. But no promises!" Elliot chuckled, kissing her one last time before he headed out the front door into the crisp November air.

At 11:00 on the dot Elliot showed up at Manhattan's 16th precinct. He sighed. He really didn't want to be there today. It felt like he was going to work. Although he didn't look like he was going to work. He was wearing dark gray sweatpants that fit him ever so good, and a tight shirt that made his chest look even more muscular. He also wore his running shoes and a light jacket. I'm running as soon as I get out of this place. Elliot thought to himself.

Once Elliot walked into the building, he was greeted by Dr. George Haung.

"Hello Elliot." Haung said professionally.

"Doctor…" Elliot smiled, nodding his head and shaking his hand.

"You doing okay today, Elliot?"

"As okay as I'll ever be…"

"I just want to start off by saying," Haung began, looking directly into Elliot's eyes, "that anything you say to me is completely confidential. And since you are not a patient, nothing you say will ever be written down. This is an 'of the record' session Elliot. Nobody will ever know what you said."

"Thanks, George."

"Alright then, now that that's clear…Let's begin."

It took Dr. Haung nearly 45 minutes just to break Elliot.

"Elliot. You'll feel so much better if you just express how you really feel." Haung repeated himself over and over again before Elliot spoke.

"I feel like I'm a failure of a father. I'm a police officer; I should have protected my child. My child. I can save other people's children – but I couldn't save my own..." Elliot said solemnly, looking down at his feet.

"Good Elliot. We're making progress. That's excellent. You mustn't feel like a failure. It was not your fault at all. The school your daughter attends didn't even call you to let you know she was missing. Nobody was notified that she was even missing until after he took her halfway across the city. How were you supposed to know, Elliot? How were you supposed to do anything about it? You can't keep blaming yourself…"

"I told all of my kids that I'd always be there to protect them…Always. I have failed." Elliot put his head in his hands, unable to look at Haung or himself.

"Elliot – "Haung began.

"She called me, the night it happened," Elliot cut him off, tears now in his eyes, "the night that sick bastard took her. She was crying – terrified. She didn't know where she was, or who the man was that took her. She was all alone in a basement. Scared. She didn't know what to do. Should she cry, should she not cry? Should she let him violate her the way he did, should she try to stop him? She didn't know what to do. She was scared out of her mind. She thought he was going to kill her like he did the rest of them. He hit her. He raped her. He stole her childhood. MY baby. MY sweet little innocent angel. She never did anything to anyone; and she especially didn't do anything to deserve what she got. So don't tell me, Dr. Haung, that it's not my fault. I failed at my one duty – to protect my family. I failed." Elliot was rambling on, sobbing now.

Dr. Haung was startled at the emotion coming out of Elliot. For nearly an hour Elliot barely spoke – and now he was an uncontrollable mess.

"Shh..Elliot…listen to me…" Haung said soothingly.

Elliot looked up at him, tears still in his eyes, "You swear this conversation is off the record?"

"Yes, Elliot."

"I should have killed him."

"What?"

"That's right. That sick son of a bitch. I should have murdered him with my bare hands. But I didn't…."

"That's good that you didn't Elliot. I understand you are very angry at this person – and you have the right to be, of course – but had you killed him, things would have gone badly."

"HE TOOK HER CHILDHOOD!" Elliot shrieked, knocking over the cup of water he'd gotten a while ago. "Every time she goes outside, she holds onto me like a scared little puppy that doesn't know where to go! She's terrified. I don't know how to handle her, Doc." Elliot finally confessed.

"You just need to show her love and attention Elliot. Make her feel like she's protected. If that means she has to sleep with you and Kathy at night, then so be it. I've met with her a few times Elliot, and she's terrified. She's afraid the man is coming back to get her and her family. She's afraid to sleep at night. She doesn't know what to do with herself…she's simply afraid." Haung was telling Elliot everything he already knew. It broke Elliot's heart to know that his sweet little girl felt this way.

"Elliot. Your daughter's counseling sessions with me are recorded. I'm going to let you listen to a piece of a recording from last week. She gets very emotional, but I think you'll understand why I'm letting you hear this." Haung said, standing up and going to a filing cabinet. He set the small black machine in front of Elliot's tear-stained face and hit the 'play' button.

"Shh…it's okay Elizabeth. You don't have to talk anymore if you don't want to."

"He…hurt….me…He's coming back! *sob* I – I – just know it. He said he would! HE SAID HE WOULD! *sob*

"No Elizabeth, he's not coming back. The man who hurt you is in jail. He's never coming back. NEVER."

"He hit me..and he touched me…all over. I cried and told him to stop. But he wouldn't! I told him to leave me alone…and to go away. And I told him if he let me go I would just run home and – and - *sob* - act like nothin' ever happened. *Sob*

"And then what happened, Elizabeth?"

"He – he *sob* - he grabbed his belt off the floor and started hitting me. *sob* - I was screaming, 'please..stop..I'm sorry.' But he didn't stop *sob* He hit me over and over again. And I – *sob* - I couldn't st-stop crying. *sob* then he grabbed my face and started screaming at me."

"What did he say, Elizabeth?"

"'Say one more word, bitch, and I'll slice your throat. Your daddy isn't here to save you now.'" *sob*

"What did you do after that, Elizabeth?"

"The man walked out of the room. He put his close back on and walked up the steps. I tried not to cry until I heard him close the door. I rolled over on my tu-tummy and then I saw that h-he left his c-cell phone." *sob*

"And is that when you called your daddy?"

"Yes." *sob* "He had already started l-looking for m-me." *sob*

"And how did that make you feel, honey?"

"Good. I-it made me feel good. My daddy was coming t-to s-save me." *sob*

Haung hit the 'stop' button, and looked up at Elliot, who was now sobbing harder than ever. Elliot had known exactly what happened to Elizabeth from Kathy, who met with Haung to discuss what was happening with Elizabeth's counseling sessions. It pained him to know what happened to his little girl – and it hurt worse to hear her actually say what happened to her. He was glad that he didn't hear the part where Elizabeth had gone into detail about her rape. Just the thought of it made him feel sick on his imagined his daughter being beaten by that man that wasn't her father. Elliot had never spanked Elizabeth. And if he ever had, he would have never used anything other than his hand. This man put his hands on my child. Elliot thought to himself. He wanted to crawl out of his skin. His heart ached for his child.

"See Elliot. She is not upset with you at all. 'My daddy was coming to save me.' She said that herself, Elliot. You shouldn't feel guilty whatsoever. You did what every other parent did that day – send their child to school. You're a good father, Elliot. A great one."

And so ended Elliot's first counseling session with Dr. Haung. It went better than he thought it would, but Elliot knew this would more than likely be his last session with Dr. Haung. He knew the perfect cure for his problem – quality time with his family.

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