Author's Note: This is the follow up to 'Day of the Dead'. I couldn't resist doing a little sequel. Yup It's definate, I'm a hopeless I/M romantic. This is totally AU so the possibilities are endless. !! Warning, tissues at the ready !!
All reviews comments are welcome.
Rating: K
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to the Great Maker – JMS.
Most Excellent Beta: Layhee
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She sat in her command chair on the bridge of the Titans. Lost in a world of thought, it had been her turn for the night shift and she didn't mind. There was nothing else for her to do except look out of the forward viewer and be 'the captain.' Her officers looked to her for leadership, but she was no longer sure if she was a leader. She'd been through two traumatic wars and survived them both. Well, that's what the record books would say, but in her eyes she'd died when he had. She did not want to be in her quarters either, she knew the wolf would be waiting for her there and this time the wolf didn't have cubs. She had brought her entire pack.
Susan hadn't wanted to transfer back into EarthForce. She hated what the uniform stood for. It was also uncomfortable and itchy. But in her mind, she had no choice; she just couldn't face being on the station a minute longer than she had to. Too many painful memories - memories about him, those eyes, oh god, those eyes…No, not now, not now. She struggled to retain her composure as she remembered back to when she'd come round in Medlab and seen his lifeless form slumped next to hers, his eyes open and fixed on her, even in death. Her hands gripped the hand rests of her chair even tighter and she began to shake. She bit her tongue to try and hold off the rising emotions within her. It was another reason for insisting on taking the night shift. The bridge had a skeleton crew and they knew better than to enquire after the captain's wellbeing…not if they wanted to live.
Lost in her world of regrets and 'oh god I wish I'd done…'s, she didn't hear one of her junior officers inform her that a jump point had formed ahead of them.
"Captain," the officer repeated a little louder but with trepidation about interrupting her thoughts.
"Um – yes, lieutenant, what is it?" she enquired.
"Ma'am, there's a jump point forming in front of us. It's a White Star and they're hailing us."
White Star…oh, god, no, no... She began to shake even more. She wanted to run away and hide but there was nowhere for her to go.
"This is Shok'Na Tevell of the White Star fleet to Earth vessel Titans."
Quickly, she tried to calm herself down with breathing exercises taught to her by Delenn. In – breathe, out – exhale, in – breathe, out – exhale… It took at least ten seconds, but she felt the knots in the base of her back loosen and her hands were no longer gripping the hand rests of her chair as if she was clinging onto it for dear life.
"Put the Shok'Na through, lieutenant," she ordered.
The officer nodded her head, did as she was told, and connected the call.
Susan saw the image of the Minbari Ranger commander in her view screen. He looked at her kindly, but with sadness in his eyes. She recognised him from her days on the station. Oh god. Her breathing became ragged and her pulse sped up. He had to get a bloody move on - she didn't know how much she could take.
"I bring you greetings, Captain Ivanova, from your friends, and I have a package for you."
"For me?" she enquired. Why would a Ranger be bringing me a package?
"Those are my instructions, captain. Permission to come aboard?"
She didn't like the looks of this. "Very well, captain. I will meet you in Docking Bay 3. Titans out."
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A short time later, Susan stood in the control office of the docking bay, looking through the window as the Minbari shuttle landed on its pad. The huge outer bay doors closed, the air pressure equalising in the docking bay. She subconsciously put her hand into one of her pockets and felt for the object. It gave her some comfort, though she would never bring it out of her pocket openly except when she in her quarters. Tenderly caressing it, she needed his strength now or she would falter.
Looking over to the bay controller, who nodded his head that it was safe to continue, she opened the control room door and walked toward the waiting shuttle.
She stopped just outside the shuttle doors as they began to open. A ramp slid down from the doorway, making a thud as it connected to the floor plates of the docking bay. She looked up to see the Minbari Ranger walking down the ramp. At the foot of the ramp, he stopped before the captain and politely bowed towards her. She returned the gesture.
"I was instructed to give this to you, captain," he said as he brought out a small velvet bag from one of his hidden pockets. He placed the bag into her hand and she could feel something solid within; she guessed it was a data crystal.
"I was also told to advise you that you should view it privately, and that your friends will be there for you should you need them."
With his package delivered, the Ranger bowed and turned around to board the shuttle ready to depart, leaving a bewildered Captain Ivanova in his wake. When she came back to reality, she put the pouch in her pocket and made her way back to the bridge.
Back on the bridge, she took the pouch out of her pocket and removed the crystal, fingering it in her hand. I wonder what this message is about… she mused to herself. It would be another two hours till the morning crew began their work and her XO, Commander Nash, would relieve her. She couldn't even come up with the excuse that she had some last minute reports to work on as she'd done them earlier in the day. So, putting the crystal back into the pouch, she put it back into her pocket and tried to forget about it.
Eventually, her shift ended, and to be honest it couldn't have come quick enough. As she entered the pass code to her quarters, she felt her pocket for the pouch as she entered her room.
She took off her uniform jacket, and put it on the bed, then went over to make a pot of caff. One of the things she missed most of all about Babylon 5 was not being restricted to drinking caff all the time. Her beloved coffee plant was stuck on the station and there was no chance of smuggling it aboard; for the amount of hassle she'd have to deal with to keep the planter secret, it wasn't worth the fuss.
She sat down on the couch opposite the view screen, placed the crystal into the player, and waited for the message to play.
The comm system came to life with the B5 logo on the screen.
"Play message," she instructed.
"Unable to comply. Password required."
"Password required," she sighed, rubbing her temples in frustration. "Oh for cryin' out loud." She really hated it when messages were password protected. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
If a Ranger gave her the crystal, it would be related to them or to Delenn, she reasoned.
"Entil'zha."
"Password refused."
"Delenn."
"Password refused."
"We live for the one, we die for the one."
"Password refused."
It was going to be a long night. Something to do with the Rangers…She was starting to shake, with where her mind was taking her. She had the indescribable urge to try something that had only been said to her once before. She took a deep breath before whispering.
"Password, phrase: Nu'shan fel'ani In'A lis'e medran."
"Password accepted."
Oh, god. Next, she saw Marcus' image. "Hello, Susan."
Her eyes widened and her breath became ragged. She began to tremble at his voice as tears streamed down her face - she couldn't hold them back even if she wanted to. Then anger flew through her. No. When I find out what sicko has done this, I'll rip their hearts out—I'll pluck out their eyeballs—
"Before you think that someone is playing a joke on you," he continued, "I assure you, it's no joke. It's the Brakiri Day of the Dead and I'm here with Lennier…but that's another story."
He looked so much younger without his beard - her heart ached so much. She was once again reminded of what she'd so foolishly thrown away.
"I just wanted to say, Susan, that I am so sorry. I hurt you. I know," he sighed, "me saying sorry, it doesn't seem like much. Please believe me, I am truly sorry.
"Too late, Cole, you've hurt me more than any one can know," she murmured, transfixed on his face. Oh god, she wanted him to be alive, she wanted him to hold her and she needed to be held by him so much that it physically hurt.
"The reason I did what I did was that I couldn't live without you.
"Like you I have lost those who I loved; I lost Hasina and my brother when the Shadows attacked our colony. He came back to warn me, to evacuate the platforms, but I didn't listen…
"…Susan, I was responsible for the lives of hundreds of people and I let each and every one of them down by not listening to my brother's warning. When I came to Babylon 5 looking for help for the Rangers on Zagros 7, I was still trying to come to terms with what had happened. I once told Delenn that 'when part of the heart goes dead, it's best to leave it that way.' When I laid eyes on you, the part I thought was dead came back to life. I fell in love with you at that moment and I vowed to keep you safe at any cost…including my own life.
"You were the 'voice of the resistance' and I couldn't lose you, not when there was a way to save you. So I hacked through Stephen's medical files and found out about the alien device. I couldn't let you go…" His eyes were watering. "…You made my life complete…When I thought I was going to lose you…
"I – I knew you'd had a difficult time with previous relationships and how you had been hurt. In a way, that was probably the main reason why I didn't tell you about my feelings sooner. I truly didn't know how you felt about me and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I stayed quiet, content to love you from afar.
"I know I irritated the hell out of you at times, but the times when you smiled back at me, I thought my Christmases had all come at once. When I was sent off on missions, you were my one reason for coming back alive; you were my one. I lived for you…and…." he sighed as he let that last line trail off.
Susan was crying. Oh god, she had thrown away the best thing in her life…Marcus.
He wiped away tears that were trickling down his face and sniffed before continuing. "…Also on this crystal, I've given you the access codes to my accounts. Although I received a small allowance from the Rangers, I still had access to my accounts from the mining business. When Arisia was destroyed I received a substantial payout from the company's insurers. It's all yours to do with as you will.
"I've only got one request of you…"
She realised now that he hadn't wanted to do what he did, but that he'd had no choice. She'd been ready to die, but he hadn't been ready to live without her, just as now she struggled to live without him. It was a cruel twist of fate that for one to live, the other had to die.
"Live for me, Susan. Don't linger. Don't kick yourself for your past… Put that behind you, look to the present and your future. If passion calls you by name…honour me, Susan, and answer that call."
Susan was on the verge of hysteria. She began to shake violently as Marcus continued.
"I – I have to go now, Susan. My time here is almost coming to an end…"
"No, Marcus—"
"I love you, Susan." Tears streamed down his face, his feelings for her evident for her to see. "Goodbye."
And the image flickered off.
"Don't leave me…don't leave me." She cried as she began frantically pacing her room. She'd lost all control now as she collapsed onto her knees and let out a piercing wail. Afterwards, when she had regained some sort of composure, she whispered, "Only you, Marcus, only you."
End.