Secret Confessions of a Dying Heart
I missed him.
In the beginning I desperately wanted him to leave and not that he has I can't even conjure the words to express my feelings
I tried acting normal around Stefan acting as if maybe his absence was better for our relationship. He always felt that a competition was needed for my attention after countless reassuring from me that I was his and only his. Maybe it was the funny banter between me and Damon, maybe it was the second long glances that we shared or maybe the fact that no matter how many times I have tried holding my breath, my heart denies my mind and beats rapidly when he enters a room.
Whatever it was it seem to instantly vanish when the dust starting collecting in his room. You even see a smile graces his face which even I must admit has made too many appearances. I should feel happy right. I should be glad that threats on my life have vanished that I can breathe without having to look over my shoulder. Everyone is safe and my life is at ease. So why am I complaining? I know the answer…I think I always knew the answer because normal just doesn't suit me anymore my life had meaning when danger was in it because I knew that he was here. My life was threatened everyday and I was okay with it because he made the moments so much sweeter, so much real. I understood the meaning of loving unconditionally when I was not his to love but that made no difference in his eyes. He loved me and he didn't need to tell me it in words.
I was so caught up in feeling safe by Stefan that I realized I didn't need a security blanket anymore. I can make my own decisions, that I wasn't the precious rag doll that needed to be taken care of all the time. He understood that when I wasn't even aware of it back then. He reminded me of the old Elena who was this confident careful girl and he never met her but knew that she was under all the layers of shell. If I let my mind wander long enough I think he is the only one that really understands me just as I do him. So why couldn't he understand that leaving me who hurt me? Why couldn't he see that his presence was needed in my life because he became the most important thing in my life?
He didn't want to see
He wanted to leave
And I miss him