A short piece, some of Sara's thoughts, like a diary entry, once she got settled in San Francisco.
I't's hard to remember. It hurts and it's confusing,
but I know I have to remember in order to heal.
I know I have to be in San Francisco.
I know I have to cry, for everythings that's happened, for everything I've lost,
and now I have to cry for Gil.
For what he meant and that I have left, what I had to break.
He bought me an engagement ring too. before I left. It nearly pulled me back. It was just sitting on the bed, on our bed, what had become our bed, in the room that had become our room. Our; one word that spanned a thousand feelings and meanings.
It was just sitting on the pillow. It was pretty good for Gil Grissom.
There was romance in leaving it there, I even smiled, before the tears started again.
I'm a little sorry to say I took it, I should have left it for him, but I needed it. I needed to remember that I had him. how far we'd got. how happy I'd been.
I took one of his books too.
I needed part of him. I had his voice in my head, and breath on my neck but I needed something that was him, something that was a reminder of him, before it had become our room. before I could feel his breath whenever.
I hope he knows how much I really do love him, I hope he understands why I took the ring and that it helps him know.
He's the smartest guy I've ever met, but love is one of those emotions, like anger,
It's hard to understand, the lines are so far apart yet so close together,
and as good as he is at adapting situations, and understanding the lines of murder and man slaughter.
Love is constantly changing, there is no formula, no if this happens this happens, no text books, certainly nothing that you can apply a knowledge of bugs too, love just is.
But I think we were teaching each other, hopefully he'll keep learning, and, someday, hopefully I'll be back to study some more with him.
But for now, it's the memories...