Author's Note: This is just a little drabble piece I wrote. It's set Pre-Phase One. It's a little darker than what I think I normally write but it's just a little nothing piece….Tell me what you think-love it or hate it!
She smiled and hated every minute of it. The tight pull of her corset was choking the very breath out of her. But the black and deep purple fabric made her who she was. Her name was Portia, no last name required for a mission like this. She was sent to find a man, seduce him, have him lure her to his hotel room, and then she would steal a disc he kept in his briefcase. An easy mission for an experienced agent. She walked down the stairs, batting her heavy mascara eyelashes, her hips swaying gently to the music. Her skirt was pulled tight, short, and elicited rude comments from the men of the club. She felt their hands reaching out to paw her tiny frame. This was some sort of cosmic joke.
She continued her way into the club, waving to the men as she past. Lord, she hated them. But any thought of them disappeared as she walked through the crowds of people. She could disappear for just a little bit. Her hips swayed more to music and she let it take over her heartbeat. She tossed the long black wig over her shoulder and stopped in her spot. There he was.
"Are you ready for anything?" She marched up to him and ran her hands over his back. He immediately turned around and faced her. The result astounded her. This man was an eerie resemblance of the man she had left behind in LA. Her heart screamed that it wasn't him.
"Always am." His Irish brogue replied, turning away from his peers.
***
He always hated these nights. These were those long sleepless nights in which he could only toss and turn and attempt not to sleep the sleeping woman beside him. He always hated these nights. The darkness seemed to have crept into his world, blocking out the sun entirely. But now it was 2:00 in the morning and he was supposed to be up at 5:00. He had gotten in the habit of running before work, especially when she was gone. But somewhere along his sleeplessness, he was pulled into a restless sleep. Better than nothing. He was warm and actually comfortable, even if his mind was racing. The blankets were curled around him and it was nothing less than warm. However, there was a buzzing noise going off in his ear. One eye opened and then the other.
"Your phone." The woman next to him murmured as she slowly turned around. "Make it stop or I'm throwing you and it out of here." Her blonde hair was matted against her face and gone astray. Her voice was hoarse from lack of sleep.
He rolled over and took his phone in his hand, "PRIVATE." A new onset of panic rushed through him, "It's work." He whispered softly as he untangled her from his arms and started to move towards the edge of her bed. He turned his phone on quickly and pressed it to his ear, "Vaughn." He tried to shake the exhaustion from his tone but knew he was failing miserably.
"I need to see you." Her emotion-racked voice shook as she tried to get her words out.
He straightened up when he heard how horrible she sounded, "Where?"
"The warehouse. Meet me at the warehouse."
His eyes were suddenly open and he was suddenly aware of everything around him. He heard the rain tattering against the ground, the air conditioning clicking off, the ceiling fan twirling about, how the gray sheets felt against his body, how sticky he was the cold sweat he was sleeping in, and how good Alice's arms felt around his chest and how he hated the feeling when they were absent. "Okay. I'll meet you there in half an hour?"
There was no response from Sydney on the other end. She must have shut her phone off, he decided suddenly. He sighed heavily and turned his phone off, bringing down to his lap. He starred at in intently in the darkness for a moment. He had to get out of there and get to Sydney before something happened. He kept his train of thought moving and tried to figure out what could have happened to shake her that badly. She had to have been really shaken to call him. She never risked their safety just to see him and talk. She knew better. It could mean life or death for them. "Baby." He cooed as he leaned back over to the sleeping woman beside him.
"What?" She managed to snap, her eyes were still shut and she was dead to the world, essentially.
"I have to go in now. I'm sorry, baby." His tone was soft and smooth as he kissed her temple and began to move towards his closet.
"Screw it." The blonde-haired woman replied before drifting back to her easy sleep. She didn't care about his job at 2:00 in the morning and in all honesty, he didn't really care about his job at 2:00 in the morning. But he did care about Sydney and that was why he was dragging his sore little butt out of bed towards the warehouse.
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I can't and you know it." He got out of bed, feeling cold air hit him like a brick wall. His toes padded across the hard wood floor and his sore body rose until he was standing straight.
"Is everything okay?" She asked groggily. Her blue eyes stared at him and she felt concern growing in her chest.
He just shook his head remorsefully and continued to find his sweatpants.
"What time is it?" She pushed her body up and tried to get up with him but was quickly met by his hands pushed her back down to the mattress and his lips meeting hers.
"It's almost 2:00 but go back to sleep. You're going to have a long day ahead of you." He moved away from her and started to get ready. He continued to dress in the dark and all he could think of why she would be calling him so late. Sydney had returned from a mission in Ireland early that morning and their debrief wouldn't have been until after the workday that day. But now it was 2:00am and she sounded frantic and destroyed.
Now, anyone looking in from the outside might think that this was a little strange, at best. Vaughn, a man of thirty something, ripped and beautiful, climbing out of his warm bed with his beautiful girlfriend, Alice Williams, to meet a woman he wasn't suppose to know at all. But then again, that's why no one ever looked in. He truly did love Alice with most of his heart. She was everything that he had ever hoped for in his life. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and easy to be with. He loved the taste of her lips beneath his and the way his arms melted around her, five foot six frame. They had been together for a while, going on and off again for a period of time or two but he loved her. Really, he did. He knew that there were always jokes, especially with Weiss, about them being together.
But he really did love her and he loved being with her. He always felt for those guys that would pour their hearts out whenever they sat down for a drink at the local bar and always swore he would never be one of them. She made something stir within him and he just had this instinct about her that she would change his life. And she most certainly did. He felt like he was a better man whenever he was with her and he loved to listen to her talk. He wanted to be the one to dry her tears when she cried and to share the laughter when she laughed. But when he came home to Alice, he wanted to dry her tears and share the laughter when she laughed. He had never felt so conflicted in his life.
He found a pair of jeans, deciding against his worn sweatpants and found a camel colored tee shirt, throwing a suede coat over it. He cautiously walked over to the doorway and silently slipped out off the bedroom but not before, he grabbed his cell phone. He shivered slightly as he shut bedroom door and began to walk around the house, finding his keys and briefcase. He started to move towards the door but was promptly stopped when he realized he was unarmed. If he learned one thing in his life, he realized he always had to be armed.
So finally, he was able to sneak out of the house into the flower-scented air. Something about waking up before the sun rose made the air smell sweeter or maybe it was just Vaughn willing to find something positive. He sighed heavily as he got into his car and melted into the gray leather interior. Without much thought, he turned his car on and drove away.
He couldn't think of what could have possibly gone wrong. Maybe the disc wasn't there. Maybe She couldn't download the set of launch codes for some weapon (it was undisclosed to her but Jack knew what was going on). All she needed to do was send the CIA the correct codes and send SD-6 modified codes. Simple, right? He shook his head as he tried to find out what exactly could have gone wrong. Okay, maybe it wasn't part of the mission. The last time she called him like this was when her father stood her up for dinner and the stress had taken over her in such a way that she started to implode. That's when she threw her pager in the Pacific like a crazy woman. Vaughn started to laugh as he remembered the hunk of plastic, metal, and wires soaring through the air and into the chilly salt waters
He turned off the freeway and down on the side roads towards the warehouse, checking his mirrors all the way. The last thing he needed right now was to be followed. Now his heart began to pound loudly in anticipation. This was the part where he forgot about Alice and every other attachment that revolved around him in the outside world. His only priority was the well-being of his job. He reached the warehouse and sighed heavily. He wasn't sure what he was coming up against. He parked his car on his designated side and got out quickly. His hands quickly patted the gun secured beneath his jacket as he lightly jogged towards the water edge of the warehouse. The air was cooler and a strong chill ran through his bone.
He quickly began to search for her, standing near the gate where they always met. He was becoming overpowered by the deep must and dust that swirled around in the air. The lighting was dim from the barely there harsh lighting. As his feet, covered by a pair of comfortable running shoes, treated along the concrete. He looked for anything abnormal. There was nothing. And it was then that he saw her.
She was sitting, hunched over on a crate, in the same corset and black skirt. She hadn't even changed. She had thrown on a black blazer to hide the horrible outfit. Her hair was neatly pulled back but her shoulders were rounded. He felt his heart jump into his throat as he watched her turn around to face him, her face streaked with tears.
"Hey." His voice came out slow and soft.
She sat there immobile. She was always so good about keeping her emotions in tact and all she could do now was break. The mission had been more taxing than anyone could have imagined and she wanted to tell Vaughn everything that happened and everything that will happen but all she could was stand there. Her hands were open at her side and her brow was knitted tightly in distress. She drew in a sharp breath and tried to stop the tears from rolling down her face. The mascara had formed little rivers beneath her eyes. Her lips were chapped and her body was sore. A nice purple bruise had formed beneath her left eye and she brandished a cut on her lower lip. All she wanted in the world was to feel his body holding hers tightly. After all that she had seen, she just needed to be loved and told that she was loved.
"Sydney." His brow knitted in emotion and it took him all of his strength not to rush towards her and take her in his arms. But he walked towards her and knelt at her feet. He watched her brown eyes, not flickering with emotion, "What happened?"
She opened her mouth to talk but found a sob escaping her mouth instead. "Vaughn…Vaughn….." Her tears started to pour again. She leaned forward and clutched her chest tightly. This was the worst she had ever been, she had never been this broken before.
"Sydney? Sydney, what did they do to you? What happened?" Going against the better angels in his head, he stood up and held her close to him. Her breath immediately hitched in her chest and she winced as she felt pressure on the sores across her back. It was enough to drive a sane person insane. It was the combination of his warming touch and the large result on her back that caused her to cry out in terror. He couldn't touch her. She was about to break. She pulled back quickly and met the confused look in his eye with one of terror and pain.
She tried to stifle her sob once again but failed. She stood up and took a step back, feeling too much pain racing through her at the feeling of his touch. It was just another reminder on how he could never be with her and even though she loved the chills running down her spine, she stopped. Her eyes looked up at him and she just let her mouth hang open, unable to find the words to admit her terrible ordeal. Slowly she turned around and removed her jacket, letting fall in a heap at her feet and revealed slash wounds across her shoulders.
Vaughn let out a gasp but couldn't say anything. He knew that she got hurt but he had never seen anything like this on her before. He hated that he was so helpless in her pain. "Oh Syd." His brow was wrinkled in worry as his back started to tense up in sympathy pains. He looked away, unable to take the sympathy pains he was enduring.
She let her arms drop for a moment and raised her chin slightly before placing the black blazer over her shoulders again. She turned back around to face him with a heavy heart. She sat back down and hid her face in her hands. Her breath caught in her chest and hurt so badly there. "I've never-they were going to kill me. I just-" She trailed off as the tears overturned again.
Vaughn felt horror sweep over his body and his heart seemed to break almost instantly. He couldn't find a coherent thought and felt his chest tighten up. He ran his hand over his face and raked his fingers through his hair before collapsing down and ducking his head, his hands clasped over the back of his neck. Chills raised up his spine. He felt his heart had been ripped out and stomped out. This was the worst pain in the world. He desperately wanted too run from the room and hide form the horrible turmoil that had now engulfed him. Someone wanted to kill Sydney. His Sydney.
She sobbed so heavily that her words were almost lost on Vaughn. Out of complete desperation, she stood up and started to walk towards him. He stepped towards her and felt her collapse into his chest. Together, they slid down the ground. She was curled up, resting against his chest with him holding her wrists softly. They stayed there for a long while, just listening to the other's heartbeat. It was totally against protocol. But protocol didn't explain how to soothe the tattered soul of an agent or how to make the evil nightmares of the world go away. There were loopholes.
"Sydney, please. You're scaring me. What did they do to you?" He rested his head on top of hers, hoping to coax her and comfort her. His arms wrapped around her entire frame and he inhaled deeply the smell of sweat, blood, and disappointment.
"Just don't say anything, okay? I just need you to-just don't say anything, okay? Please." She pleaded, holding tightly to his tee shirt. She never wanted to let go. This was her last brink of sanity, held within her grasp.
Finally, the tears stopped and she managed to sit up. She surveyed the dark stains on his shirt and looked up at him with sympathetic eyes, "You know, you think you've only seen the worse when something even more horrible comes along."
"Don't say that."
She sniffled slightly and tried to get everything out as quickly as possible, "Sensory deprivation. Three days of not sleeping. Every time I would shut my eyes, I would be shocked awake. No food. Little water. And if they got bored of me, they would just beat me senseless." She replied with most clarity she could in a while. "But the worst part? Every time I close my eyes to sleep, I see him standing over me. I see his smug little smile and-" She groaned slightly and the tears came again. "I couldn't sleep on the cargo plane on the way home. SD-6 couldn't even spring for a real plane." She scoffed, curling tighter into Vaughn's chest. Her tall, slender frame was shaking violently and she didn't even try to control it. "I don't know what to do. I can't go home like this. Francie will have a heart attack and Will's out of town. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes-he's there. I see his face. I don't know what to do."
Vaughn thought for a moment and rested his head atop hers again for a moment. "I have a blanket in my car. If you want, I'll stay here while you sleep and when you wake up, we'll work out a plan from there, okay? I think we found our plan. Can you stay here for a minute? I'll just run right to my car." He didn't even wait for her to respond. He slowly untangled his limbs from hers and eased her down to the ground, where she curled up into the fetal position. His green eyes looked at her sadly before running, at full wind sprint, towards his car. This had to be a quick maneuver or else he would blow their cover. He flew out the warehouse door, opened his black SUV, and grabbed the emergency box he kept in the back, slammed the door shut and ran back inside. Keeping the same pace, he ran towards Sydney, who had not moved an inch. "Sydney?"
She poked her head up and saw him with the box, "Emergency kit?" She read the long scrawling words on the side of the box that was used to hold some kitchen appliance in his normal home with his normal girlfriend. She sat up, pulled her knees to one side. Her head tilted to the side and she tried to smile, wiping away her tears.
He smiled and sat down next to her. "Did someone check you out?" She shook her head no. "Can I?"
Her eyebrows rose from shock of the question and he immediately regretted saying it. Fighting a smile from embarrassment, he amended his statement. "Check out your injuries." She nodded slightly and her heavy eyelids began to droop. Her hands peeled off the jacket and deposited off to the side. With big brown eyes, she watched him reach into the box and pull out a small brown glass vile with a handful of Q-tips. He looked up at her and nodded his head in agreement. Reaching up slightly once more, his hands found the gray old blanket he had thrown in. It was just a miscellaneous blanket he had found lying in the trunk of his car. There was no reason why it was there but it was, so he thought it would be a good idea. He unfolded it and positioned it in such a way that it was resting near the chain link fence. He would be able to lean on it a little bit. He glanced down at her and watched her crawl a few inches towards it. The color was beginning to return to her face as her eyes began to swell. "Well, this is going to sting." He held a Q-tip in his hand and as gently as possible, pressed it to the raw pink and purple flesh. The anti-septic dripped clear onto her skin, which visibly tensed up at the sudden onset of pain. "I'm sorry."
"Just get it over with." She answered through gritted teeth.
He continued to clean out the gash that ranged from her left shoulder through the middle of her back. There were other abrasions but none as serious. "You're lucky you don't need stitches."
She tried to rid her voice of irritation. "I know." She knew she was lucky and she should be thankful for that but something in the pit of her stomach wouldn't allow for her to be thankful in any way. She had a bitter taste in her mouth that burned almost as much as the anti-septic.
Like a young child, she sat there while he put an anti-septic on every little cut. She winced softly and tensed up with every touch. It burned badly and made her hair stand on end. With the deeper, more serious ones, he wrapped sterile white wraps around her. "Okay, can you turn around or lie down….or…" his voice trailed off and he lost eye contact with her, starring intently at his worn shoes. He didn't want to wear his heart on his sleeve. He had to be professional. Her life, her psychiatric state depended on his professional mannerisms.
She starred down at her hands too, unwilling to look at him. She knew they were jumping up and down on a fine line. This was going a little beyond handler/asset lines. "I need to lie down." She stifled a yawn and felt the exhaustion creep through her veins. She fought it tooth and nail, not wanting to give into the nightmares that she thought, well she knew would take over as soon as she shut her eyes.
Her tired being collapsed down further and she placed her head down on the blanket and felt her eyelashes flutter against it. It felt so soft and so smooth, the gentle fabric weave beneath her. She wanted to curl up in it and feel it against her skin. It warmed her cold skin but it would never be warm enough to defrost her icy soul. She nestled into the old comforter and sighed into the smell of Michael Vaughn's life. "I'll try to be gentle." He whispered softly as he sat up on his heels and applied the anti-septic slowly.
"It's okay. I don't feel it anymore." She lied, her voice soft and muffled against the blanket. Her chest started to feel tight and her entire form ached with pain.
"This one on your back is deep." He whispered hoarsely as he continued to clean it out. There was dirt and debris caught in the edges of the wound, that extended beyond the confines of the corset hem. He fought the urge to let his fingertips run along the smooth skin of her back. Part of him started to question what she would do if he just eased the tension out of the tightly toned muscles.
"It hurts." She admitted, the tears long since dried and her voice had return. She was slowly coming back to the world of the living.
He needed to clean the wound further but that would be unlacing the back of her top. He stopped moving and starred down at her.
"What? Is anything wrong?" She asked hoarsely and turned her head to face him. Vaughn swallowed hard and looked into her beautiful brown eyes and almost instantly, she understood. "It's okay. I know that it goes…" Her voice was still soft. "You don't need to-it's okay. I can do it myself-"
"No, it's okay. I just thought I would ask before I-I-" He couldn't seem to get the words out correctly. His thought process wasn't exactly clear.
She nodded slowly and then lay back down on the blanket, bracing her body slightly for what was going to come next. She knew it would burn and ache but it was nothing to what she was feeling emotionally. Each touch was painful. It sent her heart racing madly and her skin tingling, wanting more. She had never wanted something so badly. Amend that, she had never wanted someone so badly. There was Noah but Noah was long gone and dead by her hands. She couldn't think about this right now.
Keeping his body as intact as possible, he slowly started to undo the stays to corset, revealing her back. The milky white skin was void of its normal color and replaced by violent bruises that surrounded her whole back. He pushed the corset off further and let it fall limp to either side of the fallen agent's body. "What did those bastards do to you?" He continued to clean her back, not pausing to savor in the thought of touching her beautiful skin. He had pushed all emotions aside and not bothered to think out what was actually going on. It would be better for both of them this way. It only took him a few minutes to finish and when he did, he sat back on his heels. "Did I miss any?" Vaughn as quietly as he finished and Sydney propped herself back up. She held the back to her chest, fully aware of how naked she was and felt. Her eyes showed how she felt.
She looked at him and then at her hands, "The ones on my face."
His eyes met hers, "They're not so bad. An easy fix." He leaned forward once against and addressed the massive slash above her eyes. When he finished, he met her eyes again. They were in such close proximity. If he just lowered his body down a little more, their lips would touch. But they wouldn't. They couldn't.
She stopped breathing for a moment and felt her heart breaking in a moment. It was just a reminder of everything that she couldn't have and it was thirty centimeters away from her. "Thank you." Her lips barely moved.
Vaughn didn't want to move from the spot that he was standing. He was so close to her and wanted to be there forever. He had blocked how much he loved her. "I have an old sweatshirt if you want-so you don't have to go home in your-"
"Thank you." She repeated delicately again. Breaking the contact that neither one of them wanted to do, Sydney pulled away and sat down against the fabric. Regaining her voice more and more, she finally could speak the volumes she wanted to, "I just wanted to-I'm sorry I pulled you away. I know you were sleeping and I mean, I just didn't know who else to call and I knew that I needed to talk to someone-"
"Sydney," he held her wrist to stop her rant, "it's okay. I don't want to pretend that I understand everything but I'm here for you-we've been over and over this. You can trust me and because of that-I really don't mind getting out of bed to come and talk to you."
Sydney managed a smile and nodded, "I just needed someone to cry to. Does that make any sense?" She hunched over again and hugged her body tighter. "I couldn't go home to Francie. It's just not possible without telling her why I look like this. This is the only place I feel safe. I just needed to feel safe."
"No one else knows about it. You really are safe here." He cleared his throat softly and tried to rid it of the heavy hoarse tone that overshadowed it. He reached into the box and pulled out an old Georgetown sweatshirt, gray and tattered from use. He handed it to her and watched her reaction. "A little more security."
"Georgetown?" She asked, turning the fabric over so she could slip in and turned away from him, to save herself some modesty.
"Graduated from there right before I join the CIA." He nodded as he thought of the easier days.
"You never told me that you were a Georgetown boy. If I had known-" She tried to laugh a little but failed miserably. The tears started to build up in her eyes but her faded eyes blinked them away quickly. She slid the sweatshirt over her body and let the corset fall onto the ground behind her. Turning back towards him, she curled up tightly and shot him a weak smile, "Thank you."
His green eyes started to shine in the dim lighting. She was starting to feel better and that was all that he could ever ask for. He just wanted her to be able to be back on her own two feet. It made his life that much harder when she was broken. It was hard from him to be happy and to get excited about things in his life when he consciously knew that she was fading and mentally dying in hers. "Where do we go from here?" He asked after a long moment of awkward silence.
She inhaled stiffly and said the thing that made the most sense. "You go back home to your girlfriend, climb back into bed, and try to get some sleep before going to work tomorrow." It hurt to speak the truth but she knew it was the only way. As her vision began to clear, she realized how much he couldn't stay with her. It was a mistake to call.
Vaughn didn't appreciate this tart response and shot back, "And you?"
"I'm gonna stay here and try to pull myself enough to make my way home."
Vaughn started to argue almost immediately, "We both know-"
"Go home, Vaughn. I appreciate you coming to see me and making sure that I'm okay-" The Bristow temper started to show itself. There was no way that she would let him stand in her way. It was for the best that he leave. She didn't know what would happen if he stayed.
"What's going on?"
"I'm fine, Vaughn." She shot him a sympathetic look and shrugged her shoulders innocently. "Really."
He leaned forward slightly and stared her down, forehead full of concern wrinkles, "No, you're not. Why are you changing all of a sudden?"
She tried to yell but it came out a mild squeak, "Because it's time for you to go back-"
"Sydney."
"Vaughn."
"No. No. I'm going to stay here until I'm convinced you're okay. If that means I stay here all night, then I stay here all night." Vaughn countered and waited for her reaction. He knew that he was right and was waiting for her to come to the realization. He would stay here all night just waiting for her to come to that realization.
The emotion came flooding back like a horrible floodgate. She started to choke on her own words and hated how weak that she sounded. "Vaughn."
"Why don't you lie down for-and close your eyes. I know you're exhausted. I see that you're exhausted. I'll be right here. I'll make sure that you're safe. It's all going to be okay."
Sydney nodded reluctantly and lay down onto the blanket, resting near Vaughn's leg. He took the other side and wrapped it tightly around her body. He laid back slightly against the chain fence and allowed her to curl up near his body. Her head rested on his hip and her eyelashes fluttered until they were shut. The exhaustion had taken over and her entire body became numb. She inhaled deeply the scent of the man that she loved. "Never say it's going to be okay. It never is."
He stroked her hair softly as he cooed, "Just close your eyes, Sydney. I'll be here when you wake up. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay." He reached over her and pulled blanket over her body and covered his own legs. He was tired too but it was going to be okay. It had to be.
End.