Having a terrible few days. I needed a little something to cheer me up. Hopefully you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.
He didn't do change well; she knew that, should have anticipated his reaction. But she hadn't and at first she had been hurt when he stormed from the room. But then her head took command of her emotions and she began to understand. It frightened him, all these changes. It seemed they were cascading down over the abbey, one after another, unbridled and unstoppable. And he couldn't control anything about them. So yes, it frightened him.
She also realized something else about him these last few months; the few time when he had been able to make his opinion known, his force felt, things had ended in disaster. So her strong, dependable, always to be counted upon husband suddenly found himself adrift at sea with no rudder, no way to guide the boat and unsure of his direction.
She had been a part of that, she realized; a part of his loss of confidence. She'd spent days, weeks even, blaming him for their daughter's death. And she had been angry too. Realization flashed through her as she remembered her anger. It was his duty to keep bad things from happening to them and he had been unable to do that. He had let it happen, even participating in the decision to let it happen. And her anger had been limitless. She'd seen his hurt, felt his pain, but she'd ignored it, feeding her own instead. And they'd both paid dearly for it.
Remembering that day in his mother's sitting room, remembering her inability to think, to speak, remembering her utter desperation once Dr. Clarkson had taken her excuse for the anger away, she was disappointed in herself. It had been Robert that had moved to her, encompassing her in a hug, his body surrounding her with love and shared grief… and yes, the first comfort she'd felt since Sybil's death.
Sighing deeply, Cora knew she had to do better. He needed her. His confidence had been shaken. It was like during the war when he'd felt so lost, only now it was worse. And to her shame, she contributed. But no more. He was afraid of change, of the inevitable alterations that would come into their world. But for once, being an American would be useful in the huge house. Because she knew change; it was a part of her story. And she would help him make it a part of his.
With determination, she followed him. After a quick search, she found him out on the lawn staring up at the massive house, their home. He looked so fragile standing there. She'd never thought of his as fragile before; he'd always been so stalwart. But today he looked brittle.
His eyes flickered away from the building to her as she approached him. His stance shifted, resuming his usual posture of authority and command. But now she recognized it for what it was. In many ways he was still that uncertain young man, not much more than a boy, who had shouldered the title and the responsibility much too early. And just as she had stood beside him then, she would stand with him now.
Change would come; it was inevitable. But one thing would not change, for Cora loved Robert with every fiber of her being. And she would not let him fail, not alone at least.
"I'm sorry," he said in a low voice, his gaze shifting away.
She watched his face and saw the same anguish he'd displayed the night he confessed losing their money. Fear washed through her as she scrutinized his expression. How many blows could he take; how many more things must he apologize for, how long before it broke him?
"Robert," she drawled, her American accent heavily spicing his name. She reached for his hands and held them between them. Offering him a loving smile, she stood simply staring into his somber eyes. "Perhaps I was too hasty…it was too soon."
Robert huffed as his brow furrowed. "Cora, I…I'm trying…"
"I know, my darling. And I think I have a solution."
"A solution? Cora, it is as if everyone is conspiring to undermine everything I hold dear."
"I know it seems that way. I understand, I do…and my solution is only for this one change. Help me initiate it?"
"I hardly think that it would be appropriate…right now," he answered in surprise.
Mischief burst onto Cora's face. "I think there is no more appropriate time."
Intrigue twinkled in his eyes. "Are you quite certain?"
Coyly, she turned to walk back to the house, holding his hand and pulling him along. "Quite," she called over her shoulder.
Later, as they lay curled under the sheets, satiated and feeling delightfully decadent, Cora nuzzled into him. "You see Robert, change isn't all bad and can bring unintended rewards."
Shifting slightly to be more comfortable, he nuzzled back. "Indeed. But it had such sentimental value, having served us for so many years, supporting so many memories and I still believe I will miss the lumps in our old mattress."
Kissing him lightly behind his ear, she murmured. "Then we shall simply have to make new ones."