Title: Love
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Genre: Romance/Humour
Rating: PG
Summary: Harry reminisces about his life
Disclaimer: All known characters are the hot properties of JK Rowling
A/N: First fic ^_^
~Love~
For someone who have had a taste of his lifeline snuffed out for one second, I'd say it's blimey great to be alive. Like the overrated metaphor goes, the beauty of life is in life itself. The weird thing is, whenever my mind chooses to playback the tracks of my life's journey, it'd usually roll at the aftermath of that exhausting, final battle in Hogwarts.
How could it not, that was the time of reckoning, the day when I closed certain unpleasant chapters of my youth.
I still remember every vivid detail like it was only yesterday. The Great Hall stretched with the remaining survivors, some laughing deliriously whilst others mourning over the loss of their loved ones and among them, I saw a family of three huddled closely together.
It struck me as odd that they haven't high-tailed the scene yet when the place was creeping with Aurors and members of the Order. Ron and I, despite Hermione's consternation, had been quietly wagering that Lucius would beg and grovel to avoid being tossed into the dreaded Azkaban once again.
It didn't happen.
The head of Malfoy's household merely stood tall, as proud as ever although it wasn't hard to detect the lack of his worldly arrogance. Calmly he told Kingsley that his son and wife were coerced participants so take him. Period. He went willingly like a tamed dragon and as he passed by me he stopped.
"Thank you for saving him."
Those five uncomplicated words had me spinning out complicated emotions. The man almost got me killed a few dozen times, mind you. Fortunately for him, I did recognise undisguised words that tumbled straight from the heart. Considering where those had come from, I realised how hard it must have been for Lucius to even vocalise them.
"I'll get you out."
My parents certainly did not bring me out into this world not to understand the true definition of humane compassion.
It was then my eyes met his across the distance and those slates of cool greys spoke volumes.
It was over.
Our stupid, senseless feud was over and done with for good. I never liked him at first sight but I didn't hate him either because hate is such a strong word to be used at random. To his credit, he did mumble something to Ron and my best mate zapped on this truly comical constipated look for a full minute before retracting into a non-committal nod. Hermione expectedly was all tears and she even held out her hand to him.
He didn't thank me though and I certainly hadn't been banking on that absurdity from him because I knew him so well, even then. The long, unblinking gaze he gave me when I returned his Hawthorn was enough to let me know he was grateful in his own prideful way.
For me, that was more than enough.
Anyway, I didn't think I would be able to handle the awkwardness. Our trademark was to either snarl or completely ignore each other. Polite, stifled conversations were never our thing to begin with.
So I moved on.
Ginny and I never did get back together. I don't know why, but after the war was over I yearned to live a freer life. There was no more mission to complete. Ginny being Ginny picked out the vibes of my thoughts before I could voice them. Furthermore, what we shared wasn't even a quarter to what Ron and Hermione had nurtured over the years.
We were both too young.
I concentrated in fulfilling my lifelong dream of becoming a competent Auror and so did Ron and Neville. The tough Auror deal kept me contentedly occupied. Of course being famous, single and loaded brought me to have more than just a few one time flings here, there everywhere. It was hard not to when overly willing opportunities practically swarmed at me in great numbers from every corner.
Rita Skeeter had a field day springing gossips about my supposedly wild ways when it was clearly a case of two consensual adults seeking release. That woman just didn't know how to move on with the times.
"Harry my man, big day, huh."
"Good to see you, Charlie."
Somewhere along the way I made a startling life changing discovery about myself.
I always wondered why Charlie Weasely never had a girlfriend even though he was a good looking bloke for a redhead. It was on my twentieth birthday that I had my curiosity sated in a way I've never, ever in my wildest dreams even imagined before.
I don't know whether it was the influence of the gallons of Firewhisky that I had consumed earlier but being kissed, touched, groped and blown by a man didn't seem to repulse me at all. On the contrary, it drove my blood really, really wild.
"Do you really want this, Harry?"
When he took me, I swear I saw moon and stars because the feeling of being sexually manhandled by someone who was obviously more experienced in that field was simply out of this world. I had never come so hard before. That was truly one hell of a birthday present ever and I'm glad he was my first man. We didn't become an item, Charlie was more of a free spirited soul.
Not that I wanted to anyway.
I never looked back, nor did I hide the fact about swinging with both genders, but I found myself leaning towards hard, taut bodies rather than the softer feminine ones ever since that night.
"Isn't your best whatever that was called supposed to be a damn woman?"
My dear Ginny never was a conventional girl and so didn't even think twice about naming me her best man when she finally said yes to Blaise Zabini, who was also to be my partner at work. Of all the crafty Slytherin lot, snotty Blaise was the one who surprised us all when he and Ginny joined the elite Auror team a year after I did.
"Oh but Harry dear, now that you've blessedly abandoned your repulsive fixation of looking like a troll, you're too lovely nowadays to be classified as a man."
"It's dangerous to piss me off before breakfast, Pansy, besides it's not my fault that Kingsley demands us Aurors to be impeccably breathtaking as well as deadly."
Oh yes, there's another most unlikely one too, nasty Pansy Parkinson. Only that she wasn't nasty anymore, except that her acid tongue would forever remain intact. What on earth made her want to pave a career in the Auror field is simply beyond me, but she's so damn good and committed, outstanding even.
"Hello, Potter."
"Hey, Malfoy."
That was the first time I saw him at close quarters ever since the highly acclaimed trial at Wizengamot to let his father walk the streets a free man. Wondrously by some unspoken telepathic agreement, we kind of avoided one another. At the yearly Ministry ball, we'd take turns to miss it. The reason why I strived so damn hard not to land myself in St. Mungo's in my line of duty as an Auror was simply because he's a Healer there.
I knew he and Hermione were firm pals already. Two brilliant people working together, it was hard for some kind of budding alliance not to bloom, just in the case of me and Blaise.
"How's life treating you, Potter?"
"Good, Malfoy, and yourself?"
"Good."
Man, it was awkward at initial, so awkward standing next to each other as best men, behind the radiant looking bride and the shamelessly grinning groom. No wonder Blaise didn't pick me, his long time Slytherin mate would always rank top rather than his loyal partner any day.
"My, my, Potter, nice suit, I thought you could never tell Armani from your arse... Damn but you really should have adopted those contact lenses long ago... Gods, you're even prettier than the bride tonight.. "
"At least I refrained from indulging in a full blast manicure, Malfoy, I see that your nails sparkle more than any of the ladies here... Someone kill me please, is that lip gloss I see?"
Well, the peace was nice while it lasted anyway. With loads of sinful alcohol spread before us at the grand wedding hall, it didn't take long to settle down into our old frequency, one that I was more at home with. The only difference was, there wasn't a trace of hurtful malice in our banters and once the ice was broken, it was really hard not to stop fraternising.
Needless to say, a solemn albeit drunken pact was duly reached, to put a stop to our juvenile peekaboo game, the remains of our misguided male egos I'd say. I didn't say no whenever I knew he was joining our mutual group of friends for drinks or dinner after work and he obliged the same.
"Harry, any time you're done admiring that crystal shaker, you may pass me the salt."
"What? Okay here, Draco, go bathe in it."
Saved for his in-erasable, forever snarky mouth, he was a completely one fresh makeover person. Then again, so was I. We were all competent adults already and there were so many insightful topics to banter about aside from trading meaningless insults. It didn't take very long for Potter to become Harry and Malfoy to become Draco.
"I can't believe they stood us up again, Draco."
"I guess it's just you and me tonight then, Harry."
When Ron and Hermione and Neville and Pansy took their wedding vows together at the altar, we found ourselves sort of falling into each other's company more and more. Being big hearted blokes, we couldn't expect our happily wedded friends to be around us all the time.
"Draco, there's this new place I'd like to try, Blaise says they serve humongous beef-balls."
"Beef again? Gods, Harry, I was kind of looking forward to caviar tonight."
Very soon, we were having meals on weekends together. Then it speedily sorted out into a daily agenda. Some nights I even dined at his place upon Lucius' loud insistence, not that I minded at all. There was no longer Voldermort to haunt us all.
Once when I was down with a very high temperature and dragon pox, Narcissa practically imprisoned me there for a month to dote on me. Someone was terribly smug about it of course, chortling away in the background at my indignant protests when his mother insisted on spoon feeding me like as though I was a paralysed, dying toddler.
"Gods, Harry, enough, enough! Oi! Quit pigging on that oily slab already... you know how constipated you'll get afterwards..."
"Shut it, I'll eat whatever I want and... Hey! Gimme that, no, I hate greens..."
No matter how obnoxiously patronising he could be sometimes, most times, I became so adept at having him annoy me.
"Ginny really turned you into a shameless exhibitionist in parading your limited assets, that bloke would've picked me if you hadn't slipped on those crotch killer obscene jeans, you arse."
"You scored the last time, Draco, don't be such a sour puss."
We even bragged about our conquests and sometimes when we frequented those Muggle bars, we embarked on this little game on who would leave with the best looking catch.
Yes, he's into men but so what. I certainly wasn't lusting after him.
"I shouldn't have agreed to come to this atrocious place with you... Oh crap, I think I'm gonna be sick, Harry... I'm not barking... arghh..."
"You didn't have problems whizzing your Firebolt, what's a little rollercoaster ride... oh damn it, Draco, shite, you got vomit all over me..."
I even managed to drag him to Disneyland on one of our annual holidays, beat that.
"Draco, I did not travel all the way to Egypt just to be dragged from one dusty bookshop to another..."
"Since when have you become such a princess, Harry... oh my... this is the one I've been cranking for..."
Of course in any giving camaraderie, I had to put up with his nonsense just as much.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier about this, Harry, I wasn't born yesterday, I know these crazy deals, they're dangerous!"
"I did, you just weren't listening and don't shout at me at my own home, Draco!"
Oh, we had our fair share of blazing rows too. When I was unanimously nominated for an international and exclusive Auror exchange stint in Bulgaria for two months he went absolutely livid but I went ahead anyway. I was admittedly miserable when he refused any form of contact for a week and only gave in when I Apparated into Malfoy mansion just to punch him a really hard blow in the face for being such an intolerable arse.
"Draco, you're the best Healer in the land, it's not your fault."
"What do you know about healing, Harry, oh go on, just leave me alone will you."
There was this one time when he sank into depression because a patient died under his skilled fingers. After two weeks of having him shutting me and everyone out, I decided he had enough of wallowing in senseless guilt trips. I owled him to say I was diagnosed with Aids and that sent him flying straight to me. I got my jaw dislocated for that but it was worth it because somehow that crude joke snapped him out of it.
And we sailed our cruise of rejuvenating friendship like that for years.
"All these time adopting the role of becoming each other's shadows, aren't you ever once attracted to Draco?"
"Draco? Come on, you've got to be kidding me."
Five years after he and I inevitably became two sides of the same coin, Hermione just had to bring that up, didn't she.
"What's wrong with Draco, Harry, I think he's the only one who could tame your inner Gryffindor lion into a kitten, isn't that right, Blaise?"
"Did Hermione fill you up with all this crap? Oh come on, people, he's my mate for God's sake, and I certainly do not turn kittenish around him!"
"Mate, I think Pansy is right, you two outrageously handsome happy men are so made for each other. Let me tell you this, Harry, our Draco is not the sort to be hauled into amusement parks and zoos and epic movies and Lord knows what else but he made that exception just for you and you certainly endured his crazy obsession of scouring for ancient, healing spell books or whatever around the globe..."
"Shut it, Blaise!"
"Okay, alright, don't need to shout, Harry, chill... Look, as thick headed as I am in these touchy issues, I think Draco has some kind of... Okay, don't get me wrong, he's a much, much better bloke now compared to what he was last time but he's like more giving, gentle even, towards you than to any one of us..."
"Damn it, not you too, Neville!"
"Hey, don't be rude to my husband... Okay, Harry, look, maybe you two should go skinny dipping somewhere in private for your next trip, sometimes good old sweaty sex could open up a whole brand new perspective altogether and for all you know..."
"Will you three get off my case!"
The topic blew up into a heated debate when Blaise, Pansy and Neville decided to air their unsought opinions, the evening ended with me storming off in a huff. Too bad once the subject was tabled it's hard not to ponder about it. I mean, it was kind of complicated to explain. Back in Hogwarts, I thought my arrow could only point straight. I certainly didn't know nor was I interested to know about what his sexual orientation was back then either.
To be really, really honest, at that point of time, I've never thought about him along those lines before. It seemed so unethically wrong to picture myself writhing underneath him. I mean of course he was attractive if I say so myself. A head taller than me, with just the right amount of horned muscles to grace his long limbed form, thin yet shapely mouth with a killer smile to boot, sure, he was a bloody catch alright.
"You okay, Harry, you've been playing with your food rather than eating it and you kept on staring at me."
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, Draco, just work I guess and no, I wasn't staring at you, why would I?"
That brought me to become more and more aware of him physically. Once, okay more than once I'd sneak a peek whenever we emptied our bladders in public restrooms. I never paid much attention to his privates but Merlin, I'd say his wand was mighty impressive.
"Are you cold, Harry, told you not to be such a slave to fashion, and here I thought my male vanity outshines all mankind..."
"No I'm not cold... no wait, yeah, tonight's kind of chilly, should've worn something thicker than this..."
Out of the blue, I began experiencing little sparks of thrill and shivers whenever our skins brushed as he manoeuvred me in and out of crowded places. My heart would flutter like a drunken butterfly whenever our eyes locked as he straightened up my neatly pressed swanky attire or swipe away the stubborn errant lock of fringe from my forehead.
It didn't help matters when he was practically glued to me and I willingly let him. I revelled in the way he was fussing over me. I even liked the way he nagged at me.
"Gods, Harry, what were you thinking!"
But it was the way his grey eyes had softened and then darkened with such an intensity that I had never seen before when he gazed at me after I finally did spend a week at the hospital bed for shielding Blaise from a wayward curse, that somehow birthed an aching tenderness in my chest.
A tender piece of emotion that I've never felt prior to that moment.
Yet I couldn't, I wouldn't and I didn't want to ruin the comfortable warm nest we had unconsciously built together over the years. There were just some things that were better left untouched, untainted and our deep bond of friendship was one of them. I wasn't about to let confusing tender stuff or worse, misleading damaging hormones get in the way.
As we all know, there's this one ultimate unwritten rule where friendship is concerned, we're not supposed to screw our own mates.
"I've been holding my tongue all this while because we're both grown men, Harry, but I swear that Draco is monitoring you like as though you're his wife, even Hermione doesn't firecall me three times a day just check on what I'm eating or if anyone is ogling my pert arse... you get the drift. Believe me, it's really not healthy what more normal between friends, mate, I seriously worry about you."
One month later, my best mate of all times put together, bluntly pointed out Draco's constant tagging on me. Ron has never been the sort who'd butt his nose into my private affairs unless he thinks it's something worth bringing out in the first place.
"I dunno, mate, I'm... confused, I just... oh forget it, Ron."
"Go disappear for a bit, Harry, just don't tell us or him, especially him, where you are, mate."
Ron would never ask me to do anything damaging either. I trust him with my life.
So I abandoned everyone and flew off to Romania just to sort out the mess in my head. No one knew where I went except for Robards, our head Auror and he was sworn to utmost secrecy. Not even Charlie knew I was close by.
In a way it was calming but I felt as though a significant half of me had been crippled. I missed him babying me. I missed his laughter, his sneers, his smirks, his rakish smile, his lazy, drawling voice. In short, I missed him. I barely lasted ten days alone before I caved in and owled him.
"Where the fuck have you been?!"
I found him right smack in my living room the moment I Apparated back home. I nearly got my left cheekbone wrecked had his iron fist not changed course at the last split second and it shattered the glass from the booze cabinet right behind my head.
In all the years between past and present, even before we became friends and that was such a long time ago, I've never seen him so messed up before. I bit my tongue when I saw hurt, real hurt flash in his eyes. I could only watch as I mutter a silent healing charm to stem the blood that was oozing from his clenched hand. I bore his ranting for a good half hour before finally deciding I had enough.
"What do we really have between us, Draco?"
That gave birth to a tensed stillness. In reality it lasted barely several seconds but the feeling seemed to stretch several eternities.
"Let me just put it this way."
That's all he gave me before he roughly tilted my face up and literally crashed out mouths together and kissed the living daylights out of me. I've kissed countless men and women but that one kiss would forever be branded in my mind, in my heart.
It was so raw as if he was delivering everything he had in him to bleed into me.
"I love you, Harry, I just didn't know what it was, hell, I didn't even know how it started."
"It's not important right now is it, and yes I love you too, Draco."
After that everything went kind of blurry, clothes were tugged, or banished, I really can't remember. It was a wonder we did make it to my bedroom at the state we were in, pawing, groping mindlessly at one another amidst wet, sloppy kisses, just like a couple of brazen teenagers who never had sex before. Shame on us.
"You know what, Harry, if it weren't for Ginny, Hermione and Ron hounding me non-stop about how perfect we were for each other, I'd still be clueless about us. When you suddenly left me hanging like that... I just... Gods, if you ever, ever do that again I swear I will kill you, Harry."
I bit out a secret grin afterwards when I heard that.
Friends, how wonderful they are right. Sometimes, it needs someone who has experienced love to know whether love is indeed present between two hesitant and clueless individuals who obviously have no idea what love feels like. They must've seen it coming or otherwise they wouldn't have dared meddle in such grave and delicate matters of the heart.
"You two will bond immediately, I will not have that Rita woman get a first hand in this outrageous scandal."
"Oh, Lucius darling, stop lording, you've been fervently praying day and night for almost a decade just to witness this moment."
I barked a loud howl when Lucius ducked his face to hide a salacious, unbecoming smirk that even his son wouldn't be able to replicate by half.
"See, Ginny I was right."
"Pansy, I was the one who told you that."
"Too bad you two don't know when the fairytale started."
I'd like to add though, despite our friends' wild guesses, especially the overly delusional women who adamantly agreed that our love began at Madam Malkin's, it certainly wasn't anything like that. Merlin, the thought of two eleven year old boys dreaming about love and soul mates at such a tender age is too mortifying. I wasn't even thinking kisses what more naked bodies and sex back then.
I know and he knows it too that those flighty Hogwarts years were certainly far from romantic. We swear what we held for each other when we first became buddies was nothing but honourably platonic.
Sometimes love happens when you least expect it and there's no reason or need to find out how and when exactly it blooms into a love story.
Twenty-eight year old, unsentimental and tough blokes like us, who will be bonded for a lifetime come noon tomorrow, certainly couldn't be bothered to crack our unromantic male brains over such deep issues. I love him and he loves me and we want to shag no one else aside from each other, plain and simple.
Like I always say, it's great just to be alive and savour the beautiful deals life has to offer, why rake the trivia of the past.
Then again in all fairness and honesty, I doubt it has ever crossed anyone sane to ever one day see Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter head over heels in love with one another.
Some kind of fairytale indeed.
~Finite~