A/N: After some quick research, I've noticed that most people's take on Shigure/Akito is a lot more happy-fluffy-love-love (or angry-passionate-sex) and a lot less messed up than it should be. I don't necessarily hate/have no sympathy with either of them, and maybe they could even have a happy and healthy relationship someday. But I think it would take a lot of time and work for it to get there.
It's natural. I'm lonely. He's been pulling away from me. So it's time to pull him back. He's sitting—reluctantly—next to me, looking out at the grounds, at the sky, at anything but me. Yes, it's definitely time to pull him back. And it's past time for this.
I press myself against him, hard—I have no patience with things like insinuating or hinting or even seducing. I'm "god." I get what I want. He turns to face me, with that infuriating look of mild, mocking surprise on his face. For a moment I can't remember whether I wanted to have sex with him or strangle him.
"Akito, do you want something?" His tone is sarcastic. Of course I want something, and I'm sure that he knows damn well what it is. The question is sarcastic, too—as if he has a choice whether he'll give it to me or not!
So my tone is sharper than I meant it to be. "What do you think?" I spit out, almost against his lips, pulling at his kimono or mine, I'm not sure which.
"Do you think this is attractive?" he asks mildly. Son of a—!
"Do you think I care?" I pull back a little. That wasn't what I wanted to say. "You talk like you don't want me. I didn't think even you were that much of a liar." Better.
"I'm not," he says coolly. And then, shockingly, he kisses me, for the first time. Finally! It's not a passionate kiss. It's meant to prove what he says. It's hard, unyielding—and I hate him for it. And I hate myself even more because I can't pull away.
When he breaks the kiss, I am flushed, but he remains expressionless. Damn him!
"I want you more than I've ever wanted any other woman. You have always been most precious to me, Akito. You know that." His hand trails through my short hair, and for a moment his smile is almost gentle.
He wants me to feel flattered, complimented. Instead I just feel annoyed. It's all just talk! He would be the first to leave if—but no. "Then why are you being so difficult?" I know why, though. He's a dog, a stupid dog who hates his leash. So he pulls and whines and complains and does everything he can to irritate me, but he always does what I tell him to. Just like the others. No matter what he does or tries to do, I hold the leash.
I start to pull him closer, to pick up where he left off. I'm hot and bothered now, in more ways than one, and he's ruined it already so I just want to get this over with. Maybe next time it will be better... With him? Ha! But right now I can't bring myself to care. And then, before I reach him, he covers my mouth with one hand. What? I'm shocked and then furious. I bite his hand, hard, and he removes it without saying a word.
I should just kiss him, but I'm seeing red. "What the hell are you doing?" He says nothing. "Why won't you just do as you're told?" Still nothing! "Why do you have to make everything so damn hard?"
Now his face is hard, icy. "No."
"What?"
"I said no. I'm not some kind of prostitute."
"Maybe not, but you're mine."
"Yes, I am. But my answer is still no."
"You dare to—" I'm so angry that I can't even speak. Does he think it matters what his "answer" is? I take several deep breaths and force myself to calm down. This is just Shigure being an idiot, posturing and rebelling at every step. He would never—none of them would ever—dare to truly defy me.
"Yes, I dare." Now he's furious, too, and for the first time I feel the briefest flash of fear. He's bigger than I am—he's stronger—and I'm not entirely sure just how far he might go if I pushed him over the edge. The moment passes, and his voice turns mocking again. "You know me better than anyone, don't you, Akito?"
"Of course I do," I growl. What is that supposed to mean?
"So you know how selfish I am."
"Obviously!"
He tilts—well, jerks, really—my chin back so I'm staring up into his black-ice eyes. "You are the one thing I want more than anything else in the world." What the hell is all this about, then? "I would do anything—anything—to have you for myself."
"Then just take me!" I burst out.
"Shut up!" I start back. Even Shigure doesn't usually dare to talk to me like that. "Akito..." He says my name like it's either poison or honey, and he doesn't give a damn about which one it is. "I will not stop trying until you are mine—all mine. Only mine. Until then, you'd better leave me the hell alone."
I'm seeing red again. All talk! Does he ever shut up? I yank down my kimono all the way to my hips, grab his hands, and pull them down onto my breasts. "If you want me so damn much, what are you waiting for?" I can actually feel his hands growing hot against my skin, and I think I actually see a hint of color coming into his cheeks. But still his expression is cold, and he removes his hands after less than a second.
"If you're so worked up, go see Kureno," he says scornfully. "Kureno never gives you any trouble, does he?" For the first time the ice melts and I see fire in his eyes. "I won't take anything from you until you can give me everything." He stands and slides open the door back into the main house. "Come and see me when this damn curse is broken."
"What does the curse have to do with anything?" I don't like that they all call it a curse, but that's not the most important thing right now.
He actually laughs. "You're magically, powerfully, intimately bound to twelve other people, including nine men and boys, and you expect me to be all right with that?"
I scowl. "I'm god. That has nothing to do with this. They don't matter."
"Well, they do to me."
And then he's gone. I am "god." I could have forced him to stay, forced him to submit—I could have called on Kureno or Hatori, if it came to that, if I couldn't overpower him myself. I have that right.
But there are two reasons why I didn't—couldn't. One is that—who knows if I'm even capable of love?—but if I did love someone, it would be him. I can't quite bring myself to force him—that would ruin it. Maybe I'm a little selfish, too.
And the second reason is that I know if I had forced him and somehow, someday, he saw me as finally being "all his," even if he stayed with me, even if he married me and I bore his children, he would never forgive me for this day.
So I do go to Kureno, because I am "worked up," and I'm especially violent this time, taking my lust for and anger at Shigure out on Kureno, just like I always do. And like always, I feel a small twinge of guilt, but only a very small one. Kureno never complains, but even if he did mind, it wouldn't matter. I'm "god." I can do what I want with them. All of them.
Except Shigure.