Final Moments
I'm in the middle of nothing and it's where I want to be.
And, I swear to god I'll find myself in the end
It was like every other day, the same redundant task. The same people, same stops and it was tedious. I wanted something different but not what was to come. Some might call it fate, destiny or just plain good luck, none of it meant anything to me. It all meant the same thing. I never expected though…to find myself in love. Of all things Love! I've always wondered what it was like 'to be in love' but never…did I expect it to be with him! A guy! Someone of the same gender! What the hell was wrong with me?
And so…here I am now , standing on top of the this tower, peering down at the hustle and bustle of this large city. I didn't even know the name of this city. I was a messenger, it was my job, my duty to bring in those who's times have run up. I was to bring them to the creator. It was the end of their life as they know it and for those…who are good enough, they would eventually become one and by one, I mean an Angel. That is what I am….and it was his time. I was suppose to take his life but how could I…? I fell in love with him!
I have watched him day in and day out, waiting for that moment when I would take control of his life, call him back from the living. His body would rot in the depths of the earth leaving only his soul for my taking. I saw the numbers click by, counting down. 34:00 hours….33:50….32:45….That was how long he had left. A little more then just a day and yet, I couldn't bear the thought of what I was meant to do.
I watched him with his outrageously dyed, curly pink hair, it was short barley even touched his shoulders but it framed his perfect milky white skin. His eyes were a bright emerald, they contrasted with his hair but they were vivid, filled with emotion, with dreams for the future—one of which he would never had.
I read into his thoughts every day since I began watching.
I will get there. I will not end my life. I will succeed, no one can tell me otherwise. I will move. I will find someone who will love me. I won't let the loneliness get to me. It won't end like this…I would end my life….but It hurts so much….
His thoughts where painful, deep but filled with determination, they always went like that …but of course he had a reason. I watched as he turned his head, hopping onto the forest green mountain bike and looking both ways before heading out, I could of sworn his eyes found mine.
His reason was simple: To prove everyone wrong. He had come from a bad family, an abusive one and although he was only 22 years of age he still suffered the long term effects of such a life. His mother had been an alcoholic, he had been physically and mentally abused, shunned to the side. His father…had beat him and then raped him since he were 4. It was all he could remember. He grew up thinking he was ugly (and it was quite the contrary….I found him gorgeous), he was useless, he could do nothing. His teachers…his friends just kept brining him down. It intrigued me….How could he go on living with no support? How could he go living so poor? So alone…so hurt?
15:00….He was `coming in quick.
I don't know what it was …but I decided at that moment that I would protect him. I wanted to see him over, to make his last day the most amazing and I still couldn't even think of taking his life. Hell, even the end of his life was suppose to be gruesome! Now, some of you make think that life isn't predetermined, that you can change when and how you die…well, you can't. It's all on a time sheet. You can only change how you live your life and where you go after.
I on the other hand was determined to make his better in the short time span he had left. I had wings, I could fly….and that was what I did. I took to the skies, coming down just beside him as he dismounted his bike. He was going to work I think, he was late so I heard from his thoughts.
I hid my wings, disguising myself as a mortal. I was dressed in a rather lethargic outfit. A pair of cut up old blue jeans and a button down blue plaid shirt which I left open to show off my amazing six pack. My eyes as a mortal with a sky blue but as an Angel they were silver. The wings I adorned on my back where in the form of a tattoo. It was one of the unique quirks of being an Angel we had two ways to disguise our wings and that was one of them. I had a rather large silve cross dangling across my chest and my auburn hair flowed down in curtains around my face. It was long…almost waist length. I saw his eyes follow mine as he waltzed up to him. I smiled, pearl white teeth. "Hey there" I whispered.
His eyes followed mine, their emerald depths widening in surprise. W-why is he talking to me! I heard him think. I wanted to kick him as he whispered to himself I'm ugly…he should n't talk to me. How could I ever explain that I was an Angel here to take him away?
"I need a bit of help, you work here right?" I asked, eyeing the royal blue vest he wore over a simple black collared T-shirt, the picture read ' I am who I am, you don't like me, get lost!' on the front in bright red letters. He had on a pair of solid black jeans and a studded leather belt with a silver wallet chain protruding from his ass pocket. His shoes were simple black converses.
I watched as his head tilted, following my movements, the way I moved my hips. I could sense his desire. He wanted me. I chuckled. " You there?" I asked him, placing a delicate hand on my waist.
He blinked and shook his head, a tiny blush spreading across his cheek. "Uh…y-yea, I am.." He murmured, his voice was airy, soft and it flowed. He seemed fit for the life of an Angel but I knew…from his past that that was the least likely thing he could receive from those above. The heavy drug addition radiated off of him, covered by the heroine marks on his one arm. The prostitution, even though it was so he could survive. He was ashamed of it, I could tell.
"H-how can I help you?" He stuttered, blinking those gorgeous eyes, he straightened up from where he'd parked his bike, throwing his run down black shoulder bag over his shoulder. He slouched a bit, looking right at me but his eyes never reached me. He looked like he wanted to cry.
10:48…..Tick, tock….I could feel the sand in his hour glass draining with every second. I wonder if he could.
"I'm looking for something…." I glanced around, I didn't even know what. I sighed and shrugged. Fuck the games! I was here for him. "Actually, it's you I was looking for" I admitted, grinning a bit. That made him tense; I felt the way his body moved.
"u-umm…" He wrung his hands, raising a hand to brush the curls from his face and the side bangs from his eyes. "me?" He questioned, confusion in his voice. Why would you want me?
I chuckled. "Yes. You" I repeated, nodding my head once. I held out my hand in a jester as to say ' take it". He looked at my hand then into my eyes. His hand twitched. "take it…" I whispered.
He looked back. "But…Work…" I rolled my eyes. It won't matter soon… I think to myself but I smile. "I'm sure one day won't kill'
He just wants sex….he probably heard from a customer that I'm good…maybe I should, would pay more… He thinks to himself, he shrugs one shoulders, dumping his bag against his bike before he clenches my hand. "Where are we going?" He asks.
I smile. "To have fun" I whisper. "My name's Andrei" I whispered. "And, yours?"
"Mathais, Mat for short." He responds.
I nod. I already knew his, I didn't tell him that though. I grinned. "let's have fun!" I said cheerily, I grab his hand. I can feel him gasping in surprise as he chases after me, tugging the vest off of him.
"where!" He gasps. I could feel his heart skip a beat. …maybe..just maybe…things can turn around.
I wince. It's too late for that, He never had a chance. "The beach?" I commented.
He smiles. "I like the beach…" He said, I held his hand, taking him through the boardwalk. We just chatted, talked for hours on end. I bought him an ice cream cone and we sat, watching as the sunset that day.
I felt him cuddle into me, I could tell he was happy. He held my hand, licking at the ice cream cone.
01:00…Damn, I don't know what to do.
"Hey…" He murmurs just as the sun sets. I look down at him. I could see the sadness seep through him. Hes wondering again. Damn it. I can't help him. I feel my heart clench, even as an Angel I can feel his pain.
" yes?" I ask in a soft voice, I squeeze his shoulder, squeezing him closer.
" Why…are you here?" He whispers, twirling the ice cream cone in his hand.
Well, shit. Of all the things to ask. To take your life…I sigh, I can't say that. "Because….I think you're cute"
He shrugs, he doesn't believe me. He shakes his head and looks at me. "You're here to take my life…aren't you?" He whispered, I could feel the tears pile in his eyes just as I could see them. He tries not to let me see. I wonder how he knew.
"Now, what makes you think that?" I ask him, running a hand through his short hair.
"I can tell…." He said and he bit into the cone. " I can see it….Angels, I mean…They don't care for me. Their not the good ones…I know where I'm going."
I gap. See it? What's he seeing? I glance around, surprised to find the Devil's guard dogs closing in. It's his time and he knows it. I growl, I want to scare them off but I can't. I looked down, squeezing his shoulder. "….'I can't say anything and I look up.
He looks at me. "But….If it's you…I don't mind…"
I…feel so hopeless, so human. Why can't I save him? I'm a damn Angel! Messenger or not...why don't I have any power! I clenched my free hand in my lap. He's the only one I've ever let see me, He's never had anyone…..I look ahead, glaring at the dogs of hell. Go away, I silently plead. Please don't take him…..He doesn't deserve to go to hell.
I find him watching me, waiting my reaction. He seems to sense my dread. "….How long….?" He whispers. I can feel him falling, feel him shaking.
Damn it, Nothing I could do made any difference! Why me? What did I do to deserve this! Why alone…why am I always alone! ….I don't want to die like this…I'm worthless, my life is useless…
His thoughts reach me, my heart squeezes, I take a deep shuddering breath. I try not let it show. I can't tell him his time. I bit my lip. I don't want to hear his thoughts.
He's trying not to sob, his hands clench in his lap and he drops his ice cream, he tumbles to the ground, splashing against his feet. His tears drop onto his hands and he looks up to me. "…..At least a kiss….at least that….please…" He begs. He never got anything. Never felt love.
I look at him, my eyes clouding with tears, Angel or not I can feel his pain.I am him in a way. I turn my eyes from the dogs, grab his chin and pull it up. I offer him a reassuring smile. I cup his chin and I lean in. I felt my lips touch his trembling ones. My hands cupps his chin and shoulder, pulling him closer, hes crying into the kiss.
His body presses against mine, his mind shuts off. I feel the blood rush from his mind, the pain seems to have healed just for a moment.
00:19…..
He pulls away, smiling sadly. His hearting but hes resigned. "I'm sorry….I'm such a fuck up" He whispers, tears streaming down his face. I can't bear it.
"you're not…" I whispered. I want to confess…this is my last chance. My only chance.
00:16….. ….less then 16 minutes…..
"I am…" He says and he gets up, he looks tired and sick. He's given up.
This is it….I'm going to die….You were all right. I should of just killed myself….I'm hideous, of course no would ever wanted me…..Would anyone care….? That I'm gone…?
I watch him walk down the boardwalk and then he stops and looks back. He stared right into the watchful eyes of one of the dogs before turning to me. "Thank you…." He whispers.
I'm helpless. I can't say anything, Can't stop him. His time is coming to end. "…no…" I whisper. I stand up, I feel the image of my dilusion come to an end, the feather white wings spreading high on my back. "…you can't take him…" I whispered.
His death….is close. He's to be stabbed, where is the culprit! My eyes hunt the grounds of the beach. I can't let it happen!
00:10….
Damn it! I curse myself, I take off, he's not even surprised to see the wings, just hurt.
I'm alone…I've always been alone…this is how it should be….
I don't want to hear it! Stop! Don't take him! DAMN IT!
I let out a howl, startling him. That's when I see it.
The countdown begins….
00:05….
I scream. "Mat, behind you!" I'm not suppose too but I do anyway. I don't give a rats ass about my life! Screw eternity! He needs to live!
I flap my wings, beating them hard as I come in, I hear the culprit scream and in that second I shove him aside, I stare him in the eyes, my own filled with horror. I can feel the bones of my wings breaking, crumbling way. I gasp, my heart starts beating painfully.
"f-fuck…."I curse. I fall flat to the ground; his scream reaches my dying ears. I look up to the skies above. "ah….I see…"I whisper. The culprits startled and have already run off; I can't tell anymore where he went. I clench at my gut, the knife protruding from newly acquired human skin. It hurt so much. I can't even hear my love's thoughts. I can feel the blood soaking my naked body, my hair matted and I ground, trying to sit up. "He made me human…" I whisper.
He screams and clashes into me. "Don't go! Don't go! Please don't! I don't care about my life! Take it!" He screams to the emptiness. It's too late….the hell hounds are gone. They can't take you…
I cough, turning on my side. I reach up, shakily with my human hand. I'm so cold…so so cold…..I let out a breath. "I….I've watched you…for a long time….don't don't give up…"I whisper, his tears collide with my hand, their so soft, so warm.
Mat let's out a scream, shaking his head. "You can't leave me!" He begs. "You're the only one I've known!" He screams.
"..I…I …" My world's all fuzzy…I can't even make out his face. My heads spinning. I choke on blood, the wounds bleeding. This hurts. "I love you…." I manage, I can't stay awake, I collapse, my body limp in his arms. This is it….This is the end for me….Don't give up…
His cries are the last thing I hear as my soul leaves my body once more. I look down upon him, I'm no longer an Angel…but I can see him from above. I hope….for once that he sees just how amazing he is…..
I gave my life away to save you…so please, Mathais, live…live and dream and succeed, for me. I close my eyes one last time…This is the end for me. Sayonara…..
Two months have passed. I wonder what happened to you, Andrei, you were there when I needed you most. Truth be told, you saved me in more then one way.
I no longer see the hell hounds but day after day it's you I want to see. I can't live like this.I crave you and I'm sorry Andrei, But I need you….
In the end…Your sacrifice was stupid…I only have two weeks to live.
The doctor just told me, I was never meant for anything more then what you see. It's all I am, All I will be.
Looking out the airplane window, I'm taking my last trip. I'm dying anyway and I've taken to the skies…in hopes of seeing you again…
so please, when I die….
Will you be there…..to save me and hold me once more?
~ The end~