So, basically this is a summary of 90% of the Lie to Me fics ever written. It's epic. Truly. And Dedicated to SassyCop who's made of awesome. I'm looking for suggestions for the title so please send them when you review, review, review!

Gillian walks into Cal's office and sits down with a sigh, a chocolate pudding, an orange slushy and some pixie styx in her hand. And chicken dumplings and a muffin that tastes like sofa cushions with nuts that taste like the stale ones your grandma had in a jar. And an Italian Ice. Grape.

"Okay, Cal, we've been best friends for a bajillion years now so I think we should hook up. And it's all going to move very fast because that's how it goes since we know each other so well and we're BFFs."

"But Gillian, you're too good for me. I'm such a bad boy and you're a good girl. You're Saint Gillian."

"I know, but I desperately want a baby. Like NOW. Not because I actually want kids, but because Angelina Jolie has a million and she's like, my idollll... I think I should get one from each continent so I have a full set."

"Gotta get 'em all?"

"Pokemon," Saint Gillian chimes in.

"Oh... Well, it just so happens that I miraculously found Sophie and have re-adopted her under both our names without even having to ask you. Now we can be a family with Emily because she hates Zoe and loves you more and that's just how it works."

"Oh! Cal, you're my hero! Now we can live happily ever after and both hate Alec and I can stop pining over you and... oh my god! I'm pregnant!"

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes, but how can that be? We haven't even had sex yet and now we're going to have two from North America and the collection will be unbalanced so we'll have to have two from each continent and you'd better build a bigger house."

"Okay, I'll build the house now... Myself. And obviously you're pregnant because I'm such a BAMF my sperm are superhuman and can get women pregnant without me even having to touch them. It doesn't matter that you and your ex tried for years- nobody likes him so there must be something wrong with his little swimmers."

"Of course... Okay, so now let's have sex. On your desk and the stairs and in the supply closet. And Loker should join in."

"Loker?"

"Loker. Because he's young and he has STAMINA."

"Okay, but I get you first."

"Okay. I love you, Cal."

"I love you, too... Now, let's get down to business."

"Funny business?"

"In the middle of the night."

She starts to get feisty. "Hello, midnight Lover."

"Lover... Hold that lady tighter."

And then there was a huge explosion and a gun went off and shot Cal and then Gillian and the bullet went through her... But it's okay because he was wearing a bullet proof vest and jumped on top of her and they're both immune to explosions so... yeah, it's all good. Then they laid on top of each other for like, 20 minutes then he got up and didn't help her up and she was a bit pissy but it's OK because she always forgives him even when he's a bastard. So they get back to fooling around.

Cal lifts Gillian's skirt revealing a chastity belt. "Oy! Come on, luv..."

Gillian smiles. "Well, we have to keep my virtue intact, after all, I am a good girl."

Cal looks at Gillian and then they kiss. (VAA VAA VOOM!)

"Well, where's the key?"

"In... ALEC FOSTER'S PANTS."

"Oh..."

And Saint Gillian died a virgin.

THE END.