Well hai! D
This is another Oneshot about my favourite couple. This time, it's really quite angsty and it made me emotional just writing it. It took me ages actually!
This one is dedicated to 'Kaoru002' because she's commented on both of my other Oneshots, and she's encouraged me to write more! Thank you
If you decide you like this, or if you want to complain about something then please Review after you've read.
Disclaimer: I do not own McFly, or any associated songs or lyrics.
Warning: Does contain self-harming.
"I don't wanna stop; don't wake me up."
"Owww jeez. Hey Dan, whatcha doing? Working on some new stuff?" asked Dougie, looking rather worse for wear after going on a pub crawl the night before.
"Ah mate, you look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards! This? Oh yeah, this is hopefully gonna be on our Greatest Hits album. That is, if Tom thinks it's good enough." Danny replied with a roll of his eyes and a quick smile in the other boy's direction.
Dougie settled himself into the soft armchair next to where Danny was perched with his acoustic guitar. He let his head drop back until his Adam's apple was exposed, and he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands; as if that was going to get rid of his splitting headache. "You gonna play me the whole thing then, or what?"
With a quick flick of his hair, Danny positioned his guitar on his lap and began to strum with the plectrum he carried everywhere with him:
"Dream on, dream on, dream on
Live your life as you please
So long, so long, so long
To all the critics and the enemies
My sky has turned vanilla
Like sugar sasparella
And if only you were nearer
I'd say
Don't wake me up
Baby I'm in love
And I'm dreaming so much
But I don't ever wanna stop
Don't wake me up
Don't wake me up
I don't wanna stop
So don't wake me up
Give up, give up, give up
Time to wipe your soul clean
Someone to love, to love, to love
Hair like fire, sunset, tangerine
The nights are getting colder
I'm not getting any older
The chip fell off my shoulder
I won't age a day, you'll all be gray and over eighty, baby
Don't wake me up
Baby I'm in love
And I'm dreaming so much
But I don't ever wanna stop
Don't wake me up
Don't wake me up
I don't wanna stop
So don't wake me up"
Dougie snapped his head back up as soon as the song had finished. "Dude, that was freaking awesome! If Tom the Almighty doesn't like that, then there's definitely gotta be something wrong with him!"
"Thanks mate. I actually wrote this one pretty quickly, which is weird 'cause I usually need some kind of inspiration. I guess it was inside me all along!" Danny replied and set his guitar back on its stand. He stood up, stretched, and sat back on the arm of the chair Doug was slouched in.
Just then, the door swung open and a blond haired boy poked his head in. "Well, this looks cosy! Dan, have you finished that song yet? I heard you serenading young Dougster here, and I was wondering if that was the finished version; or whether that was exclusively for him?"
Danny sighed, but also blushed deeply. He felt Dougie wriggle in the seat of the chair. "Don't be a dick Tom. It's finished, I just don't know if it's up to your standards."
"What do you mean standards? Don't even think about starting on me Jones, because I really don't need this at the moment."
Danny stood and approached Tom, with his hands in the air – the sign of surrender. "Look mate, all I'm saying is that sometimes you can be a bit… uh… controlling. You're even doing it now. You're taking on waaay too much when me, Harry and Doug and are always here to help you out."
Tom lost his defiant glare, and playfully punched one of Danny's raised hands. "Yeah, I know Dan. And I'm sorry; it's just how I am. Listen, I'm going to the recording flat in a bit. Meet me there and we'll record the song and e-mail it to the producers, 'kay?" with that, the blond turned on his heel and headed out of Danny's flat.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Dougie jumped out of his seat. "Danny, you just managed to avoid massive nuclear fallout - Tom style! Tell me how you do it?! He always finds something to get pissy at me about and there you go, completely owning his ass and he doesn't give it a second thought!" Dougie began to feel the negative effects of jumping out of his seat and so he retired back to the comfort of the squishy chair, massaging his temples.
Danny grinned at Dougie in a know-it-all kind of way. "You just gotta know what to say to be honest Doug. He does fly off the handle pretty quickly, but you just tell him how it is, and he understands. Listen, I gotta go to the studio otherwise he really is gonna be pissy at me."
"'Kay Dan, I'll see you later." as the curly haired northerner padded out of the flat, Dougie couldn't help but glance at the boxers that were on show (as always). "Damn." he whispered, and whistled approvingly at the toned posterior.
"So, Mr. I-can-avoid-Tom-meltdown, how did you and the Almighty himself get on?" quizzed Dougie as soon as Danny had stepped in the door, towel in hand.
Danny flopped onto the sofa, next to Dougie. Using the towel, he wiped his face and then threw it over his shoulder to rest there. "Erm, yeah it went okay. Managed to avoid meltdown again after I explained to him that it really doesn't matter if this song goes on a bit longer than he thought it should."
"You really are good at keeping him in check, aren't you?"
Danny shook his head. "Nah, not really. It's easy to do once you know how."
Dougie looked up at the boy with a mixture of amusement and awe. This was too easy. "Then show me how" he said.
Once he had realised Dougie was staring at him, Danny looked down and held the eye contact for longer than normal. Then he looked away and said "we are still talking about dealing with Tom, right?" He looked back into Dougie's eyes.
"Well, yeah. No. No I'm not. I'm sorry Danny; I… I never should have said anything." And with that, Dougie ran out of the flat and slammed the door behind him.
Danny was left with an astounding feeling. He couldn't quite identify it, and it puzzled him because he's never felt it before. Why was Doug getting so wound up? All they were talking about was being able to handle Tom, wasn't it? Just then, panic rushed through Danny's body and it chilled him to the bone. "Fuck" he whispered to himself. But surely, that couldn't be right, could it? He played Dougie's words over in his mind 'then show me how'. He didn't mean…? "How could I have been so stupid?" he asked to no one in particular. "But I don't feel the same about him." his mind said out loud. His heart wasn't convinced, however.
As soon as he had slammed Danny's door behind him, Dougie burst into tears. "I'm such a fucking IDIOT!" he cried as he raced down the stairs to his own flat. He kicked open the door, flung himself on to the sofa and curled into the foetal position. Dougie couldn't believe how much it hurt as he cried; it felt like his heart was being split in two. He clenched his fists until his bitten nails dug into his palms, and then enjoyed the pain as it rushed through him like adrenalin.
Now sitting up, Dougie wiped his eyes and they became glazed. Dull, like blue pebbles that had lost their colour in the sun. He lifted himself up and walked zombie-like into the main bathroom. A cabinet hung on the wall over the sink, and on this cabinet was a mirror. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, and it grinned back with an insane smile that stretched from ear to ear. Dougie didn't recognise this person on the other side of the mirror; it wasn't himself, but then again, he didn't feel much like himself.
The cabinet door popped open with Dougie's touch, and then he saw it. The razor. It was sitting on the middle shelf, right in his line of sight. He lifted it out, and flicked it round his fingers. Was he really going to do this? In the grand scale of things, did it matter whether Danny was interested in him or not? The sane side of him asked. Of course it mattered. He clicked one of the blades out of its hold, and drew a line along his forearm. A path of blood followed the blade as it slid along his flesh with ease. He felt the rush from the pain again, and was inspired. He slowly etched a 'D' into his arm. Followed by an 'A', then an 'N', an 'N' and a 'Y'. Then he dropped the blade, sunk to the floor and began to cry once more.
Danny decided to go and talk to the other boy. Isn't that what they did in movies, and it always worked? When he approached Dougie's front door however, it was ajar and he didn't seem to be in the living room. That's strange. Danny thought. He never leaves his door open in case fans come in. He decided to shout, in case he heard him. "Dougie mate!? DOUGIE!?" there was no answer, so he cautiously slipped through the open door and tiptoed around the flat. He looked in his bedroom, the other two bedrooms, and the kitchen then finally he pushed the bathroom door open. Upon seeing the pool of blood below Dougie's hand and the name etched on his arm, Danny panicked. "DOUGIE, WHAT THE FUCK??"
Dougie looked up as soon as Danny had finished shouting. "I'm sorry Danny, I'm not myself" he said, as his eyes connected with Danny's.
"W-why is my name on your arm?" Danny asked, his voice shaking and his hands trembling.
"I thought you'd know that. I love you Danny. I have done since the Wonderland tour, and it kills me everyday when I see you with Olivia. This was… I dunno. It just makes it hurt less." He looked down at his slowly bleeding arm and giggled. It was a horrible noise, it sounded painful to Danny. "I guess you think I'm a right twat for cutting your name into my arm."
Danny sighed, and grabbed one of the white towels from the bathroom rail and pressed it hard on Dougie's arm. He then lifted it up in the air, to stop the blood getting to it. "No, I think you're stupid though. That's gonna scar and be there forever." The blood started to seep through the towel, and stain Danny's hands. He began to feel his eyes prickle with tears, and when he looked at Dougie, he had tears in his eyes too.
"I'm sorry for doing this to you Danny. I'm just being totally stupid, and it's not like you feel the same about me anyway." Dougie had tears rolling down both cheeks by now, and his hair was plastered to his wet face.
Danny had to look away from the younger boy, as he himself felt his eyes overflow with tears. "Dougie, how could it ever work, I mean, us?" he mumbled as salty tears dripped off his face and on to his t-shirt.
"I know Dan. But, the fact we can't work is never going to stop me from loving you, you know that?"
The curly-haired Boltoner couldn't bring himself to reply. He knew the answer, and it was probably true that Dougie would never stop loving him. It was only now that he looked back, and could see the evidence that was there since the Wonderland tour. The kissing and licking on stage and in photo shoots, the running around naked, and all of the times when they jumped on each other for no reason. Anyone on the outside could easily point out reasons to suggest they were all gay, but what would happen if it got out that two of them were actually seeing each other? In a perfect world, everyone would accept it. But Danny knew that this was far from a perfect world.
"Danny?" Dougie asked again, his fear and pain projecting through his voice.
"Yeah, I know Doug." Danny stood up, and the boy still on the floor cradled his bleeding arm into his chest.
"Dan, what are you doing?" he asked with a panicked expression.
He looked down, and held eye contact with Dougie before saying "I love you too."
Upon realisation at what Danny had said, Dougie's face cracked with a wide smile that didn't seem like it was possible in accordance with the situation. But then the smile dissipated as Danny turned towards the door. "What the fuck dude? Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry Doug. I just, can't do it." he sobbed, still facing the door. "Think of the consequences for the band. What happens if we split up? We can't risk it, as much as I'd like to believe that it'll last."
Dougie struggled to his feet, and steadied himself by leaning on the sink. "We can make it last. If you loved me as much as I love you, you would give anything to try and make this work."
Danny leaned his head on the wall next to the door, "of course I love you. I… well; I'd love to be with you." He became choked as his throat closed up, trying to block the truth from getting out. "In fact, I've loved you since filming the Transylvania video."
Even though Danny stayed with his head resting on the wall, Dougie could see that he was waiting for a response. "I'm sorry; I don't know what to say to that other than ask you why you didn't tell me? It was obvious that I loved you."
It was only now that Danny turned round, his eyes sparkling and watery. "Dougie, it was so hard to even convince myself that I was gay. How could I tell anyone? Even if I had told you, could we have realistically done, or even do anything about it?"
Dougie approached Danny, still holding a now completely crimson towel on his wounded arm. He spoke quietly; in a tone you would hear when a mother was comforting her child. "This is what I'm saying Dan, we can try it. Keep it quiet from the other guys and the fans, and just see how it goes from there. What do you think?"
"I think we should get some bandages for your arm." Danny said pointedly, with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't change the subject."
Danny fished around in the cabinet, until he found a box of bandages. He pulled a section out and wrapped it tightly up Dougie's arm. "There." He said, and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. Then, he wiped Dougie's eyes gently and pushed his bangs back out of his face.
Noticing the lack of response to his original question, Dougie raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "Mr. Jones, what do you think?"
"Oh right, sorry." He said, snapping back into concentration. "I think…" he started, and he fussed with Dougie's hair again. "…that we should give it a go." He finished, and then smiled at the younger boy with most of his white teeth showing.
Dougie's eyes lit up and this sight was enough to make Danny giggle. "Do you really mean it?" he asked, looking for the entire world like a child on Christmas Day.
"Of course I mean it." Danny laughed. Then, he leaned in and gave Dougie a lingering kiss on the lips. In response, he put his arms around Danny's waist so that their noses were almost touching.
"I can't believe this is happening. It's… it's like a dream" said Dougie, and he leaned his head on Danny's chest.
This was just too easy. Danny was surprised that Doug didn't see it coming "well if it is a dream, don't wake me up."
Dougie looked up, an expression of mock disgust plastered on his face. "Jeez Danny, that was so corny!" But instead of pulling away, he buried his face into the toned chest yet again and grinned. "I love you." He whispered, but Danny didn't hear. He was lost in another world; a world where they would be accepted as a couple, for there was no such happiness for them here. But now with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, he couldn't bear to tell Dougie any different. So every day when he woke up next to the younger boy, he would paste on his 'happy-go-lucky' face and try his best to shield Dougie from the harsh world with which they had to contend.
Right, so now you're going to review? D Thankies!