The impala had been through a lot. It had met a vast assortment of foes inclusive of angels, archangels, gods and monsters; sometimes creatures that fit into more than one of those categories. It had been there through heartbreaks, reunions, joy and sadness, with Dean's playlist blaring with or without Sam's reluctant consent. It had more flaws and scratches than one could count, but each marked a memorable moment; the time Sam was carsick, or the time they raced to save an angel, scratching the side door on the exit. Big moments and small, the impala had a permanent memory despite Dean's care to keep her young.
Dean sat thinking of all the ways this scene looked like home; Sam in the passenger side, sleeping while Bon Jovi played low in the background. It had been a while since Dean turned up the music; he was tired of distractions, and it was worrying Sam though he wouldn't admit it. Dean had noticed his empathetic expressions and his 'we-need-to-talk' face making more and more appearances lately, and he was thankful Sam had fallen asleep before they had a sharing and caring moment. Dean always hated empathy; it looked too much like pity.
The truth was, and Dean would only admit this to himself quietly, that his happiness had left when the angels fell. Don't misunderstand though, the angels had all been grouped together in his mind as dicks, and he would have been grateful a year or two ago to see those sons of bitches fall, but not now. Through all Dean had been through; losing his father, hell, Sam's demon blood, apocalypse and purgatory, not to mention the casualties ; he had been leaning on his angel a bit too much. Entertaining and teasing Cas while looking out for the nerdy little angel had been therapeutic for him, and being apart from his crutch so suddenly left his limp far too noticeable to hide from Sam.
Sam. Dean knew he should talk to Sam- reassure him at least. They were brothers after all. But somehow talking to Sam felt different than talking to Cas; for Dean to share his feelings with sensitive Sammy felt so overt, and made such a big deal of things. Sam always dealt emotionally with his problems; Dean would just drive faster and turn up the music.
The tires screech as the impala rounds a corner, and Dean slows down just a bit. So, yeah talking to Sammy about happiness and sadness and anything emotional really had a sinking feeling to it, like it was accepted. But sadness shouldn't be accepted and Dean sure as hell can't accept it after everything they'd come out of. But talking to Cas, it felt different. Although pop culture references may be lost on him, and he's too naive when it comes to trusting other people, and his fashion sense resembles that of a tax collector, he knew how to accept anything without making it feel heavy. You could say you were hungry or severely depressed and have each accepted the same way, because Cas was acceptance. Is acceptance, Dean corrects for himself.
His thoughts have been pretty jumbled lately. Through three states so far, countless interviews, and countless diners because Sam reminds him they're unfortunately human and insists on food and bathroom breaks. The only leads they had had all been chalked up to good timing or someone else's angel.
Looking over at Sam, Dean realized he was still holding his cell phone. Dean snickered. Gabriel had been in touch earlier that day; that son of a bitch never stays dead. Having faked his death and fooling Lucifer himself is one thing, but making a deal with a crossroads demon had ensured he maintain his angel status right up until the events of late. Now painfully human, the trickster himself reached out to the only mobile phone number he had besides a brothel in Queens, and it was Sam's. It seems he needed to keep himself occupied, so he spent the early days of his humanity helping the boys search for Castiel, and trying to keep his temper at bay.
Judging from what Gabriel said, they were just a few miles outside of Lincoln where they would investigate a local's claims of finding a missing person wearing a beige trench coat. That was apparently all Gabriel could get from the police scanner he managed to acquire within days of acquiring humanity; always a trickster, and unfortunately still a vague one. At least they had a lead, and if this missing person turned out to be Jimmy Novak then they could finally take a much needed break.
Dean tugged on Sam's hair, still driving. "Rise and shine Rapunzel, we'll be there in a few minutes."
Sam groaned, "Mm right. It's a bit late to go to the house now don't you think? Maybe we could take a break, get something to eat, and at least wait until sunrise before we barge in."
"No."
Sam watched his brother, as unflinching as ever, stare straight out the window with a look in his eyes that said he would be speaking for the both of them. He couldn't fool his younger brother though; Sam saw the dark circles forming around Dean's eyes, representing his human exhaustion, and perhaps also his hunger. "Fine. I just thought it would be beneficial to talk to some of the locals you know? If I were Cas I wouldn't stay in one place, I'd try to get out on my own to find us, and God knows Cas was always so independent. Uh, pardon the pun."
A small offer, but Dean was tired enough to take it. "Yeah maybe we can talk to some locals, but make sure you call him Jimmy—we can't be drawing too much attention to our friend 'Castiel-former-angel-of-the-lord-in-a-trenchcoat. You never know who might be listening."
"Right." Sam replied, satisfied.
Dean began to slow and pulled in to a quaint yet cliché diner marking their entrance to Lincoln. The sign glowed in through the trees in front, and when the doors to the impala opened the sound of incessant crickets filled their ears. Dean gripped the side door when he stepped outside; his tired hunger now making him dizzy. He hoped Sam didn't see the display, but you can't hide anything from Sam and his psychic heebie-jeebies.
The bell sounded over the door when they walked in; it was probably a nice sound though at four in the morning it was more like a fire alarm. Everyone at the bar but one flashed a look their way, accept for one. And we was wearing a faded trenchcoat.
"Cas." Dean let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and he and Sam proceeded to hug the confused and tired figure at the bar.
"Hey Cas! Let me look at cha." Dean's boyish grin awaited another, but the best Cas could offer was a sideways smile as he gripped his friends. Heads lowered, the brothers felt their shoulders drop with relief, but Cas remained as stiff as his outfit implied.
"Cas what's wrong?" Sam had been brave enough to voice it once they were seated at a booth with some burgers. Dean thanked Sam silently for being so good with emotions as he ate in silence, waiting for an answer. Truth is he really did care, but he was still reeling from seeing Cas' expression. Surely he couldn't have expected the angel to be completely happy with the outcome, but he wasn't prepared for the dirt stained face which was a bit too slender for the deep set wet eyes. Probably the worst of it was his eyes; so blue even in Purgatory, they now appeared gray and shielded under an expressionless haze. The angel had lost his sparkle.
"What do you think is wrong with me Sam?" His voice creaked as if it hadn't been used in days. Jesus.
"Well it's just that you didn't reach out to us. Didn't call or send a message. Gabriel was the one who told us we might find you here."
His eyes flashed up from his plate at his brother's name. "He's alright?"
"Well, he's still human, but yeah, he's alright." Dean couldn't stand the long faces he saw around him. The hectic state he had found his mind to be in while he and Sam searched for Cas had finally calmed down, but the sadness he now felt for Cas managed to weigh about the same. And now Sam looks at Cas with an equally gloomy expression? It's crazy; this should be the best night of their life at least recently. Team Free Will, back together.
Dean felt his responsibility kick in; he once again found himself looking out for the best interests of his family. He skipped the part where they shower Cas with questions and demand to know why he was so silent after they fell. Wanting to know answers took a back seat to entertaining, and he smiled at Cas beside him before saying to Sam, "Finally, I'll have someone riding shotgun who actually appreciates my music. Or at least doesn't like to argue about it."
Cas nodded silently to Sam, and remains quiet until Dean jokes about how they'd found better food in Purgatory than what was on their plates. The smile wasn't particularly loud, but it spoke volumes.