Title: Two Sides of A Butterfly
Author: CSI4CoolBeans
Beta: Viggorrah (I owe this story to her! She is the best beta ever!) THANK YOU!
Pairings: Grissom & Sara
Summary: Not a lot of people know that Gil Grissom has two sides...
Disclaimer: I own nothing! (But I did tell my mom that she could get me Grissom for my birthday...)
Spoilers - Season 5 - 8

Not a lot of people know that Gil Grissom has two sides. Not a lot of people know Gil period, but the few that do still only know his work side. The side that showed no emotion whatsoever; the side I've seen every night for the past seven years. Just two years ago, though, after I told him about my past, I met the other side again: the side that showed emotion; the side that I met back in San Francisco so long ago. He only showed this side at home; my favorite place to be: just me, him, and our dog, Hank. Like I said, the first time I saw this side in Vegas was when he showed up at my apartment after I got into a fight.

Well, not a fight, per se. I just yelled at Ecklie and Catherine. I figured he was there to fire me and I found out that's what he was told to do, but he didn't. He wouldn't leave me alone; he just kept asking what's wrong, so I finally broke down and told him about my parents, and the foster care. On top of him knowing my past, the only other person who knows, I cried in front of him. I don't think he likes it when I cry because he held my hand sat on the chair with his arm around my shoulders. He coaxed me into moving onto the couch where there was more room and we just talked. We talked about everything except work. If we neared the path that lead to talking about work, Griss would immediately change the subject. It was nice to talk to the Grissom I fell in love with so long ago. Don't get me wrong, I love every side of Grissom, but I fell in love with this side. Then his cell phone rang and he had to get back to the lab, but before he left he asked me if I wanted him to come back later to pick me up so we can go somewhere. I said yes.

Four or five hours later he showed back up at my door, but this time it was for something good. We went to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. It turned out Grissom is even more of a geek than everyone suspected he was. Thanks to him, I am now a huge Star Wars fan. (Obi-Wan Kenobi is the bomb! He did take Sofia out to dinner about a week after... I guess you could say we started dating or recreating our friendship then. He called me right he dropped her off at her house and told me what had happened because he thought that I should hear it from him instead of the lab grapevine. He really did care how I felt. He told me the only reason he took her out was that she wanted to quit because of Ecklie. No one should quit because of Ecklie and I'm glad Grissom talked her into staying. After three months filled of movies and Grissom's cooking (He is an amazing cook), we alternated between my and his house (I love his house) every week.

Some time later, Grissom and I were working a case at an insane asylum and Griss had left me in the room to get keys to open a desk or something. Next thing I know, I was attacked by Adam Trent, an inmate. He pushed this cement knife thing into my neck, and when Grissom showed up in the little window, he was looking at me like I was going to die. Then it hit me: he was getting ready to see me die. I never stopped looking at him as he pleaded with someone to open the door. I felt Adam's body tense as the door was opened, and I was ran of there so fast. He took me to his place that night. I don't think he even stopped to think that it was my first time staying the night. I don't think he cared; he knew I would have nightmares and so would he. He told me, before we feel asleep that he would never let anything bad happen to me again. I knew he couldn't keep the promise but it's nice to think that he would do anything to keep me safe.

About two weeks after the Adam Trent accident, our co-worker Nick Stokes was kidnapped by an angry father who wanted to get back at CSI. That was one of the hardest cases I've ever worked; it was hard to watch Nick on that screen. After we found out it could have been anyone of us, I just kept saying to myself: Thank God it wasn't Grissom. I wouldn't have known what to do. But it wasn't him. When we went back to his place that night he kissed me for the first time. I can describe in words what that was like.

About four months later, we were working a case and, out of the blue, Griss says something about "Maybe she was suffocating him!" I didn't know if he meant me or if it was just something he said about the case. I never asked him if he meant me, but about two months after he started randomly commenting on this something I said: "Maybe some people just aren't meant to be together." I still haven't heard the last of that one.

In May 2006, a couple months after all that happened, Gil's best friend Jim Brass was shot. He made it through; he was back to his old self in no time, but that night at home as I was getting ready to go to bed in the bathroom, I hear Gil, who is in this blue flowery shirt (THANK YOU GREG!), saying that if he was to die he would want to know in advance. He wants time to could go to the rainforest, reread some book, and say goodbye to the ones he loved. There might have been others, but I can't think of anything else right now. Well, anyway, I walked out of the bathroom and knelt by the bed. I told him "I'm not ready to say goodbye." Now that I think about it, I'm never going to be ready to say goodbye to Gil.

A couple months later he asked me to move in with him and I said yes. I come home one day (I like saying that home is now Gil's house), and there is this dog in our living room. A boxer. Grissom said his name was Hank. I immediately fell in love with him. About half a year went by when he told me he had to leave on a sabbatical, that he was going to teach at Williams College for a month. That hurt, and all I got before he left was a "I'll Miss You" IN THE LAB! He couldn't even kiss me. So I had to spend a month without Grissom. Hank became my pillow because Gil wasn't there. I could do it. I spent six years without him.

I was so wrong.

He wasn't even on his plane and I was already missing him, it hurt so much. I didn't hear anything from him for two weeks afterward. Well, I did, but a voice mail saying "I'm alright; I made it. See you in four weeks." doesn't count. So I go into work one night and I have a package waiting for me. Wonder who that could be from. No return label, Grissom. I open it and it's a freaking cocoon. Yeah, it made me feel loved. So those four weeks were full of sitting at home crying myself to sleep, talking to a dog who thought I was going nuts, and getting no sleep because I have no extra heat source to cling to. My dreams had become bad again; they always were bad when he wasn't there with me.

So it started out a normal day: went to work, got my assignment and headed out. It was a garbage dump. Fun Fun Joy Joy. I freakin' hated them. So I come back to the lab smelling like something that's been dead for over 12,000 years (I wonder if something still smells after that period of time). Back to my story: as I'm walking down the halls in the lab to give Hodges the stuff I found and to shower, change and shower again, I hear my name being called by a person who should be at William's College. Yet he's standing behind me with this look on his face…Yeah ok so he starts to walk towards me and I take a step back...why you ask? WE WERE IN THE LAB. We talk and then I tell him I'll see him later and kinda take off running to the locker room. Oh, and did I mention he came back with a beard?? He looked like he went to the woods for four weeks, not a college. Well, anyway, I got to shave it off. I mean I LOVE Gil with a beard, but not one like this, so I told him I wanted it shaved. He said only if I'd do it, so I shaved his beard!!! So much fun. Who know shaving a beard could be so much fun? Then about three months later Grissom told me he loved me in his own Grissom-like way.

"Sex without love is pointless. It makes you sad." He said to me.

"Well, I'm sure I don't make you sad." I responded.

"No, you make me happy." Now I feel loved. OH THE LETTER! When Gil was at William's College he wrote me a letter but never sent it. Well while we were watching a movie in our bedroom and I said "I felt bad for the monster," and Gil said something about turning it off before they kill him or something. Anyway I turned off the T.V and put my yogurt on the table and seen a letter sticking out of Gil's William Shakespeare book (that's what I call it) anyway I pull it out and it's addressed to me. So I opened it -

Sara,

Our parting was awkward. I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart, I can see you as clearly as if you were here with me... I said I'll miss you, and I do.

...Shakespeare can express (my feelings?)... better than I...

Sonnet #47
Betwixt mine eye and heart a league is took, And each doth good turns now unto the other: When that mine eye is famish'd for a look, Or heart in love with sighs himself doth smother, With my love's picture then my eye doth feast And to the painted banquet bids my heart; Another time mine eye is my heart's guest And in his thoughts of love doth share a part: So, either by thy picture or my love, Thyself away art resent still with me; For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move, And I am still with them and they with thee; Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight.

See? That is one of the many, many reasons why I love Gil. I forgot to mention these things, these miniature crime scenes. They have been bugging Grissom all year. Well, the girl who makes them works in our lab or used to work in our lab. Her name is Natalie Davis. She kidnapped me last week and put me under a car in the desert. I got out and wondered around looking for a road or Grissom, some kind of life, and Grissom. I had to break my arm to get out from under the car and, as a result, I passed out while wandering the desert. But when I woke up there was this very loud noise and then I realized I was in a helicopter. Through the haze, all I see is a name tag that says G-R-I-S-S-O-M. Grissom! He was there with me. He found me. He was holding my hand. I smiled.

Well, this is a the comical part: While I was in the hospital. Grissom was there (he never left my side) and he tells we need to talk about something. He goes on to tell me he kind of told the team about us! Nice going Grissom. I'm gone for one night and you go blab about us. Well, Ecklie knows about us, so we have to go talk to him. Grissom has disappeared, so I go alone. I tell him we've been together for two years and haven't favored me at work for those two years. Ecklie was being really nice, so he told me he would find a way for us to stay together and still both work here.

So after shift that night, Grissom and I are sitting in our car and he asks me when I told Ecklie we started dating. He told him nine years! Nine years! Back when we meet in San Francisco! It's nice to know Grissom has loved me that long! I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I told him I was going to move to Swing. He just kind of said 'Okay' after arguing with me about it. So I ended it by saying we better get inside. Did I mention Grissom had on this golfer hat…no, not as cute as the straw hat, but I bought him the straw hat, and Gil bought the golfer hat when he was at William's College…Oh, getting off track. So, we go inside and we see our or his team, my old team, racing around a track in go-karts! It looks like so much fun, but the cast on my arm is saying NO. I tell Gil he should go and enjoy himself with his team. Well, not in those exact words, but that's what I meant. He looked so cute, so we both won in the end. The next week the Lab gets a new CSI that joins the swing shift. WHY?! I hate her, no I want to kill her and hide her body! I told Gil; he said that's how I was when we first met and I reminded him I was nervous about asking him out. I really hope that's not why Ronnie talks so MUCH! Anyway, why did I bring up Ronnie??

Oh, yeah, on Gil's case he found a bee hive. So a few days following the finding of the bees, I find Gilbert with his bees all dressed up in lab gear and a bee mask, WHICH DO NOT COME IN HANDY WHEN YOU WANT TO KISS THE MAN WHO…wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. So I dress up in the bee gear and go join him. I will do anything to spend time with this man. So as he is rambling about bees he says the most random thing.

"Y'know, maybe we should get married." I think I stopped breathing because I scared the bee on my hand that Gil had put there, and it stung me. Nice, but I kinda didn't feel anything. So as he goes on rambling again about not picking at it or something he asks again if I want to get married. I grinned at him.

"Let's do it!" What else do you think I would have said? Back to the point I was trying to make earlier: You can not kiss the man whom you are now engaged to in the BEE GEAR!

So things where going good: I was engaged to the man I've loved for nine years now, and I was getting used to swing of things. and I've started treating Ronnie like white noise...just kidding, she is okay, I guess you could call us friends. So as I said things where going pretty well. I mean there were little things that would ruin things, like when Gil went to New York for three days…yeah that wasn't fun, but this all changed last night when Hannah West came back. Here let me explain: there are these certain cases that can get under your skin, that stay with you forever, and when I first met Hannah, that was one of those cases.

Alright, it started out that her brother, Marlon, killed this girl that went to their school. (Did I mention that she is twelve and in high school?) Anyway she was on the stand testifying for her brother and she said she killed her, not her brother. They both got off clean. I kind of kept track of her for a little while afterward, but gave up. So anyway the reason I was telling you about Hannah was she came back last night and it was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't stand having death being pushed in my face everyday and we don't even make a dent in the crime rate. They almost got away with it again but her brother killed himself and she broke down in front of me when I showed her a picture of him. That was it; I can't watch another killer walk away again. When I got back to the lab I went looking for Gil and, when I found him, I kissed him in front of the entire lab. I didn't care anymore. (I think I scared Hodges.) Anyway I left him a letter explaining why I had to leave. I am sorry Gil. I didn't want it to come to this, but if you are reading this, I would like to say again that I love you. You are my one and only. Please be strong and remember I will be back. I don't know when, but I will be back. You are my home.

I love you.

A/N - Please Review, and If you enjoy reading Fanfiction check out Vigg's story Welcome Home