Ashes doesn't own Death Note, and is not affiliated with it in any way.
"You're not paying attention," Light said, irritation evident in his voice. L looked up with his teacup poised halfway to his lips. "You need to be focused on this case."
Rather than reply L sipped his tea, his pulse roaring in his ears. Working with Light hadn't gotten easier over the weeks; L would find himself drifting off, dwelling on the inconsequential details of his work partner. He hadn't been able to focus for hours. Light was an arm's breadth away, and L wanted nothing more than to touch him, to feel how he bent and curved under his clothes. "What do you have?"
"Nothing you don't already know." Light situated himself on his end of the couch, stretching his legs and arms out in front of him with a yawn. "You've been distracted lately. Have you thought of anything new on the case?"
"The case?" L's distracting thoughts had nothing to do with the case. Sometimes he found himself looking back on his youth. When the rest of the kids in the orphanage started noticing each other and sneaking into closets to explore further, he had been studying logic and tactics. Watching Light reminded him of that. For the first time L wished he had been paying attention years ago when those other kids had begun to understand each other. "I have some ideas."
He sipped his tea again, looking at the clock. Six A.M. The room seemed trapped in a late-night gloom despite the pre-dawn glow filtering through the curtains . Their only real light was the electric white-blue of computer screens, and a dim lamp just over Light's head. Light's hair was mussed from a night's worth of work; from hands combed through it as he ran over the same files, the same old clues; from searching hopelessly for something new.
"Shit," Light said. He was staring at the clock that L had just been inspecting. "I didn't know it was that late."
"You were working hard."
Light sagged in his chair, looking at the paper again. "I need to stop. I have school soon, and I can't get out of this date I... " The change in Light's expression was infantecimile, but L recognized it: the ever-so-slight widening of eyes, the minute pursing in his lips that made it clear as day that Light had let something slip. He looked up from the paper to L.
"A date?" L didn't find it frightening, or concerning. More cementing, like he had reason to reign in his curiosities. Perhaps having an excuse would make it easier to do. "I had heard that you were popular with the girls in your school."
"Did you?" Light scowled. "I'm not that popular."
"But you do have a date?"
"You're nosy."
L set his teacup aside and twisted in his seat, sitting up on the balls of his feet and balancing carefully on the cushion. "Just curious. I've never really known any girls."
It figured that Light wouldn't pick up on the obvious statement, instead turning to face L and asking, "Why curious? It's just a date. I probably won't have another with her." Light was looking right at him, looking into him as though his inner workings could be read. L was used to doing it to Light; the scrutiny made his skin crawl. He held the gaze, and Light leaned closer.
"Is there something you're thinking?" L asked, clearing his throat and wishing he had some sweets left from earlier; something to chew on. Light's stare was still as intense as ever.
"You make a point of watching me."
"You're a suspect. I have to keep an eye on you."
"Personally?" Light seemed to glide toward him, rolling forward so he was sitting on his knees, not so far from L. He leaned closer, as though trying to decipher some fine print in L's thoughts. "You find me interesting."
"You are my first friend." It was a cheap trick, pulling that move again. He wanted to push Light away as much as he wanted to draw him in, because deep down he knew exactly how it would go if Light got any closer. He reached for his teacup again, finding refuge in his reflection. "Don't friends find each other interesting?" He looked up again, debating another cup of tea.
Light's smile was twisted, almost unreal and more unsettling than anything L had yet seen. It shifted quickly, seamlessly into a different sort of smile as Light leaned just a little closer. "I recognize how you're acting, Ryuuzaki." The name came out like a purr, a beconing call. "Like you said, I'm popular with girls."
L froze in spot, managing to keep his voice even. "You said you weren't."
"Modesty is a virtue."
L wasn't given another moment to retort, the breath stolen from his body as Light lunged forward to kiss him, one hand tight on his shoulder. His teacup lolled from his hand, tumbling forgotten to the carpet. The first thing that jumped to mind was again in his childhood; a girl who stole a kiss while he was studying. L had ignored her then. Having another kiss stolen, he took comfort in what control he could muster by moving in turn.
Light moved away, his fingers still tight on L's shoulder. The computer screens had switched to their screensavers, leaving only the dim lamp to light the room. It made Light's face hard to decipher.
"You have good instincts." Light moved closer still, the heat from his body radiating against L in waves, his voice much lower now. "There's no one else here, if you're still curious."
L didn't often find himself speechless, but his hands made a reply of their own accord, firm against Light's chest. He wasn't sure if he wanted to oppose or encourage. Slowly he found himself pressed further back against the arm of the couch, his legs straightening out to make room between them, and their bodies sank together until there was no more space, pressed flush together with L's back on the couch. He understood how Light could be so smooth; all that persuasion without words. Their lips were close again.
"You never have, right? I could take care of everything," Light said again, still in that deep purr that made L's stomach tighten and his mouth dry. "I can be in control, if you're unsure."
The words were said before L was sure what he was going to do. "Control isn't an issue." He initiated the second kiss, once again moving on instinct and Light's gentle lead, too shocked with his own impetuous decision to stop what he was doing. He had a hand tangled tight in the fabric of Light's shirt, and Light's hands were at his hips, fingers digging so hard against him that L was sure he'd later find the bruised imprints there. L pulled away for air, for clarity, for a moment to decide if what he was doing was best — even if deep down he knew all the right answers.
His thoughts drifted away as Light's hands slipped up his sides, pulling L's shirt over his head before he could think of anything else. L looked Light in the face, entranced at the way his eyes seemed alight. Light didn't speak, instead dipping his head to nip at L's shoulder. L involuntarily dug his nails hard into Light's shoulder, his hips bucking up to meet friction, and he understood how it would work. For a moment he panicked, struggling to regain control and pitching them sideways onto the floor, the coffee table mere inches from their heads. Light looked at him, obviously irritated but still so smooth.
"You could have hurt me."
L sat up, straddling Light and looking down at him. Fragments of different thoughts went in and out of focus in his head — if Light was Kira, if he was falling into some trap... Was the fear beating a steady tempo in his chest normal? The questions weren't confusing, but the answers didn't concern him. For all his intelligence, his experience, he was succumbing to something so basic, so human that no logic could stop it.
It felt good.
He felt liberated as he undid the buttons of Light's shirt with fervor; listened to the throaty laugh that Light let loose as he grabbed L's wrists and pulled him down to ravish him and leave him breathless. L found himself supine and at Light's mercy, and it sent a jolt of excitement down his spine. He was ready to take that leap, no matter how dangerous the landing. Light rolled to his side, and L reached over to the belt of Light's trousers only to be met by hands that stopped him, as though forbidding him to be so forward.
"Not all the way," Light said, pushing L's hands away. He propped himself up on one elbow, his hair falling sideways and his smile lazy. "We've got plenty of time, don't we?" With his free hand he traced down L's belly, following the ripple of muscles as L responded to the touch.
"Do we?" L didn't say that either could be dead the instant they stepped outside. Instead he found himself counting the seconds it took Light to undo his jeans, and then how far Light reached his fingers beneath the apex of the zipper to touch the sensitive skin beneath. L couldn't resist the gasp, and he bit his lower lip to keep back another.
"More than we'll need, anyway." Light was kneeling over him, looking down expectantly as he tugged the jeans down, and L was complying, moving to ease the process, leaning eagerly into the kiss that Light offered as deft hands moved to L's most sensitive areas, providing the touch that L had begun to crave.
Time had no meaning as Light moved over him, drawing out sensations L had never experienced, had no means of coping with, as he rocked his hips with Light's ministrations. His stomach tightened further as Light leaned in, biting hard just below the juncture of the his shoulder and neck. There was a mark, and L didn't care so long as Light didn't stop, didn't leave him hanging, and kept just. like. that.
The sun was bright in his eyes when it all came hurdling together low in his belly, his hips jutting violently as his gripped whatever he could get his hands on, a low cry slipping past his lips as he came. A moment could have been an hour, and he didn't care until he felt Light stand to leave. His eyes were clenched tight and it was hard to open them against the dawn. He panted in spot, naked and embarrassed when Light returned with a hand towel, passing it to L with that smile — that predatory smile, like the walrus rounding up another oyster.
L cleaned up quietly, pulling his jeans back on with care before sitting up. Light was seated next to him, close enough that they were still touching, and their eyes met again. Looking for the right words, L finally found himself saying, "You have school before long. I shouldn't have kept you." He wanted to say more, but with the moment over he found the words frozen in his throat. It was as though gravity had returned and brought the real world crashing down with it.
Light didn't miss a beat. "It'll have to be sooner next time."
Next time. L looked away, to where his tea was now cold in the carpet, and his belly was warm and his toes were tingling; and he wondered about 'next time', unable quell the instant anticipation. He'd said a number of times that he was almost, just barely, sure that Light was Kira, but for the first time he really hoped that Light had nothing to do with Kira. Because if he was, with that mind and the things he could do with just the right look... L looked up again, and smiled.
"Next time."
Someone's key was clicking in the lock, and L was quick to find his shirt and pull it on. He caught sight of Light leaving as his head cleared his collar, and he knew in his gut why he never would have acted if things hadn't gotten so out of his control.
He greeted Light's father with the civility of a coworker, swallowing the lump in his throat.
L couldn't stop going back to the encounter in his mind, replaying Light's magnetism and finding it more terrifying each time.
Light could very well be his undoing.
notes
I know that I said I was taking an indefinite hiatus from fanfiction in want of trying to break out into writing as a potential profession (eek!) but I've always wanted to write for Death Note. It's such an intellectual and rich story with these characters that just... agh! Gushing aside, this was for the writingkills challenge on livejournal, and tough as it was, I loved it! I wrote this for x drear x (and am glad to say she liked it) and had a lot of help from Katherine, who rocked my beta world. Thanks and thanks and thanks again! D I hope you've enjoyed it as well.
Down side of all this? This story really is it. My last hurrah. And God, will I miss it. It's a downer. It sometimes feels like I've loved fanfiction forever! It's been awesome, guys. All the previously posted work will stay up, though, so if you're worried about that -- don't be. :) To add, as I didn't realize I had implied it, I'm still going to be around to read and stuff. I'll still review and reply to reviews, I just won't be writing anything new. I'm really, really sorry guys. :(
This is shameless self-pimping, so feel free to ignore it. If you're one of the few people who has maybe followed a couple of my stories and is at all interested in my original work, I've got a blog at ashleymhill . com (you know, without the spaces) that'll cover how it's going and what I'm doing and even some writings for free! It's far from complete yet, but I update and babble on a semi-regular basis.