Pathogen
by Kaiyrah

Neji thought he knew everything about his little cousin, including how he felt about her. He was wrong. Neji/Hinata.

Naruto and characters are not mine.

Notes: I was looking through my files and noticed that I haven't uploaded this on FFnet. I believe I posted it on LJ a while back under the title "Shades of Gray" but that was before I decided that the title didn't quite fit. I'm not so satisfied with this new one either, but it's better. Somewhat. Anyway, this fic as I remember was written as an experiment. I wanted to write Angry!Neji, because as some of my previous readers might have noticed, I tend to go with Gentle!Neji. So, just something different on my part.

Ending was left ambiguous because although I intended this as a oneshot, it may extend into more chapters if I feel like writing it (not very likely though).

EDIT 5 July 2010: Finally I've edited a sentence here and there. Also I think FFnet completely effed up my formatting. =( Lame.

The house is eerily quiet when he slides the door open, the air hangs stagnant as he takes off his shoes and pads down the hall. For a moment, it seems as if no one is present, until he rounds the corner and spots Hiashi and his youngest daughter sitting together.

It is only when he approaches them that he notices their tensed, drawn-up shoulders and the two untouched cups of tea between them. "Hiashi-sama. Hanabi-sama."

Hanabi doesn't respond and Hiashi merely glances in his direction and gives a slight nod. Then he stands and briskly walks away.

Biting back the bitter comment on the tip of his tongue, Neji turns his attention to his young cousin, who leans against the pillar with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her eyes are staring at some point on the ground out in the courtyard and something tells him that nothing in the world could distract her attention now. Quietly he makes his way past her.

"Nee-san is in the hospital."

Neji blinks and turns to face her. She still hasn't moved from that position, and he narrows his eyes. Hanabi has never been outwardly caring about her older sister; he isn't even sure if she is fond of her to any degree at all. It always seems to be a struggle for power between those two. "Is it serious?"

"I don't know. She might die." Her white knuckles offset her nonchalant tone.

"That would be a shame," he lies.

"It would. She better not. Chichiue's been a wreck ever since he heard."

Neji recalls Hiashi's cool departure just a few minutes earlier and raises an eyebrow.

"He doesn't treat us the way other fathers treat their daughters," she speaks as if reading his mind, "but considering his position, I don't think he can."

By now he wishes for nothing more than this conversation to be over, and he begins to walk away once again.

"You should visit her," she calls after him, and he waits until turning the corner before shaking his head. Like hell he will.

He had been in this very same spot in this hospital five years ago, staring at her name underneath the room number. Neji is a man of habit, and just as he frequently visited her door, her room, but never her back then, so too he does it today. This is the third time he has visited this week. His hand closes over the doorknob, always poised to enter, but never turning the knob, never entering the room. It is not an act of cowardice - never cowardice, nor is it weakness of will.

But if it is neither of those, then... well what is it?

Suddenly he becomes aware of voices sounding off inside the room and he quickly withdraws his hand. Kiba emerges from the room. There are the tell-tale signs of sleeplessness on his face, the sallow skin, the darkness under his eyes, and Neji straightens his posture and turns to face him. Kiba eyes him harshly for several seconds before turning away to let Neji glimpse his profile. "You better be here to apologize to her."

A smirk lifts Neji's lip. "For what?"

"For messing her up. It's your damn fault she's here in the first place."

"How amusing that you still manage to blame me for her shortcomings on your missions. I am not - "

"There was no mission, Neji," he interrupts, and runs a hand through his hair. "We were just training, training no more than we usually do, and all of a sudden she collapsed."

"That doesn't surprise me. She's always been weak - "

"It's her heart," Kiba responds, his jaw tight. "The doctor said that her heart was weak from the beginning, but her medical records say she received a major injury about five years ago that only made it worse. The Chuunin exam."

He can see it all clearly in his mind still. Hinata fighting him, jyuuken for jyuuken. Closing off her chakra flow. Hinata attacking him relentlessly, even after her body had been pushed way beyond its limit. He had sent a critical blow to her heart. It was intended to serve its purpose then - it wasn't supposed to affect her much more after that.

His throat tightens and his fists clench at his sides, trying to ignore the strange feeling gnawing at his insides. What exactly... "Is it serious?"

"I dunno. She might die," Kiba answers, but his tone is much more expressive than Hanabi's had been, "But if she does, I'm gonna beat your ass."

He smirks at Kiba's words, and momentarily his world explodes into white as his body snaps to the side and he falls. Kiba's fist glows red from impact. "I'm not fucking around, Neji. If she dies, you're gonna pay."

After a moment, his jaw begins to throb painfully, and the thoughts begin to turn in his head. What if she does die? If not that, what if her life is permanently affected by her injury, the one that he had inflicted?

"Guilt's a bitch, isn't it?" Kiba sneers, turning around to leave Neji prone on the floor.

He is no stranger to hate and animosity, but having the hate directed at him is something he is not accustomed to. Kurenai and Shino glare at him from across the hall without even bothering to be discreet about it. Various members of the medical staff as well eye him disdainfully as they pass by or move to and fro behind the counter.

A medic-nin emerges from the room with Hinata's charts. His eyebrows are drawn together as he makes his notations.

"Any news?"

"We have her on medication right now, and she's not having any adverse reactions to it thus far. We'll have to keep her here a bit longer for observation though. If the medical therapy isn't enough, we'll have to resort to surgical intervention."

"She'll live though... right?"

The medic-nin nods.

"Will she be able to continue going on missions assuming her condition allows it?" Shino asks quietly.

"Regardless if she has the surgery or not," the medic-nin clutches the clipboard tighter, "I would advise her to turn in her hitai-ate to the Hokage."

Something inside Neji stops.

She trains her eyes downward as soon as he enters the room, and he leans against the window, studying her as she sits in her bed. Her small hands clench the white bedsheets, and they tremble. Without her support, without Naruto, he realizes, she is just as afraid of him as she has always been.

There is an unasked question on her tongue - why are you here? - but he knows his little cousin, and she is far too polite, even at the expense of her own comfort. They take in each other's presence silently.

He can almost hear the sun moving in the sky.

"Hinata-sama," he begins finally, and she starts a little, "They say you cannot be a ninja any longer."

She swallows. "Y-Yes. Shizune-san told me earlier."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I... I don't think I can do anything at this point."

He smirks. "You're giving up this time."

Her back stiffens visibly and Neji knows he has struck a nerve.

"Yes," she answers softly, "I... I suppose I am."

She has this innate ability to get his blood pumping, to tighten his jaw, to fill him up with so much anger that he's red in the face.

Her eyes are wide as he opens the door and slams it shut again and stalks purposefully toward her bed. She inches slowly into the far corner as he narrows his eyes and stops in front of her. His fingers itch to wrap around that thin little neck of hers, to snap it in half, but of all the skills added to his repertoire over the years, control is the one he has mastered. His hands stay clenched at his side.

She shivers and shakes on the bed, looking up at him but never meeting his eyes.

"I spoke to Hiashi-sama this morning."

"A-Ah. So, then... did he tell you?"

The rage in his eyes answers her question. "Why?" he whispers harshly.

For the longest time she says nothing. She stares at the opposite wall, the window, his hand even, but still she doesn't answer. His patience thins every minute.

"Why, Hinata-sama?" he repeats, and steps closer, pale veins erupting at his temples.

"I..." she begins, looking down at her white hands, "That is... I..."

"Well?" he demands, his face twisted angrily. "Answer me!"

Finally she musters up the courage to look at him and whisper, "I... I just want you to be... happy, Neji-niisan."

Before she has the chance to duck or turn away, he rears his hand back and strikes. It takes several seconds before her cheek starts to sting, but her eyes remain dry. "I don't need your pity," he snarls.

The minutes pass and the sharp ache from the impact begins to fade into numbness. Neji stands there over her bed, breathing heavily and clenching and unclenching his fists. Hinata slips out from under the bedsheet, and she moves to stand in front of Neji. She angles the untouched side of her face forward. "I... I know you're angry, Nii-san," she says softly. "So... please. Don't hold back."

The air in the room grows suffocatingly thick. Anger, helplessness, and something else clash violently inside him as he takes the vase from her bedside table and slings it across the room.

They both flinch at the sound of shattering porcelain.

"I... have never once pitied you, Neji-niisan."

It is not a lie, her voice says that much.

And deep down, he believes her.

"Hinata has asked me to name you my heir," Hiashi says, his fingers cradling his temple and forehead.

Neji's head snaps up, forgoing all protocol of respect and obedience. "She what?"

"I asked Hanabi if she was willing. She said that it should be either one of you. She is not confident in her skills."

Neji furrows his brow and shakes his head bitterly. "I was not born in the proper house."

"I have discussed it with the council," Hiashi answers immediately, always two steps ahead of him. "They are willing to make an exception because of your abilities. Given that, do you still refuse?"

The suns shines brightly when the Hyuuga assembles in the main courtyard to see the inauguration of their youngest leader in the clan's history. Neji stands stiffly in front of his uncle, and waits as Hiashi drapes the black haori over his shoulder.

He carefully pours a cup of sake for each other the five councilmembers, and they take a sip. In return, Hiashi pours a cup for Neji. Everyone stands on their toes in anticipation. Finally Neji sets the cup back down onto the cloth, and it is finally over. The Hyuuga cheers.

And long after all the pomp and circumstance passes, after everyone has gone back to their own duties, Neji still sits at the engawa, looking out into the courtyard. Someone approaches his left, and instinctively he brings himself on guard, until said person comes into his peripherals and sets down a tray. She inches a cup in his direction. "Have some tea, Neji-niisan," his cousin says quietly, and he gives her a curt nod.

Though Hinata made a horrible ninja, Neji had to admit that she made some of the best tea he had tasted in his life. This particular cup was still smooth going down, but there was something off about the flavor. It was slightly more fragrant than usual.

"Congratulations, N-Neji-niisan," she tells him, and bows deeply. "Oh... But now, I suppose it's Nii-sama?"

His inital reaction is to snap his head in her direction and warn her about making sarcastic remarks like that, but he finds that as he moves, his muscles become stiffer and more rigid. His eyes fall to the tray to his left, noting his cousin's untouched cup, and suddenly realization dawns on him. Hinata shifts, an apologetic look about her.

"I... I'm sorry, but this... this is the only way I could ever get you to cooperate," she explains, flicking his forehead protector up to expose the bandages and curse seal underneath.

By this point, his insides are numbing, and as much as he would like to speak, as much as he would like to tell her to stop whatever she is doing and step away from him, he cannot. Instead, knots twist in the base of his stomach.

Hinata pulls a knife from her sleeve and approaches him. With every step, his heart beats faster and faster. She stops right in front of him and raises the blade. The silver glints in his eye, never did he think that he would die by these means...

And she runs the edge precisely down the pad of her thumb.

Shock ebbs inside him as dark blood oozes up from the wound, and with the rest of her fingers splayed against the side of his face, she traces the forks of the curse seal with her thumb. Every mark she makes feels white-hot on his skin.

Finally she lifts her thumb and apologizes profusely, only to hold her left palm in front of his forehead and raise two fingers skyward. He knows this gesture well; it is something that his father had always told him to fear. His heart begins beating in deafening rhythm once more, and the paralysis prevents him from shying away. He has no other choice but to accept the curse seal's activation... But to his surprise, there is no staggering pain that he had anticipated. There is a gentle flow of chakra to the skin, and his brow tingles, edging the line of growing uncomfortably warm, but it is not at all painful.

Hinata's brows are knitted as she continues this work, and after around ten minutes, she finally stumbles back and falls to the ground. Neji pushes aside the urge to help her up, never mind the fact that he is incapable of doing so.

"It's done now..." she murmurs. "It's... it's done."

What on earth is she talking about? Apprehension bubbles up once more.

"I-It's a relatively weak paralysis agent... you should be up and about in another hour or so," she says after a minute, and she pushes herself up. Collects the cups and tray and just before she turns to walk away, she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "Please live happily, Nii-sama."

He cannot yell at her, no matter how much he wants to.

And hours later, he knows not what to think or feel as his eyes fall on the unmarred skin of his forehead.

When Neji comes to power, the Hyuuga behaves as it has for many years upon the selection of a new leader. A sense of pride and clan superiority circulates the halls, and although the Main House celebrates the Hyuuga's strongest leader since the founding of the clan, this still doesn't quite match up to the empowerment that the Branch House emits at having one of their own selected as leader.

The tables turn when Neji finally decides to walk through the halls without his hitai-ate, without a bandanna, without bandages.

His brow is in its cleanest, purest state since he was four years old. People talk. Main House members express their elation of him joining in with the elite rank of their family. Branch House members lament the loss of one of their greatest assets.

Neji has heard the word "traitor" more than once in hushed whispers.

At eighteen years old, he has become leader of his clan and is no longer committed to a forced servitude. He has everything he has ever wanted, but a greed for something still persists.

His hand grips the sliding door to his office and instinctively his nerves jump. Someone is in there - he braces himself and pushes open the door.

Hinata pauses to look up from her task. Immediately she sets down the tea pot and bows deeply. "H-hello, Nii-sama."

In these past few weeks with Neji as Head of Hyuuga, Hinata has always managed to avoid direct contact with him. When he comes to his office after a meeting, the tea is already there, and miraculously it hasn't gone cold yet. His meals wait in his room when he comes back from evening training, and when he wakes up in the morning, the tray is gone.

Her invisibility was a conscious choice, no doubt, and Neji finds himself rather amused at the sight of her trembling shoulders as she goes about to finish her task. Even after all this time, she is still afraid of him.

When she places the tea in front of him, she bows once again, and Neji's eyes flicker to a spot of green beneath her bangs. Before she can leave, he rushes forward (always quicker than her) and pushes her hair away from her face.

The curse seal glares back at him. It looks unusually large on her small forehead. "You have never once pitied me..." he breathes, narrowing his eyes at her. "Well, it seems in addition to being a failure, you're also a liar."

Her eyes widen frantically, and before she can say anything, he pushes her away with so much force that she nearly falls down.

"Get out, Branch House filth." Shock grips his mind at how extremely gratifying it is to say such a thing.

After letting the statement sink in, Hinata's eyes begin to moisten and quickly she takes her leave.

His little cousin rarely crosses his vision after that. His tea and meals are always in his room on schedule, and whenever he does see her, it is only when they pass each other in the halls.

After all, she still has her immediate family who, for some reason Neji cannot fathom, adores her.

Tea pots that were originally empty are still filled and steaming when he puts them out in the hallway. He can only stand so much mediocre tea - recently the brew not nearly as fragrant, and the liquid becomes hard to swallow.

The broiled mackerel that was once his favorite dish has lately become his most disliked. He takes a forkful of the fish and a morsel of rice and wrinkles up his nose. Instead of subtly complex with a secret blend of herbs and spices, the food is bland and tasteless. In fact, the food is not much better than the hardtack he consumes on missions. At that thought, he promptly spits out the food and sets the tray outside.

The Head of Hyuuga lies in bed at night with the taste of bitter tea on his tongue and wonders exactly what has gone wrong.

He stops in his tracks as his ears pick up the tell-tale sign of her presence - quiet, shuffling footsteps of one trying to be unobtrusive. They approach from the main entrance. An inexplicable rush fills him as he abruptly dashes out of his office to meet her (with his mind chanting: what is your rush, she's only your cousin). But upon approach, his footfalls slow. A teenage Main House member smiles reluctantly at him and bows. "Good afternoon, Neji-sama."

He pauses. "Ah. Hello."

She seems to notice his anxiety. "Is there... something I can do for you, Neji-sama?"

"Not really," he answers, "I thought you were someone else, that's all."

The second time he senses her is nearly a week later. For a reason that he cannot comprehend, she has occupied his thoughts, interfering with his work, his training - even though she is never physically there.

He settles back in his room after a meeting with the council, and for the split-second that he looks up, a dark lock of hair on a feminine form passes by the crack in the door. Quicker than he thought possible, he slams the door open and grabs her arm - but Hanabi looks up at him instead. He ignores the disappointment growing in his gut.

"Yes?" She wrenches her arm out of his grasp and raises an eyebrow at him.

He almost dismisses his action as a simple accident again when instead he demands, "Where is your sister?"

The girl frowns. "Where were you earlier? She never visits us anymore, so we went there ourselves, Chichiue and I."

"Is she still there?"

"No, she said that she was going to go meet a friend... why?"

But she receives no answer, for Neji at this point has already begun to turn around and walk away.

The sensible side of him questions why he concerns himself with her whereabouts in the first place. Neji is a sensible man - soon after this side kicks in, he swiftly reminds himself that where Hinata is and what she is doing is not his business.

Even still, one night he finds himself in the Branch House compound, pacing in front of her door. When there is no sign of her and the sun has risen into the sky, he finally leaves.

And returns two weeks later.

After that, he returns one week later.

Three days after that.

A day after that.

He retires to his room, ignoring the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach.

On the rare occasions in which he is not obligated to sit in for a meeting or buried under paperwork, he sometimes opts to take a walk around Konoha. Generally he avoids the open market (far too many people there) but in the quieter residential areas, he finds himself content with taking leisurely strolls and meditative walks.

It is another uneventful day and he looks into the shadows of the trees and the blues of the sky, attempting to calm the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind (he's retiring-she's entering the Chuunin exam-I need to send in the Jounin recommendation for her-Hinata).

Somehow it always comes down to his cousin.

She was always a burden to him in their past. Always weak and nervous and stuttering - and always the representative of everything he hated about their family. But when she was told that she could no longer be a ninja, something in her hardened; Neji could see that much.

And now, as head of the clan, he isn't sure if there is a reason to hate her anymore, but old habits die hard. A part of him still does hate her.

"It... it sounds like it was a very difficult mission, Kiba-kun. I don't know how you and Shino-kun managed."

The words snap Neji out of his thoughts. He knows this voice.

"Me and Shino are tougher than you think. We're actually a lot more aggressive now, if you can believe it."

She laughs, a beautiful, melodic sound, and Neji's eyes widen fractionally in shock.

He has never heard her laugh before.

He does his best to conceal his chakra as he turns and sees Hinata walking in the opposite direction on a parallel street. He only sees her for a split second, but the image is burned into his mind.

His little cousin smiles, not painfully or apologetically, but she smiles happily. Neji swallows.

His heart thuds at the back of his throat, increasing the frequency of beats as his face grows warm. His palms sweat.

And just like that, the answer becomes clear to him. He knows now why his tea is off, why his meals are unsatisfying, why he goes off to the Branch House nightly, waiting in front of his cousin's room.

He knows now.