Well, I'd like to begin by stating that this is my first That 70's Show story, so please be gentle! I've been writing on FF for a while now, but just recently developed a small ache/craving to write for this fandom. I die hard for Jackie/Hyde; they've become my obsession. Please review, I'm so disgustingly nervous about writing for a show/pairing that I've never before, AND this is my first time writing in almost a year.
This takes place right at the beginning of season eight, because I don't want to attempt to fix the mess that the writers created and quite honestly, I didn't bother to watch the last few episodes, because my JH heart literally couldn't take it. This story takes place a few months after the Chicago incident, only difference is Hyde never married the disgusting stripper.
- Nathalie
-X-
She knows what to expect upon opening the door. It's no secret or surprise, and the faux smile that spreads across her face has almost become a conditioned response to the room full of people. Smiling is the only thing to keep from crying.
She won't let them see how she really feels. She won't let them see who she really is.
She once took pride in the fact that she was considered a spoiled, bitchy, rich cheerleader. Hell, she strove to be just that. She lived in a world full of unicorns, and pretty dresses, and all of those childish things kept her pretty little head full of ignorant little thoughts that those in the basement rolled their eyes at.
She liked life like that. She had her pretty little boyfriend, whom all girls wanted - and who most had a go at if they looked anything like (or were as easy as) Pam Macey – but that's beside the point, which is that she was the one to exclusively get the title of "his girlfriend".
Sure, Michael, back then, was the perfect thing for the shallow girl. Maybe even now, if she hadn't been through everything her eighteen year old self has been though, she'd still think he'd be the perfect trophy husband for her perfect, fake future life.
But she's not that same girl, and as her perfectly manicured fingers twitch at the touch of the cold door knob, she thinks that maybe life would be easier if she hadn't grown at all.
So she takes a deep breath of the crisp November air, and walks into the room that holds the one human that has killed the girl she used to be.
She closes the door quickly behind her, hoping that the cold air hasn't seeped in much, and quickly scans the room before letting out a breath that she didn't know she was holding.
It's just Donna.
"You're just in time to help me finish packing," Donna says, not even lifting her eyes from the half filled box of cheap crap that sits next to her.
"Ugh, Donna," Jackie sighs in disgust, plopping herself onto the old couch that holds so many memories. "I can't believe you're taking all of this crap with you," the petite brunette scolds, lifting a Star Wars poster by the tip of her fingers, as if the paper could give her nerd-cooties upon full contact.
"Well, considering this "crap" is pretty important to my fiance, who will be living with me, yes, I will be taking it with," the tall blonde replies, annoyance clearly evident as she rolls her eyes at Jackie.
The brunette pays no attention though, instead letting her eyes wander through the room that marks so many chapters of her young life. And with that thought, a dull pain makes way through the numbness that her heart has become, so she shakes it away and focuses back on Donna.
"I went ahead and booked you hair appointments for the next year," Jackie says very matter of factly, turning her attention back to Donna. "Since I can't promise to give you the help that you so badly need, now that you'll be so far away."
"Gee, thanks Jackie," Donna snorts, rolling her eyes yet again at the unintended insults that she's become so used to in the last few years.
"I know, I know," Jackie laughs, placing a small hand across her chest. "I'm a really good friend, you don't have to thank me, Donna."
So maybe that ignorant, spoiled, rich little girl still lives somewhere deep in there.
"You promise you'll come and visit, right?" Donna asks seriously, but the scold that Jackie throws at her is a clear indication that the answer is an obvious one.
"Duh, Donna!" Jackie scuffs, lightly kicking her friend's chin from the sitting position she's in. How ridiculous. If Donna think she's going to be able to decorate her apartment in a way that is acceptable by society, alone, then think again. Of course she'll be visiting her. How Donna expects to survive without the genius and perfection that is Jackie Burkhart is beside her.
The two share a knowing laugh, which slowly fades into a silence that both girls welcome.
The thought of Donna leaving scares the hell out of her. Hell, the thought of Eric leaving even. She'd never share this with a breathing person though, because vulnerability is one thing she hates, even if ironically her emotions are the one thing that she allows everyone to play with. At least, once she did. Not anymore.
Those emotions have been hidden by many walls she's put up, and the art of zen that she's mastered from the one person that's broken her heart into a million pieces before.
She's scared of what will become of her once the glue that held everything together moves to Madison. She's scared of change, and she's scared of the void that comes when those close to you leave you forgotten. Her parents have done it, hell the person she loved did too.
Donna promises that nothing will change, but they both know that change is something out of their control. Donna and Eric are on their way to starting a new chapter together, and Jackie's so, so excited for them. But she knows, she knows that it's inevitable for her to be left behind.
She doesn't know who she is anymore. For so long, this group of friends had defined her, and she's purposely sheltered herself behind them so that she doesn't know if she can survive alone.
She doesn't know if she can survive in a world where the Big Bad Wolf lives a few blocks away, and there's no Donna to hold her when she cries, because Little Red Riding Hood saw said predator gnawing on the lips of another girl at The Hub.
To say she's broken is an understatement. To say she's lost doesn't even begin to cover it. She's numb to the world, because she thinks that letting herself feel the pain that is locked away one more time will surely kill her.
"Will you be okay?" Donna's words cut through the silence, pulling Jackie back to the reality that she so badly wants to escape.
She can't help the melancholy smile that grazes her glossed lips, because although her and Donna are so different, the blonde seems to be able to read her mind in those rare moments.
"Yes," she says simply, maintaining her sad smile as she tucks a blonde strand of hair behind Donna's ear.
"I'm sorry for how everything turned out," Donna says sadly, and Jackie can tell that the apology is a truly sincere one, so she tries to force back the lump that begins to form in her throat.
She can never keep herself together when others show compassion.
Jackie nods, unable to say anything for fear that if she speaks a word now, the tears will begin to fall and she won't be able to stop them.
"I know you probably don't want to hear this," Donna begins, and Jackie's miss-matched eyes turn on her threateningly, because the red head is treading on a wound that is too deep to be opened. But Donna ignores the red rimmed orbs, because she knows that Jackie needs to hear this. "But he is sorry for everything."
"Sorry?" Jackie hisses, the prickle of the first few tears beginning to make her brow scrunch. "Really, Donna? How can he be sorry when he constantly burns me? How can he be sorry when he treats me like I'm a fucking Pam Macey? How can he be sorry when he acts like the last two years never happened?" She gasps, the throbbing pain in her chest now taking over her full body. "He acts like I never mattered." Her hand is now tightly grasping at her chest, her voice cracking as the last two words leave her body.
"Jackie, I-"
"How can I love him so much, when he cares about me so little?" She finally asks, the tiredness in her voice clearly evident as the tears continue to fall.
And Donna thinks she looks so innocent then, so scared, and vulnerable, that she wishes for the magical words to ease the pain. She wishes to be able to take it all away, because as much as she rolled her eyes at the old Jackie, she'd do anything in the world to have her back right now.
She knows that anything she says will make no difference, because when your heart is aching this badly, the person that broke it is the only one that can mend it.
So she settles for the only words that she's sure of, "Jackie, you're strong. You're hurting now, but I promise, one day it won't hurt this bad."
"Thank you, Donna," Jackie sniffles, a sincere smile grazing her pretty face for the first time in months.
The two friends share a hug that seems to last forever, before the moment is quickly interrupted by a little foreign creep that seems to lurk every corner.
"That's right, my pretties, just a little closer now," Fez whispers, his lips mere inches away from Jackie's ear.
"Ugh, God, Fez," Donna laughs, pushing his face away with the palm of her hand. "I swear, I won't be surprised the day I hear you got locked up on sexual harassment charges."
"Oooh, sexual harassment!" Fez claps, looking back and fourths between the two girls. "That sounds like fun!"
Shaking her head, Jackie stands up from the couch. "Well, I'm gonna go fix my make up."
"Yes, Jackie, please do that," Fez says very seriously as he takes a sugar daddy from his pocket. "My sweet princess looks more like a poor stable girl right now."
"Oh my God!" Is all that escapes Jackie in horror.
"Fez!" Donna scolds, punching him on the shoulder, as Jackie covers her face while running up the basement stairs.
"What?" Fez asks innocently, his solders rising as he unwraps his sweet sugary treat. "I only speak the truth."
Just as Fez finishes his statement, the basement door opens and in comes the man of Donna's dreams and his less desirable asshole best friend.
"Hey baby," she coos as he slumps down on the empty spot on the couch next to her.
"Hey," he smiles back before placing a quick kiss on her cheeks. "If I would have known moving would be this hard, we'd be living with our parents forever."
"Woah, that's pretty bold statement," Donna says, unable to hold back a laugh as her fiance's face turns into that serious one that occurs right before he's about to make a Star Wars reference.
"Yes, yes it is," he agrees, pointer finger wildly shaking in the air. "When Luke-"
"Oh, Jesus, shut up, Foreman," Hyde groans, pulling a Popsicle out of the freezer and sticking it in his mouth. If he hears another fucking Star Wars reference today, he's going to fucking kill himself.
"You can tell me later, baby," Donna whispers, gently patting Eric on the knee. "So did you guys finish packing?" The tall girl asks, turning her attention to Hyde, who's comfortably sitting on his favorite chair.
"Yup," he nods, his attention completely focused on the Charlie Brown marathon that's playing on the small TV. Because of this, he fails to notice the pixie brunette that saunters down the steps into the cold basement.
She doesn't notice him until her right foot hits the bottom step, and by then it's too late to turn around and run back up. Her heart does a weird flip somewhere in her stomach, and the butterflies that seem to erupt from somewhere inside of her threaten to take over her whole being.
How is that after all he's done to her, and how much she loathes the bastard, her whole body can melt into a puddle of goop just from seeing him?
She gives a small cough once both of her feet are firmly planted on the solid ground, and like expected, every head in the room turns to acknowledge the small brunette.
"Devil," Eric greets, nodding his head in her direction before turning his gaze back to the TV.
Hyde only looks at her briefly, but like always, his disinterest is clearly evident, not even bothering to acknowledge her. This act alone, one that she's become so used to in the last few months, hurts her more than any evil word he has ever thrown at her.
He's past the taunting now, he's past even speaking to her. Hell, last time he spoke to her was exactly three weeks ago, at approximately 9:52 P.M., when he found her alone in the basement and asked where everybody else was.
At least when he fought with her, and insulted her, she could see some sort of emotion.
Now, he doesn't even see her as worthy of an insult. As worthy of breath spent upon her. Or even a measly look.
It's like she's not even an enemy, it's like she's just nothing.
But then she feels the onset of tears again, so she takes a deep breath and pushes forth the facade that she's mastered in these last few months.
"It's gonna be weird not having this place anymore," Eric says, glancing around the almost empty room as Jackie sits on the arm of the couch farthest away from Hyde.
"Yeah," Jackie agrees, nodding her head solemnly. "Who knew I'd miss trash."
The statement causes Hyde to look away from the TV, and for the first time in weeks the two make eye contact. Though she can't see his blue orbs, she can feel his intense gaze on her, and that alone is enough to send chills through her small body.
The moment is broken quickly though, so quickly that the small brunette is left wondering if it was all just part of her imagination.
But by the way that their friends seem to be staring between the two once lovers, Jackie can tell that they all sadly witnessed the exchange.
And because of the palpable silence that followed, Jackie wished she could fall down the magic hole that Alice had found, because being anywhere else right now would be better than being in this god forsaken room.
"Wait, I do not understand," Fez says, breaking the silence. "When Jackie says, "trash" is she speaking of this room, or of our dear friend Hyde?"
"Fez!" Donna scolds yet again, her eyes widening as she bids death upon their foreign friend.
"Yeah, Jackie, what did you mean?" All eyes are now on Hyde. He has a smug smile on his face, as his eyes fix on the brunette that looks like she's suddenly lost the ability to form words.
Sure, this wasn't the first time that she had delivered a little snide comment towards him. He knew they were simply Jackie's immature little taunts, so he usually just ignored them, but tonight was different. Tonight he felt like drawing blood. Maybe it was because he heard that Jackie was yapping around about her new "like" for Fez. Or maybe it's because she looked so fucking hot in that red dress, that it literally made him angry.
Either way, he was showing no mercy.
"I-" she begins, her posture stiffening as she tries to turn her feelings and emotions into stone.
"I think trash would better define a girl who sleeps with the best friend of the guy she's dating," he says coolly, smirk growing wider as he watches her face contort between shock and hurt. "Don't you guys agree?" Hyde asks the rest of the occupants in the room, but his gaze remains on only Jackie.
"I didn't slept with him," her words are meant to come out strong, but they fail her as they escape her lips.
He pays no attention to her words though, his mind is clouded with pent up rage that he didn't even know was there, so it's as if he doesn't even hear her.
"It's funny, you always said how much it hurt when Kelso cheated on you with Pam Macey." He's now sitting on the edge of his seat, hands on his knees as his words cut through the silence. "Who knew you'd end up being just like her."
She can't quite remember what happened after that. Or how she ended up at her house. And she's lost count of the number of phone calls she's ignored from Donna in the last three hours. But as those last tears reserved for Steven Hyde leave her body, she swears that this will be the last time she mourns his loss.
She's beautiful, and young, and smart. She's strong. The boy she fell in love with is long gone, and she won't let the body that's left completely break her.
And as she wipes away that last tear, she swears that she'll make him regret what he's done to her. She'll make him miss and want her the way she did him.
She'll hurt him in the way he hurt her.
Fuck Steven Hyde.
-X-
I promise this story will eventually be happy/JH goodness. I just need to torture Hyde for all the torture he put Jackie/me/all zennies through. So please be kind, and I promise I'll bring back the Hyde that we all fell in love with.
PLEASE review and let me know your thoughts or comments... whether good or bad, because I'm so nervous about this story. Reviews push me to continue updating and quite frankly make me super happy. Any ideas/thoughts/help is welcome.