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Tit For Tat
After thinking good and hard, and for lack of a better title,
By: TBOtaku
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Vincent Valentine groaned. His body had gotten damn beat up after that long battle with the Ultimate Weapon. He needed a bath. With that thought, he walked into the bathroom of his room in Cloud's Costa de Sol villa and started to undress, careful not to let his clothes touch the still fresh wounds on his skin. He turned the shower onto hot water, stepped in, and pulled the curtains in. Vincent sighed; he finally felt relaxed after being tense and cramped for so long.
(Flashback to Cloud's car, two hours ago…)
"Why didn't you buy a bigger car?" Vincent grumbled.
Cloud looked him in the eye. "Because it was the biggest they had in Bone Village. So sue me. And anyway I didn't have enough gil to buy the deluxe version after I bought that awesome sword." Cloud smiled down at his new Moonblade sword. "Awww…you need a polishing, don'tcha? Yeeesss you do! Yessss you do! I bet you'd like that, wouldn't yo-"
"SOMEBODY had better SHUT THE )!#($!@ UP BEFORE I USE MY GUN ON YOU, FOO!" Barret and Cid yelled simultaneously from the back seat next to Vincent, "BECAUSE IT'S GETTIN' ON MAH NERVES, STRIFE! "
Cloud turns around and notices their newly upgraded weapons. O.O
Vincent smiles, but then winces as that humungous idiot Cait Sith moved around again and bumped him on his arm. The arm that HURT. He should just take out his claw and bludgeon that fool to death, but he had proved himself in battle…stupid mog. Stupid cat, not to mention wacko pervert. Vincent had caught him looking in at him through a crack in the door while he was in the bath more than once. Remembering this, he flexed his claw restlessly. Cait Sith stopped moving abruptly.
(End flashback)
***
Meanwhile, Yuffie Kisaragi was busy "collecting" as she called it. In reality she was going through all of Vincent's stuff in his room looking for some good materia to steal. Vincent was bound to have something really good, she had never searched his room before. "Damnit, Valentine; where the hell do you put your @)#!( materia?!" She yelled, frustrated after 15 minutes of searching. "…Waitasec, doesn't he usually take all his stuff-weapons included, that wierdo-into the shower with him? Awwww, damnit all to hell! The things I do for materia…" Yuffie squeezed her eyes shut for a minute and then opened them again. An evil smile appeared on her face. "Well, well, Valentine, we _are_ going to have some fun, aren't we? Oh, yes we are….heh heh heh." Yuffie quickly cleaned everything up and crept silently out of the room.
***
The steamy shower calmed Vincent down. He slowly lathered up his hands and began washing his wounds, making sure to clean them so that he wouldn't be getting any nasty infections. The soap slipped from his hands and zipped around the tub until it settled in the bottom right corner. Vincent bent down to get it.
Yuffie saw her chance. She had snuck into the bathroom through a secret passageway used for emergencies about 10 seconds before and waited patiently. While Vincent was distracted, she quickly went through all his things on the ground, making sure to put them back where they were before. She checked his shirt(hmm…nice. Was this made out of silk?). No materia. She checked his gun. No materia. She checked his pants(Urgh, I think I'm gonna puke!). No materia. She almost screamed. 'OH #)(@! He musta taken it into the shower with him! Nooooooo!!! Oh well; good thing I am the best Wutai ninja in history." Yuffie let out a shaky sigh and stepped into the shower behind Vincent, her eyes closed tightly. Then she opened them.
The sight of it make her freeze where she was. Oh holy @)^!*# what a sexy bod that scary vampire guy had. Yuffie stood frozen there, unable to move, much less take her eyes off Vincent searching for the soap.
'I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here' was going through her mind like a broken record, but she was paralyzed. Another, more perverted thought crept into her head: 'Oh gawd; sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy…' And still she stood, her hair and clothes getting soaked by the hot water, with her mouth hanging open like some kind of idiot.
'Got it!' Vincent thought. He reached for the pouf(yes, the pouf.)hanging behind him. But where was the pouf? And why was there something soft behind him instead of the rack and the wall? "Uhhh…" Vincent turned around…
And saw that he had his hand clenched on the left breast of Yuffie Kisaragi. O.O
"…OH MY GOD HOLY MOTHER )!#(@!ING @)(#!)@!!)$(!@# WHAT THE )#($!)(!)! ARE YOU DOING HERE YUFFIE KISARAGI OH @)(#!)!! OH MY GOD GET OUT! GET OUT! OH HOLY MOTHER @)#(! @!#(!!@#(!)@ )@$T)^Y&!)!)(#@ )(&@)$&$(*(**(#*)(*(&^#)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Barret, Tifa, Cid, Cloud, Aeris and Red XIII looked up from watching the TV. Cait Sith was outside busy repairing his mog body. "Uhh, Cid, I think you'd better go check on him," Red XIII said. "What the f*ck?! Why me, you lousy dog?? Why don't YOU go, or better yet, why doesn't Tifa or Barret go?" Cid yelled. But it was too late. Tifa, Barret, and a hysterically laughing Cloud had dragged him to the bathroom door and shoved him into it. Cid slammed into the door, and the force of his body hitting the wood broke it open. SLAM!
The foursome stared goggle-eyed at the scene before them: Vincent Valentine, naked as a newborn baby, was clutching at Yuffie's left boob and sounded like he was choking. The shower was still on, but the curtain had been pushed aside. It also looked like Vincent was having a nosebleed. A very, very bad nosebleed.
Tifa, Cloud, Barret and Cid: O.O… YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!
The awkward couple slowly turned toward them. Then Vincent noticed that he was still holding onto Yuffie's breast and let go. "…Excuse…me…" Yuffie turned around, sat down, hugged her knees, and screamed…extremely loud. Likewise, Vincent had finally regained his aura of death and silence-not to mention common sense-and wrapped a towel around his torso. Then he grabbed Yuffie, threw her out of the bathroom and slammed the door shut. After about 20 seconds, he came back out, fully dressed this time and stared at Yuffie.
"Yuffie Kisaragi what do you think you're doing in the shower with me?!" He demanded.
Yuffie sensed that she was being ordered around and quickly regained her composure. "I was looking for materia and couldn't find it in your room so I thought you took it into the shower with you so I snuck into the bathroom but I didn't find any materia in your stuff there either so I thought you had it in the shower with you so I went in to see" she prattled. Yuffie took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"You pervert! For your information I hide my materia in Cid's closet next to his porno magazines!" Vincent yelled. Cid turned scarlet and mumbled something about "getting em for the coupons." Tifa acted swiftly and pounded his head into the floor with her elbow. Meanwhile Cloud had been laughing the whole time and was still at it now. Barret took the lead and pulled Yuffie none too gently into his room.
"Now, Yuffie, I know you ain't a pervert, or at least I hope to God you're not, but this is just plain wrong and I want you to explain yourself before I gotta pound your girly ass in front of everybody," Barret growled.
"It's just like I told ya, Barret! I was looking for his materia and I froze when I saw him! I didn't MEAN to just keep staring at him like that!" Yuffie protested.
Barret eyed her for a second. "Yuffie, was that your first time seein a man naked?" Yuffie nodded. "Oh, lord. Yuffie I suppose your father never gave you 'the talk,' right?" Yuffie shook her head no. "Oh, LORD," said Barret. "Ok, well let's just close the door, and don't you ever say a WORD about this, girl, or I am really going to kick your ass to Midgar." Barret shut the door. After two hours, a lot of crayons, cross-dressing, and much serious talking, Yuffie got the full dose of "the talk." Slowly, she stood up from her sitting position on the bed and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW GAWD I AM NEVER HAVING SEX I NEVER WANNA SEE ANOTHER NEKKID GUY AGAIN IN MY LIFE!" Yuffie screamed. Five pairs of eyes stared at her. Vincent was sulking in his room. Yuffie ran into her room and got dressed faster than she had ever gotten dressed in her life, coming out in a white tank top and jeans shorts. Then she walked into the hall and headed towards the living room. As she rounded the corner, she smacked into something solid. And that something solid was Vincent Valentine, a shocked look on his face with skin matching his capes. "…" He stared at her for a second and then walked away into the living room. Yuffie looked at her feet and followed him.
***
The group eyed the pair at dinner. Neither was eating a bite. Both were staring at the meal as if their lives would end if they looked up from the plate. "Anyone want cherry pie?" Tifa offered helpfully. Normally Yuffie loved cherry pie. But tonight she just kept staring at her food. Vincent was busy checking his claw, and silent as always. Cloud took advantage of the situation and started shoveling as much food into his mouth as possible. He was reaching for the last slice of pie when he saw another hand going toward it at the same time. Cid. The two men started death glares at each other and started getting into fighting mode.
Yuffie stole a quick glance at Vincent, who just happened to be staring at her too. They blushed deeply, and Yuffie started turning away, but noticed that Vincent had not taken his eyes off her. Meanwhilst Cloud flew like a drunken pixie out of the window and Cid, with a happy look on his face, was stuffing the pie into his mouth. ^_^
Vincent stood up suddenly and beckoned at Yuffie with a twitch of his finger. Confused, she followed him out of the villa and into the humid Costa de Sol night air.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You like? Then go on to chapter 2! And don't forget to review! Thank you for reading! This is my second fan fiction so far! Don't worry, I'm starting chapter 2 right after I post this!
Info: This chapter was written on April 8th, 2001 at approximately 8:42 PM Eastern Standard Time in Maryland, USA by TBOtaku.
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Tit For Tat
After thinking good and hard, and for lack of a better title,
By: TBOtaku
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vincent Valentine groaned. His body had gotten damn beat up after that long battle with the Ultimate Weapon. He needed a bath. With that thought, he walked into the bathroom of his room in Cloud's Costa de Sol villa and started to undress, careful not to let his clothes touch the still fresh wounds on his skin. He turned the shower onto hot water, stepped in, and pulled the curtains in. Vincent sighed; he finally felt relaxed after being tense and cramped for so long.
(Flashback to Cloud's car, two hours ago…)
"Why didn't you buy a bigger car?" Vincent grumbled.
Cloud looked him in the eye. "Because it was the biggest they had in Bone Village. So sue me. And anyway I didn't have enough gil to buy the deluxe version after I bought that awesome sword." Cloud smiled down at his new Moonblade sword. "Awww…you need a polishing, don'tcha? Yeeesss you do! Yessss you do! I bet you'd like that, wouldn't yo-"
"SOMEBODY had better SHUT THE )!#($!@ UP BEFORE I USE MY GUN ON YOU, FOO!" Barret and Cid yelled simultaneously from the back seat next to Vincent, "BECAUSE IT'S GETTIN' ON MAH NERVES, STRIFE! "
Cloud turns around and notices their newly upgraded weapons. O.O
Vincent smiles, but then winces as that humungous idiot Cait Sith moved around again and bumped him on his arm. The arm that HURT. He should just take out his claw and bludgeon that fool to death, but he had proved himself in battle…stupid mog. Stupid cat, not to mention wacko pervert. Vincent had caught him looking in at him through a crack in the door while he was in the bath more than once. Remembering this, he flexed his claw restlessly. Cait Sith stopped moving abruptly.
(End flashback)
***
Meanwhile, Yuffie Kisaragi was busy "collecting" as she called it. In reality she was going through all of Vincent's stuff in his room looking for some good materia to steal. Vincent was bound to have something really good, she had never searched his room before. "Damnit, Valentine; where the hell do you put your @)#!( materia?!" She yelled, frustrated after 15 minutes of searching. "…Waitasec, doesn't he usually take all his stuff-weapons included, that wierdo-into the shower with him? Awwww, damnit all to hell! The things I do for materia…" Yuffie squeezed her eyes shut for a minute and then opened them again. An evil smile appeared on her face. "Well, well, Valentine, we _are_ going to have some fun, aren't we? Oh, yes we are….heh heh heh." Yuffie quickly cleaned everything up and crept silently out of the room.
***
The steamy shower calmed Vincent down. He slowly lathered up his hands and began washing his wounds, making sure to clean them so that he wouldn't be getting any nasty infections. The soap slipped from his hands and zipped around the tub until it settled in the bottom right corner. Vincent bent down to get it.
Yuffie saw her chance. She had snuck into the bathroom through a secret passageway used for emergencies about 10 seconds before and waited patiently. While Vincent was distracted, she quickly went through all his things on the ground, making sure to put them back where they were before. She checked his shirt(hmm…nice. Was this made out of silk?). No materia. She checked his gun. No materia. She checked his pants(Urgh, I think I'm gonna puke!). No materia. She almost screamed. 'OH #)(@! He musta taken it into the shower with him! Nooooooo!!! Oh well; good thing I am the best Wutai ninja in history." Yuffie let out a shaky sigh and stepped into the shower behind Vincent, her eyes closed tightly. Then she opened them.
The sight of it make her freeze where she was. Oh holy @)^!*# what a sexy bod that scary vampire guy had. Yuffie stood frozen there, unable to move, much less take her eyes off Vincent searching for the soap.
'I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here I gotta get outta here' was going through her mind like a broken record, but she was paralyzed. Another, more perverted thought crept into her head: 'Oh gawd; sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy…' And still she stood, her hair and clothes getting soaked by the hot water, with her mouth hanging open like some kind of idiot.
'Got it!' Vincent thought. He reached for the pouf(yes, the pouf.)hanging behind him. But where was the pouf? And why was there something soft behind him instead of the rack and the wall? "Uhhh…" Vincent turned around…
And saw that he had his hand clenched on the left breast of Yuffie Kisaragi. O.O
"…OH MY GOD HOLY MOTHER )!#(@!ING @)(#!)@!!)$(!@# WHAT THE )#($!)(!)! ARE YOU DOING HERE YUFFIE KISARAGI OH @)(#!)!! OH MY GOD GET OUT! GET OUT! OH HOLY MOTHER @)#(! @!#(!!@#(!)@ )@$T)^Y&!)!)(#@ )(&@)$&$(*(**(#*)(*(&^#)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Barret, Tifa, Cid, Cloud, Aeris and Red XIII looked up from watching the TV. Cait Sith was outside busy repairing his mog body. "Uhh, Cid, I think you'd better go check on him," Red XIII said. "What the f*ck?! Why me, you lousy dog?? Why don't YOU go, or better yet, why doesn't Tifa or Barret go?" Cid yelled. But it was too late. Tifa, Barret, and a hysterically laughing Cloud had dragged him to the bathroom door and shoved him into it. Cid slammed into the door, and the force of his body hitting the wood broke it open. SLAM!
The foursome stared goggle-eyed at the scene before them: Vincent Valentine, naked as a newborn baby, was clutching at Yuffie's left boob and sounded like he was choking. The shower was still on, but the curtain had been pushed aside. It also looked like Vincent was having a nosebleed. A very, very bad nosebleed.
Tifa, Cloud, Barret and Cid: O.O… YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!
The awkward couple slowly turned toward them. Then Vincent noticed that he was still holding onto Yuffie's breast and let go. "…Excuse…me…" Yuffie turned around, sat down, hugged her knees, and screamed…extremely loud. Likewise, Vincent had finally regained his aura of death and silence-not to mention common sense-and wrapped a towel around his torso. Then he grabbed Yuffie, threw her out of the bathroom and slammed the door shut. After about 20 seconds, he came back out, fully dressed this time and stared at Yuffie.
"Yuffie Kisaragi what do you think you're doing in the shower with me?!" He demanded.
Yuffie sensed that she was being ordered around and quickly regained her composure. "I was looking for materia and couldn't find it in your room so I thought you took it into the shower with you so I snuck into the bathroom but I didn't find any materia in your stuff there either so I thought you had it in the shower with you so I went in to see" she prattled. Yuffie took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"You pervert! For your information I hide my materia in Cid's closet next to his porno magazines!" Vincent yelled. Cid turned scarlet and mumbled something about "getting em for the coupons." Tifa acted swiftly and pounded his head into the floor with her elbow. Meanwhile Cloud had been laughing the whole time and was still at it now. Barret took the lead and pulled Yuffie none too gently into his room.
"Now, Yuffie, I know you ain't a pervert, or at least I hope to God you're not, but this is just plain wrong and I want you to explain yourself before I gotta pound your girly ass in front of everybody," Barret growled.
"It's just like I told ya, Barret! I was looking for his materia and I froze when I saw him! I didn't MEAN to just keep staring at him like that!" Yuffie protested.
Barret eyed her for a second. "Yuffie, was that your first time seein a man naked?" Yuffie nodded. "Oh, lord. Yuffie I suppose your father never gave you 'the talk,' right?" Yuffie shook her head no. "Oh, LORD," said Barret. "Ok, well let's just close the door, and don't you ever say a WORD about this, girl, or I am really going to kick your ass to Midgar." Barret shut the door. After two hours, a lot of crayons, cross-dressing, and much serious talking, Yuffie got the full dose of "the talk." Slowly, she stood up from her sitting position on the bed and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW GAWD I AM NEVER HAVING SEX I NEVER WANNA SEE ANOTHER NEKKID GUY AGAIN IN MY LIFE!" Yuffie screamed. Five pairs of eyes stared at her. Vincent was sulking in his room. Yuffie ran into her room and got dressed faster than she had ever gotten dressed in her life, coming out in a white tank top and jeans shorts. Then she walked into the hall and headed towards the living room. As she rounded the corner, she smacked into something solid. And that something solid was Vincent Valentine, a shocked look on his face with skin matching his capes. "…" He stared at her for a second and then walked away into the living room. Yuffie looked at her feet and followed him.
***
The group eyed the pair at dinner. Neither was eating a bite. Both were staring at the meal as if their lives would end if they looked up from the plate. "Anyone want cherry pie?" Tifa offered helpfully. Normally Yuffie loved cherry pie. But tonight she just kept staring at her food. Vincent was busy checking his claw, and silent as always. Cloud took advantage of the situation and started shoveling as much food into his mouth as possible. He was reaching for the last slice of pie when he saw another hand going toward it at the same time. Cid. The two men started death glares at each other and started getting into fighting mode.
Yuffie stole a quick glance at Vincent, who just happened to be staring at her too. They blushed deeply, and Yuffie started turning away, but noticed that Vincent had not taken his eyes off her. Meanwhilst Cloud flew like a drunken pixie out of the window and Cid, with a happy look on his face, was stuffing the pie into his mouth. ^_^
Vincent stood up suddenly and beckoned at Yuffie with a twitch of his finger. Confused, she followed him out of the villa and into the humid Costa de Sol night air.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You like? Then go on to chapter 2! And don't forget to review! Thank you for reading! This is my second fan fiction so far! Don't worry, I'm starting chapter 2 right after I post this!
Info: This chapter was written on April 8th, 2001 at approximately 8:42 PM Eastern Standard Time in Maryland, USA by TBOtaku.
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