Before Sephiroth becomes a friend.......before the fat chocobo..........there was............
Cloud and Tifa's "Wedding!"
By Moi ô¿ô
In Cloud's Condo...........
Aeris: Owww!!! My thumb! Stupid needle.......
Tifa: Thats the 56th time you've poked yourself, and you've finished one stitch!
Aeris: And you expect it to take 5 minutes to alter a wedding dress....Don't blame me that you got more implants!
Tifa: SHHHH!! Don't say that in public!
Barret is outside with a video camera......
Vincent: Did she say it???
Barret: She did!! She admitted it!!! Heheheheh.
Nanaki: I wanna see!
Nanaki climbs up on the windowsil, and Vincent and Barret leave.
Tifa: Its hot in here..... I'm gonna change into something lighter.
Tifa changes, in plain sight, and Nanaki views it all, then tells Cloud and the others.
Nanaki: Ugggghhh.........It was amazing! They're bigger than the North Crater!
Cloud: Wha?
Nanaki: And she was even wearing a bra! Then she took it off........
Cloud: WHAT!?!?!
Nanaki: HUGE! Bigger than the list of victims Sephiroth claimed!
Cloud: Then what hapened!?!!??!
Nanaki: Then she caught me, and slammed the window down on my paws.....
Cloud: She's not marrying you ya know!
Cid: Oh, come off it Cloud!
Yuffie: Were they bigger than mine!??!
Cloud: Who's arn't?
Yuffie: Bud! You've just crossed the line!!
Cloud: *Sarcastically* Oh, have I?
Yuffie darts behind Cloud, then goes back. Cloud suddenly realizes that his armor is missing.
Cloud: You...wouldn't....you....couldn't!
Yuffie: Watch me! Knights of the Round!!!!
The 13 Knights of the Round Table slash at Cloud, who comes out of it; fried.
Cait Sith: Now look what you've gone and done!!!
Yuffie: Ha!
Cid: *gawks* Wow.....that was @^%$ing cool!!
Yuffie: You know how I feel about cursing!
Cid: *mumbles random curse words*
Yuffie: Grrrr! Ultima!
Cid gets fried by Ultima's green fire.
Cait Sith: I loathe you.
Yuffie fries Cait Sith.
Yuffie: Anyone who gets one step outta line gets simmered to a golden brown!
Aeris looks out the window.
Aeris: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Her scream shatters every window.
Tifa: What!? For the love of God, what!?!?
Aeris: Cait Sith!! Cloud!!!!! Cid!!
Tifa: I noticed you put 5 exclamation points for Cloud, Aeris.
Aeris: So?
Tifa: So you admit it!!
Aeris: Admit WHAT!!?!?
Tifa puts Aeris's hair in the sewing machine.
Aeris: AHHH! Get me out of here! I'll expose your secret!
Tifa stops dead.
Tifa: Fine........
Yuffie reigns with tyranny on Costa Del Sol.
Hojo looks up from his beach blanket.
Hojo: The hell?
Woman with big boobs: Is there anything I can get you?
Hojo: Quiet you! (That sounds like that cute little materia hunter...)
Yuffie: And another thing! I want materia factories built!
Citizen: Yes ma'm........
Yuffie: Heh....this isn't so bad.....
Tifa: Yuffie! Bring back Cloud this instant!
Yuffie: Quiet! I love this song.....
The song plays.....its some boy band....
Yuffie makes up words.......
Yuffie: *Points to Tifa* Cuz she's a hooker! Yeah...yeah....fake boobs.........big head......tiny brains.....a walking oxymoron.
Tifa: DIE!!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: *Pulls out materia* Slow!
Tifa: N.........O........O...........O........O.........O........!..........!.......!.........I..........H..........A........T..........E..........P.........I............C.........K...........L..........E...........S.........!...........!......!........
Aeris: What? Pickles??
Yuffie: Do you object to my ruling? *Points to Aeris*
Aeris: I really object, but not to you.... I was dead, and one with the planet and happy....then Tifa brought me back just to make her wedding dress bigger cuz she got more implants.
Tifa: ..............................D.............I................E...........L........E......T.........T.........U..........C..............E........!....!......!.......!
Aeris: I noticed you're using a manipulate materia too.
Yuffie: She knows too much! Take her away!
Yuffie has random people take Aeris to be imprisoned in an Italian kitchen.
Aeris: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile....Cloud and Cid, and Cait Sith are dead.
Cloud: I was gonna get married.....
Cid: Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you marry Ruby Weapon that night you got drunk?
Cloud: Oh.........yeah..... guess I forgot to divorce her....heh....
Cait Sith: She can see the dead can't she....
Cloud: Sure....and like all weapons, she can inflict pain on the dead.
Cid: Weeeeeell I hate to send you out to die.....again......but it really is the right thing to do.
Cloud: Mumble....grumble....
At the sand field where Ruby lives.
Cloud: Uhhh....Ruby?
Ruby Weapon: Stratus!
Cloud: Umm no, my name is Cloud.
Ruby: Oh......sorry, sweety.
Cloud: Umm I just came to say that I *cough* wanna divorce *cough*
Ruby: .........................
Cloud: Well! I see we're agreed, I'll have my lawyer send you the papers!
Ruby: ....................................
Cloud runs for it.
20 minutes later................
Ruby: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud's Lawyer: Waaaaaaaaaaa!!! Stop burning me with that green fire!
Back at Costa Del Sol..........
Yuffie: And I want a car, and I want Tifa dead, and I want Aeris dead, and I want that perv who's staring at me from the beach dead, and I want Sephiroth, who's running at me right now dead, and I-
Sephiroth: Yaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Yuffie: !!!! Release all the prisoners, and revive the dead ones!
Everyone is released/revived, and Sephiroth draws nearer..........
Cloud: Nope, you took the materia, you kill Sephy.
Yuffie: Puuuuuuuhlease pleasepleaseplease!
Tifa: Aeris, forgive me, but you really stink.
Aeris: Well excuse me Miss. Ithinkeverythingisavegetable!
Yuffie: Fine......
Yuffie confronts Sephy.........
Yuffie: *with low spirits* Flare.........
Sephy gets blown into the air, and goes up real high...........
Cloud: Wow.....he really went flying.............
Barret: Uh-oh..... he's headin to where Ruby Weapon lives......
Cloud: Poor poor Sephiroth........
Cid: Yeah! Your wife's gonna have a blast with him!
Tifa: Wife???
Cloud: Yeah.... umm the thing is........
Hojo dashes up from the beach......
Hojo: Yuffie is my wife!
Yuffie: WHAT!!?!?!? AGGGHH!! I've never been more insulted!!!!
Hojo: Marry me Yuffie!
Yuffie: Go kiss a diseased Chocobo!!!
Hojo kisses Yuffie.
Hojo: You looked like a Chocobo...so I kissed you.......
Yuffie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: What kind of a compliment is that??
Yuffie equips every magic enhancing accessory known to man at once.
Yuffie: MANIPULATE!!!
Hojo's pupils dialate, and he makes weird hand motions around his head.
Hojo: I-am-your-wash-ing-ma-chine.
Cloud: What a dufus...........
Vincent: So whats this about your wife, Cloud?
Cloud: *under his breath* Thanks coffin boy........
Tifa: Well?
Cloud: Ruby Weapon is my wife, and I forgot to divorce her!!!
Tifa: ............
Cloud: Change the subject! While she's stunned!
Barret: We taped you admitting you had implants!!
Tifa: WHA!!?!?
Vincent: Heh.....heh....
Tifa tries to fry Vincent, and Barret, but of course, she has no materia. Yuffie has taken it all.
Yuffia: Heh....heh....
Citizen: Miss. Yuffie? I have a bill for you. From your materia factories.
Yuffie reads the bill.
Yuffie: 963 Billion Gill!??!?!? I can't pay that!
Cloud: You'll have to get a job then.
Yuffie: The teenager's nightmare........You can't make me!
Cloud: Then we'll pay it....on one condition.......
Yuffie: Anything!!!
The party ties Yuffie to the top of the North Corel mako reactor, with a flag that says; I am Yuffie, the stupid dork who ate a Molboro tentacle.
Yuffie: At least it can't get worse.........
Sephy: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sephiroth falls on top of the reactor, and apon seeing Yuffie, repeatedly clonks her on the head, with the hilt of his sword.
Sephy: The Masamune conqures all!
Back at Costa Del Sol........The wedding is under way.......
Tifa: I do! Oh yeah I do!
Barret: Heh heh.
Cloud: I.........I..........I.........
Tifa: *whispers* Do!
Cloud: Do....do.....
Cid: Doo-doo! Thats my kind of wedding vow!
Aeris: SHHHH!!!
Priest: You doo-doo? Ok. I now pronounce you wife, and feces.
Marlene: Daddy? Whats feces?
Barret: Aparently what Cloud is.........
Marlene: Oh. Ok. Hi Feces!! Feces, over here!
Cloud: Uggghhhhh.............!
Tifa: One picture, before me and Feces go on our Honeymoon!
Cloud: Ok! I feel better now!
On the plane to the Mideel Resort, Tifa recites her plans.
Tifa: I thought we'd spend the whole day reading, and then the next day we could go to a play, and then then we can eat, then we'll go to 3 more plays, and then well pack up, and leave!
Cloud stares at Tifa.
Cloud: Wha? You mean......no......
Tifa: That would be dirty!
Cloud: I...I'm gonna go to the bath room.......
Cloud reaches the bath room, and tries to flush himself down the toilet.
Cloud: Noooo! I'm too big!
Cloud finnaly gets expelled through the poop hole.
Cloud: Freedom!
Cloud lands, and Ruby Weapon catches him.
Cloud: Ruby?
Ruby: Cirrus!
Cloud: Cloud.
Ruby: Ohh. Right. Heh.
Cloud and Ruby get married, and Ruby recites her Honeymoon plans............
Ruby: I thought we'd spend the whole day reading, and then the next day we could go to a play, and then then we can eat, then we'll go to 3 more plays, and then well pack up, and leave!
Cloud: Wha? Ok.....ummm I'm gonna go to the bath room.....
Ruby: We're outside!
Cloud: It doesn't matter!
Meanwhile at the North Corel reactor.......
Sephy: And then she told me that she was a creature from space! Waaaaaaaa!
Yuffie: Its ok....let it out.....
Sephy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
At Costa Del Sol.............
Cloud: I made it!
Tifa: Oh Cloud! I was so worried! But now we have to spend 2 days reading, 8 plays, AND frolic in a flowery medow, while everyone we know is watching! Won't it be fun?
Cloud: Be right back Tifa! I'm gonna go to the bath room!
THE END ô¿ô