These Are the Forgeries of Jealousy
Matt wandered through the Castleship, bored and restless. He enjoyed exploring this new home of his ever since he arrived a couple of weeks – movements – ago. However, it was currently the middle of the night and he couldn't sleep - a hold over from the last couple of years of imprisonment and being on the run. It was hard to convince his mind and his body that he was relatively safe and with his sister, no less. He still couldn't believe that he found his sister, or rather, his sister found him. Matt knew Katie was brilliant, but the tales that he was told since his rescue stretched even his belief. Pidge, he corrected himself. She now preferred the nickname he had once given her.
Matt looked into what he assumed were seldom used rooms, due to their lack of either furnishing or sense of purpose. He did make a few cool discoveries, one being a room whose sole use seemed to be for meditation, as well as a pool that looked like no one ever used it. At least the Paladins had never mentioned it. That the pool was on the ceiling was quite likely the reason the Paladins failed to tell him.
He thought about the Paladins. To think that his little sister was a Paladin, one of five brave warriors piloting a part of the mighty robot Voltron, was really too much. In spite of the fact that Matt knew how capable Katie - sorry, Pidge - was, to know that she was in an elite force fighting to save the universe gave him an overwhelming sense of pride and he wished his parents could know so they could be proud as well.
Matt sighed. His father was still missing and his mother was back on Earth, probably heartbroken now that Pidge had disappeared. His mother must think she had lost her whole family, and Matt wanted nothing more than to get word to her that at least her children were alright.
This melancholy line of thought was what kept him awake yet again. He had given up on sleep and decided to explore, even though the ship was a little eerie this late in the sleep cycle.
Matt eventually made his way to the control center of the ship. He knew that someone should be there, monitoring the comms and watching for any potential threats. Allura, Coran, and the Paladins would take turns working the 'overnight shift' so to speak, and Matt felt in the mood for human company.
The door swished quietly open and Matt didn't see anyone at first as he stepped in. As the door shut, however, he spotted Lance, sitting on the floor close to the window just gazing out, but Matt could hear a muffled sniff in the rooms' silence.
Matt wasn't sure what to do. He'd been on the ship for a couple of movements after Naxzela, but hadn't gotten to know any of the Paladins well, though he thought he would probably like them once he knew them better. Especially Lance and Hunk. They weren't that much younger than him and both of them seemed like a lot of fun. He was also grateful at how well they took care of Pidge. The only one he wasn't sure of was Keith, but that was a moot point now that the sullen young man had apparently left.
He stood uncertainly at the door, debating whether to go in or sneak away. He thought he might run to get Pidge or even Hunk, but it was also quite late and he didn't want to disturb them. Before he could make up his mind, Lance must have sensed him and had turned around.
"Hey," Matt said lamely. "Sorry to bother you."
"No, it's ok," Lance said as he reached up to wipe at his eyes and turned his face away, back toward the window.
"I can leave if you want to be alone."
"No, dude. Really, it's ok," Lance answered.
Matt waited another moment before crossing the room to where Lance sat. He lowered himself to the floor and just looked out at the stars.
"Couldn't sleep?" Lance asked.
"Nah. It's hard to. Too much on my mind and all that," Matt said with a shrug. "Weren't you on duty last night too?"
Lance nodded, "Yeah. I volunteered for Hunk tonight. I haven't been sleeping much so I figured I'd let him get some rest."
"Missing home? I miss my mom. I'm worried about her, you know. I can't imagine what she's going through now that Pidge disappeared. She must think she's lost her whole family."
"My family must think the same about me," Lance said absently. "I'm always missing home, but..." he began, but stopped himself. Lance didn't know Matt very well, just everything Pidge had told him. Matt had been a few years ahead of him at the Garrison, and while hearing about Matt for such a long time from both Pidge and Shiro, Lance felt like he did know him, he still didn't know him as an actual person.
"But?"
Lance chewed on his lower lip, an expression of uncertainty painted across his features. He wondered if he could trust this guy who was, to all intents and purposes, a stranger. Yet, a stranger might just be the kind of person he should talk to about what kept him up all night, every night. Lance needed to talk to someone, and for some reason couldn't talk to anyone on the Voltron team about it, not even Hunk.
"I know you don't really know me," Lance said. "But can I tell you something? Something I'd rather you not tell anyone? I just feel like I need to get this off my chest and I don't think I can tell anyone on the team. It's hard enough hiding it during the mind merge."
"Sure," Matt said easily, offering Lance a friendly smile. "I know sometimes it's easier talking to a stranger than it is to a friend."
Lance smiled a tired smile back, glad that this other young man understood. "It's true I miss my family, but it's not really the reason I can't sleep. I mean, I've kind of gotten used to the idea that I'm not going to see my family for a long time yet." Matt nodded in understanding and Lance glanced away toward the window again. "I miss Keith."
"Keith?"
Lance nodded. "Yeah. I-I worry about him, you know? He doesn't always think before he does things, so I worry that he'll get himself hurt or-or worse," he choked out that last word, then cleared his throat, though when he spoke again, his voice was harsh as if he were holding back more tears. "I don't know what I'd do..."
Matt watched Lance as he stared out at the cosmos, seeing how the starlight made the tears in his eyes stand out. Lance closed those eyes, drew up his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them before he continued. "I love Keith. No one else knows that."
Matt blinked a few times, surprised at this admission. His impression of Lance was of a guy who was an unabashed flirt – a ladies' man - who would probably never settle down or fall in love. Not love anyone seriously anyway. Matt reminded himself that this is why you didn't judge people on first impressions at all. And Keith? Keith didn't seem particularly lovable to Matt, but who was he to say?
"Does Keith know?" Matt asked gently.
Lance made a noise that was sort of an amused grunt. "No. I was too chicken to tell him before he left. I'm an idiot. If something happens to him, he'll never know."
"Don't think like that," Matt said. "From what I know of him he's tough and a great fighter. At least that's what Pidge and Shiro have said. He'll be alright."
"I know. I keep telling myself that. Then the nightmares come," Lance said with a shudder. "Every time I close my eyes, I see him hurt and bloodied. Or dead. I should have told him."
"You can tell him when he comes back."
"I don't know if he'll come back even if he survives everything."
"Shiro said that Keith thinks of all of you as his family. He'll come back."
"He does?" Lance said, the tone of his voice lifted slightly.
"Maybe you should talk to Shiro," Matt suggested. "He and Keith are really close. It might ease your mind anyway. Allow you to get some sleep."
Lance nodded, turning his head to look at Matt. He was letting the tears fall again and he reached up to wipe at his cheeks. "Thanks for listening. I do feel better now that someone knows. I mean, not to sound morbid or anything, but my job ain't exactly danger-free either. If something happens to me, I'd like Keith to know how much he meant to me."
"I hope I never have to tell him. You really should be the one to do that."
"I plan on it," Lance said resolutely. "I wasn't expecting him to just take off like that. His leaving made me realize that I can't wait. Naxzela made me realize that even more. I have no idea how he feels about me, but if I don't tell him, I have a feeling I'll always regret it no matter what."
The two young men sat for another varga or so just talking. Matt told him all about the time he separated from Shiro to when Pidge found him. Matt also talked a lot about his father and mother and the girlfriend he had left behind. Lance told Matt about his family back home, his fears and his anxieties. Something about Matt impelled Lance to confide in him, almost as if Matt were Hunk. Hunk knew all about Lance's insecurities and fears, but Hunk didn't know about Lance's love for Keith. By the time Matt finally left to go to bed, the two were fast friends.
Approximately three Phoebs after this conversation, which was about three Phoebs after Keith had left to join the Galra, Keith returned. Just because Keith was gone with the Blade did not mean they never heard from him. He occasionally would contact the team, usually getting Coran or Allura on the bridge, to check in. The conversations were short and, Keith would tell them, between missions, so there never was a regularity to it. Lance often hung around the bridge in the hopes of catching Keith when he did contact them. He was never able to and had to content himself with watching the video of the conversation which was recorded as standard procedure.
Lance would usually watch it privately, sitting alone in Red, Keith's former lion. He felt closer to Keith when in the lion, seated in the chair Keith had once occupied. Red seemed sympathetic as well. Lance had bonded well with the lion, which surprised him. He didn't seem to possess the attributes that Allura mentioned the lion preferred, especially the temperamental part. Lance had no illusions about himself, but he didn't think he was as fiery as Keith could be. Lance felt a closer affiliation for Blue, but he and Red got along just fine.
He would call up the message, usually a short exchange between Keith and Coran, Allura or Shiro. Once with Pidge and twice with Hunk. With each message, Keith looked more exhausted and more determined. He would say his training was going well, he was given more and more responsibility on missions, the missions had all been successful and the Blade was making good progress. The Voltron team member talking to Keith would update Keith on everyone and give Keith news - Keith always asked how everyone was.
Lance sighed, closing the latest message received only the day before. The dark circles under Keith's eyes worried him. There was a bandage on Keith's shoulder that Lance could see peeking through the collar of his t-shirt. His hair was longer, tied haphazardly back into a messy ponytail. Lance's fingers itched to comb through that hair and see if it was as silky as it looked. He wanted so much to nurse Keith, soothe his aches and pains, and force him to lay in bed and rest. Cradled in his arms, Lance thought with a bitter laugh, just as Keith had cradled him. Oh, Lance remembered alright.
He felt a calmness settle over his mind and knew that Red was trying to relax his Paladin. Red, in spite of being the temperamental lion, was good at calming Lance whenever he felt angsty over Keith. That was another reason why he liked to watch the recordings in Red. He knew the recordings would upset him and he also knew that Red would be there for him.
"I just miss him Red. So much."
The lions wouldn't really 'talk' in the true sense of the word to the Paladins. The Paladins would just know what the lions were thinking, if thinking was the right word. It was like words, phrases, and sentences would form in Lance's mind. Words that weren't his own and he knew it was Blue (before) and Red (now) that was 'speaking' to him.
"You love my former pilot, of course you miss him."
Lance almost slid off his seat, because Red had never indicated to him that he knew what love was and that he understood what Lance felt.
"You know about that?" Lance asked aloud.
"Of course, my Paladin. I chose you because of it. You have fire in you because of your love for Keith. Your love and respect for him allows him to be the leader he should be. He had to pilot the Black and I gave him up for that, but I saw your worth through your love of him. And his love for you. I knew if you were worthy of him, you were worthy of me."
Lance stared blankly at the screens in front of him. What? Keith loved him? At least Red thought that. Or was it just Lance's imagination, playing a trick on him? His brain just making him think that Red was 'saying' that. It felt like it did when the lions talked to him, but it wouldn't be the first time Lance had fooled himself.
"Keith loves me?" he asked in a squeak.
"Of course, my Paladin. He loves all of his team. He may not know how to show it, but he does."
"Oh," Lance said, his tone a little disappointed. Of course, Red meant a friendly love; one that you feel for close companions that you risked your life with every day. The kind of love he felt for the others. He loved his teammates too, but he loved Keith in a romantic way. It was too much to hope that Keith returned any love different than a friend type of love.
"You feel upset, Lance," Red put into his mind.
"It's nothing, Red," Lance said with a sigh. "I just hoped for something different."
"Keith feels a different kind of love for you than he does for the others. You are always uppermost in his thoughts, above everyone else, even himself."
Lance sat there stunned. Could it really be? Could Red be telling him the truth? He had no reason to believe that his lion would lie to him. Then why had Keith never told him? Why had Keith left?
"Keith did not think you returned his love, so he kept it to himself, in spite of my encouragement."
"You're still kind of bonded to him. Or you were before he left. Did you 'say' anything to him about my feelings?"
"No, I did not. I did not bond fast enough with you to understand how things stood. By the time I knew your true feelings, Keith was gone."
Lance thought that over and realized it was true. Red had allowed Lance to pilot him, but it took a while for Lance to feel the same level of connectedness with Red as he had with Blue. And, he thought, it was after Keith left that he felt truly at home with his new lion.
"When Keith comes back, you need to be honest with him, as he could not be honest with you. It hurt him a lot because he thought you indifferent to him, so he never had the courage to say something to you."
"I do plan to tell him when he comes back," Lance said. "I regret that I didn't tell him before he left. If something happens..." he trailed off, then shrugged. "I don't want him to never know, you know? If something happens to him or to me."
"Nothing will happen to you, my Paladin. Not if I can help it."
Red's tone was so confident and even a little offended that Lance thought he might come to harm that Lance's spirits lifted a bit and he laughed. "Thank you Red, I needed that."
"I have wonderful news, Paladins," Allura said as soon as the Paladins and Matt had joined her and Coran. She had broadcast a message over the ships' comms asking all crew to report to the bridge. "Keith is coming home to us."
Lance felt his heart nearly burst with excitement, and, he had to admit to himself, panic. It was one thing to promise yourself to tell the person you loved that you indeed loved him, but it was a whole other thing to do it. He glanced over at Matt, who gave him an encouraging smile.
"That's wonderful news, Princess," Shiro said with an almost boyish grin. Keith was like a little brother to him and Lance knew their leader was as worried about the former Red Paladin as Lance was. "When is he coming?"
"Within a few quintants," she replied happily.
"Is this, like, a permanent thing?" Hunk asked. "Or just a visit?"
"I believe permanent, Hunk," Allura answered. "Kolivan may require Keith for the occasional mission, and we can certainly accommodate that as Lance can pilot both Red and Blue, and I can pilot Blue now. I can return to piloting the Castleship, if you would like to return to Blue, Lance?" she asked, looking at him.
Lance looked back at her, his mouth dropping open. "Go back to Blue?" He didn't know what to think about that. He had connected with Red on a deep level. Allura was able to get Blue to do things he could never do with her. He wasn't sure if going back was a good idea because he loved Red, but he did miss and love Blue as well.
"Yes. I know she misses you, she often tells me, though she and I have bonded remarkably well. If you think Red would accept Keith back, he could have his place back on the team."
"Of course, Princess," Lance said. "I can ask Red what he thinks."
"Of course, my Paladin."
"I won't be your Paladin anymore if Keith comes back, Red."
"You will always be my Paladin, Lance. Even if you're not currently my pilot. Our bond will remain, just as my bond with Keith remains. If necessary, you can pilot me again should Keith need to return to Black. Our bond will especially remain strong once you bond with Keith."
Lance snorted, "That's IF I bond with Keith. And that's a big IF."
"Don't underestimate yourself or your worth, my Paladin. Both Keith and I do not."
The three quintants, roughly equivalent to three and a half Earth days, seemed to take up the span of a year each to Lance. His anticipation of seeing Keith again was so high he was glad that they were in a peaceful quadrant of space, and that Allura had agreed to wait until Keith arrived before embarking on the next mission. Lance could not concentrate on anything at all, which was good since he didn't notice all the weird looks he got from everyone except Matt, who knew the source of Lance's anxiety.
The friendship between Matt, Lance, and Hunk had strengthened over the past three phoebs. That the two Paladins had protected his sister as stand-in older brothers contributed, but Matt found Lance and Hunk to be very similar in personality to him and Pidge. He came to understand why Pidge adored these two so much and, in spite of the seriousness of their mission, he found himself often having a lot of fun as part of the quartet.
"I have to look perfect," Lance protested as Matt tried to drag him out of his room.
"You already look perfect," Matt laughed, rolling his eyes. "And looking good will do nothing for you if you're not there when he arrives."
"Stop using logic on me," Lance snapped, once again checking the mirror. "I wish I had some decent clothes. Keith's seen me in this already."
"I'm sure he's not going to look at your clothes. Not with your pretty little face for him to look at instead."
Lance's chest felt tight again, as it had felt since Allura's announcement. "Stop. I'm not pretty. Handsome, maybe, but not pretty."
"Whatever, pretty boy. Just get moving."
Lance came out of his bathroom and looked at Matt. "I can't do this."
"Yes, you can."
"No. I physically can't. I think I'm having a heart attack."
"Then I'll stick you in a healing pod. After you confess," Matt said heartlessly. Lance groaned as Matt took his arm and dragged him from the room.
They joined the other Paladins and the Alteans outside of the hangar used by visiting ships. Kolivan was supposed to pilot Keith home and planned to stay for a few quintants to strategize with the Voltron team before he returned to the Blade base. The small group looked excited for Keith's arrival, though if anyone had looked at Lance, they would have wondered at the sheer look of panic on his face.
Keith sat in the co-pilots seat eagerly watching the Castleship getting bigger the closer they got. He felt like he was coming home, and, in a sense, he was. There in that ship was the only family he had ever known that he would identify as such. After his father died, he passed from foster home to foster home. He never got close to any of the families he lived with. They were…adequate…and provided food and shelter, but never a sense of belonging. It wasn't until he met Shiro that he felt like he connected with someone, but even Shiro left him, though that wasn't Shiro's fault, of course.
It took a while, but he found acceptance, friendship, and a sense of family with the Voltron team. It wasn't perfect. There were squabbles and differences, but that was what a real family was all about, wasn't it? He remembered Lance referring to that once. The team had gotten into a large argument once - Keith couldn't even remember what it was about. Something incredibly stupid more than likely. Even Hunk, gentle Hunk, had gotten into it. Allura, Coran, and Shiro stood back in shock, yelling at them all to stop it. It was Lance's sudden laughter that stopped them all. The tall boy had doubled over, arms crossed over his stomach, and laughed.
"Oh my god, this reminds me of my siblings!" he gasped, falling onto the floor. "You guys really are my family!"
The other three Paladins stood there staring at him literally rolling on the floor and laughing. They all then looked at each other feeling foolish, not even sure what they had been arguing about. Then Pidge covered her mouth as a 'pfffft' sound escaped. Hunk grinned sheepishly and even Keith's mouth quirked into a smile.
Then Pidge jumped onto Lance, getting a big OOF out of him and they play-wrestled for a moment before Hunk joined in, gathering the two into his arms and rolling them all over. Keith stepped back, away from the silliness, but Lance's hand shot up - the boy had impossibly long arms - grabbed his wrist and pulled Keith into the pile. Before they knew it, Coran had jumped into the pile as well. Allura and Shiro just stood watching, occasionally glancing at each other, until they finally dissolved into laughter themselves.
The memory put a smile on Keith's face. He didn't often let himself smile while he worked with the Blade. There was usually little to smile about. He had found the Galra quite serious and focused on their mission. He understood and agreed with that philosophy, but he missed the way the Voltron team members could put a smile on his face.
Especially Lance.
The thought of seeing the brown haired boy with the beautiful ocean colored eyes and perfect skin - skin where the freckles seemed to be enhancements rather than blemishes - and brilliant smile made his heart dance erratically. Lance was in there, in that ship right in front of them, and he would be back with him in less than a varga. Back in his vicinity anyway. Lance had no idea how Keith felt about him. Keith wanted to tell him, but in all honesty, Keith was too shy and backwards when it came to things like that. Lance was the one who was the open book. He was sure Lance didn't return his feelings, because if he did, Keith would be the first to know. He knew Lance never held anything back. He was an incredible flirt, but one who had never flirted with Keith.
Keith couldn't wait to see him, though. As much as he wanted to be closer to Lance, he felt content enough to worship from afar. He was happy that their relationship had developed into a friendship and that they trusted and respected each other. Keith wanted more, but felt that it would be too much to ask for Lance to be in love with him.
"Castle of Lions, this is Kolivan of the Blade of Marmora requesting permission to dock in your ship."
"Permission granted, Kolivan. Proceed!" Keith grinned at hearing Coran's cheerful response. "Bring our boy home!"
Kolivan maneuvered the ship into the hangar and gently set it down among the castles own ships. Keith heard the thunderous clang as the hangar doors shut. His hands moved over the screens in front of him as he monitored the oxygen levels in the large space. It took a quarter of a varga for the atmosphere in the hangar to become stable enough for them to leave their own ship.
"It has been an honor working with you, young Keith," Kolivan said as he unstrapped himself from the pilot's seat.
"And with you, Kolivan. Thank you for everything."
"We are sad to see such a promising youngster leave us, but I understand your need to be back with your family."
"It does feel good to be home," Keith agreed, also undoing the straps of his seat harness before he stood. "How do I look?" he asked, then blushed. Why did he ask that?
Kolivan, however, didn't seem to think anything of it. "You look fine, young Paladin."
"I'm not a Paladin anymore."
"You will be again, Keith."
The ship had no mirrors, so Keith had no idea how he did look. He wore his Blade uniform, but with the hood pushed back. He knew his hair was longer. It was tied back and he was secure in the fact that Lance could hardly tease him about his hair now. It was long all around and shouldn't be defined as a 'mullet' anymore.
Kolivan grunted, "It looks as if you have a welcoming committee." He activated the hatch and the mechanism that would lower the ramp. As the hatch opened, Keith saw that the whole team had assembled at a safe distance from the ship. His eyes immediately sought Lance, who was easy to spot with that smile. Keith felt his stomach drop to his feet and his heart jump up into his throat.
Keith was happy to see the other Voltron members, of course, but he mechanically went through the motions of hugging everyone. Shiro was the first to wrap his arms around Keith, though Pidge couldn't wait and clung to him in a way she'd never had before. Hunk's arms felt like a warm blanket. Coran and Allura's hugs were more dignified, and Keith could feel their love for him, but his mind was on Lance. He knew Lance's hugs felt like home to him and he needed that.
He looked at the Red Paladin over Allura's shoulder and felt a slight twinge in his heart. Pidge's brother, Matt, was there next to Lance, resting his hand on Lance's shoulder. Lance looked at Matt and smiled warmly. Keith's vision seemed to turn green, but before he knew it, Lance bounded over to him and practically threw his arms around Keith. Yes, this did feel like home and Keith briefly closed his eyes, even as he strove to keep the hug from looking like anything other than two friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time.
Lance seemed to think the same, and he pulled away after a few minutes, though not before whispering in Keith's ear, "I missed you." Lance's breath in his ear sent a tingle through him all the way down to his toes and tied his tongue up enough that he couldn't respond with how much he had missed Lance. He tried to convey it with his eyes, but he was quickly distracted as Allura put her arm through his to lead him from the hangar.
Allura kept up a constant stream of chatter as she led him back through the Castleship to the bridge, updating him on their plans and what had changed since he had left half a deca-phoeb ago. He tried to pay attention to her, but his mind kept shoving the image of Matt's hand on Lance's shoulder to the forefront of his thoughts. He glanced behind him at the group following him and Allura, barely noticing the smiles directed toward him from the others. He focused on Lance laughing at something Matt was saying to him, a blush evident on the Paladin's face.
"...and, of course, Red is looking forward to having you back," he heard from Allura.
"Wait, what?"
Allura's silvery laugh pulled all of his concentration back to her. "Haven't you heard a word I said, Keith?" she asked teasingly, pulling a little at his arm.
"I'm sorry," he gasped out, truly contrite.
"It's ok. I know you are eager to be with your friends. Lance will return to Blue. Red wants you back."
"I-I didn't realize. I didn't expect to be a Paladin again," he stammered.
"Again? You have always been a Paladin," she said, smiling at him. "Lance and Red have formed a very good bond, but Lance spoke to him. Red is eager to have you back. And Blue is just as eager to have her Lance back."
"What about you?"
"I will come back to pilot the Castleship. That is where my destiny lies. I was a good stand in as a Paladin, but I need to be on this ship. It is good to know that I can step in when needed though, and that I formed a strong bond with Blue."
Keith's mind was a mess of thoughts and confused emotions. He had hoped he could regain Red, but he wasn't about to usurp Lance of his role on the team, not after their heart-to-heart where he found out how insecure Lance was about himself. The knowledge that he could return to his place in Voltron, in the lion he felt most comfortable, without jeopardizing Lance's position, gave him a feeling of contentment that he hadn't felt in a long time.
They spent the next varga discussing the next mission and how the Blade could contribute to the plan. Keith sat at his Paladin chair while Lance returned to the blue chair. He kept looking over at Lance while trying to concentrate on the discussion between Allura, Shiro, and Kolivan. Matt stood by Pidge, of course, to help her look up references and codes that Allura mentioned. Keith didn't miss, however, the smiles that Matt sent Lance's way.
His room had been untouched, or so it seemed at first. Keith saw a few items were missing. One of his shirts, for example. A plain black t-shirt. He could have sworn he had left one behind, but it wasn't there in the drawer. His bed looked made too, though he thought he had left it unmade when he left. Someone at some point must have come in and straightened it. It echoed with its' emptiness, much like it did when he lived here before. He wasn't a collector of things like the others.
It was a relief to sink into the bed – so unlike the narrow cot and scratchy blankets he had at the Blade base in a room he shared with three others. The Castleship had the most comfortable beds he'd ever used. Sleep didn't come, however. He played over the day in his mind, as he usually did, but this time he focused on Lance, who apparently had become close to Pidge's brother, Matt.
It wasn't just the small touches or the way the two would make each other laugh. Always before, Keith sat right next to Lance at the dining table. It wasn't even a conscious thing, not really. Keith, who had liked Lance from the moment they met at school, gravitated toward the outgoing youngster as he'd never before done with anyone. Keith always found himself standing, or sitting, by Lance.
When Keith arrived at the dining room after a shower and a change into regular clothes, he found everyone had already seated themselves. Matt occupied the seat on Lance's left, where Keith usually sat. Coran was on Lance's right, so Keith had to settle for sitting directly across from Lance. While it was nice to be able to look Lance in the eye, it disappointed Keith not to sit close to him, just as much as it disturbed him to see Matt sitting there.
Pidge babbled on to Keith, as she sat next to him across from her brother. She, helped by Hunk, Matt, and Lance, regaled Keith with stories of their adventures while Keith was with the Blade. Keith listened, a wooden smile on his face as it seemed to him that he missed so much while he was gone. He wanted to feel something more like awe and admiration for the quartet, but he instead felt left out, because it became more and more clear to him that the four of them had become extremely close.
It didn't help that Matt was absolutely charming. Keith could objectively admit to himself that Matt was good-looking, as smart as his sister, as funny as Lance, and as lovable as Hunk. The guy was truly friendly too, talking easily to Keith as if they were old friends. Keith, fighting back the jealousy that was eating into his heart, awkwardly responded to all of Matt's advances of friendship and ended up feeling like the odd man out, even though the four tried hard to bring him in.
After dinner, relaxing in the lounge, Keith watched the four of them play a card game. They wanted him to join, but he begged off, citing exhaustion as the reason. Keith could see why Lance would fall for someone like Matt. The guy was...FUN. Keith knew he himself was boring. He wasn't spontaneous, outgoing, or willing to put himself out there. He knew he was moody, reticent, hard to get to open up, cautious and standoff-ish. Keith did have a fun side buried deep down, and he appreciated humor immensely. It was one of the many things that attracted him to Lance. It was just not easy for Keith to let that side of himself out. Lance, of course, would be attracted to someone who could be like that. 'Why would Lance ever be attracted to a boring and sour person like me?' Keith thought as he watched the four play their game.
So now Keith lay in bed, berating himself for coming back and thinking he could pick up where he left off. He and Lance had become closer before he had joined the Blade. Closer in a way that gave Keith hope that something might happen, but that must have been his own foolish imagination. Besides, he had been gone too long and if Lance ever did feel anything for Keith, it was obviously replaced by feelings for Matt. Keith should have suspected that Lance was fickle.
Keith groaned as he rolled onto his side and into a ball. Being back was a sort of torture, though he was happy for the most part to be here and part of the team again. He missed this feeling of being with family, and everyone seemed happy to have him home. Even Lance was. He couldn't wait to be back in Red and hoped that tomorrow the lion would accept him as his Paladin once again.
Keith stood in Red's hangar with Allura and Lance, and wished more than anything that Lance wasn't there. Lance himself seemed nervous, while Allura looked ever confident. Keith was back in his old Paladin armor, which to him was more comfortable than the Marmora armor. Lance stood, his helmet under his arm, as he watched Keith approach Red, carrying his own helmet in his hand.
"It's me, Red," he said softly.
Red's eyes gleamed as he lowered his head to Keith's level. Keith let out a relieved breath when he saw Red's mouth open in front of him. He looked over his shoulder at Allura and Lance, who both smiled at him. He looked forward again and walked into Red.
He felt even more at home in the chair where he had piloted many missions. He ran his hands over the controls, feeling his heart leaping within him as Red straightened up. The joy he felt as Red responded to him brought the sting of tears to his eyes.
"I missed you, Red," he said aloud.
"I missed you, my Paladin."
"You were in good hands, though, I think."
"I was, and I will miss Lance, but you belong here with me."
Keith grinned and agreed, "I feel at home with you."
"Has Lance spoken with you?"
Keith was puzzled. It was an oddly direct question from his lion. "Not exactly. No more than a quick hello."
"So you have not yet told him how you feel?"
Red remembered that? Or was it still forefront in his mind? "No. And I won't Red. He's involved with someone else."
"He is? I did not sense that." The lion's tone felt as if it mirrored Keith's own puzzlement.
Their discussion was interrupted by Coran, whose image appeared on a screen to Keith's right. "Alright, Red Paladin, let's take your lion out for a spin. Lance is on his way to the blue lion to reestablish his bond. You may take off when you are both ready."
"Alright, Red. Let's show them what we can do!"
The next two movements were a whirlwind of activity. Voltron, working together as it's original team, fought and defeated a Robeast that caused havoc in a rebellious quadrant of the Nemorth galaxy. The citizens of the planet had risen up against the Galran Empire with the help of the Blade of Marmora and Zarkon was trying to crush the resistance. The planet had called for aid and the Voltron team was quick to assist. There was an exhilaration for Keith, in spite of the danger, to work once again with the other four to defeat the menace. They mind-merged effortlessly, as if they hadn't been apart for such a long time. Keith sensed confusion from Lance's part of the mind-merge, but it still worked flawlessly. The Galra retreated as Voltron slew the Robeast and destroyed three of the destroyer class ships that patrolled the space around the planet.
An alliance treaty then needed to be drawn up with the leaders of the rebellion, who stepped in to rule the planet. Allura and Shiro stayed planetside to help rebuild the government. The other four lions patrolled the galaxy, looking for any stray Galran army remnants.
Keith welcomed these patrols, because they kept him away from Lance. He was increasingly irritated with Lance and Matt. The pair wasn't openly affectionate. Keith had seen no kissing or even handholding. They were just always together. It was difficult for Keith to hide his agitation, so he avoided Lance as much as possible. If he saw Lance approaching, he'd turn and hurry the other way. If Lance tried to talk to him, he'd make excuse and leave. Every spare moment he had Keith spent in the training deck, taking out his frustration on the training bots, pushing himself to exhaustion, but nothing appeased his anger or soothed his hurt heart.
"Are you alright, my Paladin," Blue asked as they flew back to the Castleship. Lance, along with Pidge, Hunk, and Keith, had flown to one of the outer planets surrounding the Nemorth sun to check on a rumored Galran base. The base was there, only abandoned. They did a thorough sweep before returning to the ship.
"Sure, Blue."
"You don't feel right to me, Cub. You are upset."
He double-checked that his comm link was off. "Keith won't talk to me."
There was a long pause. "That does not make sense. Red said that Keith loves you."
Lance snorted, checking his perimeters as he navigated around the Nemorth moon. "Red is delusional. I don't even think Keith likes me. He's angry with me for some reason, and he won't talk to me so I can find out why."
"Red is not delusional," Blue thought and Lance could actually feel her amusement at the thought of the fiery red lion being crazy. "Even I can feel Keith's love for you without a bond with him."
"He has a lousy way of showing it," Lance grunted.
The four lions approached the Castleship. Hunk was in the lead, followed by Pidge, then Keith, then Lance. Lance steered Blue toward her hangar, even as the others headed to their own. Then, to his surprise, Blue veered off course.
"What are you doing, beautiful?" Lance asked, trying to override the lion and steer her back on course. She ignored him.
"Blue, come on. Where are you going?" he asked, his voice rising. He watched his screens helplessly as Blue circled the ship, then plunged into Red's hangar, following the red lion down into the tunnel. "Blue! No! What are you doing?" Lance desperately tried everything he could think of to get Blue to back out, but she wouldn't respond to him.
Within a few minutes, Blue settled herself in Red's hangar, facing the red lion and sat on her haunches. Lance could hear the hangar doors closing and his screen indicated that the atmosphere was balancing itself inside the hangar to allow humans to enter. His comm unit beeped and he pressed the button for it. Keith's angry scowl showed up on the screen. "What do you think you're doing Lance?"
Lance felt a surge of his own anger. He'd been trying to talk to Keith for two movements. "I didn't do anything," he snapped back. "Blue took this upon herself."
Keith scoffed, "Yeah, right. You had no control over anything? Come on, cargo pilot, you really expect me to believe that?"
Cargo pilot? Was Keith really pulling that out? "Fuck off, Keith," he spat out in frustration. "You don't talk to me for two movements and when you do you insult me? What the fuck is your problem?"
Lance could tell Keith knew he went too far, but the Red Paladin just glared at him. "I don't have a problem, Lance," he said, his voice still angry, but with less venom in it.
"You obviously do. And apparently Blue wants us to work this out. Meet me in the hangar!"
Keith's eyes widened and he started to protest, but Lance switched off the comms. He yanked off his helmet and threw it to the side, where it bounced off the wall and clattered to the floor. "Sorry beautiful," he murmured an apology to Blue as he jumped to his feet. She had no reply other than to lower herself to allow him to reach the floor of the bay easily.
Lance glared up at Red, his hands clenched at his sides as he waited. And waited. Was Keith really going to be a coward about this? "Red? Make him come out, please! I need to talk to him!" Lance pleaded, hoping his bond with Red hadn't faded out.
"He is coming, Lance."
Red lowered his head enough to allow Keith to jump down to the floor. When he straightened and finally looked at Lance, the Blue Paladin saw a confused mixture of emotion on the pale face. Keith looked both angry and apprehensive, as if he wanted to be any other place in the universe than face-to-face with Lance. He looked hurt as well, and couldn't quite meet Lance's eyes. He just stood there, a good twenty paces from Lance, with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Red insisted I come talk to you," Keith snapped in irritation. "So talk."
Lance took a few steps closer to Keith, slowly, to give himself some time to think of what to say. Now that the moment was here, he had no idea how to approach this, as Keith seemed so closed off. "What is wrong, Keith?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what's wrong? You've treated me like shit since you came back. You haven't talked to me at all. You can barely look me in the eye and when you do, you look so angry. I thought we were friends. What did I do to upset you?"
Keith put his head down and closed his eyes. Lance saw the muscles on his jaw working as if he were fighting back saying something he might regret. Lance ventured a few steps closer.
"Keith?"
He heard a loud sigh escape from Keith before he finally spoke. "You didn't do anything, Lance. It's my problem. I shouldn't take it out on you. You did nothing wrong."
This confused Lance. He hoped that Keith would say that Lance had done something so that Lance could apologize for it and things could return to normal. This didn't help in the slightest.
"If something's bothering you, why are you pushing me away? We're friends. You can talk to me about anything."
"Not this," Keith said, reaching up a hand to cover his eyes.
"Why not?" Lance pressed.
"I just can't!"
"Keep pushing him, Blue Paladin," Red interjected into his mind.
"You are close to your answer, Cub," Blue soothed.
"Keith just tell me!" Lance begged.
"No!"
"Tell me!" Lance had now placed himself only a couple of feet from Keith. Keith must have realized it and tried to back up, only to find himself blocked by Red's paw.
"Why do you even care?" Keith cried, the strain in his voice startling Lance.
"Why do I care? You think I don't care about you?"
"Perfect, stay on this course, Blue Paladin," Red murmured.
"This is exactly the course, my little one," Blue echoed.
"No! You don't! You've replaced me!" Keith shot out at him. "You have Matt now."
"What?" Lance gasped, truly floored at what Keith said.
"Did I stutter? You have Matt," Keith repeated, his tone much quieter, almost defeated. "You have Matt. What do you need me for? He's the one you hang out with. He's the one next to you in my seat at dinner. He's the one clinging to you. He's the one you're clinging to. He's the one you do everything with. He's the one touching you." Keith stopped abruptly, looking up for a quick glance into Lance's eyes before turning his head away with a scowl.
Lance just blinked rapidly as he stood in stunned silence. What was all that?
"Keith believes you love the Green Paladins' sibling," Red mused.
Lance almost choked when Red put that in his head. Was that what this was all about? Then his heart stuttered, because that meant Keith was jealous. And if Keith was jealous, that meant...well, that meant a lot.
"These are the forgeries of jealousy," Lance murmured thoughtfully.
"What?" Keith asked confusedly, his eyes narrowing.
"It's from Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream," Lance told him feeling a little foolish for blurting that out. "Titania says it to Oberon."
"What are you talking about?"
"Sorry. I was Puck in the play in school and that line just came to me. Don't you see? You're jumping to conclusions. Matt is a friend, that's all he is to me."
Lance had to admit to himself that he enjoyed watching the expression on Keith's face as he realized what an idiot he'd been. Lance thought for a few moments as he watched Keith's face go from pale to pink. He thought about what Red had told him and the thought gave him the courage he needed to continue. "I confided in Matt, because sometimes it's easier to tell things to a stranger than it is to a friend. When you left, I-I just didn't handle it well. I couldn't talk to Hunk about it because I've overburdened him with my anxieties already. I didn't want to lay one more on him."
Keith's eyes flickered to him briefly before looking away again. "What do you mean you didn't handle it well?"
Lance hugged himself as the weight and memory of his anxiety came back full force. "Nightmares. I couldn't sleep. I missed you so much and I was so worried. I would close my eyes and see you hurt or dead. Every single time I tried to sleep. And I panicked because all I could think about was that you'd be dead without knowing how I felt about you." His voice raised higher and higher as he spoke, choking out the last words in a sob.
He saw Keith's eyes widen and the blush deepen. It took a few moments, though, before Keith turned his head to meet Lance's anguished eyes. "How you felt about me?" he whispered.
"Yes!"
Keith's arms relaxed from their crossed position and he shifted a bit on his feet. Lance noted the hopeful glint in Keith's eyes. Even though Red assured him that Keith returned his feelings, it was that look that told him all he needed to know. "How do you feel about me, Lance?"
Lance almost groaned at the way Keith said his name. He couldn't back down; he had psyched himself up for just this moment. He wanted to say it with his whole being, but saying it rendered himself completely vulnerable and he knew he was at a point where his whole life was going to change no matter what Keith's reaction was. He took a deep breath and looked Keith directly in the eyes. "I love you."
It was simple and to the point, but Lance was cringing inside - in spite of Red and Blue's assurances and the effort both lions were making to calm him.
"You love me?" Keith asked wistfully, his violet eyes shining now.
"I already told you that," Lance responded somewhat irritably. "Don't make me say it again if you don't feel the same."
Keith's eyes stayed locked with his and Lance saw the corners of his mouth lift slightly. "Say it again," he whispered.
That hopeful feeling returned full force, augmented as Blue and Red hummed purrs in his mind. Lance couldn't mistake this, not with the expression on Keith's face and the look in his eyes. "I love you," he said again, in a low tone.
Keith's smile grew and he stepped closer to Lance. "Say it again," he requested.
Lance felt his own lips quirk into a smile, "I love you."
"And again."
"Look, it's not fair if I'm the only one saying it," Lance complained. "Either say it back or..."
"I love you, Lance," Keith interrupted.
Author Note: I wrote this after season 4 and before season 5. After I watched season 5, everything went out the window as far as canon. In spite of writing a non-canon pair, I have tried to stay in canon as much as possible in other stories (or at least canon up to that point). I never posted this, even though I actually really liked this one shot - especially exploring the head canon I have that the lions are more sentient than than indicated on the show and are invested in their Paladins. I'm part of a Green Sock reality collection on another fanfiction site, so I dusted this off and posted. I love the interaction between Red with both Keith and Lance. I also wanted to see more of Matt!
Find me on tumblr at devooshawrites