Thank you, Next
It was a terrible comparison, but it had to be made. There would always be those gears that chugged along, the ones that brought up old habits and long suppressed feelings. Winry thought it was particularly cruel that as he let his damp hair fall on her chest, his breathing ragged, that she suddenly wished it was long enough to braid.
It was unwelcome but the thought came none the less and Winry could feel the guilt somewhere nearby. Jean rolled off of her, propping himself on his elbow in the process and shooting her one of those looks that made her heart beat a bit quicker before turning to the nightstand. Wriggling up to a sitting position Winry pulled the sheets with her as he handed her his cigarette before taking a hit himself. That was the thing about Jean, he was well aware of her presence and attended to things she didn't know she needed.
His eyes were closed but the grin on his lips let her know just how much he enjoyed her. Winry thought about the way his name had rolled off her tongue with ease, how easy he made it to show just what she was feeling. And boy oh boy did he teach her just what she could feel.
It had always been a struggle to show Edward how she felt, how she really felt. It had taken a lot of courage to tell him those things that had grown within her heart. It had also taken a very strong hit to her heart when he had disappeared with a promise only half fulfilled.
Jean was drawing lazy hearts on her arm, making her squirm and once he had extinguished his bud she attacked the soft skin at his sides, the skin that made him keen in every direction. His laugh had a slight bark to it making her shriek when he pinned her, arms above her head.
"Minx." He chastened her.
Winry stared into his eyes and for a moment a part of her wondered if that brown didn't look the slightest bit golden to her. It was only when he told her he loved her that Winry knew the comparisons would have to stop. Edward didn't use words like love and while she had stores of love for him it was best she keep those to herself.
So when Edward returned from the other side of the gate she thought it was a bit cruel for him to expect that her world had halted when he left. Winry was more than his mechanic and childhood best friend, she was a woman. Hell she was a strong and independent woman and she had found those things she had been looking for all that time. She had found a man who knew exactly what she needed, even if she never asked for it.
Edward had looked heartbroken and that had angered her, hadn't she been the one to bare herself whole? Hadn't she promised her entire life only to have him tell someone that she was the best mechanic? Six years was a long time to wait and she was an expert at waiting.
Jean was an expert while Edward was still a novice at this game and it frustrated her that now he wanted to play. He said he didn't understand and she responded with words that hurt more than the few tears she let fall.
"It doesn't make sense, I know. I'll always love you but sometimes it's not about how much you feel for someone it's how much you're worth. And I'm worth so much more."
Winry knew she was worth more than being someone's afterthought, she was worth more than the tail end of a promise and she understood now what it meant to truly be loved by someone in this capacity.
"I love you Winry." He had admitted one night, standing outside her home in the rain. It would have been romantic has she not spent so many years watching and waiting in this very spot.
Winry wondered if she was being cruel when shook her head. "You don't know how to love me Edward because you don't even know how to love yourself."