"Hey, did you hear about that Tak girl?"

"What?!"

Gretchen had been gazing across the lunchroom absentmindedly, her eyes (as usual) falling onto one particular dark head sitting several tables away. But Melvin's sudden mention of that name---the name of the very girl she was thinking about---had startled her from her dreary thoughts.

Melvin took a bite of his sandwich; he chewed for a moment before continuing.

"Yeah. Notice how she wasn't in class today? It was on the news last night. Apparently she's gone missing."

"Missing?"

He nodded, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Yeah. Her dad was on the news, freaking out. There was also something about a weinie stand and a volcano...not exactly sure how that's related."

He trailed off. Gretchen paused for a moment, then turned back to where she had been staring, at that boy two tables down who was stabbing at his peas with a thoughtful look on his face.

Of course, hearing that a kid had suddenly disappeared---especially a girl she knew, if not anything like a friend---made her feel bad: a little scared, and worried about where she had gone and if she was okay. Just as if it had been any other girl who had vanished, some girl she didn't know.

But unlike in the case of some anonymous person, Gretchen had to admit that there was also a small, evil little part of her in the back of her mind that was celebrating, and hoping that that Tak girl disappeared forever and never, ever came back.

That's not really fair, she mentally scolded. You hardly even knew her. You shouldn't be wishing bad things to happen to her, even if...

She watched the boy across the lunchroom eating again. And thought to about a week before, when she had seen that same boy sitting outside with Tak, offering her a bite of a Valentine's steak that she, Gretchen, had given him.

Evil Gretchen won out again. Oh I hope that Tak girl never ever comes back.

Gretchen shook her head and went back to her food, glancing nervously at the clock. Lunch was almost over, and Ms. Bitters would be upset if she was late. She quickly ate most of her meatloaf and about half of her peas, downed the last of her Poop Cola, and then rose with her tray to dump it in the trash.

Just as she reached it, though, she suddenly felt something hit her hard from behind.

"Agh!" Gretchen called.

"Agh!" called the person slamming into her.

Gretchen landed on the hard, cold cafeteria floor, right on top of her tray, feeling the wet, disgusting juices from her leftovers bleed through her skirt. Dib landed on top of her, head hitting her shoulder, the corner of his hair scythe pricking the back of her neck.

"MWA-HA-HA! Victory is mine!" a familiar voice screeched. Gretchen looked up just in time to see the back of a green head disappearing through the cafeteria doors, its own cackling in victory with his gloved fists raised in the air.

"Ugh...stupid Zim," Dib muttered, standing up and brushing off his trench coat; for a moment he didn't even seem to realize he had crashed into anyone, until he wiped some milk off of his glasses and seemed to notice Gretchen for the first time. He scratched the back of his neck with one hand and helped her up with the other. "Uh---sorry 'bout that," he muttered sheepishly.

"Oh...no problem," Gretchen said, feeling her face burn slightly. He released her hand. She slowly withdrew it.

Dib turned away, staring off at the door. "Stupid Zim."

"Yeah." She paused, following his gaze. "He seems in an awfully good mood, considering."

"Hmm?" Dib's brow wrinkled, eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?" His tone was suspicious, tense; it was the tone of voice he used whenever he began to form a new crazy theory, which these days Zim was increasingly at the center of.

"Oh---I just meant...with Tak disappearing---"

She broke off, startled; Don't bring her up to Dib! she screamed in her head. She blushed again. "I just mean---you know, they were dating, weren't they?"

"What? Oh...yeah," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "I...don't think they were actually as close as they seemed, though."

Gretchen was startled by the sudden harshness of his voice. She blinked. "Oh." She paused. "...You don't seem very upset."

"Huh?"

He looked up, eyebrow raised again. "Well---I just meant---weren't you two kind of...I mean, I just thought you two kind of...liked each other. Or something," Gretchen stammered, trying to look insouciant.

Dib raised an eyebrow. "...'Liked' as in how?" It was his suspicious voice again; Gretchen wondered for a moment if he he really didn't get what she was trying to say.

"Well..." (Gretchen was starting to wish she hadn't brought up this conversation in the first place) "I just mean---she didn't seem to really like Zim that much, and you and her...seemed close," she finished lamely.

Dib scoffed, loudly; Gretchen jumped slightly. "Yeah, we were really close," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "As close as a hideous maniacal monster and a normal person can be!"

"Huh?!"

Dib simply shrugged; he did that a lot, Gretchen had noticed, shift moods suddenly, screaming like a maniac one minute and acting calm and cool a moment later. It was part of what made him interesting. "Tak was a jerk," he said simply. "Personally, I hope I never see her again." A slight smile crossed his lips. "Not that her little visit was a total loss," he muttered, in a tone so soft Gretchen wondered if she were supposed to hear it at all.

He deposited what was left on his tray into the trash, apparently oblivious to Gretchen's tidal wave of emotions. "Anyway...see ya, Gretch."

"Bye," she said in a small voice. Dib turned and marched back across the cafeteria.

Personally, I hope I never see her again.

Gretchen dumped her food into the trash can and practically floated back to her seat, her large mouth curled into a faint smile.

Author's Notes: Part 1 of 5, published in honor of Valentine's Day (since I published a Dib/Gretch story last year too). I make no promises to have Part 2 out anytime soon, I'm way too busy. But I'll do my best.

Sort of generic but I hope you enjoyed, please review! :-)