Tsurukame! Being Cheery
(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)
This is probably going to be one of the more demented fics I'll be writing. Recently, I saw the episode of Dragonball where Kamesen'nin meets Tsurusen'nin and the two old men start cussing each other out. I thought it was so funny, I'd do my own fic filled with nothing but good old-fashioned viole –er, rivalry. (It's sort of an A/U because Gokuh and Kuririn are still kids, but they're kind of buddies with Tenshinhan and Chaozu.) But there's going to be some cheerleading too, because I've been dancing like a maniac lately and it's not coming out of my system, and I wanted to do a fic involving Lunch.
Disclaimer
Me: We don't own DBZ.
Tails: And we aren't cheerleaders either.
Me: I wanted to, but I didn't have enough money.
Tails: Well, there's always next year.
Me: I guess you're right…And Electra is MY character, although we won't see her until later.
Tale #1- Frozen Fiasco
"Look, Lord Muten Roshi! It's the ice cream man!"
The Kame House boys were just coming back from their morning milk delivery when Kuririn caught sight of the brightly painted truck. He looked up at his sensei.
"May we have some, Lord Muten Roshi? Please?"
"Yeah! Please?" Gokuh joined in the begging.
"Well…" Muten Roshi thought for a moment. "You boys have been doing well lately, so I guess you can each have some."
"Woohoo!" They ran up to the truck.
"This chocolate looks tasty," said Gokuh. "But what about that cherry? And the banana?"
"Greedyguts, you want a big old banana split," scoffed Kuririn. "I know what I want –a nice lemon. –Wait, is that orange sherbet over there? Oh, look, he's got coconut! Oh dear!"
"Lord Muten Roshi!" they both wailed in agony.
The Turtle Hermit solved the problem by pulling out his wallet and telling the vendor, "Three scoops for each of these boys. Chocolate, cherry and banana for this fellow, and lemon, orange and coconut over here."
"Yaaaay! Thank you!" said the boys in unison. They fell upon the ice cream as if they'd survived a seven-season famine. (A/N: I got that line out of Brian Jacques' Redwall series. If you haven't read it, you haven't lived.)
Meanwhile, another trio of martial artists was coming up the street…
"Sensei, this stuff is heavy," complained Chaozu as he cradled two heavy boxes full of money that were stacked one on top of the other.
"Shut up and keep walking," snapped Tsurusen'nin from his vantage point.
"Sensei, why do we always have to be doing something gangster?" Tenshinhan was staggering under a large load of refrigerators, VCRs and wide-screen TV sets, among other things. "We're tired."
"That's too bad," said Tsurusen'nin. "We've got to get this stuff out of the way before somebody finds out about it." He shifted to a more comfortable position. With a little luck in Vegas, they'd managed to score some big bucks and get their hands on some nice merchandise. He was currently rewarding himself for a job well done with a nice cold beer.
And by riding on top of Tenshinhan's refrigerators.
Hey, it sure beat walking…
About this time Chaozu's little legs started to give out on him. He tripped over a rock and fell. Tenshinhan tripped over him and the money boxes and fell too, and the refrigerators soon followed.
"Ooooh," groaned Chaozu. "My aching back."
"My aching everything," moaned Tenshinhan.
Tsurusen'nin didn't say anything. After extricating himself from the mess of alcohol, wires and students' limbs, his first concern was making sure the appliances were all right.
Which they weren't. In fact, they were in rather bad shape.
Tsurusen'nin started kicking things around and using language that was even worse. Unfortunately for Tenshinhan and Chaozu, they were the things that were being kicked around the most.
After about his thirty-seventh kick, Tenshinhan happened to see the truck.
"Look, Sensei! Ice cream!"
Tsurusen'nin stopped cursing and Chaozu came out of his fetal position.
"Ooooh! It is ice cream!" He tugged on his sensei's gi. "Can we have some, Sensei? Please, Sensei? Pretty please with ice cream on top? Sensei? Ice cream? Sensei? Please please please Sensei?"
"SHUT UP!"
Chaozu's lower lip trembled for a moment. Then he opened up his mouth.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
He didn't look like it, but Chaozu had a big mouth. Everyone and everything within a half-kilometer radius either ran for cover or clapped its hands over its ears. Since Tenshinhan and Tsurusen'nin were closest, they bore the brunt of the torture.
"Sensei!"
"Sorry!"
"Do you remember the last time Chaozu did this?"
"It wasn't pretty!"
"My point exactly!"
Tsurusen'nin hurried over to the truck and shoved some money towards the vendor. "One scoop of mint chocolate chip! On the double!"
Covering his ears with one arm and wielding the scoop with the other, the vendor did his best to grab a large portion. Taking the money, he handed the ice cream to Tsurusen'nin, who relayed it to Chaozu. The little fighter immediately quit crying and started eating.
Then he saw the other three people near the truck. He stopped.
"What's wrong now?" said Tsurusen'nin. "I thought you wanted ice cream!"
"Yes, but those people have three scoops," Chaozu pointed at the others. "I only have one. I want three!"
"Well, you're not getting three!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Tsurusen'nin grabbed the cone, ran back to the truck and got two more. Chaozu cheered. "Yay! Thank you, Sensei!"
"Can I have some?" asked Tenshinhan.
"Don't even think about it!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh!"
They whirled around. Muten Roshi, who'd been watching the whole thing, was standing there and laughing.
"Trouble with your students, eh, Tsurusen'nin?" he said.
Tsurusen'nin's face got ugly. "I just can't get away from you, can I, Kamesen'nin?" he snapped.
"I guess you can't," taunted Roshi. "At least I don't have to spoil my students rotten with three scoops of ice cream!"
"Oh, shut up! My students are disciplined enough!" To prove his point, Tsurusen'nin knocked Chaozu's ice cream to the ground. Chaozu's mouth started to open, but at the last moment his sensei slapped something over his face.
It read Do Not Open 'Til Xmas.
Chaozu tugged on his sensei's gi again. His efforts were ignored; all of Tsurusen'nin's energy was going toward arguing with Muten Roshi.
"I could beat you under the table any day!" Tsurusen'nin was yelling.
"The jigoku you could!" Roshi yelled back. "I'm not some two-foot kid you can push around any old time you want to!"
"Look who's talking!" shouted Tsurusen'nin. "You've got two two-foot kids! At least mine has psychic powers! What have yours got? And I've got me a six-foot one!"
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" jeered Roshi.
"I have a small one too!"
"I've got TWO small ones, like you yourself said!"
"Well, I've got the best of BOTH worlds! Beat that!"
"I will," said Roshi. "I've got two fighters AND a woman!"
A hush settled over the small group.
"Oh, you mean some poor girl you can torment?" Tsurusen'nin searched for a good comeback.
"I do NOT torture her!" insisted Roshi. "She does my cooking and cleaning…and she'd be a swell cheerleader to watch as I kick your butt!"
"I could get a cheerleader too," said Tsurusen'nin.
"But not one as good as mine!" said Roshi.
"There's only one way to find out. We'll have the two go up against each other two months from now to see who can cheer the best. If I rent out the Tenka'ichi Budookai stadium, will you put up half of the money?"
"Sure. The better to see you fail!"
"We'll just see who fails in eight weeks! Come on, boys!" And Tsurusen'nin left. Tenshinhan and Chaozu stared at the ice cream for a few seconds, then left too.
"What was that all about?" asked Gokuh.
Kuririn said, "They're each going to bring a cheerleader and have them compete for bragging rights. Sort of like the final fight in a cheerleading Tenka'ichi Budookai."
"Tenka'ichi Budookai? Already? Great!" Gokuh pumped his fist into the air. "When's it happen?"
"No, Gokuh, it's not a real Tenka'ichi Budookai," explained Muten Roshi.
"Oh. What is it then?"
"Cheerleading is somewhere between dancing and acrobatics. Like Kuririn said, there'll be a lady from each dojo performing, and whoever does the best wins."
"Who's gonna decide who does the best?" asked Kuririn.
"I'm not sure."
"Well, who's gonna do the cheerleading?"
"I'm not sure about that either. No telling who that sneak Tsurusen'nin might bring along with him. But I've got a pretty good idea who we're going to use."
"Who? Who?"
They had begun to walk back to the Kame House. Muten Roshi pointed at a small blue-haired figure mowing the grass outside and singing a happy tune.
"Guess who."
End Part One
Hoo boy…I'm not sure if this is turning out the way I wanted it to…A review would be appreciated. Holler back and let me know, K?