Castiel sniffed again. His nose was red and running, and he blinked blearily against the soft parade of snowflakes that drifted from the sky. His breath made clouds in front of his face, which had happened to him before as an angel, but the cold was new. Now that Castiel was human, he had a fluctuating body temperature, and he didn't like it. Sometimes he was too warm and his skin would become clammy and uncomfortable (he understands that this is called 'sweating'), and then the next moment his skin turns icy and little bumps start rising on his forearms and on his legs (Sam told him these were called 'Goosebumps'). Now that it was the day before Christmas, the cold had led to snow making a thick blanket outside overnight. Once Dean had realized there was snow "right outside the bunker, guys!" he had excitedly bounced around trying to get anyone to go outside with him, irritating both Sam and Kevin. Castiel, though, thought it amusing and a little endearing. He let Dean dress him up in puffy jackets and an old beanie he had found, and then allowed himself to be dragged outside. The cold pricked Cas's face as soon as he stepped outside, but the shine in Dean's eyes made him keep his complaint to himself.
Dean immediately stooped to pick up snow in his hands, while Cas looked around. That's when his nose started to run, a new experience to him yet again. When he was an angel, snow was just soft terrain that made his skin wet when it fell on him. Now that he was a human, it was different. The cold of it, the delicacy of it on his skin… He took off the glove on his right hand (Dean had got Sam to lend him a pair) and dipped his fingers into the snow. The cold painfully bit into his skin, but the snow was itself was curiously soft. "What you doing?" Dean asked, squeezing snow between his palms. "I… I've never felt snow." Castiel murmured. "Is this your first time? In your whole, like, millions of years on earth?"
"Well, Dean, I wasn't on earth most of my angel life." Castiel corrected him, slipping his glove back on and standing up. He inhaled deeply, his eyelids fluttering closed. His lungs felt like they were freezing, but it felt so pure. Cas could feel little snowflakes kissing his eyelids, landing on his closed lips. He could feel Dean's eyes on him, but didn't think much of it. If he had known better, he would've realized that Dean staring at him was not a normal, platonic thing. He would've known that the way Dean looked at him, with slightly parted lips and complete interest, was not a very platonic thing. But Castiel did not know that, being a new soul to the world of humans and their nature. He opened his eyes and smiled at Dean. Dean looked down at his hands, and Cas swore he saw Dean's cheeks turn pinker. "So, what do you think?"
"Of what, Dean?" Cas tilted his head. "Snow." Dean answered, looking up, his lips upturned just slightly. Castiel looked back at the ground, at the set of footsteps that ran from the bunker to where he and Dean were standing. "It's… cold." Dean snorted. Castiel looked at him, to see if that was a good or bad answer. The only thing he got from his glance at Dean was that he was amused, his eyes were shining and his lips were parted in a big smile. Castiel had always thought that he was lucky, for few people ever saw Dean with a real smile. They'd never experienced the rare pleasure of gazing upon the older Winchester brother as his eye glowed with mirth, how they crinkled at the edges, and they've never seen how his weather and pain worn appearance cracks and bleeds warmth as a beautiful smile breaks across his face. Castiel secretly thought there was no thing more magnificent nor beautiful than Dean smiling, but he didn't think it appropriate to mention it. "Snow's frozen water, Cas, it's supposed to be cold."
"I know that, Dean." He said half snappily, but Dean's little cheeky grin made so that he couldn't be irritated for long. "It's also soft, and bright. It's quite lovely, Dean. I like it." Dean's eyes softened. "That's good, Cas. See, being human ain't so bad!" he stepped forwards and gave Cas a little pat on the shoulder. "I do have to say something." Cas's piercing blue eyes were steady on Dean's messy shattered emerald ones. "What's that, Cas?" Dean asked, his grin not leaving his lips, but he was listening to Castiel. "I don't like being cold very much." Dean laughed, wrapping his arm around Cas's shoulders, dropping the ball of snow he'd made onto the ground. He was going to throw it at Cas, but after seeing the man standing so peacefully in the white covered wonderland, he'd forgotten he meant to. "Let's get you inside." Dean said softly, the cloud of his breath pouring over their faces. Castiel felt warmer already.
. . .
Once inside, Castiel was directed to the bunker's parlour (when Dean found it he almost started to cry he was so happy), where a fire was blazing cheerfully in the large, plum painted room. Sam was already sitting one of the two loveseats that faced each other (the fire being perpendicular to the couches), a book on his lap and a cup of coffee in his hand. Charlie was sitting on the carpet at his feet, her back to the fire with her laptop right by her knees. Charlie had arrived on the 22nd, announcing that she wanted to stay for Christmas. When Sam and Dean had told her they don't really celebrate it, she told them she wouldn't stand for that answer. She said they were going to have a Christmas, and they were going to enjoy it whether they liked it or not. Castiel knew that Charlie didn't have any family, so this must be very important to her. He thought about how Kevin didn't have either, and the Winchesters. And himself, he pondered. Well, they actually did have family, he corrected himself. They had, and would always have, each other.
Sam looked up, snorting when he saw how red his brother's nose was. "How was it outside, Rudolf?"
"Shut up." He pulled snow out of his pocket and tossed it at his brother, making the younger Winchester fumble to put his coffee and book down as freezing snow flew into his face and down his shirt. "Jesus Chr- I'm going to kill you."
"Happy Christmas Eve." Dean said loudly as he went to the other loveseat opposite from Sam, stretching himself out along the cushions. Sam was still trying to flick snow off himself as Cas sat with folded legs by Charlie. "What are you doing?" he asked politely, but genuinely curious. He still only understood the basics of computers, Dean had taught him how to YouTube. Charlie looked up with a wide smile, her red hair swinging around her face. "Well, I'm hacking into corporations that test their products on animals to take money to donate to charities that help with animal abuse." She said, pointing to lines of green script on the screen. It was mostly gibberish to Castiel, but he nodded like he understood. "Why?"
"Because it's Christmas, the time for giving! They just don't realize how kind their being yet." Charlie looked for Castiel's expression, and relaxed when she saw him grin at her shenanigans. "Where's Kevin?" called Dean from the couch. "He's in his room." Sam grunted, still angry at Dean. "Someone go get him!"
"I don't think we should, Dean. This is his first Christmas without…" Sam trailed off, not wanting to say it. "His mother." Castiel finished quietly. The room was quiet after that. Sam turned his head to look at the fire, Charlie typed on her keyboard (slower than she did before) and Castiel watched the people in the room. He looked to where Dean was laying. He was gazing at the fire like his brother, frowning slightly. Castiel scooted over a little, to where Dean was. He rested his back against the couch, half facing the fire. "Do you want me to make room, Cas?" Dean asked, getting ready to sit up. Dean look at him, his blue eyes wide. "It's okay, Dean, I like where I'm sitting." His tone was very serious. Dean looked as though he was trying not to smile, but nodded his head. He lay back down, his hands on his stomach. Cas tipped his head back a little, letting it rest softly on Dean's forearm. Dean's tensed a little when Cas's head first touched him, but he quickly relaxed. Charlie glanced up at the two, her eyes widening a little before she bent her head down and started to type franticly. Dean didn't see this, his eyes were closed as he lay with his head under a couch pillow, but Castiel did. He didn't understand, but he decided he didn't need to. Why Charlie looked like she was smiling like a maniac wasn't really that important. As long as she looked happy. Sam also glanced at his brother and Cas, but he only grinned a little before going back to his book.
The odd group stayed like this for a while, just happy to not be alone. Later on Kevin came in, a little confused by the silence, but happy that no one made him talk. He sat with Charlie, watching what she was doing and occasionally asking questions. Castiel listened to the fire and Kevin and Charlie's murmurs, his head moving slightly as Dean breathed deeply while dozing behind him.
. . .
Later they ordered pizza and Charlie brought out two pies she had bought. They ate and drank beer till late in the night, Dean telling stories of hunts from when he was younger and Sam telling all the embarrassing stories of Dean he could think of. This made Dean try to throw several olives at Sam, but when Sam managed to catch one in his mouth it turned into a game where they were all trying to throw olives into Sam's mouth. They only almost took out his eyes twice, as well as Charlie accidently hit a mug. After dinner they all moved back to the warmth of the parlour. Cas sat on the floor with Charlie, while Kevin and Sam shared a couch, and Dean was sprawled across the other. They shared stories and debated about stupid things for hours.
The first to go to sleep was Kevin, who (as far as Castiel could tell) was not sad, per say. He was just tired, Cas could feel it. They continued to tell stories, Dean trying to get Charlie to talk about her sex life, but he was silenced quickly when Charlie found a copy of Carver Edlund's book online and started to recite any chapter that had Dean's love life in it. The next to leave was Sam, who took Charlie off to bed because she had had one too many beers. Dean and Cas stayed in the parlour, soaking up the fire's heat, Dean drinking a beer and Castiel drinking water.
"The first time you met me you stabbed me." Castiel said, almost accusingly. He was leaning against the couch opposite Dean, his head propped up by his arm resting on the couch pillows. "You walked into that barn, exploded all the lights and then came straight at me, Cas, I had already died once-"
"I think you had died several times by then."
"Whatever, anyways you came at me with this serious, 'I'll-murder-your-kids' face, your trench coat waving behind you. Stabbing you was a reasonable thing to do."
"Is that how you say hello to all your friends?" Castiel asked with a smirk. Dean gave a surprised chuckle. He leant forwards "A joke! How drunk are you?"
"I'm fine, is it so surprising that I am funny, Dean?" Dean lent back, grinning against the lip of his beer bottle. "You're a lot of things, Cas, but funny isn't the highest on that list." He took a sip of beer, and Cas mimicked him with his water. "What am I, Dean?" Castiel asked quietly. Dean stuttered a little, but then closed his mouth. Cas's eyes were innocent and curious. He really cared about what Dean thought, and Dean knew that. Dean tried again. "You're… dorky, but in a good way." He added quickly. Cas smiled at him. Dean rubbed his neck. "You're caring… and brave… not smart, you're a dumbass half the time." Cas nodded his head a little, agreeing with the Winchester. "You're…" Dean huffed, obviously frustrated with his vocabulary. "You're… You're hope, Cas." Cas sat up straight on the carpet. Dean nodded to himself, not looking at Cas, but at the beer in his hand. "Yeah, that's what you are. You're hope, Cas."
"For who." Castiel's voice was barely above a whisper. Dean looked up, catching Castiel's watery eyes with his own. He got up, walked to Cas, grabbed his hand and pulled him up. Still holding his hand, he said "For me. Come on, let's go to bed, or Santa won't come." Dean smirked, but Castiel knew he meant what he had said. "Thank you, Dean. Thank you for everything." Dean nodded, but then he quickly pulled Cas into a hug. Castiel stood still for a second, but then he wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him back. It wasn't a long hug, but it meant so much, to the both of them. It meant that Dean was thankful too, that Castiel was so important to him, and that no matter how much Castiel messed up, Dean would always be by his side. Cas smiled at him, and Dean smiled back, before turning away to walk to his room.
Castiel alone stood in the parlour, suddenly aware of his thoughts and feelings. He didn't understand them. But he knows one thing, and that is that whenever he is without Dean Winchester, he is always a little less happy than he could be. Castiel walked to the room the brothers had dedicated to him, a room right next to Dean's. He walked into his bedroom and took off all his clothes (why humans have special sleeping clothes is beyond Cas, he thinks they should just sleep naked. Dean almost chocked on his coffee when he had voiced this opinion). He lifted his bed's covers and got in. "Goodnight, Dean." He whispered to himself, not knowing that in the opposite room Dean was saying almost the same thing.
. . .
"Get up you lazy son of a bitch!" Castiel jerked awake as Dean shouted through his door. "It's Christmas and I got you a present but you sleep naked, so put clothes on and come up or I will come in a drag your naked ass out" Castiel grunted loudly, stretching in bed while he heard Dean's footsteps walk down the hallway. Castiel usually didn't get out of bed until 9 (he loved sleeping, it was his favourite part of being human), so when he looked at the clock to see that it was half past six, he almost fell right back to sleep out of pure habit. He sighed heavily and got up, pulling on some comfy slacks and one of the old jerseys Dean had given him. He slipped socks onto his feet and stumbled upstairs into the library. Kevin sat next to Charlie, who was wearing a knitted red sweater with a reindeer using a lightsaber on it, and in front of them was a small pile of boxes and wrapped packages. Once they spotted Cas, they looked even more excited. "Get over here Cas, we waited for you so that we'd all open our presents together." Kevin yelled at him. Castiel frowned, but went and sat next to the group, who were talking about a show called Attacking Titans, or something like that. Next Dean and Sam came in, carrying trays with eggs, toast, eggnog and cookies. "I don't think I want anything with alcohol in it." Charlie said, making a face. "Suck it up, it's Christmas."
The brothers dished out, and as they started to eat Dean whipped out a floppy red hat and fake white beard from the side pockets of his robe. "Oh god, Dean, really?" Sam asked, wiping butter off his lips. "Yes." Dean slipped on the hat, but left the beard to hang around his neck. They all giggled whenever Dean turned his head, as the little white ball at the end of his hat would swing around crazily and often hit Dean in the face. Once they were half way through breakfast, Dean started handing out the presents. Luckily for Cas, Dean had gone with him for gift shopping (which they had done on the 23rd, after Charlie had broken the news that they were having a Christmas). So, ultimately four parcels sat in front of each person at the table. "3, 2, 1, go." Dean almost screamed as he ripped into the packaging of his presents.
Castiel picked up his first one delicately, which was a long, relatively flat rectangular box. He examined it, seeing that it was from Charlie. He looked up to see her staring at him, and then she winked. He smiled fondly at her, and then gingerly tried to take off the wrapping without tearing it. One he opened the box, he immediately smiled. It was a tan trench coat. He picked it up and opened it. It was almost identical to his old one, the one he'd left at the laundromat. Charlie quickly spoke up "I saw that you weren't wearing your trench coat like you did in the books, and when I asked dean about it he said you'd lost your old one, so I thought I'd get you a new on." Castiel folded it and placed it back in its box. "Do you like it? You can swap it if you don't."
"I love it, Charlie." Charlie beamed at him, holding the comic books Kevin had got her. Dean made a loud noise, somewhere between a laugh, gasp and snort. They looked over to him as he held up the shirt in his hands. It read "Been To Hell And Back". The whole table started to laugh. "I saw it and thought of you, Dean." Castiel said proudly. This made them laugh even harder. "You're getting funnier the longer I know you, Cas." Dean remarked, looking at the shirt in his hands. Castiel's second gift was a box of sweets from Kevin ("You haven't lived till you've had skittles, Castiel"). He got some education books from Sam, about human culture and social norms (he thought this was very thoughtful of Sam). His last gift was a large, lumpy parcel.
Castiel was the last one unwrapping his gifts because he refused to tear the paper. Charlie was busy thanking Sam for the lore books he'd given her, and Kevin was laughing at Dean who was sitting in the crown that Charlie had gifted him. Finally Castiel unwrapped the gift. In his hands was a dark blue knitted sweater with a white snowman in a top hat on it. He looked at Dean, who was the one who'd given it to him. He shrugged, but looked a little shy. "Every human has an ugly Christmas sweater, and now you do to." Castiel looked back at the sweater, and then pulled it over his head. It was a little baggy, but that made it even more comfortable. Dean was watching him, looking a little nervous. Castiel looked back up at him, his face hurting from smiling so much. "This is the best gift I've gotten. Thank you, Dean."
"Well you've only ever gotten like four, so it's not that great Dean." Kevin remarked. "Shut your pie hole." Dean called from across the table. They spent the morning together, making jokes, complementing gifts and thanking the givers. Castiel felt a little overwhelmed, so he slipped off to the kitchen. He had known humanity since the dawn of time, but he had never known this. This kindness and caring and joy and… love. He had never known love, before he found these people. His family. A wave of unfamiliar emotions swirled inside him, and his eyes started to burn. He wiped at them, a little dazed.
"Cas?" he swung around. Dean stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his Christmas hat and bead gone, looking a little worried. "Hello Dean, I just…" his voice sounded a little strained, so he trailed off. "You okay, man?" He walked towards Cas, stopping right in front of him. "Yes, I just…" He looked up at Dean. Dean was searching Cas's face, making Cas want to cry even more. "Dude." Dean, touched his arm, looking more and more worried by the second. Castiel sniffed, smiling at Dean. "I've never known love." He whispered. Dean stared at him for a few seconds, and then grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Castiel gripped Dean tightly, pressing his face into Dean's shoulder. "I'm here for you Cas." He planted a soft kiss on top of Cas's head. "I'll always be here for you." Castiel lifted his head up to look into the Winchester's eyes. They showed nothing but affection for Cas. They showed love.
Then Castiel did something that must have been completely human instinct. He lifted his head up more, and brushed his lips lightly against Dean's. Dean inhaled sharply, and Cas almost pulled away to apologise when Dean's lips came crashing down onto his. Dean pulled Castiel tightly against him, his hands on his back. Castiel wound his arms around Dean's shoulders and his fingers ran through Dean's hair. Dean's lips were soft but firm, pressing against Cas's, making him feel as though his body was full of fire and lightning. Dean pulled away from Cas, the both of them breathing rather heavily. Their lips were puckered and pink, and their cheeks rosy. "Merry Christmas." Dean murmured, his voice gruff. Castiel chuckled, leaning in to whisper against Dean's lips. "Merry Christmas, Dean Winchester."
"HA YOU OWE ME FIFTY DOLLARS BITCH." Dean and Cas spun around to See Charlie Shouting at Sam who was standing next to her. They were both standing in the door way to the kitchen. Sam looked pained. He glared at Dean. "You couldn't have waited till New Year's, could you?"
The End