Not a day goes by- Lonestar
Got a picture of you
I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see you
When the world gets dark
Got a memory of you
I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me
When the nights get cold
If you ask me how I'm doing
I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby,
If you could read my mind
Not a day goes by
That I don't think of you
After all this time
You're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
Baby, baby
Oh baby
Not a day goes by
I still wait for the phone
In the middle of the night
Thinking you might call me
If your dreams don't turn out right
And it still amazes me
That I lie here in the dark
Wishing you were next to me
With your head against my heart
If you ask me how I'm doing
I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby,
If you could read my mind
Not a day goes by
That I don't think of you
After all this time
You're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
Baby, baby
Oh baby
Not a day goes by
Minutes turn to hours
And the hours turn days
Seems it's been forever
That I've felt this way
Not a day goes by
That I don't think of you
After all this time
You're still with me it's true, oh
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
Baby, baby
Oh baby
Not a day goes by
That I don't think of
You
"They're gone Paul, all three of them."
Those were the words I had grown accustomed to. I had lost you, my wife and our two beautiful daughters and everyone seemed more worried about ensuring I understood that. I understood that all right. The only way I got to see you now was in my dreams. I carried a picture of you and my girls in my heart and I could only see it when the world got dark and my eyes were shut. I removed all reminders, they hurt too much.
"Murphy, walk to Daddy!" You said. Aurora was balancing on one of my knees and we were both encouraging Murphy forward. When she got to me, I lifted her up and both Aurora and I hugged her.
"She sure loves her Daddy." I heard you say. I looked over at you and you smiled.
"I love you baby." I said. I saw you blush and you looked away.
"I love you too." You replied.
This was one of my fondest memories; I would always keep this one. It made me feel warm inside.
"How are you doing?" Vince asked me.
"I'm just fine Vince." I replied. He nodded and patted my back.
"I miss them just as much as you do but it's good to get over it." Vince said, walking off. I stared after him and shook my head.
How could your father be so blasé about this?
If only he could read my mind...
There isn't one day that I didn't think about you, Aurora and Murphy. It's been five years but you're still with me, I can feel you. My memories and love for you are still down deep inside of you. Not a day goes by without a single thought of the three of you.
I still remember how you'd call me in the middle of the night when I was on the road. I still wait for those calls.
"I'm scared Paul," You'd whimper. You'd tell me all about your nightmares. Once or twice you'd even dreamed of losing me. I always managed to calm you down and get you back to sleep.
"You're my hero," I'd hear you mumble a few minutes before your even breathing told me you were asleep.
I never realised how much of an essential part of my life you and our girls were to me. I still lie awake at night wishing you were right here next to me. I wish I could kiss you softly and you could fall asleep with your head against my heart. I wish that Aurora and Murphy still came and woke us up, their eyes shining mischievously. I will never be able to live without any of you, yet I'm trying. I'm trying because I know I need to move on... it's what you'd want. Isn't it?
"How are you doing this week honey?" Mom asked me. Everyone else had moved on but I just couldn't. No matter how much I tried.
"I'm just fine Mom." I replied.
"Are you sure?" Mom asked. I knew that she knew how I was feeling. I sighed and rubbed my face.
"Mom, I've got to go, my cell is ringing." I said. I hung up on Mom and broke down.
She knew the truth, just as much as I did... Mom could read my mind.
Not one single day goes by that I don't think of you Stephanie. After five years, you Aurora and Murphy are still with me, even if it had to be locked deep inside of me. You three were my life. You still are my life. I love you and miss you so much.
Time is a strange thing now. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days. It feels as though it's been forever that I've felt this way. I can still remember the day I had to bury you and my children. That day a parent or husband never wanted. You and the girls just looked like you were sleeping. I kept my composure; no one was going to see me cry. I could remember that day as clearly as anything however it felt like it had happened thirty years ago.
Still, I think about Aurora, Murphy and of course you, every single day. Even after all this time, I carry you all around with me. Everything I see reminds me of at least one of you, if not all three of you. I know you are still with me, sometimes it's as though I can feel you standing next to me, grasping my hand and both girls pulling my pants. I know that you will always have a part of my heart; that was unavoidable and unchangeable. Baby, not one day goes by.
Not a single day... that I don't think about my girls.