Reversions of Reality

Authors Notes:

As you may have guessed from the description, this fic takes place from Ashley's point of view during and after the destruction of the Normandy. Please note, that despite the similarities, this is not the same Commander Shepard that was in my other fic, 'Defining Luck'.

Just so everyone knows, I don't have the best track record for finishing my fics. Assuming that not all the reviews are flame-mails, I'll try to go all the way though with it. But I make no guarantees that you won't be left hanging.

****M****

It took exactly four seconds for the universe to go from fine all the way straight down to hell.

Her only warning was the tactical alert lights coming on, and Joker's voice yelling "brace for evasive maneuvers!" over the com. Then what felt like a hundred-ton sledgehammer slammed into the Normandy. Bulkheads blew out, crewmen were thrown like rag dolls and the lights went out. They came back on – partially – a second later, illuminating the carnage.

Had this situation occurred a few months before, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams' first move would have been to find out what the hell was going on, then to figure where her talents could best help remedy the situation. Now though, there was only one thought in her mind.

Shepard.

Explosions ripped through the walls, crew running in the opposite direction made the going tricky, but as she frantically searched through the corridors of the dying ship, she saw what she was looking for. He was standing in front of the console at the end of the sleeping area, fully armored, looking for all the world like there was nothing wrong, like the Normandy was not falling apart around him.

"Shepard!" she yelled as she ran up to him. He finished tapping whatever it was into the console, then turned around, pulling on his helmet as he did so.

"The distress beacon is ready for launch" he said, calm as ever, as though he was just telling her that their next stop was the citadel. For whatever reason, it helped calm Ashley somewhat too.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" she asked as she yanked on her own helmet and locked the seal. Another blast knocked them both off balance, and the two grabbed onto each other, trying to keep on their feet. Shepard turned, grabbed onto one of the sleeper pods, then pulled out a fire extinguisher and tossed it to her.

"The Alliance won't abandon us," he said. "We just need to hold on."

Ashley turned to the closest sleeper pod. Unlike the others, it was closed. Was someone trapped inside? She sprayed the foam at the nearest flames, so that she could get the thing open. "Joker's still up in the cockpit, he won't abandon ship" she yelled over her shoulder. She knew that because every hotshot pilot she met would stay with their craft, preferring to go down with it rather than go. "I'm not leaving either" she finished as she managed to pry the pod open. Empty.

"I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles." The Commander's voice came from right next to her. He took the fire extinguisher from her hands. "I'll take care of Joker."

What? No, she wouldn't leave. There wasn't really much she could do for the crew. This was Shepard playing the hero, trying to get Ashley to leave so that she wouldn't be in the line of fire. This wasn't about the crew, she knew that he was just trying to protect her. She didn't want to be protected. She wanted to stand with him. She had told Shepard that she loved him, she didn't say such things lightly.

"John…" she said, pleadingly, as he checked another pod for signs of life.

"Ashley, go" his helmeted head turned towards her. She saw his eyes, they were filled with more emotion, and more meaning, than she believed could possibly be contained in a glance. "Now."

An order. Not from one soldier to another, or as a Lieutenant Commander to a Gunnery chief, but just as John Shepard to Ashley Williams. She had never been able to question his orders, not even now.

"Aye, aye."

She turned, and she didn't look back. She ran, and she ran away from the man who was the most important thing in her life. When she reached the escape pods, she didn't really hear or feel herself rushing the crew into them. When Crewman Helen Lowe was killed by an explosion, she just prayed that Shepard wouldn't meet the same fate.

When every seat but one was taken, she vaulted into it. Every fiber of her being screamed to get back out, get back to the Commander.

She hit the eject button.

**M**

There were no words suitable to describe how she felt during the wait. For approximately half an hour, there was no radio contact, no way of finding out what was going on outside. For that half hour, Ashley had no way of knowing if Commander Shepard was alive or dead.

Silence pervaded. Apart from Ashley, there was Doctor Chakwas and a handful of other crewmen. The Gunnery Chief supposed that she should be thankful they were still alive, but concern for Shepard was at the forefront of her mind.

At last, the evac shuttle's radio crackled and a man who identified himself as the com officer of the SSV Boston asked if there was anyone alive. Ashley responded, saying that everyone else in her pod was alive and well, but that she didn't know the status of any other survivors. She didn't say that she didn't know if anyone else was alive at all. She couldn't bear the thought for long.

In a few minutes, she felt gravity slowly return to the pod, likely signaling that the Boston had drawn them into their cargo bay. Ten minutes after that, the thump thump thump of someone outside banging on the hatch indicated that it was time to open the pod.

Ashley hit the release, paused just long enough to confirm that the man outside was indeed in an Alliance uniform, then sprang out and scanned the bay. Five other shuttles lay on the deck, but only hers was open.

Shepard.

If the Commander was in any of the pods, it would be the bridge shuttle, with Joker. She ran, ignoring the crewman who asked if she was all right. The first pod opened contained Engineer Adams, Tali, and a few others from the engineering deck. She moved on. The second had Garrus and Liara. And so on, until she was helping pry open the last shuttle, which hadn't opened on its own.

A minute trying to find the emergency release, another few minutes cutting the hatch when the release was found to be damaged, and Ashley managed to rip off a portion of the hatch. As soon as there was an opening, Joker's head popped out.

"Joker?" she said, both as confirmation, and hoping he could tell her something – anything.

"Go back!" the man yelled. "We gotta go back! Shepard's out there!"

"Whoa, what?" one of the techs asked.

"Shepard!" Joker yelled again. "He got me in here, I saw him getting blown out, we have to find him!"

Ashley's heart clenched.

**M**

The search lasted seven hours. Debris was combed, scanners operated on maximum capacity, and Ashley hovered around the bridge, waiting for news. Captain Towers had politely suggested that she head down to medbay and get herself checked along with the rest of the surviving Normandy crew.

She had less than politely refused.

The Gunnery Chief supposed she should be grateful that Towers hadn't kicked her off the bridge, but she couldn't. That, along with her sense of physical and mental exhaustion, was pushed to the back of her mind.

She waited.

Probes and the few fighters the Boston carried continued to search. So far, nothing.

Ashley could feel eyes on her. The bridge crew undoubtedly wondered what was up with her. She didn't care. She had to stay, had to keep waiting.

At seven hours, two minutes and thirteen seconds, a man came up to the bridge, clutching something in his hand. Ashley watched out of the corner of her eye as he held it out to the captain, and they spoke in hushed voices for a few seconds. Then the crewman handed the object to the captain, saluted and left. Towers stood there for a moment, turned and caught Ashley's eye. She turned fully to the man as he stepped up to her.

"Here," he said, as he held his hand out. "Do you know what this is?" he asked. Williams examined the object, and with a chill, realized what it was.

"It's a…" she stopped, trying to contain her rising panic. "It's a piece of Commander Shepard's armor." More specifically, it was the shoulder guard from a piece of standard-issue Alliance Onyx armor. Recognizable because of the red stripe N7 operatives always had emblazoned on their right arm.

The captain nodded. "Yes, it is. It has the Commander's DNA on it, judging from the damage, whatever did this – an explosion, or shrapnel – would have penetrated all the way down to muscle tissue, probably in more than one location." Ashley looked up, horror welling up inside of her. "Barring an act of God" the captain continued. "If Commander Shepard wasn't killed instantly, he suffocated, probably within seconds."

No, no she wouldn't – wouldn't accept this. "Shepard's always been able to survive impossible odds" she grit out. "He could survive this."

Towers looked at her with an expression suggesting that she was insane. She didn't care. "That's not possible, Chief Williams. And even if it was, Commander Shepard's life support would have failed approximately two hours ago. There's no other reasonable conclusion I can draw." The captain took a deep breath. "He's dead."

And just like that, Ashley Williams' universe fell apart.

****M****

Sooo… Hate it? Love it? Think it needs some work? Think it needs to be tried over again? Think I should keep going? Think I should stuff my head into a barrel of voraciously hungry space hamsters? I'm game, whatever you think I should do.