Author's Note: This is the first Spring Awakening fanfic I've written since early '07.
Disclaimer: I do not and never have claimed to own these characters. They are the property of their creators and so on and so forth.
You're seven and standing next to your mother after church. The other children are playing some made up game of adventure, without you. You cling to your mother, afraid to let go. You still have a stutter that makes your father wince when you speak beyond the confines of home. You can't run as fast as the others, even little Ernst can run faster, his chubby legs pumping to keep up. Eventually, Melchior ambles over to you and leads you away with a promise of talking for you.
You're nine and you've grown over the last two summers. You can keep up on adventures now and the girls no longer frighten you. Ilse has made you her first mate and its all you can do to defend her 'ship' from the sea monsters and whatever else she dreams up. Your stutter has been beaten into submission and you talk to the other boys even if Ernst is the only one out of the group who will speak to you without Melchior's prompting.
You're eleven and Ernst has left you behind in favor of trailing after Hanschen. The pirate gang has been dismantled, scattered into separate groups by choice and by what is considered proper. You can't remember the last time you've spoken to any of the girls who used to spin daisy chains for your hair or laid in the grass without worrying of getting too close to someone. You see Ilse one day on the road between the schoolhouse and home. Her bare toes scuffle in the dirt and she's grown taller and as you watch her back retreat you wonder when you became solely Melchior's first mate.
You're thirteen and terrified at what's begun to happen. You dream one night of brown hair and intelligent eyes and of strong arms locking around your back. You're confused and scared but there's something so achingly pure and perfect about it that you know it can never be. You awake with such a private shame that for the first time you hurry down the road to school and hope Melchior will find some sense like the others and leave you be.
You're fifteen and its all come crashing down around you. There's no one left to lose and there's no one left to come after you. The pirates have all sunken into the sea . There's no use in pretending any more, of sleeping in the hopes of waking up to a world sans failure. You've given up on holding yourself together.
You're fifteen and you let yourself fall.