From the Pen of Dr. Arkham.
It has come to my attention that some of you have been misusing our new jukebox. There for I feel the need to clarify a few things.
Number one: You can only play a song once an hour.
Number Two: It is not a mechanical bull and I would appreciate it if you didn't use it like one.
Number Three: Harley, it can't travel time for the future of mankind.
Number Four: No combining it with the washer and dryer to create an unstoppable super-robot.
That out of the way….
Songs Banned from the Arkham Asylum Jukebox
Poor Edward by Tom Waits.
Reason: Two-Face wouldn't shut up for weeks afterwards.
Send in the Clowns by Steven Sondheim.
Reason: No! We don't want any clowns!
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by ACDC
Reason: They're too cheap as of lately.
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Reason: Too many inmates and staffers doing karaoke to this song. Dr. Arkham has a headache.
Would you mind not breathing so loud?
Signed,
Jerry
Any Village People or Barry Manilow song.
Reason: How do they sleep at night knowing how many riots they've caused?
"Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees.
Reason: Ironically, the guy who turns this song on always seems to get stabbed repeatedly in the back immediately afterward.
Anything by boy bands.
Reason: see the Village People & Barry Manilow.
"I am Woman Hear Me Roar."
Reason: They've been roaring too much as of late.
"My Dingaling" by Chuck Barry
Reason: Do we really have to tell you?
"We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel
Reason: They lied.
"I will always love you" by Whitney Houston
Reason: Because it's a damned lie! Denise and I used to listen to that song late at night under the stars and the moon would hit her eye like a big pizza pie and suddenly her clothes would blow off and....
"Sunshine on my Shoulders"
Reason: Reminds me of how gloomy things are here.
"Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows." By Lesley Gore
Reason: See above
"Dr. Love"
Reason: Reminds me of aforementioned love life.
"Horse with no name" by America
Reason: Inmates keep shouting, "You're trapped in a friggin' desert. Name the Damn Horse!"
"McArthur Park" by Donna Summers
Reason: Inmates keep shouting, "FORGET THE STUPID CAKE ALREADY!"
"Running Bear."
Reason: Too many riots, homicides, and suicides involving inmates and staff.
"Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down
Reason: Too many inmates shouting that they wish they had some.
"Gloomy Sunday" Any artists
Reason: Reminds us of our bleak existence and how little we get paid for this job.
Any Punk groups
Reason: Do we need to encourage dissent around here?
"Why Can't We be Friends?"
Reason: The inmates love to show you why.
Any interpretive dance music.
Reason: The guy who plays it rarely lives long enough to dance.
"Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffet.
Reason: Strong sense of deja vu.
'Spoonful of Sugar" by Mary Poppins. Reason: Too many inmates starting riots over not getting sugar with their medicine.
"Blowing in the Wind" by Bob Dylan
Reason: The answer is not blowing in the wind. The answer is at the bottom of a bottle.
"Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin.
Reason: Too many inmates "livin' la vida loco."
"Burning Love" by Elvis Presley.
Reason: One word: Firefly.
Rap songs
Reason: Our inmates have a colorful enough vocabulary.
"Live & Let Die" Reason: There are enough murders in this asylum thank you.
"I am the Walrus" by John Lennon
Reason: You can only listen to it be sung drunkenly by the Joker so many times before it loses much of its charm.
"Go ask Alice" by Jefferson Airplane.
Reason: The mad hatter. Enough said.
"Free Bird" by Duran Duran
Reason: Too many drunken karaoke nights.