Shao Kahn

A Parody

Disclaimer: I do not own Mortal Kombat, Beauty and the Beast, the song "Gaston," or any characters from either series.

Before you begin, I suggest you go on YouTube and watch a video of "Gaston," if not for this parody, then just for old time's sake. Have fun and I hope you enjoy!

PS: My apologies for the wonky look of this story. FF isn't known for its formatting options.

Singers:

SHAO KAHN, emperor of Outworld

QUAN CHI, necromancer, sorcerer, and adviser to the emperor

SHANG TSUNG, shape-shifting sorcerer and adviser to the emperor

THE CHORUS, a gathering of the emperor's enforcers, comprised of absolutely whomever you like: Sheeva, Mileena, Cyrax, Sektor, Scorpion, Noob Saibot, Kano, Ermac, Goro, Motaro, and Baraka are all options

(In the Throne Room, immediately following Outworld's defeat in the modified Mortal Kombat tournament and Shao Kahn's "death.")

(speaking)

[Goro:] Shao Kahn is finished.

[Baraka:] Mileena is his heir. She should rule!

[Shang Tsung:] Mileena? She exists only because of my sorcery.

(Shao Kahn enters, supported by Quan Chi.)

[Shao Kahn:] And you breathe because I restrain mine.

(The Chorus is astounded and bows.)

[Shao Kahn:] I am not so easily killed. Quan Chi accelerated my recovery.

[Shang Tsung:] Emperor, I—

[Shao Kahn:] Not. One. Word. Because of you, Outworld can no longer merge with Earthrealm! My efforts were for nothing! I am ruined! Publicly disgraced! And you...

(Shao Kahn advances toward Shang Tsung.)

[Quan Chi:] My Lord, wait. We may yet have use for him.

(Shao Kahn halts and considers, then grudgingly turns away. Shang Tsung shoots a puzzled glance at Quan Chi.)

(singing)

[Quan Chi:] How it disturbs me to see you, My Lord,

looking so low and depressed.

[Shang Tsung:] Tides will soon turn in our favor, My Lord,

do not be bitter or stressed.

[Quan Chi:] No man ever lived who's majestic as you,

you're history's most-beloved king.

[Shang Tsung:] Others are weak and pathetic, it's true,

you make the realms want to sing:

[Chorus:] No one's tough like Shao Kahn

No one's buff like Shao Kahn

No one's voice is incredibly gruff as Shao Kahn

[Shang Tsung:] For there's no man who rules and who conquers

Centaurs, Tarkatans, Shokan

[Quan Chi:] You can ask any spineless warmonger

And they'll tell you whose side they will always be on

[Chorus:] No one's smart like Shao Kahn

Fights with art like Shao Kahn

No one's got a black hole for a heart like Shao Kahn

[Shao Kahn:] I will make your death slow and humiliating!

[Chorus:] My, what a guy, that Shao Kahn!

Give five "Hail, hails!"

Exalt his reign;

Shao Kahn is our king

and the rest will be slain!

[Shang Tsung:] No one bests like Shao Kahn

[Quan Chi:] Makes conquests like Shao Kahn

[Shang Tsung:] No one punches his fist through your chest like Shao Kahn

[Chorus:] For there's no one as boorish or frightening

[Quan Chi:] Regency seeps from his bones

[Shao Kahn:] I'll tell Raiden to keep all his lightening

And swing my Wrath Hammer right into his stones

[Chorus:] No one's mean like Shao Kahn

Acts obscene like Shao Kahn

No one kidnaps his enemy's queen like Shao Kahn

[Shao Kahn:] I find love and romance to be nauseating!

[Chorus:] My, what a guy, that Shao Kahn!

[Shao Kahn:] When I was a lad I drank minotaur blood

Every morning to help me get large

Now that I'm grown, I eat dragon eggs, too,

Just to make sure they know who's in charge!

[Chorus:] No one's crazed like Shao Kahn

Or betrays like Shao Kahn

[Shang Tsung:] No one owns a brigade of Lin Kuei like Shao Kahn

[Shao Kahn:] I use corpses in all of my decorating!

[Chorus:] My, what a guy, Shao Kahn!

(Shao Kahn stalks back to his throne and sits, sulking and peeved.)

(speaking)

[Shao Kahn:] That's all well and good, but just what am I going to do? How shall I ever lay claim to Earthrealm now that they've prevailed once more in Mortal Kombat?

(Shao Kahn glares pointedly at Shang Tsung. Quan Chi steps to the emperor's side.)

[Quan Chi:] A word, please, Sire.

(Shao Kahn nods.)

(singing)

[Quan Chi:] My Lord knows I'm fluent in magic.

[Shao Kahn:] A dangerous pastime.

[Quan Chi:] Indeed. But I've mastered the right incantations,

and every spell we will need.

(speaking)

[Shao Kahn:] For what?

(singing)

[Quan Chi:] We're moments away from your triumph, My Lord

So raise up your spirits anew

We have an unstoppable gambit, My Lord

So here's what we're going to do

(Shao Kahn is awed. Quan Chi leans in and whispers to him while Shang Tsung glares. Finally, Shao Kahn draws away in disbelief.)

(speaking)

[Shao Kahn:] Do you really believe she will?

[Quan Chi:] Have faith, My Lord. By the time my work is complete, even she will be unable to resist your power. When I return her to you, you will find her much more...cooperative.

[Shao Kahn:] But more importantly, that...shrew's ward will be nullified?

[Quan Chi:] I guarantee it, My Lord.

(Shao Kahn breaks into a malicious grin and stands proudly.)

(singing)

[Shao Kahn:] No one strives like Shao

Ruins lives like Shao Kahn

Plots to brainwash his long-deceased wife like Shao Kahn

[Chorus:] For his vic'try we soon will be celebrating

My, what a guy, Shao Kahn!

Thank you so much for reading. As always, if you liked it (or if you didn't like it), then please leave a review! Shao Kahn appreciates feedback on his singing!