A/N: This fic contains spoilers for 3x07's, "New York, New York."
Set In Stone
"Yeah, I know you're keeping the baby," Ricky growled, refusing to meet Ben's eyes. "I heard from my mom yesterday."
"Oh." Ben scratched his head, nodding. "Yeah, I guess that would make sense." He squirmed nervously in his seat. "Well, then I'd like to ask you a favor."
"A favor?" Ricky asked rhetorically, using his typical sarcastic-mocking tone. "What could I possibly do for you?"
"Don't tell Amy."
"Don't tell Amy? Don't you think she deserves to know?"
"Yes…which is why I want to do it myself, face-to-face. My dad bought some last minute tickets for a flight up to New York tonight. I'm going to tell her then. I think that's the only honorable way to do it. Something like this," he shook his head, "you can't do it over the phone."
"She's gonna hate you, you know?"
"I know."
"Well as long as you know."
"So you won't say anything?"
Right gave a defeated sigh. "I won't say anything."
"Thank you! Thank you." Ben rubbed his hands together. "Well I guess I better get going then. I have a few other stops to make and then-"
"I gotta go too." Ricky shooed Ben up from his seat and they made their way to the front door. Ricky pulled it open and Ben scooted out and then Ricky froze.
"Ricky."
"Nora."
The woman standing before them with her hands in her pockets smiled awkwardly. "This must be a friend of yours?" she asked and lifted her left hand from her pocket to hold out to Ben. "Nora Underwood."
"U-Underwood?" Ben echoed as he grasped her hand. "As in-"
"Ricky's mother."
"Biologically speaking," Ricky interjected coldly.
"Right."
"It's uh," Ben glanced at Ricky, "nice to me-"
"What are you doing here?" Ricky asked, cutting to the chase. He folded his arms across his chest.
"You know what?" Ben flashed a smile. "It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Underwood, but I've gotta get going." He nodded to Ricky. "Thanks again." And left.
Once he was gone, Nora brushed her fingers through her stringy brown hair. "I need to talk to you," she spoke softly. "Can I come in?"
"This shouldn't take long. Won't the hall work?"
Nora heaved a sigh. "Fine. I get that you're still angry with me, even after the last time I saw you-"
"Just because you gave me that money doesn't make up for all that time I lost because of you," he explained bitterly. "I thought I'd made my peace with you…but that doesn't mean I wanted to see you again. Why are you here?"
"Margaret-"
"My mother," Ricky corrected.
"Your mom," Nora relented, "gave me your address." She lifted her right hand, which up until that point had remained in her pocket, out and held it up for Ricky to see: a petite white gold ring was secured around her finger, studded with a single princess cut diamond.
"Your engaged?" Ricky spoke disbelievingly.
"Yes, to a good-" Nora defended quickly.
"Is that what you said before you married Incestuous Child Rapist, Husband Number One?"
"It isn't like that." She closed her eyes dejectedly. "Please, can I come in?" she asked again.
"Fine. Whatever. Just make this quick, okay? I need to go pick up my son."
"How's he doing?" Nora asked as she stepped over the threshold.
"Better than I ever did." He closed the door as she took a seat in the chair Ben had vacated and then turned to see her extract something from her purse. "What's that?" he asked sarcastically. "You and lover boy?"
"This is my fiancé," she replied softly as she held out the photo to her son.
Ricky absently took the photo from between her fingers and looked down at it. He was surprised to see the face of a honey blonde woman staring back at him, her hair reminding him a little of Grace's, but cut into a bob. He could tell she was about his mother's age, at least whenever the time the photo was taken, if not a bit older. "So you're a lesbian now?" He looked up at her, unimpressed.
"Not a lesbian," she replied. "Bisexual. Carla's very easy going," she smiled. "A great woman. I met her in drug counseling-"
"A fellow druggie?"
"No, a counselor. Not mine, specifically, but I ran into at the coffee shop across from the building I'd take my group sessions at. She was on her break and I'd just gotten out of a meeting. We started out just as acquaintances at first, but then we kept bumping into her and it turned into a friendship and then-"
Ricky held up his hand. "Yeah, I get the picture. You don't need to go into elaborate detail."
"Anyway," Nora continued, "she asked me last week."
"Didn't know they reversed the California state law."
"They haven't. We're going to Massachusettes next month for the ceremony. It's only going to be a small wedding, just Carla's mother and sister and…" she sucked in a deep breath. "And I was hoping you'd come too."
"Yeah?" Ricky lifted an eyebrow.
"Yes!" she smiled, looking hopeful. "And perhaps…perhaps you could even bring-"
"I don't think so."
"Don't worry about the expense, the plane tickets would be covered," she promised. There was a desperate gleam in her eye as she tried to persuade him to change his mind. "And the hotel room would be on us too." She clasped her hands together. "It would mean so much to me-"
"There are a lot of things that would've meant a lot to me too," he snapped. "But you never cared about those."
"Ricky-"
"I need to go pick up my son now." He opened the door and stood there with his eyes burning right through her. The veins in his neck were protruding slightly and the paleness of his face was elevating towards red.
Nora rose from the table. "If you change your mind, I'll be in town until Tuesday," she whispered, stopping in front of him. "Your mother has my number." Her bottom lip trembled a bit before she turned her head away and fled the apartment.
By late Monday afternoon, Ricky had dropped John off at his parents' house and found himself at the beach, the same one he'd come to with Adrian the day everyone had decided to ditch class. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket as he stood on the sidewalk, which met the edge of the beach and traveled on out to the coast line.
It was late, windy, and the water looked a bit choppy, so he wasn't surprised to find that nobody appeared to be enjoying the beach right then. He stepped onto the sand and immediately felt it pull his shoes about a quarter of an inch in. He took another step, then another, and adjusted to the sinking feeling as he traveled down the small sandy hill until he got to the flat ground.
As he walked, he watched the water claw the edge of the sand and pull clumps of it back into the ocean as it retracted. Ricky absently pushed his hand through his rustling hair. He'd recently gotten a haircut, but the wind was still causing a few wisps to tickle him at the back of his neck. As he strolled, his eyes lingered on the spot he'd kissed Adrian on the beach that day, then he moved on.
To his surprise, he found the faint impressions of footprints in the sand, which were slowly being washed and blown away. Looking down, he began to follow them, like a child entranced with hopping from black tile to black tile on a white and black checkered floor. As he walked, the footprints became more defined, and he figured the person who had left them must have been lingering.
Then he lifted his head and saw in the near distance, the tall, slender form of a woman with stringy hair blowing in the wind. He didn't need glasses or a pair of binoculars to know who it was. He was still walking, gaining a step closer to her as she gained two steps away, and Ricky pondered the idea of turning and leaving. After all, she hadn't seen him yet and she'd never be the wiser.
But on the other hand, it intrigued him for some reason that she'd be here, on this same day, at this same time, doing exactly what he was doing. He'd never thought they'd had anything in common except genetics, and he even questioned that. But fighting against his better judgment, he picked up his pace, walking faster and faster, but refused to reach a job. The sand still held him back, but he managed to gain ground until they were separated by only about five feet. Somehow, she still had failed to hear him. He took a few long strides and then reached out, softly brushing his fingers against her arm.
Nora jumped, releasing a yelp and twisting awkwardly as she fell half into the sand, half into the water. Her eyes reflected a fear that Ricky remembered well as he towered over her, suddenly feeling stupid and guilty. "I-"
"Ricky!" Her lower lip trembled as she pushed against the sand, only for her hands to sink into the pliable Earth.
Ricky hesitated, then held out his hand. For a moment he didn't think she'd accept it, then she placed her sand coated hand into his and he pulled her up. "I'm sorry," he replied quietly beneath the whistle of the wind and crash of the waves. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay. Not your fault, I just scare easily I guess." She began to try in vain to wring out her half soaked skirt. "Didn't always used to be like that," she mumbled. Her clothes began to mold themselves to her skin in the wind. "What are you doing here?" she asked suddenly.
Ricky looked down embarrassedly. "Sometimes…I come here to think."
Nora nodded. "I get that. The beach is a good place to think, especially on days like today."
"Nobody's around," Ricky agreed.
She smiled. "Exactly."
"So I take it that's why you're here too then?"
Nora nodded and crossed her arms, hugging herself from the cold. "Yeah."
They walked in silence for a few minutes. A million thoughts were running through his head and he wondered if it was the same for her until the soft chatter of teeth interrupted him. He glanced sideways at her, then promptly took off his jacket and held it out to her.
"Oh no," she shook her head. "I'm all wet, I don't want to ruin it," she declined.
"Take it."
"Ricky-"
"I've never asked you for anything before," he said solemnly.
With a sigh, she accepted the jacket and slid it on. It was a bit big and the sleeves covered her palms, but she zipped it anyway and gave a little exhale of relief as she stuffed her hands into the pockets. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
"So…"
"So…"
"Do you mind if I ask you something?"
"I guess not."
"Why don't you want to come to my wedding? Is it because of Carla? Because-"
"I don't care if you're bi. Or gay. Or straight. Or asexual! I don't care."
"Then why?"
"Because…" he shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the sand. It looked smooth from high above, but he knew it would feel gritty if he leaned down to touch it. "Because I don't believe in it."
"In it? What? Gay Marriage?"
"Marriage in any kind. It's a fucked institution. I don't know why anyone would want to get married. It's a piece of paper."
"To the rest of the world, maybe. But it's also a declaration to the rest of the world. And to each other…and the special people who are there to witness it with you. That's what makes it important, the oath you take with the person you love, before your family and friends: your loved ones."
"Maybe I don't believe that's true."
"How so?"
"How can a person really declare to only be with one person the rest of their lives? I don't think it's in human nature to do that."
"Some people do."
"Most people don't."
"You don't know that."
"Look at the divorce rate."
"That's not always because someone can't be faithful."
"Look at the sex scandals."
"I try not to."
"I just don't think it can be done."
"Don't think or don't want?"
Ricky scoffed. "Don't want what? What is that supposed to mean?"
Nora pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I get the feeling we're talking about more than just the vows of marriage here."
"Why would you think that?"
"You tell me." When he didn't answer, she stopped walking. "Are we talking about Amy?" she asked. When Ricky looked at her, she nodded. "That is her name, right? Margaret said-"
"Why does everyone keep assuming I'm thinking about Amy! I'm not going to marry Amy, goddamnit! A child does not making a fucking relationship!" He tossed his hand in her direction. "You oughta know that, Nora!" His face was flushing with color again and his fists were bunching up. "Two people who don't love each other shouldn't be together! I'll never marry her! Never Amy!"
Nora touched his shoulder and he paused, stopping to look down at her hand and then into her eyes. She bit her upper lip. "What's her name?"
"What?"
"What's her name?" she repeated.
"Amy."
"No, not Amy. The girl you're really talking about: what's her name?"
"I don't know-"
"I know projection when I see it, Ricky, and you're projecting. There's a girl who is with someone she shouldn't be with, isn't there? Someone she doesn't love? Who is she?"
Ricky turned his head away. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Please, Ricky, talk to me! I want to help you. For once, I. Want. To. Help. You. Please," she whispered. "You can get this off your chest…and maybe it would be easier with someone who's a stranger."
Ricky swallowed and the Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "Ben shouldn't be with her."
"Ben?" Nora's brow creased. "The one who I met yesterday?"
"Yeah."
"He's with…"
"He had a one night stand with her and now she's pregnant and having his baby. He doesn't even want the baby, he's in love with Amy, but Adrian decided to have it and it's not even like her-"
"Adrian." Nora nodded. "Why isn't it like her to want this baby?"
"Because…because she's like me! She sleeps around and she's careless and…smart. So smart that she's always used the pill and condoms and yet somehow, somehow Ben did this to her and got her to have his baby!"
"How can you be so sure she didn't want it?" she rephrased.
"Because what girl who dreams of going to law school and is as brilliant as Adrian wants to get knocked up at seventeen and have a kid with a guy who doesn't even love her? And who she doesn't love!"
"Isn't that what Amy did?"
"But Amy's not Adrian. Amy's…she's not as strong as Adrian is; not as set in stone."
"And what is stone?" Nora asked. She glanced down at her bare feet as the water rushed in around them. "Just sand and water." She watched the waves stir up the sand and pull much of the loosened Earth back into the ocean.
Ricky pressed his hand to the back of his neck. He lifted his foot one step and as it connected with the sand, it sunk in as it had done all the way down the beach. The sand held, but not without giving. And as ocean pushed in, it took back some of the sand with it, but not without some of itself being absorbed into the beach first. "Just sand and water," he repeated.
"You know what this sounds like?" Nora asked, her words treading cautiously.
"What?" Ricky asked, still distracted by what she'd said before.
"It sounds like you and Amy: a situation where a baby has been created by two people who aren't in love, yet the decision is made to have that baby. And you say a baby doesn't make a couple and you're absolutely right: a couple should not be together just for a child. And you keep saying you won't marry Amy…and it seems to me - what you're projecting to me - is that what you really mean is if you and Amy don't end up together because you have a baby, then maybe - just maybe - there's a chance that this Adrian won't end up with Ben either, just because they have a baby."
"You - you don't know what you're saying," Ricky snapped. "I don't want Adrian!"
Nora bit her upper lip again. "You have a history with her, don't you? There's something about her, otherwise you wouldn't be this upset."
"She slept with Ben while she was with me, okay?"
"And yet you're still friends with Ben? And not Adrian?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"It sounds like you're hurting. And this baby, from when she cheated I assume-"
"You know what they say about assumptions."
"Fair enough," Nora replied. "So I'm an ass. Are you?"
"What?"
"What did you do? Why did she cheat with your friend?" She nodded. "I can see it in your eyes, Ricky. The same look you had when you were just a little boy and did something you shouldn't have. What did you do?"
"I cheated on her. But we cheated on each other."
"Except?"
Ricky looked away. "Except she wanted to be monogamous. And I cheated on her because she wouldn't have sex with me and then she forgave me and…and I kissed Amy and she thought I slept with her."
"And that stone façade crumbled," Nora realized.
"I regretted it after," he added though he didn't know why. "I sent her a text to tell her I loved her but - but she was too busy fucking Ben to see it."
"Like you were too busy with Amy? And the girl before her? When she was sitting at home, waiting to see you again."
"Can I tell you what I think?"
"Why not."
"I think that text message is still as real as the day you sent it. And I think her wish for monogamy is still as real as the day she asked for it. But you both shattered each other into such fine clouds of dust that you can't bring yourselves to face each other; to face the truth." Nora squeezed his shoulder, ever so softly.
Ricky suddenly bent down, causing her hand to fall into the air. As a wave rushed in, he plunged his hand into the water and pulled out a dripping fistful of glistening sand which slowly slid through his fingers and back into the ocean, which pulled it away. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth as he heard the sound of Nora squatting down beside him. "She told me once about how she used to talk with her first love about the children they'd have: how many and what they'd look like. And more than once, she told me how she wanted to have my children one day. And how she wondered what it would be like to be married…to me."
"And still, she's having his baby?"
"Yeah. Ben wasn't Antonio. He wasn't me. He wasn't even in the equation!"
"But you say she's always wanted to be a mother?"
"Yeah."
"Then maybe it's not because of Ben that she decided to have the baby, but because of her. Because it's just not right for her to not have that baby, even if it is with the wrong man."
"I - I never thought of it that way."
"Can you answer me this: if Ben's the wrong man, then who is the right one?"
Ricky didn't answer. He reached into the left pocket of his jacket that Nora was still wearing and pulled out his cell phone, which he aimed at the edge of the beach just as the water rushed in. The phone made a scraping noise and then a picture of the sand swirling with the water appearing on the screen. The last vestiges of the fading sunlight had even caught a handful of golden flecks in the water, making the photo sparkle on his screen.
Quickly, he pulled up the menu and opted to send the photograph. He manually typed in the number, for it was a number that did not exist in his phone, yet he knew by heart, and then a screen came up with the option to send or add text.
Nora silently looked over his shoulder as Ricky urgently moved his thumb about the keypad, typing in his message. She couldn't help but smile as he finally sent the message off. As the Message Sent confirmation appeared on the screen, a small spatter of water shattered onto the phone, creating a prism of light against the screen. Without asking, used her thumb to wipe Ricky's wet eye as she'd done for him at an age she was sure he didn't remember, and then wrapped her arms around him and exhaled shakily when she felt him return the gesture.
Adrian was nibbling on soda crackers as she read her assigned Shakespeare reading. Her phone buzzed as it vibrated against her desk and she figured it was Ben. Or Grace. Or someone else from school who had gotten her number from who knows where. Ever since she announced her and Ben's new arrival in the middle of the hallway at school, her phone had been getting messages non-stop and she'd taken to ignoring them or deleting them after a while, but now it was just getting distracting while she was trying to concentrate.
So she grabbed the cell and clicked the screen, ready to ignore the latest message and turn off her phone, until she saw the photo of the beach. Curiously, she looked up and her book fell from her hands as she recognized the number listed as the sender. Cautiously, she scrolled down and found a simple message at the bottom: It's Me.
