Our Farewell
Dean squeezed Sam's hand and tried to hold back the tears burning behind his eye lids. Sam looked peaceful lying in the hospital bed, like he was just sleeping and could wake up at any time. But Dean knew he wouldn't. The doctors had told him that the chances of Sam ever waking up were very small and they would only grow smaller the longer Sam was in the coma. Dean had spent three weeks by his baby brother's side, waiting and hoping. But now there was no hope left. Dean kissed Sam's forehead and whispered his goodbye.
"Goodbye, Sammy. Goodbye, little brother. I love you so much. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you this time. Sleep tight, baby boy. I'll see you on the other side."
Tears were now flowing down Dean's cheeks and he held Sam's hand tightly as he spoke the last, reassuring words he would say to his baby brother in a shaky voice.
"It's okay, Sammy. I'm here with you. You don't have to be afraid. I'll see you soon, little brother."
Dean sat quiet and just looked at Sam, determined to memorize every detail of his baby brother's beautiful face. Suddenly, the heart rate monitor flatlined and the rhythmic beeping turned into one long beep. Nurses and doctors came running and Dean was told to leave the room. Dean tried to get back in but a nurse closed the door and pulled the curtains in front of the windows. Dean could still hear the piercing beep from the heart monitor. Sam was gone and the doctors wouldn't be able to get him back. After a while a doctor came out and Dean knew what was coming. But even though he knew, hearing the words out loud made it so much more real. The doctor looked at Dean.
"I'm so sorry, sir. We lost him. If it's any consolation, he passed silently. He wasn't in pain."
Dean tried to stay calm as he spoke.
"No, it's not. He was in a coma. That doesn't mean he wasn't in pain. And he's dead. He was my baby brother and now he's dead. He was all I had left. I have no one now. No one. So what do I do? How do I keep going?"
The doctor sighed.
"I don't know. There is grief councelling if you want to talk."
Dean started to feel annoyed and angry.
"I don't."
Dean walked past the doctor and into Sam's room. Sam looked very peaceful. Dean couldn't hold the tears back any longer and started crying. He took Sam's hand and squeezed it tightly and kissed Sam on the forehead. A couple of hours later Dean was standing by Sam's grave. He fell down on his knees and let the walls fall. Dean let the tears fall and cried so hard his whole body trembled. He didn't notice the darkness that fell around him as the sun set and he didn't notice that someone was watching him from the shadows. Someone laid a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Dean. I know how close you two were. I wish there was something I could do."
Dean looked up over his shoulder and saw a familiar trenchcoat and then a familiar face.
"Cas…bring him back to me…I need him."
Castiel shook his head.
"I can't. I wish I could but I can't."
Dean stood up and grabbed the collar of Castiel's trenchcoat.
"Why not!? You're a frickin' angel! I need him back, Cas!"
Castiel grabbed Dean's wrists and made Dean let go off his trenchcoat. He let go off Dean's wrists and turned Dean around and pointed at a spot under a tree a couple of feet away. Someone was standing there, watching them. Dean stared at the person for a few seconds and then he more or less ran over to the person under the tree. He stared into a couple of smoky blue eyes with a hazel center.
"Sammy…but how…are you a ghost?"
Sam nodded sadly and held his hand out as if to touch Dean but instead he held it inches away from Dean's cheek.
"Yes, I am. I'm so sorry, Dean. I love you. I'll be waiting for you."
Dean felt his eyes fill up with tears again.
"I'm the one whi should be sorry. I couldn't save you. And I failed to protect you. I'm so sorry, Sammy. But you have to move on. If you don't, you'll become all vengeful spirit. And I don't think I'll be able to burn your bones if it comes to that."
Sam nodded and let his hand rest by his side again.
"It wasn't your fault, Dean. You did your job and you did it great. I know I have to move on. But I don't know if I can leave you like this. You're all alone. Why didn't you cremate me anyway?"
Dean looked down.
"I was going to try to bring you back and I figured you'd need your body when I succeeded…"
Sam sighed.
"Dean, promise me that you won't try to bring me back. Don't do anything stupid. Okay?"
Dean nodded.
"Okay. I guess this is goodbye, then…"
Sam nodded and looked very sad.
"Yeah…goodbye, Dean…I love you, big brother…see you in heaven…"
A single tear fell down Dean's cheek.
"Goodbye, Sammy…I love you, little brother…see you in heaven…"
The both brothers gave each other a weak smile and with that Sam turned around and walked into a bright white light. The light disappeared and everything went dark again. Castiel came up to Dean.
"Let me take you out of here."
Dean nodded and Castiel laid two fingers on Dean's forehead. The next second they were standing in a motel room. Castiel nodded toward one of the beds.
"Try to get some sleep."
Dean was exhausted so he lay down on the bed and managed to fall asleep. He dreamt that Sam was still alive and they were sitting on the hood of the impala, watching the stars. He woke up in the morning just to realize that it had all been a dream. He turned over and pulled the cover up over his head, not wanting to leave the bed ever again. He tried to hold the tears back but he couldn't. He missed Sam so badly. He couldn't function without his little brother. He heard the door open and close and then Castiel's voice.
"I brought breakfast."
Dean pulled the cover closer around him.
"Not hungry. Leave me alone."
Castiel sighed and left the food on the table and disappeared. Dean waited a little and then he sat up on the edge of the bed and took a flask out of his bag. He opened the flask and emptied it. Then he lay back down on the bed. In the afternoon he left the motel room and went to a bar. In the middle of the night he stumbled back into the motel room and fell asleep on top of the bed. The following weeks he kept going the same way. Hunting, drinking, sleeping when he was drunk enough to sleep and barely eating. He was just going through the motions. Castiel checked in on him now and then, only to be told to go to hell or to fuck himself. But one day Castiel showed up wen Dean was sitting on top of the impala in the middle of a field. Dean stared at the stars and drank from his flask.
"I can't do this anymore. I tried but I just can't. It's not fair! After all I've done for this world it goes and takes away the only thing that matters to me!"
Tears were now running down Dean's cheeks. Castiel sat down on the hood of the car.
"I know it's not fair, Dean. But you can't keep going like this. Sam wouldn't have wanted this for you…"
Dean slammed his hand down on the hood.
"Damn right he woudn't! He'd prefer to be alive! And don't you think I've tried!? But do you know what's left inside me!? Nothing! I'm empty, Cas! I can't live without him. I can't function. I miss him so much…all I want is to be with him. I don't want to be here anymore."
Dean cried heavily and Castiel sighed.
"Are you sure that is what you want?"
Dean nodded.
"Can you take me away from here? Can you take me to him?"
Castiel nodded and looked at Dean.
"Yes. I can do that. I really hoped it wouldn't come to this but I don't feel like I have a choice anymore. I can see now that you two were closer than I ever thought. And you have done your job here. But remember, there's no going back."
Dean nodded and dried his tears.
"I'm ready. Let me die. Let me be with my brother."
Castiel put two fingers on Dean's forehead. There was a bright white light and then Dean was standing in a field just like the one he'd just been in. He looked around and saw the impala that was parked in the field. Sam was sitting on the hood, watching the stars. Dean hurried over to him. Sam smiled and got up when he saw Dean. Dean hugged his little brother tightly and felt how Sam hugged him back.
"Oh God, Sammy. I missed you so much. I tried but I couldn't do it. I couldn't go on without you. I'm so sorry."
Sam held Dean in a tight embrace.
"Shh, it's okay. It's okay Dean. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're here now. We're together again. Forever this time."
Dean let go off Sam and just looked at him, taking I every aspect of his little brother. They sat down on the hood of the impala but couldn't take their eyes off each other. Dean smiled.
"So, this is heaven. You and I, sitting on the hood of my baby, watching the stars together."
Sam nodded and smiled.
"Together forever. You ready for that?"
Dean nodded and pushed a strand of hair out of Sam's face.
"I already tried a lifetime witout you and I only lasted a month. I never want to be without you again. So yeah. I'm ready."
Dean leaned in and kissed Sam. It was a soft and tender kiss and Sam kissed Dean back as they lay back onto the windshield. After a while they stopped kissing and just lay there, close together and with their arms around each other, and watched the stars. Dean sighed happily.
"I love you, Sammy. I never got a chance to tell you that before."
Sam smiled and gave Dean a light peck on the lips.
"You told me now and that's all that matters. I love you too, Dean."
Dean smiled and pulled Sam closer and kissed him.
"I wish we could spend the rest of eternity like this."
Sam kissed Dean back.
"We can."
THE END
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