After watching The Avengers for what felt like the millionth time ( I Love that movie!) I came up with this story idea. Set after the events of New York.
It was as though there was some sort of haze surrounding him. He could see what he was doing, but he had no control over his actions. He felt what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't voice his thoughts or act on them. Loki had him under his control and there was nothing Clint could do about it. He watched on as he fought with Nat, internally cringing each time he hit her. As the fight became more and more intense everything was a blur. He struggled to keep up with what was going on, and felt as though he was going to black out, when suddenly the haze was lifted. Clint could see clearly, think clearly… he was free. Or so he thought.
When he looked down at his hands he saw they were dripping with blood. Quickly he checked himself for wounds only to find he had just a few small scrapes and bruises. Then he turned to see Natasha, his partner, lying on the floor of the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier, blood pouring out from various wounds. He rushed to her side, kneeling down and scooping her up in his arms as she gasped for breath. "Tasha… no" he whispered helplessly.
"Why Clint? Why… did you do this… to me?" she spluttered as blood began to trickle from her mouth.
"I… I…" he choked out, not able to even find the words to describe what had happened. "I'm sorry… I so sorry".
"Clint" she coughed as she gasped for more air, and within a few seconds she was gone.
Loki's manic laughter echoed around him. Clint had never felt so helpless in his life. He had killed his partner, his best friend, under the control of a mad man. He was sure now that Loki was done with him, that he would kill him too. And he was fine with that. How could he even live with himself after what he had done. But he wished that she could live, more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire life. He would gladly trade places with her in a heartbeat. He would take all the pain in the world if it meant that she would be okay.
"No… Tasha… Please don't go" he begged her as he held her lifeless body close, tears streaming down his face. "Please Tasha I need you to stay". But it was no use, she was no longer breathing and he couldn't feel her heartbeat. "Natasha!" he screamed in anguish as he shut his eyes tightly.
Clint sat bolt upright in his bed, franticly searching around for a light and some sort of sign as to where he was. When he flicked on the lamp, he took in his surroundings and it started to come back to him. He was in Stark tower, now newly and more fittingly name Avenger's Tower. But he began to panic as the events of his dream re-entered his mind. Was it all just a dream? Or was he remembering something real? 'Oh god Tasha' he thought as he lept out of the bed. He needed to know if she was okay, or if he did in fact… kill her.
Before Clint could go anywhere his door swung violently open and Natasha came rushing in. A wave of relief flooded over him to see that she was alive. "Clint, are you okay?" she asked, taking in his dishevelled appearance. His hair stuck up in all directions and his naked chest was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his face stained with tears.
"You're… you're here. It was just… it was just a dream" he mumbled a little incoherently as he tried to make sense of it all.
"You screamed my name" she told him.
"Did anyone else…" he trailed off as he looked beyond her to see if any of the others had followed.
"Hear you? No, it's just me. Everyone else is out" she reassured him.
"I… Loki… He made me… he made me" he stuttered, unable to finish the sentence.
"It's ok Clint. Loki's gone, and I'm here, I'm fine" she said, understanding what he meant. Loki had told her exactly what he had planned for her, and he had obviously told Barton his mission too. She slowly approached him, reaching out a hand to comfort him, but he quickly backed away.
"No… don't touch me. We don't know for sure… if he's gone. I could… hurt you" he told her.
"You won't" she told him confidently.
"How do you know?"
"Because, I know you Clint. I know your eyes. Trust me when I tell you that the only thing I see when I look into them is you. He's gone".
"I felt so helpless Nat" he said as his shoulders slumped in defeat.
"I know" she replied as she approached, pulling him in to a tight hug before he had a chance to protest again. The hug was exactly what he needed. The tension began to dissolve from his body as he wrapped his arms around her. The warmth of her embrace made him feel human again.
"I don't know what I would ever do if I lost you" he confessed.
"You know, we are probably in the wrong line of work then" she joked.
"I think you're right" he chuckled. "But seriously Nat… I could never forgive myself if I did anything to hurt you".
"I know Clint. But I know that you would never intentionally hurt me, and I think in your heart you know that too" she told him. "Your nightmare… do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
He shook his head in response and held onto her tighter. "Not yet" he said. "I'm not ready to go back down that road".
"Well I'm here when you are ready".
Clint pulled back to look into her eyes. They held nothing but truth and he knew that she would always be there for him. He had spent so many years lying to himself, trying to convince himself that he didn't love this woman. But if these events had shown him anything, it was that time was precious, and you never know when your time is up. He needed to man up.
"Tasha…" he whispered, struggling to find the right words. He bowed his head in frustration, tempted to back out.
"What is it?" she asked, sensing that he really needed to get whatever it was off his chest.
"I… I love you" he whispered. For a brief moment shock washed over her face, before she hid it away and looked at him questioningly. "I have for a long time. And with all that happened, the fact that I could have lost you… I had to tell you. I'm not just saying it because we could have died, I'm saying it because it's how I truly feel. I can't keep lying to myself about it".
He waited for a response as she just stared at him, processing what he had told her. She sighed and looked down at her hands, which Clint was holding in his. "Clint… I…" she trailed off with a defeated sigh.
"It's okay Tasha, I get it, you don't feel the same. It's okay" he told her, trying to put on a brave face even though it killed him inside. He let go of her hands and took a step back, giving her some space.
He tried to hide it, but she could see the hurt in his eyes and that was the last thing she wanted. Of course she felt the same, she always had. But she was never any good with her feelings, thanks to the Red Room. She had always believed she was incapable of love, until she met Clint.
"No… Clint, I… I do feel the same" she stuttered out.
"You do?" he questioned, not really believing it.
"I do. It's just, I'm not good with all this… stuff" she said as she gestured between the two of them. "Feelings and emotions, they were things we were taught to ignore in our Red Room training. I don't know how to love, or how to be loved" she confessed.
Clint approached her and pulled her back into a hug. "It's okay, I'm pretty useless at it too. But we can work it out together. We're a team" he told her as he planted a soft kiss to the side of her head. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Clint yet out a yawn.
"You should really try to get some sleep" she told him.
"I wish I could, every time I close my eyes…"
Before he could finish his sentence, and torture himself a little more about what could have been she took his hand and led him back over to the bed. "Lie down" she instructed.
"Nat, what are you doing?"
"Do you trust me?" she asked.
"With my life".
"Good, then do as I say and lie down Barton, before I kick your ass" she joked.
"Yes Ma'am" he complied as he lay back down on the bed. She climbed onto the bed with him and cuddled into his bare chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
"Just relax and try to sleep. I'll be right here. If you start to have another nightmare, I'll wake you… I promise" she assured him.
"Thanks Nat" he said as he wrapped his arms around her and made himself comfortable. The feel of her body against his and the smell of her shampoo made him feel more relaxed than he had in a very long time. It wasn't long before he could no longer keep his eyes open and drifted off back to sleep.
Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. I always wanted these two to be together and don't like the direction they went with them in the second Avengers movie. Clintasha is where its at. I'm unsure whether I will leave this as a one shot or make it multichapter, le me know what you think.