Disclaimer: I do not own the characters contained herein that courtesy is bestowed upon Bioware bless their hearts for making these addictive games.

A/N: Okay so I have reread what I wrote and I'm not happy. I'm going back through it with a more critical eye and fixing what I see as problems. Don't freak if you've already read this story it will essentially be the same just 'clearer'.

I am absolutely obsessed with Fenris and have played the game upteen times (noticed some people were writing without playing you are seriously missing out!). I wrote this listening to a YouTube video called "Dragon Age 2: Lilium" beautiful. I suggest other Fenris fans to give it a listen. And "Dragon Age 2: Love the way you lie". This story is written in between the 2nd and 3rd acts. Also I intend to get steamy with this so... you have been warned. Oh, and I don't particularly care for Anders I like him but he annoys me so he may not come out smelling quite like a rose.

Warning: In case you didn't read the above. There are definitely steamy bits. However I demarked the beginning and end with something so you would know where to stop and start if you want to bypass those for those people with delicate sensibilities. Others of us, I would suspect there are a few.. who would like to skip there and maybe read the rest later. Lol.

Haunting Me

Chapter One

He never should have left he knew that now. Turning on his small bed, he refused to answer the insistent call of his flesh to the dreams he was suffering from yet again. He had only to close his eyes and her piercing blue eyes were staring into his, her breath heavy from exertion. Ugh, he thought to himself, I'm up. I'm up. Running a bare hand through his silver-white hair, he pulled it back wet with sweat.

Digging beneath his bed he grasped the bottle of wine that was really never far from reach anymore. Taking a quick, deep pull on the bottle the musky taste of the wine settled into the back of his throat thickly. The sun would be hours yet before rising yet he knew sleep would either evade him or torment him as it had for months.

Hawke. Hawke. Hawke. All he ever thought about was her. Her body. Her hands. Her face. Her hair. Her eyes. It was damnably infuriating. Her voice was so soft and encouraging when speaking to him or any of her friends, harsh and vicious in battle. Pulling out his armour, he started rubbing oil into the leathers. This was his ritual any more. Sleep two, maybe three, hours and then work on his armour until dawn. If he worked it any more it would be so soft as to be useless he thought to himself.

When the sun finally rose, he donned his armour and stretched feeling it settle comfortably and familiarly onto his skin. Stepping outside, he kept to the shadows. If he were quick he could see her through the windows of her mansion. Leaning against the stone pillar outside her home, he saw the curtains being pulled back. Then there she was. A white shift clung to her curves as she leaned against the glass glaring into the early morning light. He didn't worry she saw him as the shadows kept him well concealed. He drank in the sight of her sleep rumpled hair and foggy expression. She was so different from everyone else. She actually listened when someone talked to her, her eyes never wavered when you had her attention. She had a way of making you feel like everything else could wait until you were ready, that you were important and worthy of her time.

"I thought I would find you here."

"Isabella." Fenris growled. "What, pray tell, are you doing here?" Embarrassment and surprise colored his words more harshly than he meant them to come out.

"Oh, you know, just perusing random windows." She smirked at him, "Her neighbor across the way likes to strut about in the buff, quite a nice view." Looking up at Hawke's window, then back to him she said, "But there is a nice view to be had there as well."

"I had not noticed. I was on my way to the docks." He tried lying, unsuccessfully, if he judged by the pirate's expression.

She raised her brow, but left the blatant fib alone. "Picked up work from Meeran where Hawke left off?"

"No." Fenris turned and headed to the stairs.

Isabella hurried behind him to catch up. "So, who do you work for? I've heard you refused Varric, Aveline, and Sebastian's offers of pay for services rendered." She waggled her brows suggestively.

Fenris sighed. "I pick up odd jobs here and there."

"I find it's easy to make coin doing a few tricks here and there."

"I doubt I would be up to the 'tricks' you ply for your coin Isabella." Fenris shuddered to think of how often she went to the healers for whatever she happened to have picked up that week. Hawke had been his first. Watching her and listening to rumors about her, also the odd comment from Varric had led him to believe he had been hers as well. She had had no one before or since himself. It tore him up to think of her being with someone else but also ate him with guilt that she wasn't moving on and giving herself to others. Not that he could stand to be near the person who found themselves worthy of her and her time.

"There you go brooding again." Isabella commented. "Why don't you go back there and let her know how you feel? Or if you won't go to her... I wouldn't mind a tumble." She thrust her dusky breasts forward as she stretched her arms behind her. He could just hear the cotton crying from the strain it was enduring.

"Isabella," He sighed, "I cannot."

"Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me." She winked as she flounced off. He rolled his eyes as she wiggled her bottom a little more suggestively as she went.

Down by the docks, the salt in the air was refreshing. Crisp. Going to the foreman he picked up the orders for the day. Guarding well-funded merchant ships was easy coin and mindless. Pickpockets and thieves found his appearance intimidating and invariably left whatever dockside he was working alone. It also had the benefit of giving him time to think. When he worked the docks, he tried not to draw parallels in this work and when he had served guests for Denarius. The underlying fear of passersby was the same although the expressions were not. The magisters always had a note of jealousy colouring their looks. They wanted him for their own pet. The regular thieves and cutpurses generally sized him up as too hard a mark.

Errand boys found him mid-morning. Still no message received about Varriana. He was beginning to think Hadrianna had made the whole thing up. She would have done anything to save her filthy hide. He frowned, he should have known better than to have listened to that whore. It was such a pain, this unknowing, this waiting. He was so tired of it. With Hadrianna dead, he knew that Denarius was never going to stop until he got the markings back. She had been his star pupil after all, always pandering to Denarius's every whim. It couldn't have changed much since he had left. If it had she would never have thought to try to seek him out for herself. No doubt she thought the accolades she would receive from apprehending Denarius's prized bodyguard were well worth the effort. He thought with disgust on his life before Hawke. Denarius kept him always within arms reach, made him tear out the hearts of innocents simply for the pleasure of watching him glow and the added bonus of company viewing in awe and fear.

After the last shipment was loaded, darkness was falling.

Wicked grace was on for tonight. He wasn't sure if he could manage not to lose the few coins he had earned during the day. Focus did not seem to be his strong suit lately. He also knew that if he did not show up Varric would invariably find his way into his mansion and poke and prod harder than if he actually showed up. He had already cancelled with Donnic the past few weeks and that was already a subject of discussion he was sure.

Walking the side streets and back alleys, always staying to the shadows, his thoughts drifted towards Hawke once more. He knew Anders was making daily trips from darktown to see her in her mansion. So much for worrying about the damned templars catching him. Not when he thinks he has a chance to get what he's been panting after for almost two years now. Fenris had to stop and close his eyes to stem the tide of fury radiating through his chest. His anger was now an almost constant companion through his thoughts. Whether against himself or others, it really didn't matter, the rage was there.. just simmering beneath the surface. It festered inside him, except when he was with her. It had felt so good. So very good to be held and feel the touch of another's embrace. Really it felt good to have a physical connection with someone who cared about him. Not that he deserved it. The panic that had set in when he lay with her in his arms was almost crippling. She was sleeping and he was contented tracing the contours of her face and body while she slept, enamoured with the novelty of their coupling.

Then like lightning from no where flashes of bright red hair, sunshine, a garden. Laughter. Leo? What was it she said? What did she call me! A deep feeling of affection came from no where. It startled him. If he were honest, it scared him.

His eyes had opened and seen Hawke lying there. Her face seemed so innocent and relaxed, something he didn't see when she was out and about. Her calm focus she wore in front of everyone else was gone. His chest swelled with emotion, he felt he couldn't breathe. Turning his back to her and closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and drew in the smell of their lovemaking, her room, her.. He stood and picked up a silk handkerchief laid on the dresser. Wrapping it around his wrist he stood by the fire thinking until she awoke.

Why did I even leave? It wasn't even her fault. She loved me and I ran from her like a scalded cat. Pathetic. Walking through the entrance to the Hanged Man, he could smell her. Faint, but there. Eyes scanning the room, he looked for her but did not see. Sitting at their usual table in Varric's room, Fenris waited for his other friends to show. Isabella flounced in and sat opposite him. She reeked of Hawke. She stared intently at him from under her lids.

"Don't look at me like that Fenris." Isabella tossed her hair over her shoulder as she dug a pack of cards from her bosom.

It was chewing him up not asking about it. Then Varric and Anders came in talking about cats or the lack there-of. "So, Rivaini, what did Hawke say to your proposal?" Varric asked nonchalantly. Taking his seat at the head of the table, he brought out the score books. She continued shuffling the cards, her lips pursed. Looking at Isabella, he waited. "I can wait all night Rivaini."

"All right. So I went to high town." She sighed, her jewelry tinkled as she shrugged her shoulders.

Varric barked a laugh. "You mean the infamous temptress was shot down?" He rocked back in his chair chuckling still. "Didn't see that one. Thought maybe she had gotten a taste for.." He eyed Fenris. "..things." Shaking his head, he gestured for Isabella to deal.

Staring at the cards in his hands, Fenris mulled over what had been said. Did Isabella offer herself or did she say what she had seen in the morning? Hearing Isabella sneeze and tuck her hand, he caught her wrist. "I don't think we're going to cheat this evening."

"Spoil sport. Can't give a girl a break?"

Fenris snorted. "Isabella if we all cut you a break we would all be broke." Varric laughed from the head of the table while Isabella pouted prettily.

Hours later, he raked in a few more sovereigns and stood. Isabella was slumped over the table her head resting on her forearms napping already. Varric looked at him. "Elf, take it easy on her would you?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. I'm also sure it's none of your buisiness." Fenris straightened his back.

"It's obvious you're going to see Hawke. I worry about her." Varric looked to the fireplace. "She deflects with humor occasionally, but it has to hurt having lost everything you valued in the world." Fenris inhaled sharply. "Carver and Bethany gone to darkspawn. Leandra gone to blood magic.. you." Varric's golden gaze bored into his green ones. "All Bianca and I are trying to do is be there for her as she needs us."

"Yes, well, seeing as how your brother had a hand in that I can see your concern. Hawke generally makes her own decisions as she sees fit." Fenris sighed, rubbed his fingers against his chin. He felt a shit for throwing Bartrand up in Varric's face. "I didn't want to leave her dwarf." It was as close to an apology as he was willing to go.

"So then don't leave her elf." Getting up, Varric signaled the conversation was done.

Fenris nodded and turned to leave. Squaring his shoulders as if for battle, he walked out the doors of the Hanged Man. The cool stone felt good on the soles of his feet. She will turn you away as well. It's no less than you deserve after leaving her like that. Do you not even realize it is the middle of the night? She is no doubt in bed. The more he thought about her, the faster he went until he was running. Stopping in the courtyard outside her home, he drew in a deep breath. The panic threatened to overwhelm him. Shaking his head, he strode boldly to the door and knocked.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited for someone to answer. He thought about turning around and leaving then changed his mind again. He felt both stupid and hopeful that things could be worked on maybe said. Then she opened the door. He drank in the sight of her. Her hair mussed from lying in bed, her pristine blue eyes registering confusion and.. maybe something else? "Fenris?" She stood back from the door and he could see she was wearing only her thin shift he had seen this morning. She pulled her hands through her hair, straightening it. He noticed the way her breasts moved beneath her underclothes in response to her movements.

"I, ah, I thought to come see you." She gestured for him to come in. He faltered. "I was thinking on what you said about Shartan." He looked down at the floor. His bare feet were filthy and leaving footprints on her floor. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have disturbed your rest."

"You're not disturbing me, Fenris." She looked hesitant, then took his hand. "Let's go into the library to talk so as to not wake the others."

Allowing her to lead him, he relished the touch of her hand on his. Cool and soft her fingers held onto his roughened palm. He noticed the decorative vase he had given her sitting on her desk opposite the fireplace. She sat him in one of her plush chairs and took one across from him. The silence stretched and she seemed content enough to let it be until he was ready.

"I would like to.. to read." He coughed and looked at the figure above the fireplace studying it intently as he waited for her to laugh or deny him.

"Fenris, that's wonderful." He turned and saw her smiling at him. Turning she brought out a book and laid it in his lap. Flipping through the pages, he discovered they were all blank. He frowned and looked at her. "Is there something I'm missing?"

"No. We are going to fill it. It's how I learned and I thought it might work for you." She smiled again. "My mother would sit at the table with the three of us and show us our letters. We would copy them and learn what each one sounded like." Her eyes unfocused as she recalled memories from her past. Curious he waited. "Father would be working in the living room and mother would have us in the kitchen studying while she fixed lunch or dinner."

He leaned back in the chair, listening and imagining her memories. It felt intimate, this sharing of her past, something he longed for and wanted for his own and she was giving him freely. "What was it like?"

"What was what like, Fenris?" She got up and walked to the wine rack in the corner. Selecting a bottle she brought back a single glass. Putting it in front of him she filled it up and set the bottle beside it.

"Growing up with your family all around you," he started. Reaching for the glass, he swirled the wine around and around waiting for her answer.

She took in a deep breath before answering. He worried it might be much to ask of her after she had lost everything as Varric had so helpfully pointed out earlier, but a light smile played around her lips as she traced nothing circles on the top of the desk beside them. "Father worried about the templars, of course, but we were happy." She looked at him. "He loved us, we grew up knowing that. He and mother would laugh.. there were times when they would look at each other and you could see how they felt for each other." There was wistfulness in her face he had never seen before. Shaking her head to clear it, "So did you want to start learning tonite or did you want to come back tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry you should be resting and I'm disturbing you." He got up to go.

She grabbed his wrist, quickly, and stood with him. "You don't have to leave, Fenris."

Stepping in closer to her, he could feel the heat radiating off her body. He could smell desire rolling up her body. "Yes. I do." He paused at the door. "I will be back." She nodded as he left.

Bodhan saw him to the door. "What time should we expect you tomorrow, serah?"

"I don't know." The air outside the mansion was brisk, clearing. Shaking his head trying to dispel the feeling that he should go back in and beg her forgiveness just to lie at her side one more time, he straightened his back and walked determinedly to his own home. Coming into the foyer, there was a marked difference between his place and hers. It was cold here. Walking through the dark, navigating by the scant light coming from the moon outside the windows, he went upstairs to light the fire in his fireplace. He laid the logs on the grate; crumpled papers scattered around the floor and jammed them under the logs. Pulling his legs up to his chest, he closed his eyes and laid his head on his knees. Why didn't she hate him? Why was she still attracted to him? He was in no way deserving of her attentions. He had embarrassed himself and her by leaving. Their companions were constantly harping on it. It almost felt like a rotten tooth that you just couldn't stop worrying with your tongue. Push, push, push.

He was waiting for her to come home. He had walked down the mountains on his own thinking of what he had said to her. She hadn't deserved what he said, he realized that now. She cared for him, he was sure. She hadn't wasted a minute when the slavers had come for him. There was a darkness that came over her face when he told her of Hadrianna, almost a fury. And he had barked at her, like she had committed those atrocities against him.

He would apologize as soon as she came home. Bohdan wouldn't quit fussing over him until he looked at the dwarf and Bohdan found something else far more interesting to occupy his time. Finally she came through the door. Instead of being angry with him, she was more concerned for him and how he was. It was confusing. Trying to explain to her how things felt and how they were with him, it just felt wrong sullying her with this hate.

When she grasped the bare skin of his forearm, it was like something snapped. He forgot who he was for a moment. Panic set in when he saw he had her pinned up against the wall. Her eyes were darkened and a flush was crawling up the delicate skin of her throat. He let go instantly and she threw herself into him. Her soft lips crushed against his. Her tongue sought his and rubbed against it as if waging a war. Surprised he pulled back, only to have her kiss the juncture between his neck and shoulder, nipping and licking her way up to his ear. Gripping her bottom, he ground his erection against her while she gasped in his ear tugging on the lobe with her teeth. "Fenris." He wasn't sure if his name was a curse or a benediction from her.

Leading him by the hand, she drew him slowly upstairs. The servants were conspicuously missing all the way through the foyer, up the stairs, and into her room. The fire was lit and the room was warm. He stood still in the middle of the room unsure of what to do. She waited in front of him a few feet away. Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse and let it fall from her shoulders to the floor. Her chest moved rapidly with her breath. Her breasts strained under her bodice. She unbuckled her belt holding her skirt up next. It too fell to the floor. Stepping free of her clothes, she shoved them behind her with her foot. Reaching behind herself, he heard the snap of her clasps. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her bodice fall away. Her pink nipples were already hard.

Moving forward, so slowly, so as to give him another chance to deny her, as if he could at this point, she slid her hands from his shoulders to the gauntlets covering his hands. Working his buckles on the left one first, she pulled it free from his hand. Then she turned to the other. Once his hands were free, she looked at his face for askance. He nodded slightly, she traced her fingers down his brands until her left was interlaced with his right hand and her right hand grasped his left wrist. Lifting his hand, she placed it on her breast and sighed when he squeezed gently.

He brought his other hand forward and touched her throat. Trailing his fingers over her collarbone, he only stopped when they circled her nipples. Bending forward at the waist, he grasped one between his teeth and bit, gently, alternately suckling on her. Her fingers were busy at his breastplate, loosening it from his shoulders and putting it to the side. Her hands then fisted in his hair as he backed her up to the bed, lowering her down onto her back and kissing her everywhere he could think of. Her fingers unlatched the buckles holding his leathers together. Then her palms were flat on his chest rubbing and groping.

Shrugging free of his armor, she sat up watching him. He stared into her eyes as he slid his pants down his thighs. His erection strained against his underclothes. She trembled a little as she reached forward and grasped the band of his clothes, pulling him forward by the hips. Sliding free of her panties, he could smell her sex. Lying back, she held her arms out to him. Crawling on top of her, she wrapped her legs about his waist and drew his hips flush to hers. Her heat and wetness instantly went through his underclothes. Kissing her mouth, she opened her lips and he ran his tongue along the roof of her mouth.

Her feet hooked the top of his underwear and pushed them off his hips. His velvety length was suddenly lying right against her mound. He ground forward gasping at the sensation. Opening her legs wider, she guided him inside her. "If you are sure," he started to say.

She pressed her lips against his. "Fenris, I can't... Please, now." Her hands grasped his shoulders as she writhed under his body. Slowly, he pushed into her. She gripped him tightly, her body shaking, "Oh, oh, please, please..." she hissed. Pushing in he felt resistance, pulling back he pushed harder and broke through. Her head thrust back and she gripped his biceps. Drawing his hips back, he thrust again.

Her moans echoed around the room becoming louder with each thrust. Her hips rose from the mattress to meet his every thrust. Then suddenly her back bowed off the bed bringing him with her, she clamped down upon his member hard. He felt like he exploded inside her.

He awoke stiff and on his side lying in the filthy floor. He found he had climaxed in his sleep. His underclothes were stiff with it. Unfortunately, it had not meant he awoke any less aroused. Not even bothering with the set fireplace, he crawled into bed to toss and turn until dawn.

A/N: So I couldn't resist putting in what I thought happened while they were loving eachother in Act 2. *Shrugs* what Fenris fan can blame me? Any way, I tried to keep his voice in my head the whole time I was writing this and keeping to his brooding demeanor. Unfortunately, what he thinks about is purely speculation based upon what information you can glean from the game while you play. Hopefully you liked it, if not.. write your own. I'll go for more as I would like to explore how he found out about Varianna and the hopes he nourishes for that. I would also like to deepen his relationship with Hawke while I'm at it. It's just hard to believe that during the three year interim they don't talk, don't interact with each other you know? I mean when he apologizes she says he "didn't want to talk about it" which implies to me that they did meet in times that they don't show during the game. Granted there is A LOT of dialogue in the game and if they put in everything the fans wanted after playing it the first time some people may not have finished it as was. Ah well.. I like thinking too much I guess.