Ulrich quickly put away the blood stained pocket knife away in his trouser pocket and rolled down his sleeve, as he heard Yumi and the rest of the gang loudly enter their corridor and knew that they would be heading to this dorm.
Sure enough the gang entered into the room saying 'hi' to Ulrich and then taking their usual positions to just relax and talk.
Yumi, as usual, was sitting next to Yumi and was leaning on him. He had placed his arms around her and they looked in a totally comfortable position with one another.
Ulrich watched Yumi talk and laugh with the others and knew what he was doing was wrong but he couldn't help it and it made him feel better. A lot better. It made him able to laugh a bit but it never lasted long as the depression always seemed to creep back into him as quick as it left.
The gang had noticed a change in Ulrich and had noticed him not participating with soccer, and when they had asked him about it he had simply replied that he had no interest for it anymore and that he guessed he was changing.
The truth was that he couldn't hide the scars in the uniform you wore with soccer. He wasn't really sure if he missed it but then again everything had seemed to change so sudden.
Aelita's anti-virus had been cleared and situations surrounding Lyoko seemed to all solve themselves. They had destroyed Lyoko 2 days after Aelita had been on earth. Lyoko and X.a.n.a were no more, the secret part of their once-been lives was over.
Ulrich's mother and father had phoned him not long after destroying Lyoko telling him that if his grades didn't improve my next term that he was going to military school where he could learn something that would help the country, not only himself. Since he told the gang that Jeremie, Aelita and Yumi had been helping him with schoolwork and tutoring him. (Odd had been kept out of helping Ulrich for fear of Ulrich's grades slipping further)
Slowly but surely his grades now stayed at an acceptable B but he knew his father wanted more. His father wanted the perfect son. Ulrich thought he was far from that.
The only thing that Ulrich had that seemed worth living for was Yumi.
Yumi had admitted her love for him on the final day in Lyoko. There had been a deathly fight where none of them could be de-virtualised. Ulrich had the lowest of life points and Yumi had feared that he would die without knowing what he meant to her. So she had screamed at the top of her voice 'I LOVE YOU ULRICH STERN' before realising that Jeremie had solved the problem. Ulrich, who had been in so much shock, got de-virtualised.
Ever since that event they had been happily going out, despite protests from Sissy.
When Ulrich had changed his look, no-one had questioned him or commented except Yumi who had complimented him saying 'wow didn't think it was possible for you to become more handsome'
Ulrich had seriously considered killing himself and the idea hadn't totally left him.
"So Ulrich, what do you think?" Odd asked, breaking Ulrich out of his suicidal thoughts.
"Huh? Oh sorry what did you say? I wasn't really listening"
Odd shook his head and muttered "Never mind"
After a while the gang left Ulrich and Yumi alone for a couple of hours. As soon as they had left the room Yumi had started kissing him, Ulrich still seemed totally out of it when she had kissed him; she looked up into his handsome features.
"Ulrich, what's wrong?" she whispered
"Nothing" he lied.
Yumi thought for a while.
She removed herself from the bed and went through Odd and Ulrich's drawers and wardrobes.
Ulrich didn't even question what she was doing just stared at her blankly wondering how she would react if he did kill himself.
Ulrich heard Yumi give a triumphant cheer and went back to sitting next to Ulrich. She kissed him slowly and seductively. He kissed her back not knowing at all where she was leading it to but then again his thoughts whilst kissing Yumi were still of suicide. He felt Yumi's kisses become more fierce and hungry, he just allowed her to carry on and he followed her lead.
Yumi started to unbutton his shirt but Ulrich wasn't paying attention, not really. He was just following her allowing her to be the boss. He didn't really know what she was doing; he just kind of figured that this was another make-out session.
Yumi removed his shirt and unbuckled his belt whilst trying to remove her own top and French him at the same time. When Yumi had finally got her top her revealing her bra she started kissing his bare chest but to her horror saw something that solved everything that she had questioned silently about Ulrich.
"Ulrich, why are you cutting yourself?" she cried
This seemed to register in Ulrich's mind. She knew.
Ulrich looked around the room and saw what had truly happened, saw Yumi in her bra, saw him with his jeans open and shirt off and saw a condom on the bedside table next to him.
He jumped up in surprise, in surprise that he hadn't realised what was happening around him.
Yumi was looking at him with a scared look on her face. In his frustration and not knowing what to do he walked out of the door zipping his trousers back up and buckling his belt up and making sure no one saw his badly scarred arms.
Ulrich had travelled to the factory where he could be alone and where no one would disturb him when Yumi alerted the others of what was happening.
Ulrich sat down in a darkened corner, took the knife out of his pocket, and started to carve into his arms yet again. He seemed to be opening up old ones again and again. He knew he could easily end it by cutting the one vein that Jeremie had told him about. He knew he could easily end it by jumping off the factory roof. He knew he could end it by diving into factory's poisonous water. Ulrich wanted the quickest and painless death and he wasn't sure which would do it.
Jumping off the factory roof could leave him in pain and then slowly die. Drowning himself takes long, too long for Ulrich, a good athlete, to do. Yet cutting the vein, he knew takes several minutes of severe pain. He slowly contemplated what he was going to do. Bleeding to death only takes a couple of minutes and besides I wanna feel something, why not all of it?
Ulrich knew that the others would be out looking for him so he wrote a quick goodbye and sorry note and he stuck it up to the entrance of the factory.
He returned to the cold, dark corner where it was already slightly blood stained from his earlier antics.
Tears freely came down his cheeks and he started to feel the cold on his bare chest. His whole body shook with terror and fear but Ulrich's mind was set.
His life wasn't worth living and he was only a burden upon the others while he was in this state.
Ulrich picked up the knife from the stone floor and held it to his wrist. His hand was badly shaking. Ulrich quickly cut open the old scars so that the blood that would come out from his vein wouldn't surprise him as much, as he would think it was the other blood. To gain his nerve, he opened the cuts up on his other arm but then returned to the deadly vein.
Ulrich was now very obviously crying. He wanted this, he wanted to die but why was it taking him so long to just make one cut? He spotted the old radio they had used when they had slept round in the factory; he fetched it and turned it up full blast.
The music on the radio did not help him, it was too happy for him. He kicked it in frustration and to his dismay it broke.
Ulrich, who was now fiercely crying, didn't hear running. But he heard echoes of the footsteps, and he looked round to see his friends and girlfriend.
No, he couldn't allow them to stop him. He stood up and moved from them.
The knife always just touching the deadly vein.
"NO LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE THIS!" he shouted through his tears.
"Ulrich please don't" Yumi sobbed, now crying herself.
Jeremie was in total shock and Aelita looked petrified.
"PLEASE JUST GO!" he shouted again
Odd was staring at the ground cursing himself that he didn't know what Ulrich was doing. He shared a room with him surely he should have noticed.
"Ulrich, why are you doing this?" Yumi asked tears streaming down her face
"BECAUSE MY LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING, YOU TRY HAVING A FAMILY THAT HATE YOU AND ARE AFTER THE PEREFCT SON! I CANT BE THAT PERFECT SON! BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE IN MY HEAD. THE ONLY THING I HAD TO LIVE FOR WAS YOU YUMI, I'VE MADE MY MIND UP, I CANT LIVE ANYMORE, I HAVENT GOT THE WILL TO" he cried.
"Ulrich please don't do this. I know your family are hard on you but if you talk to them I'm sure they'll realise what they're doing and if you want us to be there, we will be. Ulrich, you've got everything to live for" Yumi pleaded
"NO I HAVENT YUMI, THE WORLD DOESN'T NEED ME ANYMORE, ITS SAFE FROM X.A.N.A. AELITA DOESN'T NEED ME, SHE'S SAFE FROM X.A.N.A. MY FAMILY WONT EVEN KNOW I'M MISSING, THEY DON'T NEED ME. NO ONE NEEDS ME, NO ONE CARES OR LOVES ME" he shouted, more tears staining his red face.
"I care about you, I love you, I need you" Yumi cried "I always have Ulrich, and if you do this, you'll be destroying two lives, yours and mine, because I'll kill myself too. I love you Ulrich. I want to get married to you, have children with you, grow old with you, and do everything with you. You're the one for me I know you are, I can feel it. So if this is what you're going to do then I'm going to do it too because life without you isn't worth living for me Ulrich" Yumi cried out.
This had got a reaction from Ulrich. The knife dropped from his hand and he fell to his knees, crying his heart out.
Yumi ran to him kicked the knife away from his grasp and she put her arms around his trembling body. She moved him so that his face was on her chest. She simply sat there stroking his hair and letting him cry on her. The other three, after making sure Ulrich and Yumi were going to be ok, left the two alone.
After an hour of Ulrich crying and Yumi just being there for him, he moved away from her. He seemed ashamed of crying. Yumi pulled him back to her and kissed him. Ulrich kissed her back and he pulled her tighter to him. After they broke the kiss, Yumi was able to hug him back.
Yumi stood up and offered a hand to Ulrich who took it.
His whole body was still trembling and he was surprised that he could stand, let alone walk.
Yumi silently led him to his dorm. Luckily there was no-one about and when she opened the dorm no-one was there either. She presumed that they had returned to Jeremie's room. Yumi set Ulrich on his bed and lay him down, he didn't disobey, he let her look after him. At one in the morning Ulrich finally got to sleep but Yumi didn't want to leave him. Forming a plan in her mind she phoned her parents and told them that she was sleeping over at her friend's dorm, they weren't mad at Yumi for phoning so late as her curfew and had now been stretched to one thirty on a Friday and Saturday.
Yumi carefully got into bed with Ulrich and lay there watching him sleep.
At two in the morning Yumi still hadn't drifted off to sleep so she saw and heard Odd creep into the dorm.
"It's ok, he's asleep" Yumi whispered.
Odd nodded and climbed into bed.
"Are you ok? We're all a bit shaken up from it, especially Aelita but you were the one who calmed him down and stopped it happening"
"I'm ok, just relieved that he's still here. I thought he'd already done it when we saw that note, but he's here and that's all that matters"
Odd nodded again and within minutes was asleep.
Yumi turned to watch Ulrich again and as she do his arm wraps around her in his sleep. She looks at his carved up arms and traces some of the scars with her finger. They were deep, really deep. He had been doing this for about a couple of weeks judging by the deepness of the scars.
Ulrich had slept the whole day following the factory scene and no body disturbed him. Yumi occasionally looked in on him and refilled his water bottle when he seemed to be slightly waking up to drink.
That night the gang were all just relaxing and quietly talking about nothing special just the local news in Ulrich and Odds dark room.
Ulrich still hadn't woken up but was sleeping. It was a sleep he needed and they all knew that.
Conversation around the four friends seemed quite calm and they were all relaxed. Yumi was joining Odd on the floor but she didn't mind at all.
"Yumi, please I'm sorry"
Everyone turned to look at Ulrich. He was still asleep but it was obvious that his dreams had turned sour. His face was screwed up in frustration and sadness.
"I'd better wake him" Yumi said.
Yumi kneeled bedside his bed and gently arouse him from sleep by slightly shaking him and calling his name softly.
"Yumi?" he whispered.
"I'm here, don't worry" she whispered soothingly.
"I'm sorry, I really am" he said getting all panicky.
"Ulrich it's ok, there's nothing to forgive, you were having a bad time but its over, nothing that extreme is going to happen again and we're going to stop this depression too, ok?" Yumi asked firmly but not nastily.
Ulrich warily nodded his head and hugged Yumi like he never wanted to let go.
"Thank you"
"What for?" Yumi asked confused but still hugging him tightly.
"You saved me"
Yumi broke the hug and kissed him.
The gang all smiled at the sight of the slight smile on his face while Yumi was hugging him again. The scars were very much present to them as his arms was wrapped around her back and they realised just how long his depression had been going. They all felt guilty but knew that Ulrich was going to be ok. Yumi was with him. He had always had Yumi and this had made them all the more stronger.