"Mommy, why are they burying Daddy?"
Those words were enough to shatter the soul.
The sun was shining, unhidden in by the puffy clouds in the sky. I kept my eyes on the ground. The same ground they were burying my best friend in.
God, Hughes, I thought. He was with God now. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't break the heavy silence. I was a member of the military. I should be strong. I'm Mustang, for Christ's sake! I've killed innocent people! But here I was, teary-eyed from the loss of my best friend. I threw my dignity out the window as my eyes fogged up, but not a single tear fell.
I felt Hawkeye staring at me. I knew she was worried. Had she ever seen me so brittle? Probably, but those times were so rare, it was easy to forget them. Push them out of my mind and continue building my ego. Why, at the death of my friend, was my ego shattered?
Because I should have been there to protect him.
I should be the one being lowered into the ground.
Maes had desk work. He wasn't on the battle field. I was. I should be dead because I put my life on the line. He doesn't. He's never killed an innocent person. I have. He's a good person. I'm not. He has a young daughter. I have no family. He's in the ground, in a box, cold and alone. I'm surrounded by friends, but I've never felt isolated.
He had been following me. He was pushing me up, trying to make my dream of being Furor a reality. He was supposed to tell me everything. He's supposed to be here with me now, clawing our way to the top, instead of going down alone.
Why, why didn't he let me become part of this? He waited to tell me all of this. Why? Why couldn't I have been there at that moment to save him? If only I had.
My eyes scanned the crowd of mourners. The cemetery would be flooded by a salty flood if the process took much longer. The grass had already gotten a good watering from he tears of Hughes' friends, companions, family...
Someone's going to have to tell the Elrich brothers, I thought. I shook my head no. I could hardly picture myself living on without Maes, never mind speaking of his death to others.
When the service was done and everyone was gone, I walked over to his gravestone. I stood on the freshly laid grass and stared at the name written on it.
Maes Hughes.
My mind screamed in objection.
He can't be gone.
It's a joke!
A trick!
He'll come back.
He has to come back.
That's an order from me, the colonel.
But he's above me, now. After death he's promoted to Brigadier General. Puh! How can I order him back if he's above me? How can I get my best friend back from the dead?
I can't. I'll never see him again.
At that moment, I knew what I needed to do. I would never follow a command that I would regret. I would never, ever have to hurt someone who didn't deserve it ever again. I would make myself be in a position of power where I never had to do that again. That, Hughes, is my promise to you. I will never be a bad person again. I will have my dignity as a soldier, as an alchemist, as a human being, to never follow a corrupted order again!
"It's raining," I told Hawkeye.
She nodded as a tear ran down my cheek
The sun is shining brightly, but it is raining.