VERY short Author's Note: This is my first fic, so be nice! I don't own any part of either Elimidate or Lord of the Rings. Also, where the text is italicized, that's the part where the camera takes the people off by themselves and they comment on how the date is going. Please R/R! J

Elimidate: Middle Earth – Episode One

Chapter 1: Round 1 – "It Comes in Pints?"

Voiceover: 1-2-3-4…(music starts)…Elimidate! Four hobbit guys…one hobbit girl…who will make the cut and move on to fuzzy-footed happiness?? Find out tonight on Elimidate!

A pretty hobbit girl with curly blonde hair and a great smile walks toward the camera. "What the-?" She looks around. "Who said that?" She shrugs and keeps going. "Hi, my name is Rosie Cotton," she says to the camera. "I work as an alewench at a local bar here in the Shire. Basically, I wanted to go on Elimidate because I'm tired of taking crap off of men." She is shown working in the bar and getting pinched on the butt by drunken hobbit men. "It's time for ME to call the shots!"

A young hobbit is shown walking toward the camera, with dark curly hair and big blue eyes. "Hi, I'm Frodo Baggins, and I…Check out this great ring I've got!" Suddenly an entranced look comes over his face and he stops dead still next to Rosie, staring at the ring.

"Hi, I'm Rosie," she says, looking at him strangely.

Frodo doesn't respond.

"Um, welcome to our date…"

Still no response.

Rosie to camera: I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Frodo. It was like, he was ignoring me and that's not a good way to start out.

"Oh boy." Rosie rolls her eyes, she spots Sam walking up. "Maybe this one will actually talk to me."

Sam doesn't look up at the camera; he blushes and shuffles his feet as he walks. He's holding pretty flowers behind his back. "I'm Samwise Gamgee, and I'm a gardener. I hope she likes me – girls don't usually pay me any attention, on account of my self-esteem." He walks up to Rosie. "Hi, I'm Samwise, but you can call me Sam."

Rosie replies, "Well, I'm Rosie…but you can call me Rosie."

Sam laughs hysterically, as if it's the funniest thing anyone has ever said.

"Okey dokey then…" Rosie spots the flowers. "Are those for me?"

Sam forks them over. "Oh, uh, yeah, here you go," he says, still not quite looking at her.

Rosie to camera: Sam was a little better. He's cute, but he's shy. Maybe he'll open up a bit after some drinks.

Pippin and Merry are walking up together, arguing over who's sexier.

Pippin says to the camera, "I'm Peregrin Took, and I'm sexier than he is."

Merry says, "No he's not. I'm Meriadoc Brandybuck, and everyone knows I'M the sexy one and HE'S the drunk goofy one!"

Pippin hiccups. "I'm not drunk!"

Rosie looks a little taken aback. "Um, hi. Welcome to the date. I'm Rosie."

Merry shakes her hand, "I'm Merry and I can do anything better than he can."

Pippin shakes her other hand harder, "I'm Pippin, and I'm dead sexy."

Merry laughs, "Dead drunk, you mean."

Rosie to camera: I didn't know what to make of Merry and Pippin. I've seen them before, of course, in the bar, and I didn't think they looked too interesting. Maybe tonight will prove me wrong.

Merry to camera: Frodo is going to be cut first, I can just feel it. He has no personality now that he has that stupid ring.

Frodo to camera: It is not a stupid ring! It's my preciousssss…

Rosie is looking a little put out by now. "OK, well, first we'll go have a few drinks; get the ball rolling a little bit."

Pippin perks up. "Drinks? I'm so there!"

Sam mutters, "You're always there."

Sam to camera: Pippin is going to be a drunken idiot all night. If I was Rosie, I'd cut him. He has no chance.

They begin to walk toward the bar, and Sam has to literally drag Frodo along behind, because he's still oblivious to all else but the ring. They sit down and look at each other.

Rosie starts. "All right, well, this is where I work."

"Great!" Merry smiles. "Why don't you get us all a pint then?"

Pippin gets excited. "It comes in pints?"

"NO!" Rosie shouts. Pippin looks crestfallen. "I mean, yeah it comes in pints, but I'm not working here right now. We're on this date, remember?" Rolls her eyes.

Merry points to Frodo, "All except him, that is."

Frodo strokes the ring and murmurs, "My precioussss."

"Aw, that's so sweet! Thank you!" Rosie beams at him.

Frodo's head shoots up. "No! You ignorant fool! I was talking to the ring! It's mine, my own…my precioussss."

Sam springs up, with fists balled. "Don't you ever talk to her like that again! She's special!"

"Aw, thank you Sam!" Rosie turns her smile on Sam. He blushes and sits back down and looks down at his tankard.

Rosie to camera: Frodo stepped a little out of line there, when he was talking to me, and Sam hopped up and took control of the situation. That's not what I'd have expected of him, and it was a nice surprise.

Sam to camera: Frodo better watch his mouth if he makes it to the next round, that's all I've got to say.

Merry to camera: I don't know why everyone's so uptight tonight. We're all just here to have a good time, right? (Grins)

By now, most of the pints that were brought to the table are empty. Pippin steals Frodo's since he's not looking at it, and drinks it too.

Rosie looks around the table at all of them. "So what does everyone do?"

Sam, blushing, says into his beer, "I'm a gardener."

"I'm a drunken fool," says Pippin.

"I'm an obnoxious little guy who has to one-up everything Pip does," says Merry.

"Precioussss…" says Frodo.

Merry snorts. "Well, that's debatable."

Rosie rolls her eyes and turns to Sam. "So you're a gardener? What do you grow?"

"Flowers," replies Sam.

"What kind of flowers?" Rosie asks.

"Pretty ones."

"O…..K."

Rosie to camera: Sam has got to come out of his shell. Otherwise, he'll never make it to the final cut. I need a guy with more personality than that.

She turns to Frodo. "What do you do?"

Frodo doesn't answer, as usual.

Pippin calls out, "Another round of drinks!" An alewench brings five more pints to the table. Again, Pippin takes Frodo's and drinks it too.

Rosie to camera: Frodo doesn't have a lot of personality tonight either. Frankly, this date isn't looking good.

Pippin to camera: I told you I'm the sexy one. These other guys haven't (hiccup!) got a chance!

Rosie is looking at Frodo with interest. "Gee, he's the life of the party, isn't he?"

Merry shrugs. "Aw, it's that stupid ring his uncle left to him. It's like it's stolen his soul or something."

Frodo's glare is icy. "How dare you? This is my precious!"

Merry to camera: This guy has got serious issues.

Voiceover: Who will go on to the next round of Elimidate with Rosie? Who will she cut first?

Merry to camera: I think she needs to cut Pippin. He thinks he's better than me and that's getting on my nerves.

Sam to camera: I think she should get rid of Frodo. He doesn't respect her, you can tell. She doesn't need a guy like that.

Pippin to the camera: I think Merry should go. He's always trying to one-up me. But he ain't got game!

Voiceover: Find out who made it and who got cut after this.

Rosie looks around again. "For the love of Pete, WHO said that?!"

Merry looks around too. "Who's Pete?"

Commercial break and End of Chapter One. Stay tuned!!