A/N: I don't own Glee nor the characters within. Alright, since I posted this on tumblr, I figured I should go ahead and post this here. :}
Dear Inmate #00378,
My name is Rachel Berry. I am a junior at William McKinley High School, and today we were given the assignment of writing to a member of the incarcerated for my Sociology class. As I wish to maintain my perfect G.P.A., I am putting forth all effort to provide a safe and encouraging environment for you to communicate with the outside world. Or, at least, an impartial audience of one: me.
As you have no doubt noticed already, I have enclosed a headshot with this letter. I hope to become a world famous Broadway actor someday, and I am a firm believer that any exposure is good exposure. One never knows how networking might turn out in their favor. I have also gotten assurance that no one enrolled in this pen pal program has a history of stalking or identity fraud. I would appreciate it if that stayed true.
I have also enclosed a list of suggested topics to discuss in your return letter. It shall hopefully help foster a rewarding pen pal relationship.
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
Yentl,
You are either completely insane or self involved to have sent me a) a headshot, and b) a list of topics. I'm guessing both.
S.
P.S. A fricken' gold star? You're absolutely nuts.
Dear S.,
I would thank you to a) send me longer letters, and b) not disparage me and my ancestral heritage. If you were so "appalled" by my structured correspondence, why did you write back?
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. Gold stars are my signature. They are a metaphor.
Goldie,
I only wrote back because I was forced to. If I don't, I won't get paroled in four months. I DON'T want to.
S.
P.S. Metaphor for what? Burnout?
Dear S.,
If your parole depends on writing to me, perhaps you should start an actual dialogue?
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. No. Gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star. Goldie?
Goldie,
No.
S.
P.S. Gold star. Duh.
Dear S.,
Yes.
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. My name is Rachel.
GOLDIE.
S.
Dear S.
I had a very nice day today. You?
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
P.S. Fine. If you insist on calling me Goldie, shall I give you your own nickname?
Goldie,
Prison is shit every day.
S.
P.S. Take your best shot.
Dear Woody,
I'm sorry to hear that. I've taken the liberty of sending you a small care package because, even if you insist on not taking this seriously, I am going to. You won't find anything too impressive, as I don't know what I am or am not allowed to send, as well as what your personal preferences are. Please write back with your impressions. And please be honest. Thank you.
Cordially,
Rachel Berry *
Goldie,
WOODY? What the hell? NO. Not cool.
S.
P.S. Send more Haribo Frogs. Those things are tight.