She nervously shifted as she came to stand in front of him, knowing she was going to abhor the conversation that lay ahead. He was absorbed in his chart and hadn't noticed her approach. That fact made her smile gently to herself. Alex Karev showing such dedication to his work that he didn't even notice, if she could modestly admit it about herself, a beautiful woman. She had taught him well.
She cleared her throat before speaking. "I need to tell you something… and, for some reason, I feel it has to be said face to face."
He looked up from his chart to meet her eyes, instantly attentive to her words.
"What is it, Dr. Montgomery?"
His eager eyes sent a piercing chill through her. Why did he have to look at her with such interest? She was just his teacher, right?
If only that were true. No one who knew their relationship, who saw them interact as they did, or who could simply read her mind would know that. She knew they were more… and so did he.
"Aren't we past the formalities, Karev?"
His eyes ran a path down her figure, leaving a sizzling path of scorched nerves in her body. She was suddenly on full alert. She'd been playing with fire… and that was the problem.
"Addison." Her name coming from his lips left her breathless. If only it was a blissful feeling, rather than an excruciating one. She'd give anything for her breathlessness, for his stealing her capacity to form logical thoughts and to function as an independent human being, to be a good thing. But it wasn't. It was an unbearable one. A suffocating one that left her desperate for air and trying to crawl for safety.
Safety being elsewhere. Somewhere where she wasn't dependent on a man. She was over that feeling. Addison Montgomery was getting her edge back, becoming a self-sustained, liberated woman once again. She was becoming the woman that she should have remained all along…and leaving all men behind her in the dust.
"I'm relocating, Alex. To Los Angeles. Tonight."
Whereas she felt on fire, he felt numb. His every muscle and nerve anaesthetized and his mind being the only functioning thing in his body, yet the only thing it was capable of thinking was-
"Why?"
She sighed heavily, knowing he wasn't going to understand. "I can't be that woman, Alex. That woman who stays trapped in one place, simply because a man lead her there. I want to have control over my own life. There's nothing left for me in Seattle, except bad memories of my own weaknesses and frailty."
She was right. He didn't comprehend her reasoning. He knew as well as anyone that bad memories wouldn't fade simply with a location change. He felt crushed, the victim of her falling boulder of anguish and torment, the compilation of her emotional baggage that she was determined to get rid of. She wanted to purge herself of heartache…. and effectively Seattle… leaving at least one casualty in her path.
"What about me? I'm here."
She knew that and, for such a long time, she had wished that he would only return her attention. But something had changed. One day she'd looked in the mirror and realized that life was passing her by; that not only was she not moving forward, she wasn't even on the course.
"You don't know how much I'd wanted to hear that," she admitted. "But I can't bear the thought of centering my universe around a man. I deserve better and I don't think I could live with myself if I did that. Do you understand? I can't wholly dedicate my life to a man anymore, whether it's Derek or Mark or… you. Don't ask me to."
His frown deepened. What more could he do than lay it all on the line?
"Take me with you. I won't ask you to change your life for me. Truthfully, I'd move mountains to be with you."
And there it was. The culmination of their relationship, of every emotion he'd ever felt for her and every sensation she'd inspired within him, out in the open… waiting… just waiting… for a response.
She inhaled sharply. "I somehow knew you would say that. Subconsciously, that is. But I can't, Alex. I'd rather you be a memory- a fond one- of my time in Seattle."
She broke him. At that instant, with her gentle words, she shattered him in a way that was not wholly reversibly, even if given a lifetime. Her soft refusal, her stinging rejection, left him bereft. But instead of giving in to the dejection, he drew from his anger instead.
"I don't get you. You come here aiming for one man and then proceed to fool yourself into believing you've still got a chance. You didn't and truthfully you never did. You failed, Addison, but living in Seattle was okay after that. And now, whether or not you like it, you've got me and you're running away? Sure, I'm not the finest surgeon you'll ever meet or that best man you could ever hope to, but I love you… and truthfully, I am who I am because you made me that way. You turned me inside out and now, damn it, you're pulling the bottom of my life out from under me."
"Alex…" Her voice faltered. "I didn't make you the person you've become. You had it in you all along."
"You liberated me," he insisted, fire emanating out from his deep brown eyes. The scalding heat she felt in his stare scared her as it often did.
"And you liberated me," she softly conceded. "You were there when I needed a comforting soul, and when I needed a diversion from my heartache. Your attention and… affection… were what I needed."
"But they aren't anymore?" His inquiry was faint, curiosity overwhelming his animosity. His eyes attempted to search out the truth in her own, but she dropped her head, obstructing his view.
"Nothing stays the same."
He ran his gaze up and down her body, his stare no longer radiating with burning fire, but rather a piercing frigidity that, had she been looking into his eyes, would have be unrecognizable to her.
"I suppose not," he admitted, "considering you aren't the woman I thought you were."
He turned and walked away from her for what was possibly forever.
She was right; Nothing stays the same. Alex Karev had been one man when she'd met him: a caustic, intense fighter with a rough streak. He'd been another when they were together: a compassionate, dedicated healer of patients… and fellow doctors. And he'd be another man once she was gone: a broken, hopeless casualty of seemingly unrequited love- a man she'd never know.