A/N: Well.. Um... This is based on a real life experience. Not my experience, but my friends. I was trying to think of something to write, and she suggested I write about this particular experience happening to a Harry Potter character. This was the result. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
A darkness beyond all darkness' permeated the room, so thick and solid that it could hold a man in place without even trying. In this darkness sat a man so frightening that even his name struck fear into the hearts of men: the Dark Lord Voldemort.
Despite the darkness, the Dark Lord sat staring at a message he had just received. It was good news, very good news. A smirk appeared on the Dark Lords horrifying face and a small cackle escaped his lips.
Suddenly, a great pain gripped him. His stomach began to churn and it felt to him as if someone were trying to push all of his internal organs down to his toes. He clutched at the arms of his chair and gasped desperately for air. He realized, just a moment before it occurred, what was going to happen.
He bolted from his chair and ran as fast as he could. The door was in sight when he felt something thick and warm running down his leg. He groaned loudly and continued to run.
He reached the door, yanked it open, and disappeared behind it. A moment later, if anyone had been standing nearby, they would have heard something akin to a small explosion followed quickly by a loud splashing of water and a scream.
After a minute or two, the noises died down and the sound of weeping took their place. Just as a particularly loud sob escaped from behind the door, another man entered the dark room through another door. Hearing the sob, this man swung his head around, his black, greasy hair slapping him in the face. He approached the door cautiously and knocked quietly.
The sobbing immediately stopped and a cold voice hissed from behind the door. "Who's there?"
Shivering slightly, perhaps from the dampness of the room, but more likely from the chillness of the voice, the man cleared his throat and said, as confidently as he could, "Severus Snape, Master." He paused for a moment. "I came to see how the new news had pleased you."
A deep inhale came from behind the door. A moment later, the Dark Lord stood before Severus, lit from behind in an eerie way.
"The news, Severus," he whispered, "is most excellent." A smirk spread across his pale face – 'Paler then usual,' Severus thought, frightened.
The Dark Lord went back to his chair and sat down, completely and utterly weary. He tried to disguise how terrible he felt right at the moment, but it was difficult.
Creaking filled the room as yet another door opened and a woman with black hair sauntered into the room. "My Lord," she whispered as she sank to her knees before him.
"I am not in the mood, Bellatrix," he replied in his cold voice. And he truly was not. Usually, he would love to see his followers – and basically anyone – grovel before him, but he was still feeling sick from the aftermaths of his earlier ordeal.
Suddenly afraid that she had offended her master – and also afraid for her life – Bellatrix stood up and looked cautiously at Severus, barely raising an eyebrow. He gave an almost imperceptible shrug and rolled his eyes just the tiniest bit to indicate that he had no idea what was going on.
Turning her attention back to the Dark Lord, Bellatrix asked in a careful voice, "My Lord… Is there something wrong?"
But Voldemort was not listening. The pain from earlier had just gripped him again and, if it followed the same path as last time, he knew what was soon going to happen.
Bellowing like a wounded hog, the Dark Lord ran once more and shut himself behind the same door. Bellatrix and Severus looked on in confusion until, quite suddenly, they heard the explosion, the water, and the screams.
After a moments startled hesitation, they both rushed forward.
"The door is locked!" Bellatrix cried frantically.
"Alohomora!" Severus shouted, but nothing happened.
This time, the noise ended sooner than before. The Dark Lord came stumbling back into the room and a foul stench followed him to his chair.
Plugging his nose, Severus followed as well, and asked, "Master? What is wrong?"
Voldemort collapsed in his chair, breathing heavily. A spasm of remembered pain shot across his body and he looked pleadingly at Severus and Bellatrix.
"Please," he whispered, his voice not nearly as cold as usual. "Please, just kill me now."
They gasped. To the Dark Lord, there was nothing worse than death. What could be so terrible that their Master would wish for such a thing?
"Master," Bellatrix pleaded, tears in her eyes. "What is wrong?"
Voldemort closed his eyes and shook his head. After a moment, he spoke. "It's like a nuclear bomb."
"What is?" Severus knelt by the chair and looked on eagerly.
"What's a nuclear bomb?" Bellatrix asked, confused.
"It's something muggles use to blow things up," Severus snapped. "Just imagine a very large explosion."
A sob drew their attention back to their master. "It's like a nuclear bomb," he repeated. "Only, it's exploding from…" He shuddered.
"From where, my Lord?" Bellatrix asked anxiously.
"From… my butt."
Silence fell in the room as the two dark-haired occupants tried to decipher what they had just learned.
"You mean to say," Severus said slowly, "that you just took a huge dump?" He raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"It's worse then death could ever be," the Dark Lord replied, whispering in his utter horror. "If you don't believe me, go look." He pointed out the door he had been using.
Severus went to the door and peered inside. The smell that greeted him was enough to make a baby elephant pass out in a minute. He stepped back, gasping for air then held his breath and stepped inside.
The door led to a small bathroom. Stepping up to the toilet, Severus looked into the bowl and almost lost control of his stomach.
When he came running back out of the bathroom, the Dark Lord was on his knees before Bellatrix, pleading for her to kill him. Severus panted for a minute before speaking. "It is worse then death," he said in barely more than a whisper.
Bellatrix took her turn in the bathroom. When she ran out, she went straight to a garbage can and threw up. Severus looked at her quizzically and, finally, she nodded. "Worse," she confirmed.
At that moment, Voldemort bolted to his feet and ran for the bathroom once more. As his screams permeated the air, Severus looked at Bellatrix. "I think we should leave," he whispered casually. She nodded, afraid to speak.
"Come kill me!" came the screams from the bathroom.
"I'm sorry, my Lord," Severus yelled back. "Urgent business! We must leave!"
As they left through the door where Severus had come in, they passed a small, squat, balding man who was whimpering to himself. When he heard the screams, he looked at then in horror.
"Good luck, Worm," Severus said, patting the man on the shoulder and walking away, leaving behind a symphony of agony and sorrow.
A/N: Well, I hope it was enjoyable! Please review!