My Family

"It wasn't anybody's fault but Bellatrix's, so if we all may a toast to Sirius Black, the greatest of the greatest!" Arthur Weasley toasted holding up his butterbear. The rest of the Order of the Phoenix, who were still alive, crowded around the table and raised their wine glasses: Molly and her children, including Harry and Hermione raised their Butterbear bottles.

"Sirius" they all muttered as one and drank deeply.

The only one who had not drank the wine of firewisky, the only one that stood there numbly, looked around the room; and felt that there was a certain presence in the room that was missing. To Nymphadora Tonks the time seemed to stand still, watching everyone drink the red alcohol was like watching the life and blood of her cousin drain away. Looking down at her own glass, the thick liquid swirled smoothly around; Tonks suddenly felt a wave of nausea and guilt sweep through her, burning her skull. The glass slipped through her weak fingers and it spun slowly through the air, the contents flying out all over the floor, and slowly but surely the glass smashed to a thousand little pieces cutting at her booted feet.

"Tonks!" shrieked Mrs. Weasley quickly sweeping forwards and repairing the smashed object with a small flick of her wand, the liquid soared back in. Everybody's attention snapped to the young girl, whose hair was normal for once, a dark black that was shoulder length and spiky at the ends. Her eyes were a dark color that everyone presumed was black, and personally they thought it looked terrifying.

"Sorry" she muttered gloomily slumping heavily on her chair. Mrs. Weasley gave her a sad smile and swept back to the steaming pots which contained her famous soup that nearly everybody was dieing for right now. Tonks shook her head as a bowl zoomed toward her and half a dozen to everybody else who had now seated themselves.

"Tonks, why don't you eat something, you need it" said a flustered Mrs. Weasley who was now sorting all her children's food while they hopped around her.

"Not that hungry thanks" she replied softly so Mrs. Weasley had to silence her twin sons with a muttered spell to hear her.

"Aw, come on Tonks you look like a pale stick that needs a good fattening from one of my mothers delicious dishes" begged Fred Weasley glancing from the slim form of Tonks to his mother who was round and plump.

"I got the meaning of that Mr. Weasley, and you can expect to be getting a bruise or two from that wooden spoon that I have fixed to the wall" Mrs. Weasley glared at her son as she caught him comparing the weight of the two women. Harry and the rest of the Weasley's sprayed their soup everywhere as a chorus of smirking and 'oohs' erupted. A faint smile spread across Tonks's lips but was quickly wiped away.

"And as for the rest of you" Molly scolded around at all of them "I have a few more spoons that just may be useful for something else rather than stirring the food."

Over by the far table Remus Lupin's wide grin that was rare to catch these days vanished almost instantly as he glanced back at Tonks and her blank face that was supposed to be filled with life, laughter and joy. But was now emptied and chocked in gloom and despair and as pale and deathly as a vampire.

Sighing Tonks stood up and exited the room, dragging her feet across the floor like a zombie; everybody fell silent as the door shut and heavy footsteps made their way up the stairs to a certain room.

"She can't keep going on like this!" Mrs. Weasley sighed loudly.

"She isn't the same Tonks as we knew her by" Kingsley spoke up from a corner of the room. He to along with Mad Eye was worried about her just like everybody else in the room was. "She has only been content on doing her job, and catching every criminal she can get her hands on."

"Have to admit, the cells in Azkaban have been filling up fast lately, and that's no joke" Moody thumped his wooden staff on the floor.

"Remus maybe you should go and talk to her" Mrs. Weasley said speaking above them "She spends all her time in that room lately and I don't know the last time she ate anything properly."

"Why would she tell me anything if she doesn't tell you anything, I don't know why you think that way" Remus buried his face in his hands "I think she just wants to be alone right now."

"I certainly think she does to!" Mrs. Weasley looked like she was going to explode.

"Then I should leave her alone not go and bother her" Remus concluded taking his spoon and shoveling a load of the warm soup into his mouth, feeling all kinds of things brush against his tongue and cheeks.

"And that's my point, she wants to be left alone to grieve, but what she really needs right now is comfort and support" she indicated her head in the direction of Harry "Harry was able to stop blaming himself and he's moved on, Tonks just has to do the same."

"Yeah, she needs to stop blaming herself cause it'll destroy her inside, and right now she's very vaunerable, you have to make sure she doesn't hurt herself" Harry explained.

"What do you mean hurt herself?" asked Remus sharply.

"Well, when I was depressed I would do all sorts of things, bang my head against a brick wall, stop eating, cut my body, blame myself more for Sirius's death and convinced myself that everybody hated me because of it, but then I was convinced that I still had friends that loved me and didn't blame me, even though I still have some regret I don't blame myself and I wont hurt myself anymore. Tonks just needs time, and by leaving her alone she's gonna get worse and some people get so depressed that they end up dieing from guilt or killing themselves." Harry spoke this as though he had experienced it himself, and Remus had no doubt that he had, but he quickly stood up in horror.

"Kill themselves?!!" he exclaimed.

Harry could only nod his reply sadly.

"But Nymphadora wouldn't hurt herself; she has enough common scene to tell what's right and wrong, she can't do a thing like that?" Remus was now frantic, she wouldn't, couldn't do something to harm herself in such a way but if she really was this vanurable than anything was possible.

"Anyone of us could she could to, she's like a normal human being and has feelings the same way as well" Arthur looked at his friend with sorrow stuck in his voice that clearly showed.

"I guess I'll go and speak to her" Remus sighed slowly making his way across the kitchen and up the kitchen stairs.

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Tonks made her way carefully up the old wooden stairs, conscience of Mrs. Blacks portrait that was quietly whispering in its sleep, things about filthy half bloods. Ignoring it she trudged all the way up to the top floor. A shiny brass plate above the amin room door frame was stuck to the wall reading:

Sirius Black

A fresh pang of guilt washed over her and she clenched her fists to steady herself. Entering the room with a sharp sigh she looked around and found everything the way it was, exactly the way it was, the way he had left it before he had died. She looked over at his desk a white sheet of paper catching her eye. Walking over to it she snatched it from its place and looked at the front cover.

Nymphadora Tonks

It was addressed to her!

"He didn't forget me!" she thought suddenly exited, one of the first real feelings she had felt in days. She carefully opened the small letter like it was life itself. Inside it read:

Dear Nymphadora Tonks

How are you now? I won't really know will I?

If you're reading this it means I am dead by now. I'm sorry that I couldn't live long enough to tell you all I wanted to share, but I suppose the saying life is short has a true meaning to it eh?

I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being sent to Azkaban and leaving you alone all that time, you probably hating me and was ashamed of me for that crime I supposedly had committed.

All I regret is that I didn't have the guts to save my friends or spend time with and get to know my true family more. I know I spent all my time and attention on other people, all my other friends. And you sat back and watched doing your own thing. The last day I saw you before going to prison you were around the age of 9 I think. You were nearly always happy back then, other than the times Voldermort had attacked someone. Then I went away and when I came back you were a fully grown beautiful woman that had a knack for changing her hair color every day, nobody could keep track of your hair color.

A Metamorphmagus, ha, I was so proud to have one in the family. When I came back you were all grown up and a fully trained Auror! I couldn't believe it; I was certainly proud and happy at that.

All your life you lived not knowing your family, because you were a half blood. And with everything going on this year I was so worried about Harry, I've always been caught up in him, his father and his family, I didn't turn back to look at mine. Everything about me has been about Harry and James. You didn't have me there for you, and I'm sorry for that, you were brought up all alone. I just wish I could apologize to your face and explain everything, get to know you better. But hey! I guess I can't do that now.

Do me a huge favor, tell Harry not to blame himself, please. Tell him I went to protect him and it was nobody's fault, but mine. You cant change the past, all you can do is move on into the future, all you can do about the loved ones and friends that have passed away, is remember them. And never forget the sacrifice they made. I guess that's all you could hope for when you die.

Well anyway! This is probably the longest letter I've written in my life. Say hello and sorry to everybody else for me, we are all about to leave for the Department of Mysteries, Moody is shouting for me, anyway gotta go cuz. And never forget.

Love Always

Sirius Black

Padfoot

The emotion was high in her as she re-read the letter through several times. So he hadn't forgotten her after all!! She was in itself relieved, and thankful, but she still felt the need to blame herself for what happened. If only she hadn't have been so weak, if only she had defeated Bellatrix or prevented her from harming her cousin. If only.

"But isn't this why I became an Auror!" her loudmouthed conscience spoke, "to fight criminals and Death Eaters, like the rest of your no good family, isn't that why you became an Auror, ISNT IT!!??

At that point she concluded she was going nuts, she was speaking to herself like a lunatic. Shaking her head roughly, she stuffed the letter into her pocket and walked out of the shabby room, closing the door carefully. Sighing deeply she then made her way into the room she spent most of her time in these days. It was the room that had the Black Family tree painted onto the wall, showing each and every detail of the Pure Blood family's history. The history that Nymphadora Tonks herself had been forcefully blasted out of for being a half blood.

A/N: I will write another chapter if I get enough reviews. I don't care what you say, just say it!!!

So R&R peoples.