His Greatest Desire…was to have her forgiveness…His Greatest Sorrow…was her betrayal…
Hey guys…This is just a little one-shot to let you know I'm NOT dead. So, to explain. A missing moment from Philosopher's Stone, right before Harry discovers the Mirror of Erised. Looks like a certain grumpy professor has his own dark little secrets.
So. Yes, I believe that Snape was in love with Lily. Get over it. I'm a SSLE fangirl shipper. LEAVE ME ALONE! I'll clutch to my fantasies if I want to!!
A curtain of darkness wove into his field of vision. A sallow hand pushed the lank hair aside impatiently; the scene before his eyes was too important to be disturbed n such a manner. An oval face, surrounded by red waves that spilled across porcelain shoulders peered down at him, eyes alighting with happiness at the lone dark figure standing there.
A thin tear found the safest course down the weathered face. A trembling hand reached out, longing to touch the sight before his eyes. A hastily stifled sob, and then he couldn't keep the tears in check any more. His hand convulsed; he could feel his heart pounding beneath his thin skin as he looked up once more, afraid of what he'd see.
Forgiving emerald eyes locked onto his own dark ones; a ghost of a smile played at the corners of petal-pink lips. A smattering of freckles on each cheek, across the porcelain shell that had encased such a beautiful soul. A thin hand reached towards him; confusion creased thin, red brows. She was so beautiful…
He'd scorned her while they were at school; refused her help, and even insulted her. He drove her away, not wanting to be hurt. Not wanting her to get hurt. Bang-up job you did of that, too…He sniffled at his own sardonic inner voice, willing it to shut up.
I'm so sorry…I never meant for this…I never meant for you to…I'm sorry! His heart screamed at her. Begged for forgiveness that would never come, begged for another chance that could never reach him. His lips thinned in disgust at himself; he always returned here, to this place. She wasn't really here; when was he going to learn that?
All he was doing was slowly tearing apart his soul; wracking what was left of his heart. Another sob, and he was on his knees, fingers making pathetic trails in the thick dust of the unused room. Merlin, how he wished for that hand to touch his shoulder, to absolve him of his guilt. That hand could soothe anything; a wounded pride, a guilty heart… Perhaps even him, the lowest traitor on the face of the planet.
Thin lips smiled briefly at his own foolishness…He'd betrayed her, plain and simple. There was no getting around it. For nigh on seventeen years, he'd had to live with the biggest mistake of his life. He wished for another chance; he'd give anything to correct her fate. Instead, he'd been haunted by the imagined sound of her screams.
Tears curved swathes down his face. Wishes are just…wishes.
An all-too-familiar light glinted in his eyes. He looked at his arms, underneath the rolled up sleeves of his black robes. Numerous scars lined them, even marring the great, black brand on his left arm. He looked up at the red-headed woman in the moonlight, noticing yet again how his heart broke at the sight of those innocent emeralds. The farther he stepped backwards towards the doorway, the more she faded from his sight.
At the threshold, Severus Snape wiped his face clear of tears and emotions, took one last glance the barely visible picture of Lily Evans Potter and strode down the hall to his chambers.