Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Naruto. And to all you Naruto fans out there, don't sent me hate mail, I think Naruto is an okay anime and manga(even though I question on where it's going at times.), but I just can't take the insanity of some of these so called Naruto/OP fanfics anymore.
Also, rant at the end. Oh and also, try to imagine Naruto with his Little Kurriboh voice(you know the one. ;P ). So…yeah…be warned.
EDIT: Hey, um...if you're offended real easily, then you don't have to read this, especially the rant at the end. Other than that, just skip all this and see my apology and my note on challenges.
An Original Naruto/OP Crossover Fic
Once upon a time, a fan of Naruto and One Piece(*cough* yeah right *cough*) went to create…wait for it…THE GREATEST, MOST EPIC LENGTH NARUTO/ONE PIECE FANFIC EVAH! He(or she) went to create it right away and already had a plot just in mind that was, quote on quote, 'EPIC'! So epic, that it went JUST LIKE THIS!
…May God have mercy on us all.
00000
We see a white space of nothingness, until…
POP!
The Straw Hats appear out of thin air!
"Huh?" Nami.
"Wha?" Zoro.
"What the heck?" Franky.
"Yoho?" Brook.
"Hm?" Robin.
"What the crap?" Sanji.
"Eh?" Luffy.
"Uh…" Chopper.
"ACK! WHERE ARE WE?" And Usopp.
And then…
SHA-BOOOOOOOM!
In grand entrance style, with explosions and flames and everything, Naruto appears.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! BOW DOWN TO ME PIRATE MORTALS, FOR I HAVE ARRIVED!"
The Straw Hats just stared at him strangely…blinking at him…astonish by his terrible bright orange jumpsuit.
"…And you are…?" Nami said slowly with a raised eyebrow.
"THE SUPER HOT, ATTRACTIVE, SEXY, POWERFUL, STRONG, OMNIPOTENT, SMART, WISE, INTELLIGENT NINJA, SLASH, PIRATE GOD, NARUTOOOOO!" Naruto said as he screamed out his name full blast, all the while making the Straw Hats go deaf, clutching their ears in pain.
"OH DEAR GOSH, MY EARS!" yelled Usopp.
"EEEAAAAGHHHH!" screamed poor Chopper.
"I WOULD MAKE A SKULL JOKE RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M SO CONFUSED ON WHERE WE ARE!" Brook said in pain.
"Ugh, w-was that even NECESSARY?" Sanji yelled at Naruto.
"YES! BECAUSE I AM AWESOME THAT WAY!" Naruto yelled some more.
"Why are you yelling?" Zoro hollered over Naruto.
"BECAUSE WHEN I YELL, I CURE A DISEASE!"
They all stare at him.
"…Well that's stupid." says Chopper.
"Yeah, I'm not buying it." Luffy also says.
The Straw Hats looked at Luffy in shock. "Wow…well, that's saying something." said Nami.
"YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS OF MY COMPLETELY SENSUAL RADIANCE OF JUNKINESS THAT I HAVE IN MY PANTS!"
They all continued to stare at him in bafflement.
"…Your radiance of your what in your…WHAT?" said Sanji, perplexed that anyone would called their manhood their 'junkiness'.
"Is this guy for real?" Franky said, pointing his thumb at Naruto.
"NOW I SHALL GO ON ADVENTURES ONTO YOUR WORLD, FOR I HAVE BEEN BANISHED FROM MY WORLD, BECAUSE I AM TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT! …AND SOMETHING ABOUT A DEMON INSIDE OF ME, YADA YADA, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM TOO STRONG, SEXY, AND SMART FOR ALL THOSE MOTHER F**KERS TO APPREACIATE ME! AND I AM EITHER FIFTEEN OR TWENTYISH FOR WHEN I WAS BANISHED! AND MOST OF ALL, I WILL HAVE A CREW AND I WILL STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT EVERYWHERE I GO, BECAUSE I AM SO AWESOME THAT WAY! AND AFTER THAT, A HAREM WILL FLOW AFTER ME, FOR I AM SUCH A SEX GOD, I CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND HAVE SEX WITH MYSELF! AND SINCE I AM SO HOT, I MAKE BRAD PITT LOOK LIKE JONAH HILL!"
"…WHAT?" Sanji said incredulously.
"Wow. For once in my life, I have nothing plausible to say." Robin said in astonishment at the sheer stupidity of it all.
"Wait, so…you're banished from your world, because…um…okay, I'm going to with the one with the demon inside you." Nami said as she contemplated. "So, from some…uh, messed up…laws of physics, I don't know, take what you will, you decided to become a…pirate? Is that what I'm hearing from you?"
"ABSOLUTELY, WOMAN! …I MEAN, NO, WAIT, IT'S BECAUSE I AM TOO SEXAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Nami just stared at him. "…Uh-huh."
"Wait a second, didn't you say you were a ninja?" Usopp questioned.
"YES I AM!"
"Well…which are you then? A ninja or a pirate?" Usopp asked.
"HA! SILLY LONG NOSE MORTAL! I AM BOTH!"
"…Um…okay." Usopp said.
"IT SEEMS YOU ARE CONFUSED! WELL DO NOT WORRY YOUR TINY BRAIN ABOUT IT, FOR I WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!"
"Wait, wha-no! I understood what you-WAIT, WHAT? MY BRAIN IS NOT TINY!" Usopp exclaimed angrily.
"YOU SEE, BECAUSE I AM A NINJA AND I AM ALSO A PIRATE...
00000
-*2 hours later*-
00000
"…AND THAT IS HOW I DESTROYED GEORGE LUCAS' EVIL PLAN TO MAKE MORE PREQUELS!"
"…WHAT THE HELL? YOU SPENT THE LAST TWO HOURS JUMPING TO ANOTHER RANDOM SUBJECT TO ANOTHER RANDOM SUBJECT! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I STOOD HERE LISTENING TO THIS CRAP!" Zoro yelled.
"…Is it possible that I can lose brain cells from listening to an explanation that wasn't even an explanation at all?" Usopp said with a blank look on his face.
"Nope. Still not buying it." Luffy said as he shook his head.
"Man, that wasn't even an entertaining story. I heard better stories from Usopp." Chopper said disappointingly.
"Did we really just sat here listening to this idiot talk? D-did we really, honestly, did we? Did we just listen to him talk? FOR TWO HOURS?" Sanji exclaimed.
"My gosh, I think my brain has cancer because of this guy." Nami said as she grasped her head.
FHHHRRRRT!
A sound so loud and horrible erupted all across the room, shaking the whole place from where they stood.
"WHAT IN THE-" Franky yelled.
"NOT ONLY DOES MY YELLING CURE DISEASES, BUT MY FARTING CAN CURE CANCEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!"
"What the-no, you moron, I really don't have cancer, I was just-OH MY GOSH, THE SMELL!" Nami exclaimed in horror.
"GAAAAAAH! OH IT REEKS!" Chopper yells as the smell enters his sensitive nostrils.
"AUGH, WH-WHAT IS THAT?" hollered Zoro as the rest of the Straw Hats hold their noses in disgust.
"THAT IS THE FOOD OF ME! RAMEN! I CAN CONSUME LOTS OF IT, BECAUSE I AM-"
"LET ME FREAKIN' GUESS, CAUSE YOU'RE FREAKIN' AWESOME THAT WAY, IS THAT IT?" Sanji snarled at Naruto.
"...YES..."
They all just stood there, waiting for the smell to dissipate, and waiting to see what kind of other nonsense is going to happen.
Once the smell is gone, Franky spoke up to Naruto in hesitation, "Um…hello?"
"I AM SO FREAKING AWESOME!"
A violent tremor shook the room, causing the Straw Hats to topple over from the force.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" They all yelled, even Robin.
"AND NOW I SHALL CHOOSE WHICH LUCKY ONE PIECE LADY WILL JOIN ME IN SEXUAL INTERSCOURSE!"
"WHAT!" they all shouted.
"HIT IT!"
The song 'The Bad Touch' from The Bloodhound Gang came on out of nowhere.
"OH YEAH, THIS IS A GOOD SONG TO HAVE SEX TO! YOU WITH THE ORANGE HAIR!"
"WHA!" Nami said in horrification.
"YOU SHALL NOW JOIN ME TO HAVE HOT, STEAMY, PASSIONATE SEX…ALONG WITH THE RAVEN HAIRED ONE AND ALONG WITH MY PIRATE, SLASH, NINJA HAREM!"
"WHAT?" Robin said in horror.
"WHAT?" Sanji said in full anger.
"WHAT?" The rest of the Straw Hats exclaimed, except for Luffy, who was very threateningly silent.
"YES! NOW I SHALL MAKE THIS JOURNEY THE MOST EPIC AND AWESOME QUEST TO OBTAIN ONE PIECE AND I WILL BECOME MORE BADASS THAN EVER! I HAVE MILLIONS OF FANS WHO EAT THIS CRAP UP BECAUSE THEY LOVE ME SO MUCH TO MAKE ME WHO I AM RIGHT NOW…IN FANFIC FOOOOOOORM! I AM SO AWESOM-"
"I...am still…not…buying it." Luffy said darkly.
The song stopped with a record scratch.
"WHA-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! WHO DARES SPEAKS TO ME WHILE I-ACK!"
Naruto was grabbed by the scruff of his collar by Luffy's stretched out arm and as he pulled Naruto towards him.
"YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU IDIOT!" Luffy said with rage, shocking the rest of the Straw Hats. "I JUST HAVE ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR CONSTANT JABBERING ABOUT NOTHING! YOU CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, SCREAMED LOUDLY FOR NO REASON, WHICH IT WAS GETTING OLD REALLY FAST, TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOU ARE, WHICH AGAIN, I DON'T BUY ONE BIT, ANNOYED THE HECK OUT OF ALL OF US, ACTING LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO GET THE ONE PIECE, WHICH FOR SOME REASON, YOU CLEARLY ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE US LOOK BAD, ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF INTELLIGENCE, WHEN EVEN I CLEARLY SEE FLAWS IN THIS LOGIC, ACTING LIKE YOU ARE SOME SORT OF SEX GOD, WHICH I DON'T SEE THE APPEAL EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU TRIED TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH NOT ONE, BUT TWO, OF MY FEMALE CREWMATES! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TRYING TO ACT ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY JUST SO SOME FANS OF YOURS CAN LOOK AT YOUR FANFIC SEEING HOW COOL YOU ARE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO ALL OF THAT?" Luffy snarled in fury.
"….N-no…" said Naruto with a squeak.
"I SAY I'M GOING TO KICK. YOUR. ASS!" Luffy yelled with a fist raised into the air.
"AAAACK! WAIT, HOLD ON A SECOND, IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S THE WRITER'S FAULT!" Naruto said, defending himself from the blow.
Luffy stopped. "Eh? The writer?"
"IGNORE HIM, LUFFY! PUNCH HIS FACE IN UNTIL IT LOOKS LIKE A BOWL!" Nami shouted.
"DITTO!" shouted…Robin? Everyone turned to her in shock. "…What? My patience has it limits."
"NO, REALLY! LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S THE STUPID WRITER'S FAULT! HE…OR SHE, I DON'T KNOW WHICH, IS WHY YOU'RE ALL HERE! ME INCLUDED! IF WE DON'T STOP THE MADNESS NOW, THE AUTHOR WILL MAKE A VERY BORING, CLICHÉ, UNINSPIRING CROSSOVER FANFIC THAT MAKES ME LOOK A STRONG, SEXY, AND SMART BADASS THAT JUST HOGS ALL THE SPOTLIGHT AND GET'S ALL OF THE WOMEN!"
"That's…that's terrible!" Sanji said with wide eye(s).
"Wait, but what does that leave us?" Usopp said.
"NOWHERE! THE FANFIC ONLY PAYS ATTENTION TO ME!"
The Straw Hats gasp.
"AND THAT'S NOT THE HORRIBLE PART! THE HORRIBLE PART IS…IT WILL GET OVER A THOUSAND REVIEWS!"
The Straw Hats this time gasped in horror.
"Wait…are-are you for real?" Zoro said cautiously.
"I'M SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK!"
"Well, that's not much of a crossover." says Chopper.
"EXACTLY! DO YOU THINK I WANT THIS? I'M JUST A PAWN IN THIS PERSON'S SCHEME TOO! AGAIN, IF WE DON'T HURRY, MORE CHARACTERS WILL COME INTO PLAY INTO THE FANFIC AND IT WILL BE THE MOST CRAPPIEST THING YOU'LL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE!"
"WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY FANTASTIC STORY?"
"OH CRAP, IT'S THE WRITER!"
The room turns dark all of a sudden, and a voice shakes the room violently.
"THIS IS MY STORY AND NO ONE SHALL SCREW IT UP!"
"AAACCCK!" screamed Usopp.
"What the hell?" Zoro looked up.
"Well, so it finally showed itself, eh?" Sanji said.
"So this is the 'writer', huh? Well where is he? I'm going to kick his ass!" Luffy exclaimed.
"NO, YOU CAN'T! IT'S HOPELESS! HE'S IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE NOBODY CAN FIND HIM! THE ONLY WE THING WE CAN POSSIBLY DO TO DESTROY HIM IS BY MAKING SOMETHING SO ORIGINAL IN THIS FANFIC THAT WE-"
"Yoho! Hey wait a minute, there he is over there!" Brook said as he pointed to a morbidly obese man that was on a computer and was wearing a shirt that says, 'Narutard'.
"UH…UM…P-PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SEXY HANDSOME MAN ACROSS THE ROOM! HE'S JUST THERE TO WATCH HOW THIS GLORIOUS FANFIC WILL PLAY OUT!"
"…Wow. I never really noticed that guy before until now." Naruto said.
"Hey! You're not screaming anymore!" Luffy said.
"Hey…I'm not! It's a miracle! Oh happy days!" Naruto shouted happily. "…My throat hurts."
"So what do you say, Naruto? Want to beat this guy up?" Luffy said with a grin as he pops his knuckles.
"Abso-freaking-lutely!" Naruto said as he popped his knuckles as well.
"Hey! Don't leave us out on the fun!" Nami said as the rest of the Straw Hats started to join in.
"W-WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! YOU'RE RUINING MY STORY!"
"Oh by the way, I'm very sorry for all the crap I did and said to you guys." Naruto said to Luffy and the gang.
"Aw, don't worry about that! That wasn't you! As you said before, that was the writer's fault!" Luffy said with a grin.
"Yeah, we know who the REAL jerk is now!" Usopp confirmed.
"Oh good! Hey, I know this great stand that serves great ramen! Do you guys want to hang out over there after all this is over?"
A bunch of "Sure!" and "Yeah!" and "Why the hell not?" came from the Straw Hats as they and Naruto approach the author.
"H-HOLD ON! WAIT! STOP! I COMMAND YOU! I-UH…um…p-please…stop? …I'll give you candy? …Mommy?"
00000
And so, after escaping the Fanfic Zone, and beating the living crap out of the author, Luffy and Naruto became the best of friends, as did the Straw Hat crew. They even met some of Naruto's friend's and got acquainted with them. They also had a big party and celebrated the defeat of many bad One Piece and Naruto crossover fanfics. And when all was done, Luffy and the gang decided it was their time to leave, but not until Naruto and Luffy said to each other,
"We'll meet again!" they said with wide grins, and shook their hands firmly.
So, let this be a lesson to all of you that are starting a Narutp and One Piece crossover fanfic…make it good…OR LUFFY AND NARUTO AND CHUCK NORRIS WILL FIND YOU!
END!
Okay, rant time.
I'm sorry, I really am, but HONESTLY…if I have to sit through looking for another One Piece and Naruto crossover fanfic and find NOTHING but this:
(DUR, NARUTO IZ STRONG IN DIS WON! AND SMAURT! AND HE HAZ A HARUM!)
AND if I find the review count is more than ONE FREAKING THOUSAND AND UP, I will lose my freakin' mind.
Look, I'm sorry, if you're into that type of stuff, that's fine, but me on the other hand, I'M NOT. I even tried reading one of these fanfics that has like a thousand reviews, and you know what? I WASN'T IMPRESSED! WHY? BECAUSE:
1.) One of these fics made Naruto look like a douchebag to me in the first chapter(or second chapter, I don't know, I'm not gonna go back and look.).
2.) Naruto get's a Devil Fruit power that SOMEONE ALREADY HAS! Actually, while we are on that subject, why the frick does Naruto NEED a Devil Fruit ability? I mean, why can't he just use his ninjitsu or Kyuubi form or whatever? I don't know, I'm not really informative on this type of stuff on Naruto, but all I know is that he has that Shadow Clone thing, and that Rasengan(sp?) attack. That's pretty much my knowledge of what I know about Naruto's attacks.
3.) These fics somehow pushes aside the main One Piece characters and focuses only on Naruto and his 'crew'(aka the other Naruto characters.), but mostly on Naruto and how he knows a One Piece character and how he dully acts like he's a badass.
4.) I don't believe ONE SECOND that Naruto can actually have a harem following.(I mean, okay, I can get him having like one or two or three girls, but honestly, does he have to get EVERY SINGLE GIRL HE GET'S IN CONTACT WITH?)
5.) I got BORED while reading it!
Look, can't we just…can't we just make something simple, like the Straw Hats get sucked in a whirlpool, and they get transported in Naruto's world? Or Luffy get's transported in Naruto's world while he was training his Haki or something. Heck, why not let Luffy get some love? I like to see where a Luffy/Hinata or a Luffy/Sakura would go…
Actually, why not just put some One Piece characters in the Naruto world? I mean, why not DO THAT?
Ugh, again, I'm sorry, but really, enough is ENOUGH! I bet most of these fanfics are written by Naruto fans, who just want to see their 'hero', Naruto, be some big guy on campus in the One Piece world.
What happened to originality? Huh? What happened to that?
I just want to see a fun crossover with interactions from the characters of Naruto and One Piece, and probably see them fighting one of their enemies while they were at it.
I sure as heck would love to see Luffy punch Sasuke in the face in a fanfic.
And if I offended any Naruto fans out there, then please don't feel offended. I mean, come on, I didn't let Luffy beat up Naruto. And although I did made Naruto look like a moron, I'm sorry that I did, but that WASN'T him. It was the writer that…made him…that…uh…wait that…kind of includes me…ummmm…
. . . . .
…*ahem* Well, anyways, it's really aimed at some of the fanfic authors who write that crap. It's not at the anime or manga.
...I really hope I'm not walking on thin ice here.
I hope you all know what I'm talking about in this rant, and if some of you agree, then I want to hear it from you. I don't want to feel like I'm the ONLY ONE who is getting tired of this.
So yeah, I hope all you laughed and enjoyed my mediocre humor. Tell me what you think!
And also, don't worry everyone, I'm trying VERY hard to write the next chapter of Grand Line Waterbender. :)
-TPOC1
EDIT: Hey, um...yeah, look, I'm very sorry if I really did offended anyone. I wasn't thinking correctly, and it was late, and...look, I'm REALLY sorry. I feel like a total jackass. After looking at this, I kind of cringed. Again, I am SO sorry. Just to let you all know, I don't really think there are any bad OP/Naruto crossover fanfic authors out there. It's just that I wanted something different. I don't know. I just got so tired of looking at how Naruto hogs everything, and I just thought, why not Luffy get a chance? Or how about a different plot? I mean...(sigh) look, again, I'm very sorry, I just hope you can all forgive how childish I acted in my rant AND in my story if it's any indication. I hope you all don't think of me as a jerk. Please forgive me. I am SO sorry...
(I want to thank my first reviewer 5-digit for making me realize that I acted immature. I don't think he(or she) was trying to do that in the first place, but he(or she) made me, again, realized how childish I was.)
But if anyone is interested in making a new Naruto/OP crossover however, I may give out some challenges. I don't know how they work, as this is the first time I have done this, but I'll put up the challenges in my profile sometime soon, and you can PM me and I'll see what you got! ...If that's how it works. But yeah...stay tune for my profile for that! :)