Sweet Memories of a Troll I Once Loved
"Horuss, can I talk to you for a moment?"
Looking up from your project you see Rufioh hovering above you, his wings fluttering lightly as his feet touch the ground.
"Oh, good evening Rufioh." You greet him warmly and give him a friendly smile. "Have you come to spend another night with me? I am sure I can make the appropriate arrangements. I have not had the time to see you properly since our Dancestors departed."
"Uh…yeah. I guess that would be chill? Listen, I gotta talk to you about something really important. Can you hear me out?"
"Of course my love." Rufioh's face flinches but you don't notice and return your gaze to your robot.
"Ok, well, I've been thinking about things lately…you know…about us. And, I think that…maybe…we should start seeing other people."
The wrench in your hand crumples under the strength of your grip. You sit frozen, mind unable to process the words your Matesprit had just spoken.
"…P-pardon me?" Your voice comes out uneven, nervous. Grin still plastered on your face you try to meet Rufioh's gaze, but his eyes are turned downward.
"I said I think we should start seeing other people."
"R-rufioh love, if this is a joke, I am sorry to say this but I do not find it very funny."
"It's not a joke man. I'm being serious."
I think we should start seeing other people. Those words echoed in your head as you cleared your throat.
"What do you-?"
""I'm saying that I think it would be best for us to break up for good this time."
Finally your mind seems to grasp the situation, and switches to panic mode.
This could not be happening.
The boy who had helped you find meaning in your life, the troll who you had dedicated your entire being to, was breaking up with you. For good this time.
This could not be happening.
"Uh Horuss? Horuss can you hear me?"
"Why?" Your voice was barely a whisper. Rufioh's shoulders seemed to slump.
"I don't know man…I just ain't feelin it anymore you know what I'm sayin?"
"But why?"
"I don't know it's just being in a relationship for a millennia is a really long time and we've been going on and off for the past few years with each off session going longer than the next. So I think its finally time we broke things off for good."
"Is it the dates?" You ask quietly. Your hands are shaking and your voice is beginning to sound panicked as well. "Am I not giving you enough presents? Do I not spend enough time with you? Rufioh please tell me what I am doing wrong and I promise I will improve."
"No no it's not anything like that."
"Then tell me why you are no longer interested in staying in our Matespritship." Rufioh's eyes took on a look of pain. Reaching over the table Rufioh gently took your hand in his.
"Look, for the past few sweeps I've been thinking about stuff. About my existence here, about our purpose in the afterlife, about our Matespritship, and as time has passed I'm starting to think that maybe Damara is right."
"Right? Right about what?"
"Man look don't take this so hard ok? She's just been up and telling me that we don't really have that much in common. I mean, I grew up in a forest as an outcast and mutant. You were a highly respected blueblood who looked down on low bloods. I like fiduspawn and watching anime, while you like robots and talking about horses."
"I can talk about other things. I can spend more time participating in your preferred activities and your blood color does not bother me. Just please Rufioh I'm begging you don't let our Matespritship die."
"Horuss I'm sorry I pity you but not in the same way as I used to." It was like a sword had just run through your chest.
"Pity? Do you really only pity me?"
"Uh-"
"Rufioh do you not realize my feelings for you far exceed those of pity?"
"Wait Horuss-"
"I thought you knew. I thought I had told you every day but you still do not seem to understand. Rufioh I do not pity you, I love you. Do you understand this?"
"Oh shit Horuss I didn't mean it like that-."
"Of course you didn't. You didn't mean it like that because you don't seem to understand how red I am for you. Rufioh I am flushed for you like humans are flushed for each other. Can't you see I love you more than anything in this universe? I love you more than my robots I love you more than my horses I would even die for you."
"Horuss please don't say that. I wouldn't want-"
"I am aware of your attitude towards violence but I don't think you quite understand the depths of my feelings." Tears were beginning to form behind your goggles. "Rufioh before you came into my life I was lost. I was lost and angry and scared and didn't have the slightest clue as to who I was and who I wanted to become. But you changed that. You taught me to embrace and love myself for who I am."
"Horuss please-"
"I visited you countless times in the forest where we would partake in many a fun activity and I treasure every one of those days. I saved you from death and built you a magnificent body to allow you to move when you had been injured. I-" Suddenly you found you could not speak, for your Matesprit had covered your lips with his own.
And for a few moments everything seemed to slip away. Leaving only the two of you suspended in the open air. You press your lips against Rufioh's with every ounce of strength you have, trying desperately to convey to him just how much he means to you. You feel Rufioh whimper softly as you run your tongue along the bottom of his perfect, soft lips. Leaning forward you begin to pour yourself into him. Feeling his lips on yours your memory flashes back to the first time you kissed.
He had been sitting in a vine-woven tree in his hive, having just finished another one of his flying routines. His skin as covered in a thin sheet of sweat, chest expanding fully with each intake of breath. Small beads of liquid slid down the thin contours of his wings. His windblown Mohawk pointed slightly farther to the back than it had been before your flight lessons.
He had been taking about the Lost Weeaboos and their recent adventures, but you hadn't been listening very closely. Instead you had chosen to focus on him. Your eyes had gazed upon this fine specimen of a troll and you marveled at how perfect he looked. His eyes closed and head tossed back in a sigh, legs spread in front of him ankles crossed over each other. He had been laughing at one of his own tales, but you don't remember which. And before your mind had time to process your actions you walked over to the winged troll, kneeled down on one knee above him and kissed him lightly on the lips.
You remember his initial surprise at the action and had prepared to pull away, when suddenly his hands wove themselves in your hair and he kissed you back, his delicate fingers pulling your head closer.
And then, as quickly as it had happened it was over. Rufioh had pulled back and looked away muttering that maybe that hadn't been such a good idea. He already had a matesprit, and he didn't want to hurt her. You had placed another kiss to his lips before getting up and climbing down from his treehive. On your way back you your hive you had thought about your own beliefs and ideas on the matter. For someone as high as you on the Hemospectrum, it would be scandalous to even consider Rufioh to be in any of your quadrants, least of all your reddest one. But there was something about him that made your blood-pusher move in the most unusual way. You decided that if you were to date him it would be only as an experiment. You promised yourself that nothing would ever come out of it.
Oh how wrong you had been.
After that day you had visited Rufioh every time you had found the chance. You would meet at his hive every time never yours, for fear of your neighbors catching wind of the scandal that was taking place. And there you would spend hours conversing and laughing with the orange-winged troll. He once took you up on his back and flew above the trees, allowing you to see the world through his eyes. He would put on spectacular demonstrations for you in the sky, twisting and twirling in the air as if he really was a troll fairy.
And then you would go back to his hive and enjoy a quiet meal with him. Sometimes you would find yourselves in his bedroom, lying on the floor as you kissed him tenderly and he kissed you back. Every time you would beg and plead with him to be your Matesprit, but he would always refuse, saying he loved Damara too much and did not want to hurt her. You never pointed out that his actions were already causing her harm. You had seen it in her eyes the last time you had seen her. She had looked at you with eyes so cold she could have frozen the sun. She knew about you and her matesprit, or at least had the suspicions. But under that chilling gaze you had felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. But you could not have turned back then. You loved Rufioh too and you would do everything in your power to win his favor. You did not however see the darkness that was growing insider her with each passing day.
The first time you pailed together it had been awkward to say the least. Neither one of you had the slightest clue as to what to do, but you managed. You will never forget those beautiful pants and moans that would tear loose from Rufioh's throat as you moved together as one. His wings had fluttered softly as he had reached his end, calling out your name as his genetic material slid quietly into the pail beneath your bodies. You hadn't lasted much longer, biting into his shoulder and groaning as pleasure racked through your body. You had tried to be as gentle with him as possible, but there was no way to disguise the finger-shaped bruises that had covered his delicate body. He had fallen asleep in your arms, his warm body pressed against yours, fingers entwined with your own.
After that you were more careful with your excursions. If Damara had found out about the pailing she never would have forgiven you. But all good things had to come to an end. Damara had found out shortly after playing the game, and in her fury paralyzed your one love interest.
It took you weeks to complete Rufioh's new body. Every gear, every wire, every piece of metal had to be of the finest quality for your lover. There could be no room for error. After your masterpiece was complete you wheeled him in and asked for his approval. Rufioh had moved into his new body in silence, save for the "thank you" he had muttered on the first day. As time went on you could see how he hated being on the ground. In his eyes you could see he longed for the sky, craning his metal neck as far as it would go each time he was outside. But there was nothing you could do. His body was too heavy. It didn't matter how hard you tried there was no way to give him back his wings.
The next time you kissed him was after he had died. You had found his lifeless body sprawled out on a hilltop, his vacant eyes gazing up at the sky. His metallic body had been impaled through the chest with something sharp, his rust colored blood trickling from his still blood-pusher to pool beneath your feet. Who could have done such a terrible deed? You vowed to hunt down whoever was responsible and make them pay. Weeping bitter tears you had pulled his head close you yours and kissed him lightly on the lips.
A while later you found his revived dream self, soaring high above the towers on Prospit. You had joined him there; this time not crying tears of sadness but of joy. You learned Damara's madness had plunged to a new low since the start of the game, and she had killed Rufioh as soon as she had seen him. It was then that he officially renounced his ties with Damara and finally, finally, became your Matesprit.
After that things seemed to be perfect, even after Meenah had blown you all up. You had dedicated every moment you got to spend with your new lover. And for a while things seemed to go back to normal. You would visit his treehive and sometimes he would visit yours. You would converse and watch animes with him and visit each other's favorite memories. It was heaven.
But it would not last.
The first time he had broken up with you there was a fight. It was a silly fight really. You had merely asked if he would stop talking to Damara. Ever since your death you had been getting some strange signals from her. She had somewhat calmed down but you were still getting bad signals from her. She was up to something but you didn't know what. All you knew was it had to do something with Rufioh. Of course Rufioh had taken things the wrong way and told you to mind our own business. Things quickly escalated from there, both of you releasing all your tensions on each other. You had screamed you never really loved him and he vowed never to see you again.
You got back together after two weeks.
The second time Rufioh had said he just needed some time to get things straight in his head. Apparently he had been thinking over some things and he needed some space. You had not wanted things to end but he promised the break would be temporary and so you had complied.
You got back together two sweeps later.
The next four times ended the same way, each break lasting longer than the next. By the seventh break up the gap was seventy-five sweeps.
The seventh time had been the longest you had been with him. Your Matespritship was entering one hundred sweeps sweeps but something didn't seem right. Rufioh had begun to cancel more and more of your meeting, saying he had things to do and didn't really have time to be in a relationship. You knew it wasn't true there wasn't much to do in the afterlife, but you never called him on it.
But it was this time; this one time that you had thought you would be able to keep him for good. He had seemed so happy to finally be with you again. But you could not ignore how different things had become. Hand holding was not something done often between you two, kissing being a special moment you treasured. Pailing was even more rare. Rufioh would almost never want to pail, and even when he complied you always felt as if you were forcing him. Once you couldn't even make him climax. You had brooded over yourself for weeks, racking your brains for something you did wrong. But nothing seemed to come up. You had done everything right but for some reason it just wasn't working.
And then suddenly it was all over, and you were snapped back to reality. Back to feeling Rufioh pushing you away, back to the break-up. All the memories of your sweet Matesprit faded away in your mind, leaving Rufioh looking at you, his face twisted in pity.
"Horuss, just because we won't be Matesprits anymore doesn't mean that I will stop caring for you. You taught me so much Horuss I don't think I could ever stop caring about you."
"Then stay." You pleaded. "Please Rufioh won't you just reconsider for a moment?" Through your goggles you could now see small rivets of orange-tinted liquid sliding down the sides of your lover's face as he shook his head.
"I'm sorry Horuss but my mind is made up. We can still be friends but being Matesprits is really tiring and I just don't think I can do it anymore." And just like that you felt your heart break in two. Letting out a pained howl you punch your fist into your project, shattering the robot before running away from you now Ex-matesprit.
You trot as fast as your legs can carry you, racing past memory after memory. Memories of the break-ups, the fight, his dead corpse, his robot body, your first kiss, the first time you met, everything passes you by as you fling yourself into your farthest most private memory.
The big-knotted tree Rufioh called home was standing in front of you. It was the late in the summer, a pleasant breeze whipping through the leaves of the forest. The old trunk of the tree had several footholds caved into its side.
Footholds made especially for you.
Looking up you see Rufioh fly though the upper window, a basket in his arms. Already you know what's inside, but you don't want to think about it at that moment. Slowly you begin your climb up the steep slope of the tree trunk.
A few moments later you find yourself in the center of Rufioh's living room. The light from the moons cast ghostly shadows across the wooden floor. On the wall you could see Rufioh's husktop standing underneath a window. The woven chair where you shared your first kiss was sitting idly in the far corner of the room.
In the kitchen you can hear some commotion. Removing your goggles from your eyes you peer inside the doorway, the night air cool on your face. You see your memory self sitting down at a dimly lit table, hand tapping on the hard wood as you watch your lover enter through the window. Rufioh has just returned to the hive carrying a basket full of wild goods. He sets them out in front of you, a grin evident on his face.
"I hope you liked what I picked out. Took me forever to find the right mushrooms."
"I am confident in your gathering skills and seriously doubt you would feed me anything that could harm me." Rufioh had just laughed and pressed a small kiss to your forehead.
"Hey Horuss I have to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" A lump in your throat appears you watch your memory self nod curtly.
"Well, I've been thinking about stuff lately. Thinking about you and me. And I think I've come to one solid conclusion. Can you hear me out?"
"Of course." You mutter the words as your memory self speaks them clearly. Heart wrenching in your chest you watch quietly as Rufioh pulls the long black strands back from the side of your head.
Standing in the darkness of the hallway there is no way for you to physically hear what Rufioh said. But you remember. You remember the feel of his hand in your hair and the smell of his skin and his intake of breath. Blue tears falling from your face you let out a quite sob as those precious words are whispered to you in your ear.
"I love you."