A/N: Well, I wrote this on the train home from Oxford, in a fit of whimsy. So, obviously meant to be whimsical and humourous, not to be taken too seriously! Basically, it's the story of Andromeda, the Sea-Monster and Perseus through the eyes of Mary and Matthew (which becomes pretty obvious if you read it!). Never really written anything like this before (certainly not for human consumption, anyway) and I've never come across anything like this either, so let me know what you think of it!

Usuall disclaimers apply: the story of Andromeda belongs to Greek myth and legend, whilst Downton Abbey and all its characters belong to Julian Fellowes.

Enjoy!

"Andromeda," said her father,

"Won't you indulge me please,

By taking a good look at these

Prospective suitors, lest you rot

In Spinsterdom." Said she "I'll not."

"Every man I've ever met

I'd much rather soon forget

Than bind myself in chains of boredom

Or submit to their ways and wills

I'd sooner have a quicker thrill."

"That's not the answer I'd expect

From a good daughter," said her father,

"Cut from inheritance you will be, or rather

If you please, to prevent us from a stir

You'd be so good as to wed your beloved Cousin Sea-Monster."

"Cousin Sea-Monster?" she exclaimed,

"That really is the pits!

Of all the men I've ever met, he's biggest of the twits

And what's more," she added, "he's not even one of us

If I am to wed a man, it must be Perseus."

"Impossible!" thundered her Pa, "For he does not exist

Surely Cousin Sea-Monster possesses qualities you've missed."

"Perhaps," shrugged Andromeda, "but as far as I can see

He'd spend his days working law, and have no time for me."

Her father said "'Twas easier, when you sat on my knee!"

"I do not want to tie myself: do I not have a voice?

Especially not to a man of my family's esteemed choice

And even less a Sea-Monster, whose father's job was health

To even have a job at all sets him upon the shelf

I'd much less be Andromeda, than Perseus himself!"

"To be a hero – that would excel – to be so bold and strong

And cut down Sea-Monsters and suitors alike;

I would not bear them long."

Then Cousin Sea-Monster came to tea and tried to pick a fight

Andromeda protested she was always in the right.

Said Sea-Monster "You're wrong."

So shocked was she, that Andromee, queen of cutting quip

Was stuck for words, and had to bite her lip.

But then he laughed and smiled at her,

And said "I jest, dear cousin."

Answered she "In jokes and wit, I'd match you fifty to the dozen."

Cousin Sea-Monster was not shocked, despite her aim.

He thought to himself, 'Although I know she'll never feel the same

I find her sharpness quite exciting.

That in itself is rather frightening,

For I've sworn not to change.'

And so he had, that Sea-Monster, that paragon of law

For he had never wanted wealth; he often thought 'what for?

I refuse to marry any of these daughters, no matter how charming

To marry not for love but power – that is mad!

But now perhaps,' he thought, 'it mightn't be so bad

But I cannot allow these thoughts; she thinks me quite the cad!'

And so Andromeda had and did, but she began to change

For although Cousin Sea-Monster drove her to a rage

She could almost be herself with him, spiky as she was

He was often kind and sweet, and when he spoke thus

She could not help but think, 'Perhaps he is my Perseus.'

So, what do you think? If I'm honest, the end was a bit rushed, but I'm going to Seville tomorrow and didn't want to get bogged down in details :-) Would really appreciate any feedback!