A/N: Hey everyone! First fanfic! Who wants to get the virgin rights to my reviews? That's right...YOU DO! Okay, probably not but its nice to think people will love my story. Which you better or I will come find you and-...nevermind. Threatening doesn't help. In any case, the title of this fanfic came from a Nada Surf song (bonus points to those who got that!) and it'll center around Iggy's new found love (which coincidentally, coincides with the song. Heh, I said coincidentally and coincides in the same sentence!)

So yeah, there ya have it. A brief summary for a story you'll hopefully enjoy. This one'll be a comedy! So laugh it up, folks. Life's short :)

Disclaimer: I don't own any character though I do wish I owned Iggy. Half will even work, Mr. Patterson. Please! I'm begging you! *ahem*

Chapter 1: Naked

Although my life has been short (almost fifteen years, to be exact), I take it with pride that I'm still generally innocent. As in, no sex, no drugs (we're not counting tranqs or Vicodin, of course), not much rock 'n' roll either. But just when things are mostly normal, I can suddenly feel my dirty blonde hair becoming gray.

By this point of our crazy lives, we were flying lazily over the Rocky Mountains. The August winds weren't too terrible and the weather was peaceful. We weren't really sure where we were headed but at least it didn't consist of people like Miss Braniac, Dr. Brigid Dwyer, or Mr. Chu. Hell, anything but them. In fact, I was still trying to sweep that mess right out of my head. A hard process considering it had only been days since we'd last seen 'em.

I turned to my right, expecting Fang to be coasting close by, giving me strange looks like I was off my rocker or something but instead, I discovered him and Iggy slightly below me, talking quietly with each other.

Well, this was no time to be keeping secrets.

With an evil smile spreading across my face, I dropped neatly to their level and pushed myself in between them. Fang appraised me silently but Iggy, the most outspoken of us all, I'm sure, gasped in mock surprise.

"Excuse you, Max! We were having a guy-to-guy conversation!"

I chuckled at that one and barely touched the tip of his golden primary feathers. "And since when did I become such a girly-girl?"

Iggy rolled his sightless sky blue eyes like he hadn't expected for me to be a complete dunce. Apparently, I was. "Since you started frenching animate objects."

"So now I'm just an animate object?" Fang decided to interject his tone light.

Iggy shrugged his bony shoulders. "Hey, it's better than calling you a sack of birdseed."

Fang and I exchanged looks. From his expression, I could tell we were thinking the same thing: hilarious.

I looked up and observed the younger kids who were holding it together up above, their tiny yet very determined faces tranquil. We'd only been flying a few hours today and I had made the executive decision to make a pit stop at a cheap, rundown motel overnight but they hadn't bothered to take showers this time. I could practically smell the accumulated BO a few yards below them. Ick.

"Okay, c'mon, seriously. What's this all about? If it's a plea for showers, I'd be happy to oblige."

Ig made a "hurrumphing" sound and crossed his arms. Believe me, it looks funnier when you're in mid-air.

I turned back to face Fang and caught his eye. "What's with him?" I mouthed.

If I hadn't been paying much attention, I would not have caught the mumbled response. "He doesn't want to admit he smells."

Iggy automatically turned to face us, his glare baring accurately down on Fang. "What'd I say, man? I said we could wait till the next hotel-…"

Fang almost automatically cut him off, for once trying to get his opinion down. "And what did I say? What if there wasn't going to be another hotel?"

Iggy fell silent and fluttered back to join the Gasman, careful not to come anywhere near Nudge, Angel and Total. I watched him warily, hoping against hope that this was just some joke. I mean, c'mon, they were arguing about bathing.

I gave Fang my best clueless face but he barely even glanced at me again.

After a few moments of silence, Fang finally decided to clear up some of the confusion. 'Bout time. "Max, I think we really need to stop at some lake or something. For whatever reason, Iggy and Nudge are concerned about the way they smell."

I looked at him, cool and collected. My calm expression didn't last long. I lost it laughing. What was up with everybody?

Fang's lips twitched into a small smile as he watched me. "Oh, c'mon, it's not that weird. We had showers almost everyday not too long ago."

The memory of the "not too long ago" brought me immediately back down to Earth, so to speak. My eyes became hard. "Right. Well, they might have to suck it up for a little bit. I haven't seen a lake, pond, river, whatever for miles-…"

"Max!"

I twisted around in mid-air, my wings easily maneuvering my body to pick up the driving wind currents that tried to force me into a different direction. My line of sight settled on Angel who was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. Her tiny index finger was pointing below her. I followed her finger. There, in a jungle of trees and other vegetation, was a nice little pond.

How does she do that?

"Magic," she beamed.

I turned back around and started spouting off instructions. "Okay, crew! Get ready to land a few yards east of that pond down below in the clearing! One, two, three, GO!"

In a beautiful example of some of the poetic moves and formations we'd learned just weeks before, my Flock and I descended into the throng of trees and greenery and managed to not clip our wings on the clumped together, huge trees. First to land was Fang then Angel then the Gasman then Iggy then Nudge then finally, yours truly.

I almost wanted to cry at the gracefulness of it all. "Good job, everybody," I praised.

No one seemed to hear me as they all began to go off to their separate tasks. Fang started to make a small pile of wood, Nudge and Angel raced toward a collection of rocks, the Gasman rummaged through his pack for something to eat and Iggy helped Fang get the fire going.

I sighed. Sure, everyone ignore Max.

**

Eventually, everyone decided to listen to me when it came down to who got to use the pond to wash first. I thought it'd be better if the guys went first mostly because they smelled like rotten eggs and also because they didn't take very long. Of course, Angel and Nudge tried to argue me about it and Gazzy backed them up, claiming he already took one at the motel.

Ha. Like he could fool me.

Eventually, everyone came to the consensus that the guys (including Total) should go first. I reminded them not to use the pond for potty-time, then the girls and I rearranged everyone's packs and salvaged what we could still eat.

Quicker than you could say, "Ratatouille", I heard Fang's voice yelling that they were done and then the sound of them dressing and giggling in a separate clearing off to the side that was conveniently bordered by tall bushes.

I gathered up my supplies, took Angel's hand then led them through the vegetation to the pond. But then, as we approached the pond, I saw Fang on the other side, a small distance away from our group, his back to us. Even more surprising than that was that Fang was naked.

I wanted to cry out in shock and disgust but felt more like a statue as I remained planted on the little shore, completely transfixed. Angel's hand slipped from mine and she and Nudge ducked back into the forest, whispering.

Finally, Fang heard us and very stealthily managed to slink into the shade of a few trees and become so still he was invisible.

"Uhh…" I stuttered, my mind going blank. I mean, c'mon, how could you respond to that?

Fang cleared his throat quietly so that he wouldn't have to disturb too much of his stillness. "Erm…sorry, Max. Ig and Gazz stole my clothes," he said in a low voice.

I nodded and started back up the path toward the clearing. Hey, I could be stealthy too. "Right, well…I'll um…go make them return them. Yeah."

"Thanks, Max."

"Uh huh." I replied embarrassingly. Jeez, why can't my brain wake up and say something clever? My cheeks burning, I stalked down the rest of the way to the clearing and found Iggy and Gazzy rolling around on the ground, laughing their heads off. I only wish their heads would pop off…

"Max…" Angel started, reading my murderous thoughts, of course.

"Sorry, Ange," I whispered then turned to the criminals. "Now, you two go take Fang his clothes back. Now."

Gazzy almost automatically protested before the words were even out of my mouth. "But, Max-!"

"No buts, Gazzy!" I muttered, sending him my best death glare.

Hesitating, Iggy tossed the Gasman Fang's clothes then turned to go off into the clearing again. "Sorry, Max. Potty break," he said.

"Whatever. You just don't want to get hit by Fang!" I called after him then sighed. Punishing them would be pointless mostly since they'd be at it again by tonight. As I stoked the fire, I grumbled to myself, throwing in an expletive every now and then.

"Max, you should separate them for a while or something for their punishment," Nudge recommended. "I mean, they are hardly ever not together. They'd probably stop devising evil plans and then you wouldn't have to worry about them anymore and you can finally sleep at night and-…"

"Sounds great but how in the world am I going to be able to separate them?" I interrupted before she could continue.

Nudge's excited expression faded. "Nevermind."

I was about to apologize when I distantly heard Iggy speaking to someone. It hadn't been quiet enough before but now I could distinctly hear him saying, "Well, I don't really know who you are so…"

At that moment, I leapt up and silencing Nudge and Angel with a finger to my lips, quietly tip-toed through the same bushes Iggy had and peered into the nearby clearing.

Sitting beside him on a large boulder was a girl around my age, maybe older, with wavy, dark brown hair that fell down to just before her tailbone. But even worse than the fact that Iggy was speaking to some stranger was that she was nude.

I've seen way too many naked people today.

Then again, Iggy probably doesn't know she's naked and besides, what could I expect from a sexist pig like him? He undoubtedly jumped at the chance to talk to someone of the opposite sex who wasn't his sister-like figure or younger than him.

Peachy.

No worries, Max. She's less dangerous than you think.

Shocker. It's the Voice.

Nice to hear from you again, Voice. Wait, let me guess. She's supposed to help us?

No answer. Figures. But then, as I began to turn my attention back on the situation, I heard the Voice respond. In a sense.

Holy guacamole! The Voice remembered how to be considerate to a very stressed out bird kid! What a Kodak moment. Can I record this moment so I can remember it forever, Voice?

No reply. Damn! I spoke too soon.

Right. Now, before Iggy could ruin any chance of leaving this chick behind without any info on us, I sprang from behind and positioned myself in an attack stance right beside her. I would've tackled her but I really didn't want to even begin thinking about how awkward that would be.

"Who are you?" I demanded, not even daring to acknowledge Iggy.

Iggy took the defensive. "She's not dangerous."

"Yeah, yeah. I heard that the first time." That's when I decided to look at Iggy's expression. It was tight. The kind of look he got whenever he was determined. I hesitated. "Sorry, Jeff but we can't take another runaway in-…" I began, hoping to create a nice little story for her to be distracted with but then Iggy cut me off.

"Max! Just stop, okay? She's really not what you think." With that, Iggy unerringly grasped the girl's wrist while simultaneously stepping toward me, pulling her with him. "Can't you hear that?"

I squinted. Huh? Was she breathing funny or something? Heartbeat a little erratic? I suddenly realized Iggy somehow had found out she was naked. Probably. He must've or he wouldn't be protecting her this steadfastly.

"Look, Jeff, we don't have time for this-…"

With a jolt of renewed annoyance, he thrust her even more forward so she was practically stepping on my toes. I tried not to react. While I was busy hoping she wouldn't trip and I'd have to touch something, I suddenly heard it. A ticking sound.

I froze. "Is that…is that coming from…from you?" I asked.

The girl looked at me with a blank expression. It was a little creepy like she was trying to look into my closed book of a soul. Sorry, honey. No one's reading into that story. Wait. My story is published. Crap!

"Yes, Max," Iggy said gravely. "She's a bomb."

A/N: Oh, no! A bomb, you say?! Hmm...sound interesting? Well, keep reading! Its gonna get even better! And please review. I need all the critique humanly possible. Thanks! :D