Like a Woman in a Man's Body

Part 1 – My name is Fay

by Ricku

Girls loved to buy lots of pretty dresses, wear them for dates, parties and such and put on lots of sparkly make-up. Some girls used a good amount of it, but some of them added it like they would die, if there just wasn't enough of it, which wasn't good at all. It was more frightening than beautiful. But to see a girl with a pretty dress and nice amount of make-up, it was really fascinating to witness.

If you liked boys, it would be easy for girls to just put on that beautiful dress on, paint your face and go to the town. There were a lot of bars down town that were just full of people, ready to meet someone to love (in a many different ways). But if you liked boys while not being a girl, you would have an entirely different story. In this town, one couldn't just come out of the closet and shout to everyone that you were a queer and proud of it. No, they'd kick your ass in a second.

But if you had a pretty, feminine like looks, things would be easier. Like mine, for example. Mother always used to say that I looked very pretty and that I could easily fool everyone, if I put on a girl's dress. And she was right, I did fool everyone.

Even since I was a young child, I loved to wear skirts and put bows on my hair. Of course it started with my mother dressing me like a girl, since she had wanted one instead of a lame boy. I first hated it, but the more she did it, the more I liked it. Oh, how happy she was when I agreed for her to dress me in those princess skirts. What wouldn't I do for my mother and for myself?

If I would have had a father by my side, I doubt I would have drifted this way. Well, I would probably still be a queer, but wearing the clothes of a female would be something I would not do. But my father died few months after my birth and my mother didn't want a new husband, since she couldn't forget her soul mate. Not that I could really blame her.

I don't still regret the way I have become, though. This was something I was happy with and as long as nobody knew, it would be alright. Except for my mother and my best friend, who have always known my obsession for girls' clothing. Of course these weren't the only things I had in my closet, no. I still had to look like a boy in certain situations, like when I was at the book store, my working place. In my free time, in the other hand, I was free to be whatever I wanted. Whatever I wanted...

"Oh my goodness, you look so fantastic!" A woman chirped happily as she held her digital camera with her bony hands, readying it to take another photo of her son in another new dress.

"Mom, stop it..." The boy blushed under the slight make-up that he had put on his face. He was wearing a yellowish dress with few light blue flowers around it. Around his waist was a bit darker blue bow, the same coloured bows that he had used to tie down his hair. His wrists carried small, golden bracelets and around his neck there was a silver necklace.

"But you are!" She took the picture with a wide smile and watched her son with joy. "I just love how you put your hair down too!" She squealed, putting away the camera and going over to the boy to give him a hug.

"T-thank you..." He whispered, looking at her with a small, embarrassed smile. "And thank you for buying me this dress. But you know; I can buy them myself..."

"Oh, but I just love buying you new dresses!" She kissed the boy's forehead and giggled brightly. "Now, go out and have fun~ be careful, Finn~"

"I will, but don't forget, mother..." The boy swirled around and walked towards the door with light steps, giving the woman a joyful smile, changing his voice to more high pitched. "When I'm a girl, my name is Fay."

The next morning was exhausting to Finn. It was partly his fault, though, since he had been partying out for so long. It was like any other nights; he was having fun, but still didn't meet anyone exciting. He really wanted to have a date like other eighteen year old, even though telling those people what he actually was would freak them out, so maybe it was better for him to be alone for the rest of his life.

He leaned against the counter with a bored look on his face, watching the few people look for a book that would match their interests. For the millionth time he let out a depressed sigh, making his best friend and a work partner, smack his head with a scrolled magazine.

"Finn, stop scaring off our customers. Your aura is very creepy and depressing." He glared at the blonde boy, one hand on his hip. Finn looked at him with an unsatisfied pout as he pushed away the magazine that was resting against his head.

"Bite me." He snarled, his red-haired friend sighing deeply.

"Was Fay out too late again?" He smirked widely and evilly, sending shivers down Finn's spines. He pushed himself away from the counter and walked over to a quite big, brown box, taking it in his arms.

"Screw you, Aerrow." He showed him his tongue, walking away with the box full of books, Aerrow watching after him with a wide smile. The blonde placed the box down on the floor, next to the beginning of a long shelf, which was two meters away from the counter.

"How was her night, by the way? Guessing from your mood, it didn't go too well." Aerrow kept smiling as he leaned his head against his arm, not taking his eyes off his good friend as he started putting the books on the shelf.

"It was okay... Met a lot of new people, talked, drank, danced..." Finn sighed, watching the book in his hand with sadness lingering in his blue eyes.

"So, why are you depressed?" The red-head tilted his head slightly in confusion, standing up straight as he notices a customer walking towards him.

"Well, I was just thinking..." The blonde looked over to Aerrow, who was greeting a female customer with a joyful smile. "What if I never find a partner?"

"Oh, nonsense, Finn! Everyone finds someone!" Aerrow shook his head with an amused smile as he took the book from the old lady customer, checking the prize on and announcing it to the lady, who instantly started searching for the money. "Trust me."

"But what if I don't?" Finn whined, receiving a warm smile from the old lady who gave the money to his friend with a shaky hand.

"I'm sure you'll find the one too, young man. Just be yourself and you'll do fine." She chuckled, taking back the book and heading for the exit with slow steps.

"Gee, thanks..." Finn rolled his eyes, not feeling very inspired by the advice. "That was helpful..." He mumbled, putting the books on the shelf in order.

"She's kinda right, tho." Aerrow chuckled as the blonde gave him a glare with a low growl.

"Just shut up." The blonde grabbed the now empty box and walked inside the room, which had a "personnel only" sign above it. The entrance had no door, just a red, old curtain, which swung angrily back and worth thanks to the blonde.

"What a bothersome friend." The red-head shook his head with a sigh, putting the money inside the cash register with a soft smile.

After the stressing day at work, Finn decided to head for his favourite bar for a drink, the Black Cat. He usually spent his nights at that same bar, since it had the best drinks, the best services and the best company. The whole place was the best in town.

And the people in the bar actually had manners. In other places, few had tried to take the blonde with them by force, but he had always been saved by either the bartenders or other customers, who knew how to treat a "lady" right. Black Cat didn't allow in rubbish like people like those. They only let in people with good looking clothes and good manners. They also didn't serve the people so many drinks that they would get drunk. All in all, the place was really great. It was more like a cafeteria instead of a bar.

Finn sighed as he saw the entrance to the bar, straightening his black, sleeveless shirt and his black skirt, that easily reached his knees and then he made sure his dark blue scarf was looking right around his neck. He had tied up his hair again, but this time he hadn't forced all of it to go down. His hair was actually naturally quite pointy and when he wanted it go down, it required a lot of work and patience.

He wasn't really an expert when it came to good styles, but at least his clothing was good enough to get access inside the bar. He looked around, his painted lips forming a bright smile to the young men, who greeted him with a nod or a wave. Many people in this place knew Finn, or rather, they knew Fay. He had flirted with many of them, talked with them, given them advices in relationships and just shared some odd stories about his childhood. Nice people they all were.

"Hi, Fay." He heard a young man chirped from the long counter, drinking a big can of beer. The man was called Steve and he could drink as much alcohol as he just could without getting drunk. He was really famous in the town. "Wanna join me and my friends for a small conversation about birds and bees?" He smirked lustfully, raising his eyebrow in a tempting manner.

"Not tonight, Steve." Finn answered with a high pitched voice, letting out a girly giggle. "You know I don't prefer such talk." He snickered, walking over to the counter, looking at the list of drinks available for today.

"Aw, come on, Fay..." Steve turned around on his seat, leaning against the counter and trying his best to look as sexy as he could.

"No." Finn smiled at him cheerfully, yet mysteriously. "I'm not interested in your perverted talking, at least not when it doesn't even make sense." He chuckled, looking back at the drink list. "If you want to talk about perverted things, you should think of better stories."

"Ooooh, dude, you're such a loser!" One of Steve's friends snickered at him, receiving a small chuckle from him.

"You're so evil, Fay." Steve whined, giving him a desperate stare, making the blonde giggle again. He turned his face away from the man's sight, instantly noticing an interesting looking male sitting by the window. He bit his finger, watching him in absolute fascination.

"Bartender." Finn raised his finger to the worker, who instantly came over to "lady" while cleaning a small class. "I would like to buy that man a drink." He pointed to the direction where his new interest sat, the bartender giving him a nod. "Something with no alcohol or sugar; something wit fruits are good." He licked his lips, tilting his head curiously.

Steve looked over his shoulder, blinking in surprise as he saw the man Fay had laid her eyes on. "That man?" He raised his eyebrow at the "lady", who smiled in excitement. "Aliens interest you more than humans?"

"Perhaps." He watched the bartender go over to the green coloured male, who gave a confused look at the man, probably telling him that he did not order the drink. The bartender then pointed at Finn, who bit his lower lip, smiling dangerously. As the bartender left, the male stared at the blonde in confusion, then giving him an uncaring look before looking away.

Finn slowly pushed himself away from the counter and walked over to the male, who was now looking out of the window, not daring to touch the drink he had just received. "You look lonely." Finn spoke, getting the male's attention again. "Mind if I join?" He asked innocently, the alien only returning an uninterested shrug. "You look tense. Heartbreak, maybe?" He leaned against his hand with a devilish smile as the other male stared at him in wonder.

"What do you want?" He asked with a growl, narrowing his eyes.

"Talk." Finn now leaned his head against both of his hands, staring the green male with gentle eyes. "What kind of a person would break a heart of a handsome guy, like you?" He giggled, biting his little finger. The male watched him angrily for a moment, turning then his gaze back towards the window.

"She was a good friend of mine. I had always liked her, but apparently, she didn't like me the same way." He growled again, tapping the table with his fingers. "I confessed, she said I was too wimpy, weak and not even good looking." He glared back at the blonde "female", letting him very well that he was pissed off. "Just a "no" would have been enough, but she just had to rub salt in my wounds!" He hissed, dropping his attention to the dark, wooden table. "She said we could still be friends... Fuck." He snarled, Finn still smiling softly at him.

"Aw, poor merb." He touched the class with his fingers, slowly pushing him under the male's eyes. "Here, drink this. No alcohol, no sugar; lots of fruits." He smiled widely, getting back the man's attention. "It's what you merbs like, or so I've heard."

"Just who the hell are you?" The green male asked in confusion, looking like the blonde human was getting more and more interesting to him.

"Call me Fay." Finn giggled, smiling widely.

The night was pleasant and so was the company I had. That merb was very interesting to talk to and he had many great stories to share. I got to know many new things about this race and I'm very happy about that. After all, this race is very interesting.

We spent many hours talking to each other, even though it was hard at first, since the alien boy refused to talk. But after a while, he decided to open up and he wasn't that bad at all. The girl who had broken his heart sure was a bitch, telling him that he wasn't good looking. To me, that man was very handsome and quite sexy.

His name was Stork and he's twenty-three years old. He has been living in the town even since he was eight and he never really had any courage to go to places with plenty of people. Now he just wanted to get something else to think of and maybe get someone to talk to.

He even promised that he'd come back to the bar to meet me again, which was really heart warming. Not many guys did that for me, so it really felt nice.

If I could choose myself a life partner right now, I'd probably choose him. There was something catchy in that man and it made me really feel nice, comfortable, whole and... Me.

But as cruel as reality can be, one should not imagine of such things. After all, he was a straight man and I was a gay man with a woman's look. If he ever found out what I truly was, he wouldn't probably appreciate it much.

If only faith would be on my side, just this once.

To be continued.